Overcoming Being Nervous

[Canadian]

How To Stop Being Nervous Around Girls? Can you advise me the best way to overcome it? I have read many titles about it, I have watched many videos but it still does not help me. What is the best way for you to solve this problem? 

 

P.S. I am 16 and I am in high school. 

 

 

[JOEE]

i think you need to first build up your confidence. Understand that women are human beings just like us, they are not any better than us nor are we any better than them. Once you come to terms with this you can start interacting with them just like you would with anyone else. 

Edited March 7, 2016 by JOEE

[Sami]

What says Joee its true, understand that we are not that big deal!  

Maybe if you have a sister, a cousin or some girl-friend you could try to talk more with them and observe how they behave and what is what make you nervous about it? if you get really nervous try to control your breathing for example, it really helped me when I was younger with social anxiety. Just be nice and dont try to ''be cool'' or whatever, you dont need to impress anyone! 

I hope it get better soon, Im sure many girls would like to talk to you without you getting a panic attack!  

[Anna]

Work on your confidence and relax. Nothing bad will happen.

@Sami

5 minutes ago, Sami said:

I hope it get better soon, Im sure many girls would like to talk to you without you getting a panic attack!  

Haha, nicely said

[Canadian]

14 hours ago, JOEE said:

i think you need to first build up your confidence. Understand that women are human beings just like us, they are not any better than us nor are we any better than them. Once you come to terms with this you can start interacting with them just like you would with anyone else. 

 

4 hours ago, Sami said:

What says Joee its true, understand that we are not that big deal!  

Maybe if you have a sister, a cousin or some girl-friend you could try to talk more with them and observe how they behave and what is what make you nervous about it? if you get really nervous try to control your breathing for example, it really helped me when I was younger with social anxiety. Just be nice and dont try to ''be cool'' or whatever, you dont need to impress anyone! 

I hope it get better soon, Im sure many girls would like to talk to you without you getting a panic attack!  

I don't know why it happens to me, why I can't control my breathing and etc. It just happens to me. I'll try to do what you wrote. anyway, thank you for your advice.

[Nathalie]

On 7.3.2016 at 10:43 PM, Canadian said:

control my breathing

perhaps is "observe your breathing" better. Stay in your body, observe what kind of thoughts comes up..

You may understand yourself better and meanwhile, your thoughts don't ride you and take you where they want anymore.

Hope it makes sense for you.

Less abstract maybe:

if you make conversation, try to ask a lot and be attentive of what they answer. So you can let speak, relaxe, but still concentrate  on what they say. You will see it's so agreeable, you will have a great feedback because everybody miss to be listen to.. Don't you think so ?

 

 

[Canadian]

4 hours ago, MartineF said:

perhaps is "observe your breathing" better. Stay in your body, observe what kind of thoughts comes up..

You may understand yourself better and meanwhile, your thoughts don't ride you and take you where they want anymore.

Hope it makes sense for you.

Less abstract maybe:

if you make conversation, try to ask a lot and be attentive of what they answer. So you can let speak, relaxe, but still concentrate  on what they say. You will see it's so agreeable, you will have a great feedback because everybody miss to be listen to.. Don't you think so ?

 

you are 100% right, I started working on it and it's ok so far. Observing my breath helps me , I'm getting better and better in relationships with women. Thank you for your advice  

 

[Lynnel]

@Canadian Go out and talk to girls a lot.

 

This solves any basic problem you may have. Behaviour therapy for the win

[Canadian]

5 hours ago, Lynnel said:

@Canadian Go out and talk to girls a lot.

 

This solves any basic problem you may have. Behaviour therapy for the win

I know, but when a girl understands that you are nervous, it becomes more difficult for you both to talk...

[Lynnel]

50 minutes ago, Canadian said:

I know, but when a girl understands that you are nervous, it becomes more difficult for you both to talk...

She will feel it yes. Then reframe it in a funny way : I haven't been outside in a month because of x project and I forgot how to socialize.

You have to go trough the fire and burn away the impurities. There's no other way

[Kevin Dunlop]

Hi, maybe you are nervious because mainstream society teaches us to have some weird expectations about what should happen when we talk to girls and these examples make real situations difficult . I know that talking to girls can be a high tension situation because of sexual attraction and how we are shown to deal with it. Society has a way of amping up importance warping norms about sexuality this can be really stressful because get caught up in these warped examples and dont know how to react in real life  You may be feeling the confusion of what the heck you should be doing - thinking- planning etc. when it comes to these girls. Yes of course its weird and disfunctional the whole thing they show us on TV so get some good skills from books so you are not lost and nervous.

It may help to drop all of the hype and just think of your goal with girls as being fun friends nothing morethe same as boys. This may allow you to relax and drop all of the expectations and worries. It is great being just friends for a while with no pressure right, you dont have to rush into planning anything else for now. See how this feels, The most I want from this girl is to be friends, or even better¨ we are already friends, I treat her as a friend. ¨I am sure they will appreciate this

 

[Canadian]

1 hour ago, Kevin Dunlop said:

Hi, maybe you are nervious because mainstream society teaches us to have some weird expectations about what should happen when we talk to girls and these examples make real situations difficult . I know that talking to girls can be a high tension situation because of sexual attraction and how we are shown to deal with it. Society has a way of amping up importance warping norms about sexuality this can be really stressful because get caught up in these warped examples and dont know how to react in real life  You may be feeling the confusion of what the heck you should be doing - thinking- planning etc. when it comes to these girls. Yes of course its weird and disfunctional the whole thing they show us on TV so get some good skills from books so you are not lost and nervous.

It may help to drop all of the hype and just think of your goal with girls as being fun friends nothing morethe same as boys. This may allow you to relax and drop all of the expectations and worries. It is great being just friends for a while with no pressure right, you dont have to rush into planning anything else for now. See how this feels, The most I want from this girl is to be friends, or even better¨ we are already friends, I treat her as a friend. ¨I am sure they will appreciate this

Maybe the reasons which you wrote are right, but right now for me the most important is to start sexual life and stop living like this. I already have friends, but my goal having sex with hot girls.... 

 

[Kevin Dunlop]

Good, I agree that your goals are worthy, but you have made an easy mistake with the nature of my advice. I am not suggesting that you try to just make friends with girls, only that you change the way you think about your objectives when talking to them. Basically the idea is you can get better results use your mind more fully. I am suggesting something new for you here, that if you can master it will give you new results, and that is what you want right?

The idea is this I want you to convince the part of your mind that gets nervous about girls that you are just talking to a friend so that it can relax and not get wound up about how not to mess up the sexual goals. You will need to start using a part of your mind that we will call the trainer. It can tell the other parts of the mind what they need to believe in order for you to get what you want. Normally we think of beliefs as being things that we think are true, but here I want you to introduce beliefs into your mind that you know aren´t completely true in order to trick the disfuctional parts of your minds programming into behaving differently and letting you out of the nervous traps they put you into.

Think about what it is like to just talk to a friend, everything flows, its fun and easy, you are interested in just hearing what they have to say, there are no alterior motives putting any pressure on the situation, just being in the moment with them is enjoyable. Focus yourself on these feelings and images and pay attension to how you feel when you are talking to friends so that you can return to this state. You know what it is like and how to create it. 

 Another thing that should make you nervous is that you want to do something that you are new at and haven´t practiced. Good we need to go into uncharted waters. Dont worry about the sex thing it all comes naturally and is fun. But if you really want to dazzle the ladies get informed about sex and how it can be done well. If someone handed me a welding torch and said  Weld me up a sculpture Buddy, I would feel nervous because I dont know how to weld. But if I had read the manuals first I wouldnt be so afraid, I would be eager to try out my techniques and learn along the way. Another thing is most girls would like to really be friends before sex anyway, it makes the sex more interesting and more fun.

Just to recap my primary advice, practice and get used to telling yourself that when you are talking to someone you are just talking to a friend, you know that this feels, fun, easy, interesting and light. Treat them the way you treat friends to really convince your mind of what you want it to believe, and youll have a fun easy time with the girls then have the chance to move on to other activities later once you have proven to yourself that you had nothing to worry about, everything went Ok.  

 

Edited April 4, 2016 by Kevin Dunlop

[poimandres]

Be around women more. Observe what they are attracted to, what they aren't. Then adjust yourself accordingly.

I know this will sound really counter intuitive, but embarrass yourself in front of them (with the intent to see what gets the response you are looking for). By doing this, the goal is to develop yourself to where no social situations embarrass you in the long run (college/approach game IRL). This will develop your confidence and IDGAF attitude in yourself. By falling down a few times, you learn to stand up.

Also by embarrassing yourself, you rid yourself of fear (nervousness).

Edited April 5, 2016 by agnosis
Spelling

[T1r1on]

I found that my thoughts when approaching women tend to affect the outcome. For example, I would get super nervous when I tried to talk. But, before I had even walked up I had thoughts like; "what if she doesn't like me," or," what if she laughs at me." This lead my mind to start thinking about that stuff more and find answers to those questions. Generally what I feared happening, happened. So, now I've started interupting those thoughts with what I want. For instance; " what if she likes me," or " what if she's my next girlfriend." This puts a drive in you to approach her, and she can see that your not forcing it. 

Also, be honest. If your nervous tell her. It shows how mature you are. If you go in nervous, but act confident she will notice. Actually most people notice. I can't remember where I heard it, but true maturity is being able to express your emotions honestly. It takes a certain level of courage to show how you feel. And, it shows that you're comfortable with yourself. An example would be, if your nervous; " I'm really nervous, but the thought not of trying to talk to you makes me want to (incert ending)." Just be you when you're actually talking to her.

Lastly, don't take her answer personally. If she's not interested, then she's not interested in the idea of being with you. The key word is the idea. She doesn't know you at all. All she has to go on is a tiny conversation. She could have had a bad day too. Needless to say don't take it to heart and get busted up over it. She is but one woman who said no. There are many more out there. Just learn from the experience and move on. Who knows maybe she'll aproach you in the future. 

[Steven]

Just imagine that you are Donald Trump! Does he get nervous around women? ..or anyone?

Joking...

42 minutes ago, T1r1on said:

"what if she doesn't like me," or," what if she laughs at me."

Practice... practice... practice... until you get numb to these thoughts. Theory is ok just like everyone else mentions here, but I would say even before theory get into it, until you fail many times. Than when you get to theory you will have stronger aha moments.

But then your question will be "how do I find the right girl to talk to?"... 

Edited April 6, 2016 by Steven

[Steven]

Try talking to older women... tell them you are 10 years older or something... I did this when I was 13 and my aunty was really worried though when I started getting home late or in the morning after a night with this 25 year old chick I was dating - I told her I was 17 and took me time to convince her but it was worth it...Now looking back my aunty was worried for no reason at all.. hey I was practicing. The chick by the way had a kid...but was super hot - she found out later my real age when she saw my school books... well the rest is obvious ... 

[mgi0077]

On 3/6/2016 at 0:44 AM, Canadian said:

How To Stop Being Nervous Around Girls? Can you advise me the best way to overcome it? I have read many titles about it, I have watched many videos but it still does not help me. What is the best way for you to solve this problem? 

 

P.S. I am 16 and I am in high school. 

 

 

 

Get Girls off your brain>

[Gmork]

Fix your mindset. 

Answer yourself why you are interest in girls. You need to understand that 'girls' are people.

If you still not meditating, start.

Perhaps your small talk skills are bad. Start talking to people, do some exercise. 

Maybe your hormones are problem.

 

[Canadian]

4 hours ago, Gmork said:

Fix your mindset. 

Answer yourself why you are interest in girls. You need to understand that 'girls' are people.

If you still not meditating, start.

Perhaps your small talk skills are bad. Start talking to people, do some exercise. 

Maybe your hormones are problem.

 

I don't have any problems anymore, I started talking to girls,  touching them in a several ways...have fun very often.... Now all I needs is transition to make out and then sex. That's it. How can I handle it?