Being replaced

[thehero]

If you have a best friend and he has replaced with you mostly with other best friends how do you react to this? We are still good friends no doubt. Just bothers me a lot. 

 

I don't really have other best friends. Should I go on my own path and find more friends now

Edited April 5, 2018 by thehero

[dude]

@thehero Don't become dependent on people, keep your options open.

I want to help you but this seems like a more complex problem we can't help you if you just post 2 sentences.

[thehero]

3 minutes ago, dude said:

@thehero Don't become dependent on people, keep your options open.

I want to help you but this seems like a more complex problem we can't help you if you just post 2 sentences.

I guess it's not really a big deal but I can see that he has been talking to other friends on a much more frequent basis now. Before, I was always the first person he'd call in a crisis or tell me news or talk to me about a topic etc. but now it's different people. he also doesn't go into much detail about what's going on in his life, short sentences, as before we'd have very lengthy conversations. it doesn't seem like he doesn't care, because he contacts me everyday. 

 

very true. it just feels difficult to find other friends because I've never had a friend with such deep "intimacy", connection and shared values before. it sucks

Edited April 5, 2018 by thehero

[thehero]

whats a good philosophy to go by here? should i be expectant to be someone elses #1? if i was somebodys #1 and no longer it, should i give a fuck? 

 

should i scrap this whole hierarchy? as long as we good friends and can maintain a relationship that fulfills both our needs, he can do whatever he wants? 

 

feelsbadman to be placed lower in their eyes. i see my insecurities flare up and stuff but what to do about them, i do NOT know 

[Moreira]

Friendship is not a monogamnous relationship, why you say replaced? Yo can have multiple friends. it doesnt matter if he spend more time with another friends, maybe his interests change, the same with yours. What is important is to keep the relationship alive.

[thehero]

6 hours ago, Moreira said:

Friendship is not a monogamnous relationship, why you say replaced? Yo can have multiple friends. it doesnt matter if he spend more time with another friends, maybe his interests change, the same with yours. What is important is to keep the relationship alive.

yes but suppose you have you a friendship that was so incredibly deep and fulfilling and then you see that friend develop that friendship with someone else that isn't you and your connection starts to fade away because of it? i know this problem feels small, yes i understand but it bothers me greatly

Edited April 6, 2018 by thehero

[Sevi]

@thehero I would definitely feel the same way, but are you sure that if it's not a misunderstanding? Because if there is a deep connection and fulfilment with the share of common values, it defines something special and rare, I don't think your friend can 'develop' such a thing (with whoever else); since such a thing requires a lot more than 'developing a friendship'

Are you taking responsibility on your end to let your friend know what you need and how you feel? He might perfectly assume that you needed space, where -for example- you need more intimacy?

Because sometimes when we need our close relationships be there for us, we withdraw ourselves with the idea of not to be needy or dependent upon someone.. which can be easily interpreted as you want your space and to be on your own for some time, then an intimate friend will gonna try to give you that space to make you happy.

[thehero]

@Sevi_smag thank you, that was a perfect answer. much love

[Spiral]

Have lots of friends, bonus points if they don’t know each other.

[Random-Hero95]

You're not being replaced. He's willing to network and meet new people, whilst you aren't. That's down to you. 

You can't be reliant on one person, and expect them to be there forever and always. 

Realise that you have to be content on being on your own, and you have to accept that he won't always be there for you, despite your relationship.

Best,

RH xx

[thehero]

4 hours ago, Spiral said:

Have lots of friends, bonus points if they don’t know each other.

Why not knowing each other?

 

[Spiral]

@thehero because if things get bad at least their not friends so you don’t lose them both at the same time. As you might imagine I’ve had this experience. I mean don’t be paranoid but try to have at least one friend that doesn’t know your other friends.

Edited April 6, 2018 by Spiral

[Sevi]

@thehero ??

 

 

 

* how come my name became sevi_smag?  interesting.