Women don't want assholes. Agreed?

[Frylock]

There's a myth that your gotta be aloof and full of yourself so you can get women. Yes, you can attract women that way. But it's so surface level and basic.

The men who I have seen succeed the most with women are highly empathetic, loving, and self-aware and don't bullshit themselves and others. But they also know how to apply pressure and escalate, which are things assholes also know how to do which "nice guys" don't, which is the most important aspect for seducing. Women go for the assholes because they're the only ones making a move. But deep down, a man who is also empathetic and soft but knows how to be assertive is what most women really want.

Sorry.. I just see the "Be detached! Be uncaring! Be confident and full of yourself!" thing thrown around a lot. And while it means well and is a counterbalance to the nice guy tendencies, it's also very misguiding and not the be all. Women will see through it after a while, and I think it's misguided advice.

[Helios]

Women prefer "assholes" to "nice guys".

But they will take a more mature guy over them but these are more rare than the other types.

[LiakosN]

Some women prefer assholes because assholes seem the have confidence, but when women are in relationship with them they are empty inside. So they will not keep a relationship with them. On the other hand, nice guys seek approval/love and they can not set boundaries or say no. Women see nice guys as needy. Have a balance between being an asshole and a nice guy.

[Girzo]

Yup, you don't have to be an asshole to show confidence. Example, you go through the street, see a cute girl and say: "Hey, I like you, I wonder if you have a personality that matches your looks. (*She probably laughs, smiles or looks at you with weird facial expression*) I know this is explicit, that's how I am, direct, honest and open-minded and I appreciate people who think that way too. What kind of people do You like? (*Her answer probably: "The same! xD"*) - and now you can go with your typical game.

It's just a more self-conscious, introverted, but at the same time more elegant version of the well-known opener "Hey, nice ass!!!". 

[Michael569]

Majority of women (although they won't admit it) like dirty sex, getting their asses spanked red and treated nasty in bedroom.....from time to time at least. They are more likely to get that from assholes than nice guys. 

Other than that, these guys are cocky, confident, funny and quite often charismatic as well as good looking and in great shape. These qualities will beat your "mr nice guy" anytime unless he can bring in something extra. 

 

[Frylock]

1 hour ago, Michael569 said:

Majority of women (although they won't admit it) like dirty sex, getting their asses spanked red and treated nasty in bedroom.....from time to time at least. They are more likely to get that from assholes than nice guys. 

Other than that, these guys are cocky, confident, funny and quite often charismatic as well as good looking and in great shape. These qualities will beat your "mr nice guy" anytime unless he can bring in something extra. 

 

Great sex and attractive personality traits aren’t exclusive to assholes. Again, the main difference is that assholes know how to apply pressure and physically escalate. If a guy can’t do those two things, then he’s not getting any women. Putting on an aloof facade because you think it's what women want, or that you have to be some kind of comedian entertainer, is horribly misguiding.

[Spiral]

Well empathy is not something that attracts girls, it's of course appreciated,  but "kindness" alone gets you nowhere. Confidence on the other hand....

The same goes of for confident girls, us guys aren't attracted to that, but it doesn't hurt. (Very unconfident may be problematic but if it normal or high) 

Being full of oneself isn't attractive either, being humble is because it reflects confidence and high self-esteem.  Bragging shows that you need confirmation and therefore don't have high confidence and high self-esteem. Being detached is the opposite of being desperate in this situation and desperation is unattractive for both genders.  

Girls/women see through it because it not genuine, if it is you'll have quite a lot of success.  

 

  

[Frylock]

41 minutes ago, Spiral said:

Well empathy is not something that attracts girls, it's of course appreciated,  but "kindness" alone gets you nowhere. Confidence on the other hand....

The same goes of for confident girls, us guys aren't attracted to that, but it doesn't hurt. (Very unconfident may be problematic but if it normal or high) 

Being full of oneself isn't attractive either, being humble is because it reflects confidence and high self-esteem.  Bragging shows that you need confirmation and therefore don't have high confidence and high self-esteem. Being detached is the opposite of being desperate in this situation and desperation is unattractive for both genders.  

Girls/women see through it because it not genuine, if it is you'll have quite a lot of success.  

 

  

Empathy alone won’t attract girls, but it will boost a man’s perceived value. Empathy is just being able to realize the person's headspace and being aware of her surroundings and mood. Women greatly appreciate a man who “gets” them in that sense. A man who is able to correctly perceive emotions and respond accordingly to a woman and her emotional needs will be perceived as a higher status male, and shows that you have calibrated social acuity. Those are attractive traits to have in a partner.

The idea of “being confident” to attract a partner is also a bit misguided. No one is 100% confident all of the time. Even when I’m in my peak states and success is happening for me, I know that things can change on a dime. Even when I’m talking to a girl, I might not be feeling good inside. I might be nervous, or feeling down about something. But the core confidence is being able to accept whatever happens, being able to be present and observe what is happening in the moment without reacting to it. Even in states of not feeling good, if you’re present with it and maybe even call it out, then this is genuine.

[Nahm]

They seek someone similar to their dad until they realize that’s what they’re doing (and work through any related issues). 

[Spiral]

@Frylock Well empathy might have been a poor choice of words mostly meant benevolence. Having great emotion intelligence is naturally beneficial as you can have social interactions more efficiently. 

As for the confidence yeah sure it varies but that’s alright. Being confident when you are around the girl is naturally what matters.   You don’t need to be 100% all the time, not even with girl if it’s reasonable for you not to be. If you feel incredibly uncomfortable around a friendly girl, hardly a dangerous being(for the most part) why would she assume you’d be confident when facing something dangerous?

Cats are more dangerous than girls at least physically, in my experience

Looks also varies for girls on a day to day basis so I don’t see how the range of confidence is a problem. I guess having a higher mean confidence when try to get girls is useful. 

Sidenote I do agree with you that all this pretentious behaviour is harmful. It very common in pickup although one can look at it as, you “cheat” girls and as a result you become more confident gain more social experience and so on.

[Matt8800]

On 4/17/2018 at 6:53 AM, Frylock said:

There's a myth that your gotta be aloof and full of yourself so you can get women. Yes, you can attract women that way. But it's so surface level and basic.

The men who I have seen succeed the most with women are highly empathetic, loving, and self-aware and don't bullshit themselves and others. But they also know how to apply pressure and escalate, which are things assholes also know how to do which "nice guys" don't, which is the most important aspect for seducing. Women go for the assholes because they're the only ones making a move. But deep down, a man who is also empathetic and soft but knows how to be assertive is what most women really want.

Sorry.. I just see the "Be detached! Be uncaring! Be confident and full of yourself!" thing thrown around a lot. And while it means well and is a counterbalance to the nice guy tendencies, it's also very misguiding and not the be all. Women will see through it after a while, and I think it's misguided advice.

When I was younger, I was a self absorbed, arrogant asshole that knew how to kiss a woman, make them feel desired, could make them laugh, acted like I didnt give a fuck but was fairly respectful in the way I treated them directly to their face. Probably slept with a couple hundred women during that time and always had them pushing for a relationship. 

Women want to be buddies with the nice guy but they want to have sex with the confident asshole. Trust me...

You are confusing the way it should be with the way it is.

Edited April 21, 2018 by Matt8800

[Frylock]

3 hours ago, Matt8800 said:

When I was younger, I was a self absorbed, arrogant asshole that knew how to kiss a woman, make them feel desired, could make them laugh, acted like I didnt give a fuck but was fairly respectful in the way I treated them directly to their face. Probably slept with a couple hundred women during that time and always had them pushing for a relationship. 

Women want to be buddies with the nice guy but they want to have sex with the confident asshole. Trust me...

You are confusing the way it should be with the way it is.

You don't need to be a self-absorbed arrogant asshole to make a woman feel desired. You said it yourself: you were respectful but still know how to make a move. I've already said those are key elements. Being a self-absorbed asshole and thinking that's the lone attractive quality that makes the difference is absolutely, completely wrong.  You still have to approach and make a move, clearly you're forgetting that. No one just flocks to you because you feel arrogant. And no one truly likes to be around selfish people, man or woman.

Edited April 21, 2018 by Frylock

[Matt8800]

15 minutes ago, Frylock said:

You don't need to be a self-absorbed arrogant asshole to make a woman feel desired. You said it yourself: you were respectful but still know how to make a move. I've already said those are key elements. Being a self-absorbed asshole and thinking that's the lone attractive quality that makes the difference is absolutely, completely wrong.  You still have to approach and make a move, clearly you're forgetting that. No one just flocks to you because you feel arrogant. And no one truly likes to be around selfish people, man or woman.

No, women dont flock to men just because they're arrogant but it certainly helps.

The most potent kind of arrogance is when there is a touch of self depreciation, not taking yourself too seriously and tempered with a touch of humility. Women would call that the "sexy" kind of arrogance. Another way to say it is extreme confidence without apology about how awesome you are.

I dont think anyone would call me arrogant anymore but Im still very confident in my own abilities and what I can offer. Im not saying arrogance is a good trait; just that women are naturally attracted to it.

Edited April 21, 2018 by Matt8800

[Frylock]

3 minutes ago, Matt8800 said:

No, women dont flock to men just because they're arrogant but it certainly helps.

Women don't flock, period. Unless you're famous or something. The arrogant guy just knows how to make a move... but a humbled guy who knows how to make a move is just as effective and isn't shunned simply for being a grounded person.

[Matt8800]

3 hours ago, Frylock said:

Women don't flock, period. Unless you're famous or something. The arrogant guy just knows how to make a move... but a humbled guy who knows how to make a move is just as effective and isn't shunned simply for being a grounded person.

Then I guess nice guys get all the women they want and it is all a non-issue

[Frylock]

Women do want nice guys. Women do not want men who can't apply pressure or know how to make a move; this isn't exclusive to nice or mean.

For someone who has supposedly slept with 200 women, you sure seem ignorant to the actual nuances of attraction.

[Spiral]

 

@Frylock Nice is not the same as kind or caring, nice is selfish and manipulative. Being nice to someone means your doing it because they want something from them. Being caring and kind is someone else.

This is why neither guys or girls want a nice partner. Guys are attracted to kindness and girls want someone who challenge them emotionally, not by being mean but by being assertive.

Edited April 22, 2018 by Spiral

[Greys0n]

no one wants to date with an asshole

[SFRL]

http://www.girlschase.com/content/12-traits-all-boring-unsexy-nice-guys-have-common

12 traits all boring unsexy nice guys have common