Getting more depressed every time I self-actualize.

[Growf]

Everytime I am taking on some healthy habits, or get rid of unhealthy habits a week or so I get more anxious and depressed. Not clinically, but definitely noticably.
This happens with everything: Meditation, Fasting, Eating Healthy, Quitting Porn, Quitting Alcohol. 

My only explanation could be is that the fantasy and the hope of a self-actualized life is more beautiful than actually doing it. Everytime I quit and stop doing self improvement, I can get excited again and that excitement makes me feel amazing. "Next monday I am going to do this and this and this, my life will change for good!". Now I am on a 2 week streak of NoFap, Intermittent Fasting and Healthy eating and the excitement is gone. I feel empty..

Has anyone been in a similar situation or does anyone have some advice? 

Thanks.

 

Edit: I do feel some benefits from NoFap for instance, I have a little less social anxiety on day 12. But now I am back home and I feel empty and nothing can really excite me.

Edited April 12, 2018 by Growf

[Ether]

Yes, because you are goign to the root of the depression, you are looking at the reason of the depression, when you see it you are probably going to feel depressed for a little bit but surrender to the emotion

[YaNanNallari]

Try to find the magic of life when you're feeling empty. It's no wonder you're feeling empty since you aren't seeing it. You're used to different kind of entertainment or only seeing the cool things on special occasions. Open heart chakra helps. 

[7thLetter]

Just some advice from my personal experience, but growth or change in your daily habits from personal development is something that should come naturally. So as you begin to develop yourself, the things that you don't need in your life will exit out of your life. For example, once you constantly do the practice of meditation, you start to let go of negative thinking habits naturally, and you would also let go of any bad habits that you have naturally like alcohol, drugs, etc.

So its really not that you listen to some theory on the internet that you SHOULD quit alcohol and porn and drugs ENTIRELY without doing the personal development work. Its that you constantly grow yourself while surrendering to any habits that your body and mind desire to do, and be aware of the fact that you are doing those things. Watch Leo's video on awareness.

I mean I don't know your situation personally because the only judgement I can make is based on this forum post, but that may possibly be it. It could be the fact that you are forcing the personal development, rather than letting things happen. Let go of the idea that things SHOULD be this way or, I SHOULD eat healthy, or that you SHOULD stop drinking alcohol. But do not force it, let things happen and be aware.

Btw, check out this video, literally was uploaded today which is pretty crazy since I'm here writing a post about something similiar.

 

Edit: Just another thing I wanted to add, watch Leo's video "Learning = Behavior change."

Lately I've been playing a lot of brain games, and one of my favorites is Chess online. I'm a beginner and even at level 1 the computer is still tough to beat. But as I play more and more, its getting easier and effortless. And that's how you should think of your personal development. As you do more and more practice, things start to become more effortless and you barely even have to think of it because it all just happens. The ideal level you want to get to, isn't something that you want to try to 'copy', if that makes any sense. You can't get there by 'copying' the ideal and then you're suddenly that person. You just have to grow yourself and then you will eventually get there. I often see that in Christianity, they give you the ideal person, who is Jesus, and the sins that you SHOULD NOT DO. But they don't really talk about the growth process. So followers are left with, "DON'T HAVE SEX" and they force themselves not to do it and they're unhappy, etc. etc. Anyways, that's all I have to say

Edited April 13, 2018 by 7thLetter

[Elisabeth]

14 hours ago, Growf said:

Now I am on a 2 week streak of NoFap, Intermittent Fasting and Healthy eating and the excitement is gone. I feel empty..

I agree with the post above that you may be overexerting your willpower. Are you implementing all these habits at once? Have you tried going one by one?

Another idea is that maybe, these are just withdrawal symptoms to be overcome. If you quit junk food - you wouldn't feel good immediately (I believe, I didn't manage ;)).  

[Atic]

The ego is reacting. I am guessing that if you have been doing this for a year and more, regardless of all the resistance, then you will have an easy time going back into actualization where you have experience of it and saw the good benefits behind it. This happens to me, it's normal.

[MikalMansion]

I Agree with 7th Letter when he speaks of just let it come naturally.

From personally experience I would just say "Give In To What you're Wanting".

By giving in to my cravings when I'm in a happy state of being (good mood)

That moment of giving in feeeeelllsss sooooo goood!

 

& on the flip side

When I don't follow my impulse for that craving 

Moments Later I'm really wanting what I was craving and i'm just beating up myself (Mentally) because I didn't listen to myself earlier.

 

The best part, the next days following, I don't even have to urge for that craving I just had the other day.

and over time 

moment by moment

you will just fuse into your desires

but it will be such an easy choice

because you are still choosing what you truly want


It literally naturally comes to you,

Just sooth yourself with phrases like:

• I don't have to make anything happen right now
• The Larger part of me knows my desires & knows my proximity (Distance) from them.
• I trust that I will be inspired to actions that will lead me down the path to my desires. 
  
  
  Best Regards, Mikal Mansion 

[Javier]

I think the same happens to me, and I think all my bad habits are distractions of my underlying depression. But then I get to a point where I know things are probably get intense but I have to push the good habts and keep the shit out of my life. It's like a purge. That's my personal experience. 

[The Don]

Great.

That means it's working.

Keep meditating. Don't take your thoughts seriously.

Your mind is trying to deceive you.

When I was a little bit depressed I used this affirmation: "I think positive." Do it on a daily basis. Five minutes every time. By doing that, your brain will rewire itself into positive thinking.

Good luck.

Edited April 16, 2018 by The Don

[InfinitePotential]

Have some fun, laugh, smile, play, don't take things too seriously, and be patient. It sounds like you're wanting to reach some sorta ultimate destination where you've reached completion and it's smooth sailing from there. Drop that and instead enjoy the journey. 

[Eva]

On 13/04/2018 at 11:46 AM, Elisabeth said:

I agree with the post above that you may be overexerting your willpower. Are you implementing all these habits at once? Have you tried going one by one?

Another idea is that maybe, these are just withdrawal symptoms to be overcome. If you quit junk food - you wouldn't feel good immediately (I believe, I didn't manage ;)).  

I would presume this one too. I know the feeling since I've been there as well. Maybe making the goals clearly smaller, so you're able to integrate those into your routine more effortlessly?