Love, Discipline and Balance: An Adventure into Infinity

[Solace]

"I am the light, the light I am" is the declaration that you are the universe, and the universe is in you. I'm going to repeat this like a constant ringtone in my head, as my new self-compliment to whatever arises. This life is so funny, everything is predetermined except how you view what you receive in the form of your emotions, thoughts and outcomes. There is no freewill to change what experiences are destined to come. Even this post was destiny. The freewill is your ability to say what arises, a compliment. I've chosen mine, what is yours?

"Use the power of your imagination to come up with real things to be grateful for to instruct your subconscious mind on the type of vibration you wish to experience more often".

"What good you put out will come back to you when you anchor it earnestly and relentlessly" 1:02.

"If you have the opportunity to make the world a safer better place... please do so. But if you look in front t of you and you don't see an immediate invitation of heroism then it's time to anchor the vibration that you can't see with your own eyes".

-Matt Kahn

I wish I could thank this anger, but I just can't, boy do I hate this anger.

"someone hurt so deeply they can't even wish something better for another human being".

"It's hard to keep track of problems, when you are too busy being apart of the solution".

If we are not authentically feeling love we wish we were feeling love. Use the world as a flashcard, turn it into a gift.

Edited May 7, 2018 by Solace

[Solace]

As I feel my heart, the way I look at life has changed. People are all on a healing journey of various degrees, and only act out suspect when they don't know it. Most people are scarred on the inside by the hurtful egos they experienced in childhood, and by the times they turned their back on themselves. It's crazy how much things have changed, and I'm relieved because this was the best case scenario. I was really fearful of staying in a reality where I was the same fearful person. There is still lots of fear in me somehow, even though all of last year I faced my fear daily of public speaking by being Head Boy, on top of the attention I've given to fear to heal, which just shows how much I had neglected myself in the past.

Since I know now the process to heal my karma, I still have no idea where this will lead me. I am totally the best example right now of someone confused about life. I am so confused, that I have no idea which foot to put forward. I am also great at becoming nervous when around any person. Even if I look them in the eyes and stand tall, and love them as God, I am still nervous! It's hilarious how hard I try not to appear nervous. Maybe I should just start shaking in front of people, and they'll ask why, and I'll be like, "for my whole life I have been nervous, and I have no idea why! Do you know why? I am clearly confused why I am nervous, so instead of trying to hide it, I've decided to get this party started, and shake this stuff out of me, cause I don't know what else to do; this is the best I got!".

And naturally my birthday is coming up, and I'm super nervous! Like all 20 people want to come to my house and party. I don't want to do that. I just want to do something other than that. I do enjoy the party's in the end usually, but I don't know. I guess I'm ready for it if the universe brought me that option, but why? Why can't I have a few close friends instead of 20 people who are just on the borderline of friends? Please God can't I work on my heart instead, or do I need to put myself through nervous torture just so I can heal for you? I know it's not a big deal when there are millions of people suffering and I'm shy about organizing a party. I don't know what I'll do. I think people have even bought presents for me, and I hardly know them. I'll use this subtle fear as a focus point to love. I don't want to feel this way about life, and that thought is exactly what I will embrace, honor and respect.

I'm scared, I'm confused, I have zero direction, and strangely I'm okay with that. It's a stage of awakening so it's alright. All I know what to do is be my own loving guardian angel, best-friend and loving parent until I can come out of the other side. I want to honor my innocence, and will a party be honoring it? Perhaps, cause it'll trigger emotions for me to heal. But life, I don't need to be put in these situations where I'm uncomfortable just to trigger emotions. I am dedicated to you life whatever happens, I don't need a cause for my feelings, just give me infinite pain, and you will see that I will serve you joyously. Give me infinite pain and suffering, I am ready, willing, and able. May the light of the universe shine through my soul. Enter me now holy spirit!

[Solace]

Some people may think that I am strong, but I am deeply hurt on the inside just like everyone else. As I love my heart, it is revealing to me a hurt I didn't know existed. A hurt that if it arose all at once would destroy me. I have started to accept it as a part of me. I'm okay with hurt and being hurt, I want it to be seen so that it can know that it really is loved by me. There is no way out of pain, there is no way out of judgement, there is no way out of hurt, there is no way out of fear, there is no way out of sadness, there is no way out of neglect.

There is no way out of the present moment, only a choice to identify with the content or observe it benevolently. It feels liberating to write this down, and feel this. There is no way out of feeling my heart, there is no way out of respecting every emotion it has, only a choice to identify with the emotion or be the parent that holds it; that depends on what feels right. There is no way out of here, yet so many people I see want to be anywhere but here. Even their effort to get out of here is arising in the present moment. There is no way out of this pain. There is no shortcut to get out of here, because there is no way out.

Loving my heart is how I can bear to be in this present moment even in pain. Loving my heart is not the way out of here too. It is a way so far deep into here that you become the present moment, and suffer in pain no more, until it arises again. There is no way to stop this moment from arising whatever emotion it wants, whatever person it wants, or whatever thought it wants. That's why there is no way out, period. An open heart makes you see this moment through love, an open mind makes you see this moment through the eyes of God. May we rest peacefully in accepting this. Amen.

 

[Solace]

Nothing I can write here, and nothing I am told can make the soften my fear of love. I have said before that I am so scared right now, I feel like I'm falling into a bottomless pit from mt unconditional love and acceptance of what is. I'm so scared to keep loving. Energy is rising from my spine, my heart feels like it's exploding, my reality feels meaningless, I'm falling, falling into darkness.

I'll just keep loving myself until this is over more not less. My love is what is holding my hand through this purgatory into heaven.

This is what is happening, so exciting you know:

 

[pluto]

This is amazing, thank you for sharing <3

What astonishes me about those who are awakening is that they always seem to come across the same teachers, guides, examples, videos, information. Reading this was quite the nostalgic experience of my own path of awakening and i know it only gets better especially if you keep to your "beinginess" how you are now, such purity and divinity.

I absolutely love it and am grateful and proud for how much you have grown in such a short period of time but then again.. the higher we vibrate the faster we oscillate and process the infinite

Infinite Love & Light

Bless!

[Colin]

 

 

[Solace]

"In the 4th stage of initiation into the 5th dimension we live in service to everyone who comes our way and whatever role we need to play to manifest our highest possibility will start happening naturally. And you'll start living in a world that wants to invest in your talents. And it doesn't matter what you do; you could make organic potato salad."

Matt Kahn

Edited May 23, 2018 by Solace

[Solace]

Such a powerful video to watch after my insight today. The insight is, "There is no right or wrong thing to do in each moment, anything can be enjoyable on some level if you anchor love through your words and actions, and nothing can stop you from expressing this. The purpose of life is to anchor love, and whatever you choose to do in between doesn't really matter, so why not do something you love to do? Even if you don't know what that is, keep anchoring love until you do." That is the fool proof formula to life that came to me. It was much bigger than this and was challenging to dissect but after hours of contemplating here it is in compact form!

So naturally the next thing to find is my talent in life (or natural tendency) so I can express myself there, for what we are talented at we love to do. I like writing on here so that might be one. Another is public speaking. But I still feel really clueless, and there is no rush which the video I will share shows! Love will reveal it at the perfect time.

The worst case scenario is getting a part time job you do for say 16 or 20 hours a week to survive, and the rest of the 140 hours you can do whatever you want. And even in the job, the insight applies. It doesn't matter what the job is, only if you use it to shine more brightly, and spread love matters

Namaste. 

PS: Thank you @pluto for your support (as always). As I raise my vibe, I can feel the love you are sending me through what you write to me.

@Colin Tomorrow mornings meditation I appreciate it.

Edited May 23, 2018 by Solace

[Colin]

Hey, I've got an insight for ya from a book I am reading called "the as if principle". 

Since you are naturally drawn to video games.

THere is research that has been done that doing empowered things as an avatar in a video game can make you feel more empowered and assertive in the real world. 

You would want to play a game that you can create the avatar to sort of look like your self but taller (there is reason for this).

Also, a game where you can make lots of choices. Do what you want, where you want, when you want in the game.

Video games have come a long way since kingdom hearts. I want to suggest final fantasy xiv. It checks all of the boxes. It is staggeringly beautiful. It has a light vs dark theme. There is a free trial you could play for months without paying a dime.

You could even do this. 
 

Now if you have an addictive personality, don't want play video games, or take your in-game accomplishments seriously then stay away.

Also based on research from the same book. Don't play crouched over on a handheld, and don't play looking down at whatever screen you are looking at.

[Solace]

The only practice is to not look out into the world for fulfillment, but to look within, into my heart for the love that is behind every single desire. TO be with another person is not for their physicality but for the love they give you, such is the hope of every desire.

All I want is love. Sometimes I am on this forum just for receiving a little love from others, other times I am here to purely share. Same with all social media and the internet and books, it's all an external search for love. But love is within. Love from outside is temporary, but there is an infinite wellspring in my heart.

I'm setting a few boundaries for my child-like innocence in terms of sobriety. I am committing to celibacy until the time is right with a beautiful partner out of love. To eating a healthy 80/10/10 diet without sneaking a chocolate bar now and then. Most importantly to maintaining my awareness on my heart, because the heart will naturally heal the physical/etheric/emotional/mental/causal bodies while leading to the "I AM" realization.

I have actually had a little confusion there about how I can keep my attention on my heart while loving what arises. But what I've found is you can keep your attention easily on two things at once. But which practice is the best my ego says. Basically they are the same, except instead of just placing your attention on your heart, you also say kind words to it. This accelerates the healing, awareness is already a beam of love in itself, but saying kind words amplifies it.

I love you x10000000 = spirit in physical form.

@Colin I usually use my laptop so I am usually crouched down. But, with no need to really use it other than on here in service, it should be okay. I can feel the emptiness just watching the video, the lack of love in that static world. There is so much more to life once you experience God  

 

[Solace]

For everything I'm going through there is another human in the world who is having a hard time dealing with the same thing. And then too, there is someone else who suffers greater than both of us combined who may not know how to get out of it.

I am not alone in this. I'm not the only one. Each feeling just confirms what another person in the world is feeling right now too. It dosen't provide immediate relief, but it does make me feel not alone.

 

Edited May 24, 2018 by Solace

[Solace]

Like really what is the worst case scenario of fully committing to loving my heart? Like what is going to happen that is so bad?

I keep holding back from fully committing because I feel as if I will not take inspired action. This is because the one in me who has desires will be loved, the one in me who takes any action will be loved! So that leaves no room for my personal will to make a decision as that one too will be loved more, not less. I will be too busy loving to ponder anything other than love, and that scares me. I'll be completely at the mercy of divine will from there on.

This is the ultimate initiation from the universe to see if I'm willing to hand over my personal will so more light can enter my body. Just endless love. Just today I had to make a decision to go out with my friends or my family. And I listened to my heart which told me that friends were the best choice. It was effortless and completely without my personal input. This makes me believe that you can live like this, along with teachers I've seen online.

I have been putting off this "big leap" for a while. Now after considering the question: What is the worst that can happen? All I can think of is being alone, but even then I can still make friends and my family will still be there. I just don't want to look back at this time in ten years from now, and still be thinking about making this leap. Let's just do it now, so there is no regrets One I love you at a time, I'll embody more of my higher self. One I love you at a time, the world will be free of suffering, and the 5th dimensional heaven on Earth will arise for all to relax and play in.

Time to live a life of passion, abundance and relaxation through this last surrender of my ego, for from now on, it cannot outsmart me when whatever arises, even the desire to make decisions is loved and appreciated deeply. The divine shall guide my every word, and action. Enter me now spirit, I'm ready for your love to transform me once and for all, to decisively heal all emotions in me that need your love. I now attach to no thoughts, but just love them, I now attach to no feelings, but just love them.

I surrender it all for love. I am the light, I am love, I am bliss. And the first thing I'll love is my fear of surrendering. I love you.

Paradoxically, it requires effort to love at the start, then it becomes effortless.

Edit: Actually I always change my mind on these things. I just want my approach to be gentle, soft, tender, and loving. To be fully present throughout all desires, and even act them out, fully present. This journey is like walking on a tightrope, and it's all ways a balance between putting in effort and then trusting in the rope to hold you up Peace.

Edited May 24, 2018 by Solace

[Colin]

There is nothing wrong with chocolate, in fact, there is a lot right with chocolate.

https://bebrainfit.com/brain-benefits-dark-chocolate/

[Solace]

@Colin Thank you again.

[Solace]

What really relaxes me is my own voice. When I speak gently and softly to my heart I fall asleep or in a trance-like state.

I've seen the science behind this, and it is exciting. My brain wave state is lowering just by saying the most tender words to myself or others. In this state reality becomes like a liquid. I see energy vibrating and swirling around, and I feel apart of that energy.

Dear one. All is well, all is one. Focus on your heart. Be one with it. Love the world unconditionally, love the one as the world. Just be present in the flow of peace that overwhelms this reality. Dear one, you may not see it, but let me tell you, it's just your mind that makes it invisible, until you love the one within unconditionally. This is the heart of courage my love. Loving without feeling love, relaxing into it, to end your undeserved suffering. It is so simple darling, just love.

 

It lights a fire in me when I know that society is making people suffer through fear-mongering. Please see, that all fear is just an illusion, cause what you are so afraid of happening and what you want to happen will both never fulfill you. Love will. No job, career, lifestyle will fulfill you; only love. Often times our heart disguises itself as fear because that is the only time we give it attention. Once we love dear ones, fear disappears, as your heart finally knows you finally love it o matter how it feels. May this bring you peace, happiness, and deep relaxation.

Have you noticed dear ones how meditation does not fulfill you without love? Have you noticed that it dosen't matter what you do, or what the outcomes or life are; only how much you love.

"I'm sorry my inner child for not giving you the love, care, and hugs you deserved. I'm sorry for turning away when you misbehaved by being angry, or in pain. I know now that it dosen't matter what I feel, it dosen't matter what I think, it only matters how much I love you. I hereby love you, even if I don't feel love, cause no matter what I feel, you still deserve more love, not less. Now and forever. Amen."

[Colin]

@Solace Your last dialogue reminds me a lot of Lincoln Gergar. You would be surprised if you knew just how many of his video I have watched in the last several years.

[Solace]

@Colin I saw you on his forum. I really resonate with his videos when I found him one month ago. I sometimes fall asleep to to his voice. That is where I got the practice to focus on your spiritual heart from, which is in harmony with Matt Kahn. Dear one is a wonderful phrase

When I'm back from my holiday I might have a one on one depending on how embodied I feel. Nice to know someone else knows him too, he deserves way more subs.

[Solace]

"Everything that happens was worked out ahead of time by a very intelligent source that has a plan for you"

"Every interaction is the resolving and fulfilling of a soul contract... and if there is anything about a contract that you haven't learned or absorbed for your journey ahead it will just repeat, and repeat and repeat... a soul contract is either motivating you to cultivate the choices you haven't made in the past... or you are put in situations that seem unfair or unjust just to become aware of the judgement you have and by learning to embrace and love the one who judges that level of judgement unravels...".

"As you know with the evolution of your spirit, the game of evolution is time versus intensity... the soul always opts for the fast track".

"Primarily what is being worked out is your judgement that you should not feel the way you do".

"You manifest [the behaviour] over and over again if it's not okay".

"You can't love yourself and judge at the same time... we are recognizing the one who judges is only here to be loved to solve the soul contracts".

"It's how you support you that will determine the quality of your experience... that your personal experience is solely dependant on how caring for and loving you are of yourself...".

"When you start loving yourself more often you tell the universe I recognize the spiritual implications in every soul contract and encounter, and in the name of making my experience less dramatic and traumatizing I'm going to start loving myself instead of relying on other people to give me back my power in such a heart-breaking way".

"Am I in a relationship where I am being respected? If not, why can't I put myself where I will be respected?"

Loving yourself is the highest purpose of a spiritual journey "You can spend time in the same room with yourself. that doesn't mean you are being with yourself".

The twin flame shows you what to love in yourself. Not what is wrong with you, what's outside shows their journey.

We make loving ourselves a very serious priority so that life starts making sense. Just love yourself and everything will be shown in due time, you don't need to understand why anything happens, otherwise you'll get a shit load of twin flames coming your way, love the one who has the question.

Edited May 25, 2018 by Solace

[Solace]

Going on a 2 week holiday in Australia I'm getting up tonight at 4am for the flight, I'm so looking forward to it. I probably will hardly be on here, now you know. 

May we all make loving our hearts and whatever arises in response to what we see our top priority so that the grace and perfection of our spirit can shine through our body. I may experiment with mushrooms when I'm back, we'll see. I just feel so naturally high already from love, and acceptance; and I wish that for the world. 

One "I love you" at a time, the world will be more liberated and free. One "I love you" at a time, my nervous system relaxes allowing the flow of divinity to enter my veins and encase my whole being in light. Love is the only answer, the only way, the only truth, and the only liberator. We will all come to realize this sooner or later  

 

Edited May 25, 2018 by Solace

[Solace]

First day: spent a lot of time on my phone. Then I had a beautiful afternoon in the pool with tropical fish until the sun set. I explored the whole hotel I’m in, even sneaking into the cleaning department because the door was open  And I did it all in my dressing gown. I arrived on one floor with all of these posh, nicely dressed people and then there was me in this white dressing gown just having a look around. It was hilarious.

It felt really good to take that inspired action even though I was a little scared of being around people I didn’t know. It reminded me that there is another side to loving what arises, which is taking the most loving actions in each moment. To ask, what can I do right now that excites and relaxes me? 

I also wasn’t scared once I was actually in front of the people, because I was so excited to be exploring. That shows the bodies wisdom. If something seems exciting then it will be exciting.