I cannot do this alone.In search of a Yogi.

[Sirius]

Alright, i took my decission.I will leave everything and search for a Yogi to follow his path.I am alone, and i realized that i cant make it.I need a guru.I need someone to teach me how to heal my body and my mind.I've been suffering for too long.

And now what? Google search? I dont think so.I wont find anything.How can I search and find one of these people in person?How can i know they'll accept me?

Nobody understands me.You guys are the only community i can talk to.Everybody i know and 99% of people around me, are asleep.Whenever i talk about these things they call me crazy and I should start medication.I've had enough of this.I feel so much pain inside me, i can feel the dysfunctionality.I can feel that I am not healthy and i cant cope with it alone anymore.I truly need help and guidance, but far away from this society.The yogis attract me alot.

Any help will be highly appreciated.Thanks for your time reading this.

 

[cirkussmile]

Hi friend,

You don't need medication, you need meditation!

You are your own guru and you have to face yourself. Don't run away from yourself. Do the hard thing! Meditate and stay with your demons. Learn to love every aspect of your being.

This is what Yogi's does and no one can do it for you. 

Read this again: Yogi's meditate! 

[Blissout]

Aren't you the one who practiced Jhana Meditation?

[Sirius]

@cirkussmile Yes buddy, I am my own guru.You are very true.But i lack discipline.I've done lots of work on myself lately.I was so much worse than that.

I have ups and downs all day long.I am not stable.I havent slept for months.I can keep pushing but I'll fall again.That's my nature.Sometimes I am too weak, sometimes really strong.I can meditate and purge in munites but the next day I am the same.

I really dont know if i can make it alone.I should give it time of course, but I am very confused and tired already.My body has taken lots of damage.If i really go into detail you'll be shocked.Again, i am confused as fuck.

[Sirius]

@Blissout Yeah hi.I am not disciplined enough to keep my states.Although i've worked this meditation out very well and know how to do it i always quit.

Edited April 5, 2018 by Sirius

[PsiloPutty]

Damn, I'm sorry you're hurting so much. You're not crazy, and it's impossible to make some people (even awesome people that we highly esteem) understand the things going on in our minds. That can be frustrating as hell, but realize that wanting someone else's validation isn't being quite true to yourself and your beliefs. I do it too, so don't be hard on yourself.

If you haven't tried meditation, it will help you sort your mind out a lot. Make it something that you do every day, not just when you think you need it. 

Find something healthy that you can do TODAY that improves your mood even one iota, and DO it. Go walk for 45 mins. Buy lunch anonymously for the dude behind you in the drive-thru. Anything. Enjoy feeling happy that you performed an act of kindness to yourself or someone else. Do the same thing tomorrow. This is a game of increments. Today is a beautiful thing, so do something good for yourself. You're fucking worth it, man.   

[Arman]

Finding a guru in person who can give you what you want might be difficult. Maybe you could study some of the great yogi's and see what they have to say about life and living. Some of them poured their heart and souls into their works. 

[Sirius]

@PsiloPutty It hurts not having anybody to talk with.They all focus on irrelevant shit.They dont even know what consciousness is.It's not about wanting validation, its just that sometimes i wanna spit words and emotions to someone close to me but they dont understand.They say I'm nutts, so i keep being alone all day long.

I've developed good skills on Jangama dhyana meditation, but i am not disciplined enough and i always stop.Then bad things happen.

I walk, i move as much as i can.I run like crazy sometimes it i admit this has helped me out ALOT.You're right buddy, anything that makes me happy helps.

[Colin]

Here is a nice little video to bounce off of @PsiloPutty 's post.
 

 

[okulele]

Don't write on the forum anymore, if you are sure you want a guru. Drop everything. Sell your shit. Pack your backpack and go find him. Doesn't matter you don't know where to look. The intent matters. I am sure that if you would be serious enough to do this, you would find a master. Or something even greater

[dorg]

@Sirius Let life be your guru.

IOW, surrender to life. No personal preferences, likes or dislikes. Be open to it all. This is loving the guru. And when you apparently fail, apologize to the guru for not paying enough attention, not being devoted enough.

How will this be any different than having a personal guru? No guru will put up with your personal shit; s/he will always be in opposition to that; will undermine that relentlessly. This is the nature of a relationship with a guru. S/he is showing you what real love is.

You seem to think that all your ups, downs, quitting, confusion, failure, etc would not occur with a human guru. All that shows is that you are not respecting (loving) your existing relationship with life enough, not going along with it's wishes, finding fault with it, etc - and so highly likely that you would do the same with a human guru, thinking you had not found the right one for you, or one that does not understand you or...

Stick with life, it will guide you if you let it, are open to it, don't have 'an attitude' towards it.

[PsiloPutty]

@Sirius  So I have to ask then.....if you know that doing good things helps you feel better, why aren't you out running or doing the things that make you feel better? If going for a run grounds you, why not get out there and show Gump how it's done? Anything to give you an anchor until this storm blows by. Even if you don't feel like doing it, do it. 

An excerpt from an excellent poem called Desiderata:

But do not distress yourself with dark imaginings.
Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness.
Beyond a wholesome discipline,
be gentle with yourself.

You are a child of the universe,
no less than the trees and the stars;
you have a right to be here.
And whether or not it is clear to you,
no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should.

Therefore be at peace with God,
whatever you conceive Him to be,
and whatever your labors and aspirations,
in the noisy confusion of life keep peace with your soul.

With all its sham, drudgery, and broken dreams,
it is still a beautiful world.
Be cheerful.
Strive to be happy.

[captainamerica]

Find a channel who channels some higher beings ,there are many.

Some of those higher beings might be able to find the name and address of a yogi for you.

Let me know how it went.

[Sirius]

@dorg Hm, yes.I try surrendering whenever i can.

I've thought of this.Your words make sense.The guru loses attention all the time, but is also obsessed being aware 24/7.Maybe that's bad for me.I get very easily obsessed with everything.Well, yea of course i should be open to everything that is happening to me but I'm having alot of struggle to understand and i dont really know how to cope with most of my experiences.I'm still a newb.I've done great work for the pasty 3 months but i need alot of time, many things to learn.

[Sirius]

@PsiloPutty Physicall exercise has helped so much.

Yes my friend, I'm trying to be more gentle with myself now.I dont mind so much anymore.Gotta let go of too much control.

[PsiloPutty]

There is such huge value in letting go. Little by little it's happening for me, and it's liberating. I'm looking forward to seeing just how much gets let go in this process. You are fine, man.   :-)

[Sirius]

@PsiloPutty Moving the body, shaking, vibrating and deep breathing is a form of letting go.Getting rid of all the tension helps so much.Because the body and the mind are one.

[PsiloPutty]

Darn right. Purge that shit out.

[Sirius]

@PsiloPutty Ido Portal said "Move or die" .Movement is crucial.Feels so fucking good purging all that crap we got inside us.

 

[Markus]

@Sirius Leaving everything and looking for a yogi doesn't seem that great of an idea. It can be a big trap in my opinion. For one thing, a yogi is just a human. They can't magically take away your suffering. Secondly, they may have dogmas, blindspots, and false understandings. They may not be nearly as enlightened as they seem to be. What you want to look for is a method - and today's internet is uniquely remarkable when it comes to this. If something doesn't work, you can ditch it. If someone seems questionable, you can look at other perspectives. You aren't tied to anything.