The fixer, the responsibility for others happiness.

[spicy_pickles]

So, this has been a huge problem for me as long as I can remember. 

In my last most recent relationship, I felt a responsibility to make things better. So, my partner would dump every single problem of his on me. Everything. Sometimes, he would raise his voice and get mad at suggestions I made. 

However, I always felt so responsible. Like, i had to do everything in my power to prevent him taking drastic measures. I took responsibility for everything. I had to do everything to make him feel better. That, needless to say, took a massive toll on my health. 

I decided to go no-contact when I left last week. He hounded me nonstop so I had to go completely no-contact. 

My fear now is this:  I think, well if I did this, maybe it would have made him feel better. Well if something drastic happens, it is probably my fault because I chose to go no-contact to help with my anxiety. 

So right now I’m sitting in a huge puddle of anxiety because I’m still concerned about being the fixer. 

[dorg]

It is totally true that everyone is responsible for their own happiness

[aurum]

1 hour ago, spicy_pickles said:

I think, well if I did this, maybe it would have made him feel better

Has this been the case so far?

1 hour ago, spicy_pickles said:

I’m still concerned about being the fixer

How has being the fixer worked out for you? And how has it helped you in the past?

[spicy_pickles]

It worked - temporarily. Then the same cycle repeated itself. 

He did agree to go for counseling and get help. But he was only doing it for me. I said, no. It has to be done for you. Nope. It was for me. Therefore, I was responsible for his happiness. 

Being the fixer was a temporary band aid solution because it allowed others to use me to solve their problems. For me, I would get temporary relief by “fixing” and potentially avoiding a not so nice situation by saying - I’m sorry, I can’t help you. 

[Salvijus]

How can you create peace for others if you yourself aren't peaceful.

Life around you will never happen 100% you want but what happens within you is completly up to you.

Edited April 4, 2018 by Salvijus

[Charlotte]

17 hours ago, dorg said:

It is totally true that everyone is responsible for their own happiness

This + a million

[MisterMan]

On 4/4/2018 at 9:21 AM, spicy_pickles said:

So, this has been a huge problem for me as long as I can remember. 

In my last most recent relationship, I felt a responsibility to make things better. So, my partner would dump every single problem of his on me. Everything. Sometimes, he would raise his voice and get mad at suggestions I made. 

However, I always felt so responsible. Like, i had to do everything in my power to prevent him taking drastic measures. I took responsibility for everything. I had to do everything to make him feel better. That, needless to say, took a massive toll on my health. 

I decided to go no-contact when I left last week. He hounded me nonstop so I had to go completely no-contact. 

My fear now is this:  I think, well if I did this, maybe it would have made him feel better. Well if something drastic happens, it is probably my fault because I chose to go no-contact to help with my anxiety. 

So right now I’m sitting in a huge puddle of anxiety because I’m still concerned about being the fixer. 

Being a fixer is an emotional burden that paradoxically stems from not wanting the burden of your own emotions reality, so to escape your own reality you get lost in others..Exactly what i'm doing right now.