Separate self fully collapsed

[egoless]

After long months of self search I finally found - I am nowhere to be found. Not in any thing. But I know the source in every perception. I completely collapsed my sense of separate self. I washed away every corner of my experience where it seemed to be hiding. I was nowhere to be found. Most importantly the urge for seeking is over. I am grounded in the presence. I have no desires to look into the future or the past.

As I surrendered more and more I was seeing signs everywhere from the universe. I felt as if universe was guiding me. Signs everywhere literally! Even the random words on the walls in the block. Everything was perfectly well synchronized. 

It felt like the whole Universe was waking up with me...

Apart from this I've had several other big realizations - in some ways no less and even more profound than collapsing of the separate self. I was contemplating whether to post this or not but in the end it does not matter. I don't call myself Enlightened I don't find any value in this word. Neither I claim I attained some kind of deep understanding - it is what it is. 

Main "effects": I feel a lot calmer, happier in the moment, even if I get frustrated usually it goes away soon, I don't cling to anything anymore, I radiate love and compassion more easily, I recognize falsehood and illusions more easily, I am more self-aware as consciousness. I appreciate the beauty of the nature much more. I can see the beauty of existence in almost everything if I am conscious enough. I feel constant connection with the source within. I feel inner peace and stillness. Sense of time is lost. Life is happening only in the moment. Meditation feels very profound and pleasant. It feels that I am connected with universal intelligence.

Other than that I feel like I need more integration of this in my life. It happens slowly but surely. I still sometimes get absorbed in emotions but it is nowhere close to its strength as it used to be in the past. My character is changing and reshaping. All I have left to do is to observe and consciously take part into this process.

 

Edited April 14, 2018 by egoless

[Faceless]

8 minutes ago, egoless said:

After long months of self search I finally found - I am nowhere to be found. Not in any thing. But I know the source in every perception. I completely collapsed my sense of separate self. I washed away every corner of my experience where it seemed to be hiding. I was nowhere to be found. Apart from this I've had several other big realizations - in some ways no less and even more profound than collapsing of the separate self. I was contemplating whether to post this or not but in the end it does not matter. I don't call myself Enlightened I don't find any value in this word. Neither I claim I attained some kind of deep understanding - it is what it is. 
Main "effects": I feel a lot calmer, happier in the moment, even if I get frustrated usually it goes away soon, I don't cling to anything anymore, I radiate love and compassion more easily, I recognize falsehood and illusions more easily, I am more self aware. I appreciate the beauty of the nature much more. I can see the beauty of existence in almost everything if I am conscious enough. Sense of time is lost. Life is happening only in the moment. 

Other than that I feel like I need much more integration of this understanding in my life. It happens slowly but surely. I still sometimes get absorbed in emotions but it is nowhere close to its strength as it used to be in the past. My character is changing and reshaping. All I have left to do is to observe and consciously take part into this process.

??

Cool man ?

Edited April 13, 2018 by Faceless

[iamme]

@egoless In the context of no separate self, what do you mean by "self aware"? Thanks and congratulations!

[egoless]

3 minutes ago, iamme said:

@egoless In the context of no separate self, what do you mean by "self aware"? Thanks and congratulations!

I am more aware of my character - my emotions, thoughts and etc... It is also me. I don't feel like it is other. In fact the word me lost it's traditional meaning to me.  

Edited April 13, 2018 by egoless

[iamme]

3 minutes ago, egoless said:

I am more aware of my character - my emotions, thoughts and etc... It is also me. I don't feel like it is other. In fact the word me lost it's traditional meaning to me.  

well that's a start

[Charlotte]

@egoless Sounds as if you've had a radical 'awakening', really happy for you Ms P 

[egoless]

16 minutes ago, Charlotte said:

@egoless Sounds as if you've had a radical 'awakening', really happy for you Ms P 

Much love! 

[Nahm]

@egoless Awesomesauce!!!! Thanks for sharing! 

[egoless]

10 hours ago, Nahm said:

@egoless Awesomesauce!!!! Thanks for sharing! 

[iamme]

Shifts in consciousness are great news but I would be careful about labelling them and would keep investigating those thoughts and emotions that I suddenly seem to be more aware of. As a matter of fact most thoughts and emotions steam from a separate identity, so what are they and why are they still persisting?

[phoenix666]

it feels wonderful to read your words! thanks for sharing your experience, inspirational <3 how did this happen? was it a radical shift or was it slow and transitional ?

happy for you!

[egoless]

@iamme thoughts and emotions will never stop. They just loose power to drag you. 

@phoenix666 both. I had several radical shifts in consciousness and also gradual amd persistent ones. 

As I surrender more and more I was seeing signs everywhere from the universe. It was amazing. I felt universe guiding me. Signs everywhere literally! Even the random words on the walls in the block. Everything was perfectly well synchronized. 

It felt like the whole Universe was waking up with me...

Edited April 14, 2018 by egoless

[Blissout]

Well if you are fully liberated you will be in a state of bliss and peace continously without any psychology suffering forever ever.

[egoless]

9 minutes ago, Blissout said:

Well if you are fully liberated you will be in a state of bliss and peace continously without any psychology suffering forever ever.

It’s not straightforward as that. However, I feel almost constant bliss and peace - connection with the source within. However there still appear thoughts and emotions - sometimes negative ones but they can’t drag me anymore how they used to. 

My depression which I never could get rid of is completely gone.

Edited April 14, 2018 by egoless

[phoenix666]

20 minutes ago, egoless said:

both. I had several radical shifts in consciousness and also gradual amd persistent ones. 

As I surrender more and more I was seeing signs everywhere from the universe. It was amazing. I felt universe guiding me. Signs everywhere literally! Even the random words on the walls in the block. Everything was perfectly well synchronized. 

It felt like the whole Universe was waking up with me...

I resonate with that! I've also had both. radical shifts usually on psychedelics though, or during specially deep meditation or yoga sessions. rarely throughout daily life. gradual and persistent ones are tricky, because surely they happen on this path..but sometimes they remain unnoticed. journaling and interacting with others helps me becoming aware of those.

beautiful! what a bliss I hope to become aware of those signs everywhere as well. I want to feel that connection to the universe in daily life too <3

[egoless]

5 minutes ago, phoenix666 said:

I want to feel that connection to the universe in daily life too <3

I am feeling it constantly now. And it comes from within. 

 

[phoenix666]

3 minutes ago, egoless said:

I am feeling it constantly now. And it comes from within. 

 

it's beautiful to read about other people's awakenings <3

I know it comes from within, I know.. I've seen glimpses on trips. it's just tricky to let it percolate in day to day life! 

[Blissout]

31 minutes ago, egoless said:

It’s not straightforward as that. However, I feel almost constant bliss and peace - connection with the source within. However there still appear thoughts and emotions - sometimes negative ones but they can’t drag me anymore how they used to. 

My depression which I never could get rid of is completely gone.

Very nice to hear! really glad for you

[egoless]

32 minutes ago, phoenix666 said:

I know it comes from within, I know.. I've seen glimpses on trips. it's just tricky to let it percolate in day to day life! 

Tripping was only good on initial stages. I only tripped several times on truffles/shrooms only (moderate doses)  I don’t know why but all of them were very very profound ones. I experienced what other people experience on 5 meo DMT... Once I got the lessons I completely dropped tripping. And in my experience dropping it was great choice. There is a trap to become dependent on the experiences of tripping. Maybe you also start to conceptualize those experiences when you are sober and cling to them. Chase them, trying to achieve... 

the only answer is complete letting go of any attachment. Complete relaxation of the self...

Edited April 14, 2018 by egoless

[Markus]

@egoless sounds nice