My First Awakening Experience

[andrecad]

Hi everyone,

I'm new to the forum and to self-actualization. I hope this post can help provide some guidance to someone who's struggling. I also hope to receive some advice or guidance from others who have already had an awakening experience(s). 

Anyways, I think these were the most significant changes in my life leading up to this awakening experience:

- Watched hours of Leo's newbie and advanced videos in a day (still watching regularly)

- Watched content from other Spiritual Teachers

- Shaved my head bald (used to have hair that I really loved)

- Sold my iPhone and downgraded to a flip phone

- I threw away my expensive watch (which I loved very much)

- Started reading the New Testament (Bible) that I swore I'd never read again

By the way, there are amazing insights in the New Testament (AMAZING) and I'd encourage everyone to read through it and really contemplate the teachings of Jesus and others like him.

- Doubted every belief I had (especially the ones I held closest)

- Accepted that I can't control my thoughts and sort of let them go wherever the would

- Accepted that I can't force awakening experiences and enlightenment

- Meditated several times per day, every day

- Took a leap of faith

Now the truth is, "I" didn't really do any of these things, but it sure felt like it, and even does now as I am no longer in that awakened state of consciousness. I think part of the reason these things led to this experience was because they were a huge blow to my sense of self, the ego that I am. I was, and continue to be at war with myself, literally. 

This is now the most important thing in my life and literally everything else is secondary. Everything I thought I knew about myself has changed completely and it is terrifying and beautiful at the same time. Thank you for reading and for being a part of this great community. Thank you Leo for your insightful content and dedication. 

[andrecad]

The level of arrogance in my last post is palpable. I feel as though I barely scratched 1% of what is possible to comprehend and experience, if that. The work required to pursue this work is immense and even that I doubt I truly understand. I'm blind walking through the wilderness with only a faint voice guiding me to my ultimate destination.

[andrecad]

I'm really at war with myself. The realization that I have to kill myself, my sense of self is beginning to wake up. I'm conflicted in even writing here, because it very well could be fueling my own sense of self. It's humbling in a way also, because sharing my emotions and feelings is something that humbles me and hurts my own pride an arrogance. Only time will tell.