Pulled back from a breakthrough?

[KMB4222]

Wondering if anyone has insight as to how I can approach this situation next time:

I was strong-determination sitting yesterday, and after approx. 20-25 minutes my mind became very quiet, my breathing became shallow and irregular, and my heart felt like it was beating faster, and my mind became more focused. It felt as if I was on the verge of having a breakthrough, but I didn't know what it could be. Thoughts began to creep up. Some of the thoughts were "What is happening?" "Don't be afraid." "Am I about to become enlightened?" I kept trying to push the thoughts aside, but also allowing the thoughts to occur. I began remembering meditation tips I had read: "Allow everything, even these thoughts." "Stay detached, but present." 

It felt as if I was approaching something, maybe a cloud of awareness, and I strongly felt that a breakthrough of some kind was very possible. But the more thoughts began to creep up, the more the experience began to drop away. I began to recede from the possibility of the breakthrough, and my attention became more inclusive of my surroundings (the room I was sitting in). I was left feeling as if I was close (or potentially close) to have a major breakthrough, but also confused, maybe even saddened. 

So I guess my confusion is: Why was I not able to continue into the breakthrough experience? What kept me from fully letting go into it? Was I scared? Was it my thoughts that pulled me away? What can I do differently next time that might allow for the breakthrough to actually occur (assuming that's actually what was happening)?

thank you for your time, 

KMB

[cetus]

@KMB4222 Nothing unusual there. If the mind sees a breakthrough coming it will pull out all it's little tricks to stop it from happening. So there are two ways in my experience to overcome this. 1) You finally get so tired of hitting that wall when a breakthrough is about to happen you go for broke and fully surrender to whatever comes. 2) You transcend the mind before it has a chance to see it coming. This has to happen just by chance. So the more you meditate, the more chances that a breakthrough will happen spontaneously. One suggestion though. Don't try to create a breakthrough to happen. Just allow it to come on it's own and when it presents itself just let go into it.

[KMB4222]

Thank you for the reply. Much appreciated. 

 

[UDT]

2 hours ago, KMB4222 said:

Thoughts began to creep up. Some of the thoughts were "What is happening?" "Don't be afraid." "Am I about to become enlightened?" I kept trying to push the thoughts aside, but also allowing the thoughts to occur. I began remembering meditation tips I had read: "Allow everything, even these thoughts." "Stay detached, but present." 

It felt as if I was approaching something, maybe a cloud of awareness, and I strongly felt that a breakthrough of some kind was very possible. But the more thoughts began to creep up, the more the experience began to drop away.

 What can I do differently next time that might allow for the breakthrough to actually occur (assuming that's actually what was happening)?

 

Ask yourself: Who is afraid? Who is about to become enlightenment? Who is/was trying to push thoughts aside? Who is trying to allow everything?

Can you find the "who" ?