A bad relationship

[Shane597]

 

 

 

I just went through a bad relationship. I keep on doubting myself on and off on if I screwed up, or if she did. It seems like she did because she cheated on me and lied to me. Also, I did because I was not the best at listening sometimes, but it seems more like she was just so narcissistic( making fun of people who were less intelligent than her and she even pointed out all my little flaws which were also not nice) and lacked social skills for the communication to work well. Honestly, I can't see clearly, but it seems like she had a lot of baggage( she had 15 relationships before me and was only 22 and one abusive one) and unrealistic expectations considering she needed me to be good at sex and I lacked experience and she struggled with socializing and feeling comfortable in her own skin, so it made our relationship hard.

I don't seem to struggle at socializing generally, except, when I share an insight or share a complex aspect of "myself". Also, she was not ready for any commitment, so it was hard for me, she seemed overly concerned about, sex and me touching her.  I honestly think she was just not the right person, considering she lacked patience and did not let me learn how to manage a relationship better and touch her. Women with no tolerance for lack of experience really are shallow and selfish when I am trying my best to satisfy her needs and "give" all I can.

It seemed like it was mostly her because the experience is not something someone can do anything about, except, live and learn.  I get it, girls like guys experienced, but the lack of experience does not mean they are not capable of making a relationship work, it just takes the girl being a little less selfish and letting the man learn. She only gave me like a two week trial for sexual relations the first time we started doing sexual things she literally threw herself onto me and I knew her for a little over two months. But basically, she decided that I lacked too much experience to even continue the relationship and that she did not get a chance to talk enough and that I sucked in bed( we did not quite have vaginal sex, but had most of the other types of sex). Which from self-reflection, it was half true but not as bad as she made it out to be, her projection of me not knowing anything about sex or relationships made it worse. But during our relationship, she did "show" a lot of affection and care for me and she even said, "love you" once, but she spent time with another guy with a little better attraction skills and with more experience while we were dating and while she was falling for me. Yes, I know, she meant it in the moment. I think she just has a need for a lot of attention. She still is very open to being friends, however, I have made it clear that I want sexual relations with her. So I have decided we are not going to be friends and no contact unless she changes her mind. Do you think this is more of me that screwed up or her? Also, I felt a deep connection( maybe love) with this girl that I have never felt, but she lied and cheated on me, while I seriously treated her well, I was light-hearted, funny, insightful, touchy on occasions, as considerate as I knew to be and caring. So, I don't know. I can't seem to completely shut the door on her because I know she did not mean to do this to me, however, she did and she "currently" is falling for the other guy because I was a little "needy" and pushy and she sees me as me liking her more than I like her. Thanks for listening.  

[SFRL]

You can do a lot better then this girl. 

You upped your experience, that will serve you well when you meet a better girl. 

[Amer]

7 hours ago, Shane597 said:

So I have decided we are not going to be friends and no contact unless she changes her mind. Do you think this is more of me that screwed up or her

not at all, you are not screwing it up. you did a good job.

[Shane597]

@SFRL @Amer What are your guys thoughts on polyamorous? She actually wanted that with me at a certain point. I don't think I can handle that though. 

[SFRL]

5 hours ago, Shane597 said:

@SFRL @Amer What are your guys thoughts on polyamorous? She actually wanted that with me at a certain point. I don't think I can handle that though. 

It sounds good in theory, I don't think it would be that great in practice. 

Nothing is holding you back from getting with another girl now anyways. 

You are still hang up on this girl. But you need to go get some new girls. This girl probably looked nice and sucked the dick real good or whatever. But there are girls out there that you are going to have better sex with. You just don't know it yet. 

[Greys0n]

i had bad relationship too, you need to concentrate on smth else

[Amer]

On 4/17/2018 at 10:20 AM, Shane597 said:

@SFRL @Amer What are your guys thoughts on polyamorous? She actually wanted that with me at a certain point. I don't think I can handle that though. 

regardless of my thoughts about polyamorous, I find her being the dominant one in the relationship, sorry if this sounds offensive. but if she wants to play only by her own rules, neglecting your feelings, dumb her. and no this is not easy at all. maybe you gotta watch Leo's video on how to deal with negative emotions.

like @SFRL said, look for other girls, focus on your self and your life. and there's definitely a better girl out there that deserves you.

[Shane597]

@Amer I agree, she was a bit too dominant. But I did stand up for myself when necessary and "I left her" stating what I want, which was that I am not open to polyamorous and that I would do things sexually with her, but not be in a polyamorous relationship and don't want to be "just friends". I also put moves on her and made most of the plans. But yea, she seemed kinda bitchy and snobby and stuck up. I just did not have the clarity to see that in the moment. My delusion put me in this shitty situation that still is eating at my ego. Thanks for

Edited April 30, 2018 by Shane597

[Shane597]

I dumped her and pointed out how she is narcissistic and how that blinds her and makes her delusional and then she actually agreed and then I told her she will "never" have a chance with me again after what she did. I gave her love and wished her the best at the end and then she thanked me! I don't think she is fond of me anymore, lol. @SFRL @Amer

Edited May 12, 2018 by Shane597

[Hello from Russia]

Experience is experience. You seem to have learnt a lot from it so everything is cool.

Edited May 12, 2018 by Hello from Russia

[cirkussmile]

Bad relationships is the best spiritual practice ever ? 

Forget about her and forget able being friends. She doesn't seem friendly and also, don't expect or wait for her to change. You have better things to do. 

Focus on growing yourself or you might get the same kind of relationship next time ?✌️

 

[Shane597]

@cirkussmile  Like I said, I rejected her, she did not reject me, that is why she wanted to be friends. It was either polyamory or friends. No fuck buddies for her, at least at that moment I broke it off with her. I realize her side of the story she will say she dumped me, but the unbiased truth was that I left her. As if who left who mattered. But I already have a few cute girls crushing on me, so I am fine. 

[SFRL]

10 hours ago, Shane597 said:

@cirkussmile  Like I said, I rejected her, she did not reject me, that is why she wanted to be friends. It was either polyamory or friends. No fuck buddies for her, at least at that moment I broke it off with her. I realize her side of the story she will say she dumped me, but the unbiased truth was that I left her. As if who left who mattered. But I already have a few cute girls crushing on me, so I am fine. 

Well there you go hehehe ?