At which point is honesty too much?

[IvanV21]

I tend to be brutally honest with people, specifically with the ones I care about most. But sometimes I hurt peoples feelings and my closes ones such as my GF, my brother and my dad. Is bad to be brutally honest? Do I need to tell some lies at times to keep a good relationship? How can i find a balance?

[LiakosN]

The fact is that you are not brutally honest, as you claim to be. Have you ever read Brad Blanton's Radical Honesty?

If you hurt peoples feelings by being truly honest that is not your own fault, but it's their responsibility of how they feel. 

I would say no. Good relationships are based on honesty. 

[Torkys]

Are you siding with Truth or ego and homeostasis here?

Truth = Radical honesty no matter how much the ego is hurt and what is lost in the process

Ego = Withholding authenticity to keep getting benefits / to avoid punishment from a relationship that otherwise would be damaged / collapse from radical honesty

Being sided with ego is being metastable and the tendency to be metastable destroys lives.

There is no balance. You would ideally move towards 100% authenticity and honesty on your journey of self-actualization. And no, do not worry, brutal honesty fully purified is not egotistical.

[OEN]

I think it's important how we communicate with others; what language we use, what our tone is like etc - this can make a huge difference in how what we say is delivered.  Ultimately, you're not responsible for how anyone feels, but IMO it's important to deliver whatever it is you're wanting to say with an element of compassion and empathy.

Edited March 31, 2018 by OEN

[Spiral]

You can still pick your word in a empathetic way. So rather then say that something/someone is disgusting you can simply say, that’s not for your or not your type or whatever.

Edited March 31, 2018 by Spiral

[LiakosN]

@Spiral But if what I wanna say is she/he is disgusting but I change my words to sound more "beautiful", is this spontaneity? 

[Spiral]

Word choice is a habit. Either way you won’t want to say that to their face I assume.

[pluto]

Always be honest but if you had an option to be kind, choose being kind.

[Guest Quanty]

You can only be honest with awakened human beings, the others will misjudge you every time. 

[Lucas Lousada]

First thing that you must ask yourself :

Are you a proactive honest person?

I mean, you see someone doing some shit and you go there and say. hey you are doing some shit.

or

Are you a reactive honest person?

I mean, you see someone doing some shit, and keep your honesty to yourself, and IF and only IF they ask you:

Did I did some shit ? what do you think about what I just did, and THEN and only THEN you said: you did a pretty bad shit

 

Be careful, being a proactive honest person is awful, dont be this person.

If you are reactive honest person, you can always LEAR how to speak to people like they are human beings and not dogs.

Its honest if you say

"you stink you should take a bath right now " to your dad

or

"wow, hard work today, hun ? I can smell your hardworking from here"

 

you dont need to be an ass to be honest.

IF you dont want to THINK about what are you saying, and how are you saying.. you just want to say it.

You are not honest, you are just an idiot who want to hurt people with their problems.

If you like people and want to be honest with them and want to help them with something you might say after thinking about how to say it

you will be ok

[Shir]

I fully realize that there's absolutely nothing wrong about being honest, especially with people you love and are close to (like you mentioned, family and your partner). However, I want to say that at the end of the day...we have to remember that you're dealing with people. You're talking to souls too. Ego might get in the way and they may get angry or worse, heart and heartbroken deep down. I'm not saying to stop being honest all together but you gotta choose your words carefully and be more compassionate in my opinion. Sometimes people need the brutal truth, but there's a time and place for it to be said in the most humane and compassionate way as well.

You don't want to hurt anyone so bad that they're up at 4 am, thinking about their broken heart that was caused by your brutal words. Just saying. It happens and I bet you're fine but just throwing in my 2 cents !