Cold vs lonely?

[Spiral]

So i've been trying to become less lonely as of late, but as a result I appear to have become colder and evil(perhaps distant would be a better translation) or so I've been told. Swedish people are the world's most individualistic, so if I hear foreigners say that I am, I simply consider it a cultural difference. Although now I being told so by even my swedish friends.    

I mean I can see what they are getting at, but pretending to care about people hardly feels like the right course of action. It's not like I hurt people or even offend them, but rather that I don't care much. Especially when i'm working or studying, I rather my "working partner" be quiet or talk about at least related things, a joke or two is appreciated. Sometimes he goes on about his how pretty his girlfriend is, I don't agree and mostly just feel like he wants my approve but of course i'll pretend agree with him. 

When i'm more social I don't tend to have this problem, but i'm well aware i'm not the most sympathetic or emotional normally.

When I seek meaning in relationships I get lonely, but when I don't I become distant. Where is the balance?

[Nahm]

@Spiral I am seperate from all that is, a true individual! I’m so unique, people can barely deal with it, even my closest friends! I don’t care about people. People are just here to entertain me, so if they don’t have something that will genuinely make me laugh, I’d just prefer they keep quiet and stay in the background. I refuse to show happiness for others, instead I placate them and feel the burn of judgment within myself. I do all this, because I think it’s easier than looking within myself, and opening an infinite vortex of blinding unconditional love.

Yet, oddly, I feel lonely. 

??????❤️❤️❤️

[Timotheus]

@Nahm THANK YOU!

[Nahm]

@Spiral @Timotheus  I love you!

Fyi, for me, it was conflation. 

 

[Spiral]

@Nahm So spiritual work and so forth is as usual the solution? So that I stop acting as if I’m a true individual?

Edited April 11, 2018 by Spiral

[Nahm]

@Spiral woah slow down. Start by caring about people. Discover love and compassion.  

I don’t think you’ve been uncomfortable yet. 

[Spiral]

8 minutes ago, Nahm said:

@Spiral woah slow down. Start by caring about people. Discover love and compassion.  

I don’t think you’ve been uncomfortable yet. 

How do I discover those? Feels like you're asking a kid to do quantum physics, the kid can pretend but that's hardly the same. 

Regardless I can see the drawbacks of facing hardships and so on, I might even be helpful. I consider myself helpful here for instance to people by sharing my thoughts and or giving advice.

But if someone else is sad and that creates sadness in me, the total amount of sadness is increased. If someone is happy good for them, surely I'd prefer them to be that way.

I don't think becoming uncomfortable helps.

[Nahm]

@Spiral

 what do you want? 

and

 tell me about the last time you did something that was uncomfortable for you, Not as in me, as in outside of your comfort zone.

 

[lmfao]

@Spiral From what you've said it sounds like you hate small talk with people, and so I can't be bothered to put mental effort into these sorts of conversations. I am like this as well, and there's nothing wrong with this in my opinion. 

I'm not the most emotionally normal or compassionate person either. People could simply see you as cold because of a mismatch between your temperament and theirs.  I am like this as well, but I don't feel bad about it at all, it doesn't mean that there is something "broken" about you. I don't think the solution is to seek meaning from relationships, as it doesn't address the root cause of your negative feelings. By all means, try and learn how to make and maintain good relationships, but don't let your relationships be the source of your happiness and satisfaction. 

 

[Barbarian Number 8]

@Spiral  Ja, this "waking-up-process" do have some drawbacks.

One notice that peoplewatching/engaging kind of are like watching reruns of reruns. Not much new stimulation there.

I first noted it by watching the drunks outside Systembolaget. They are like cartoons in an endless predictable loop.

Most people do seems to loop. Kind of like living in "WestWorld".

 

It is difficult for me to get something out of a Groundhogday loop. The temtation of just screwing with the conversation loop is tempting.

Maybe selfact.people will end one up in a cave just in silence?...or in prison for screwing with peoples endless textloops....