People who try to "fix" someone

[Frylock]

I recently came across an old lover of mine. I used to really like this girl, but she had addiction problems and would go AWOL with some bad people. Anyways, she was opening up to me about her current boyfriend... how he doesn't care for her despite her trying to be his everything. How he's unkempt (barely showers), lazy, and how she tries to "fix" him. She showed me a picture of him, and he's a grotesque overweight man. She said he's been talking to other girls behind her back, and that broke her.

Here you have a very beautiful woman, with an unattractive man with not many redeeming qualities at this point, and she's pouring her heart out to me and crying, saying how he doesn't love her as much she does him.

This really fucked with my psyche. I know both men and women make the mistake of trying to "fix" someone, because of some disturbing emotional needs, insecurities, etc. She told me she dated down because it made her feel more valuable.

I don't know... this just really disturbs me. I guess because I don't look for a partner to fix, or one to fix me. I think that's such an unhealthy balance. To see an old flame of mine so heart stricken, completely unable to see her own value, beauty, and worth... it was heart wrenching for me. But that's just the way it goes I guess.

[Random-Hero95]

1 hour ago, Frylock said:

She told me she dated down because it made her feel more valuable.

This is the issue, in my opinion. 

1 hour ago, Frylock said:

 I don't look for a partner to fix, or one to fix me

I'm completely with you, but do you feel like she's with this person for the reason above? 

Honestly though dude, I wouldn't advise being friends with ex lovers. It just doesn't work out well. Your mind tends to float and consider the what if's on a regular basis, thus always leaving you with a chip on your shoulder. 

I suggest you slowly detach yourself from playing the shoulder to cry on. It isn't healthy, for either of you. 

(And definitely do not be the guy she cheats on her boyfriend with). 

[Frylock]

3 hours ago, Random-Hero95 said:

This is the issue, in my opinion. 

Probably.

3 hours ago, Random-Hero95 said:

I'm completely with you, but do you feel like she's with this person for the reason above? 

I'm going based off exactly what she told me... that she thought she could fix him. I don't know the dynamics more than that, but that's just unhealthy and disempowering.

3 hours ago, Random-Hero95 said:

Honestly though dude, I wouldn't advise being friends with ex lovers. It just doesn't work out well. Your mind tends to float and consider the what if's on a regular basis, thus always leaving you with a chip on your shoulder. 

I suggest you slowly detach yourself from playing the shoulder to cry on. It isn't healthy, for either of you. 

(And definitely do not be the guy she cheats on her boyfriend with). 

I hear you. I only ran into her at a house party, so I doubt I'll see her again. I do give people who open up to me the time of day. Not for any selfish or white knight reasons... I can never "save" anyone from their pain. It just doesn't work that way. I just needed to share this, get it off my chest. I've never seen someone devalue themselves to the degree that this woman has, and since I have that old connection with her, it does disturb me in a way. I'll get over it... I just hate to see this kind of thing.

Edited April 7, 2018 by Frylock

[aurum]

11 hours ago, Frylock said:

it was heart wrenching for me. But that's just the way it goes I guess.

It is definitely tough to see things like that, so I empathize. But at the end of the day there are no mistakes. She's getting exactly what she needs.

[Hardkill]

I feel like no one wants to try and fix my social and dating problems hard enough. I still feel powerless. Sometimes, I wish my mother was dead in order to get out of the way of my dating and social life.

[Spiral]

@Hardkill how is your mother stopping you?

[Hardkill]

7 hours ago, Spiral said:

@Hardkill how is your mother stopping you?

She’s a helicopter mom. She won’t let me go and cold approach because she thinks it’s too creepy and didn’t work for me.

[Frylock]

On 4/8/2018 at 0:38 AM, aurum said:

It is definitely tough to see things like that, so I empathize. But at the end of the day there are no mistakes. She's getting exactly what she needs.

Yeah. I just want to make a difference in every girl's life that I have had relations with, no matter how small. Or even just people who have opened up to me.

I'll never be able to save anyone, or vice versa. But I can operate from a place of unattached love and compassion. That just feels right for me.