Anyone question "what am i?" when they were kids?

[moon777light]

i was watching leos latest vid and the qoute from godel "..what am i.." appeared and i remembered that as a child, i would have random moments where i would start trying to identify who i am, what i am, and for some reason visualize a big red question mark on a yellow background. This would last few minutes, it felt almost meditation-like, and find no answers and my head would start hurting so id stop. this happened A LOT as a young child, as i entered pre-teens much less, and when i was a teenager basically never. I'd remember i did that and try to go into that state of contemplation but i simply couldn't. Anyone else have similar experiences? I asked my parents if they had that as kids and they just start laughing lol. 

[Rilles]

I was carefree as a child, didnt ask any big questions, just being, good times...

[Monkey-man]

i was solipsist back in times when i was 10, without even knowing it

i was like: 'whats it like to be someone other than me? how's that possible at all?' i had deep feeling that i'm the only person who exist in this world, the only one who has experience

[WildeChilde]

Yes, it started when I was 4 years old.  My family and I were stationed in Panama at the time, and I had just returned home from watching The Lion King at the local theater.  I was thrilled and really enjoyed the movie but was tired, so I plopped onto my bed for a quick nap.  Before I fell asleep though, I began starting at the blank, ivory-hued wall beside me.  I did this occasionally, but this time, something different happened.  

My mind was unusually calm and serene, and then a question arose, "...What is this?"  At the time, I didn't know why I asked the question and what I was even referring to.  My ego was established pretty early, so I never let my parents or anyone else know about it out of fear of being misunderstood.  I never returned to the question until later; I was relieved to discover how many, many other have pondered this same question for millennia.  

[NoSelfSelf]

Yes i thought im eyes who are watching then i dropped it because it sounded silly

[MiracleMan]

48 minutes ago, WildeChilde said:

Yes, it started when I was 4 years old.  My family and I were stationed in Panama at the time, and I had just returned home from watching The Lion King at the local theater.  I was thrilled and really enjoyed the movie but was tired, so I plopped onto my bed for a quick nap.  Before I fell asleep though, I began starting at the blank, ivory-hued wall beside me.  I did this occasionally, but this time, something different happened.  

My mind was unusually calm and serene, and then a question arose, "...What is this?"  At the time, I didn't know why I asked the question and what I was even referring to.  My ego was established pretty early, so I never let my parents or anyone else know about it out of fear of being misunderstood.  I never returned to the question until later; I was relieved to discover how many, many other have pondered this same question for millennia.  

"What is this" is the same question from my childhood!  I would ask why does anything exist, what IS this?  Maybe self inquiry is a naturally occurring phenomenon?  

 

[nightrider1435]

Yes, I remember as a young kid I would ask myself this question "what if I didn't exist?". I would inquiry so deeply into that question that I would actually freak myself out at times, this happened often when I was a kid.

[DMM710]

5 hours ago, Monkey-man said:

i was solipsist back in times when i was 10, without even knowing it

i was like: 'whats it like to be someone other than me? how's that possible at all?' i had deep feeling that i'm the only person who exist in this world, the only one who has experience

Same.

[perlita]

When I first did Leo's Neti Neti I rediscovered a hyper-awareness that I had experienced when I was around 5 or 6. I remember staring out of the window for hours, pretty much meditating without realizing it. That's why they say that the kids are always in the now. 

Edited March 30, 2018 by perlita

[abrakamowse]

I don't remember when I was a Kid doing that kind of question. 

I began to question reality when I was a teen. I remember my first thought about identity, was... how was my identity created?

Why I am the way I am?

[student]

You didn't have so many thoughts about yourself so that's why it was a normal and natural thing to ask. The "unknowing" consciousness was there. Now we "know" too much and the trance of illusions created itself.

[Frylock]

Yes I did. A lot, actually. I questioned reality, why I'm alive, who my parents really are. I felt like life was dream-like.

My mom got into religion and made me go several times a week for almost a decade. That kind of killed the natural curiosity I had for a while, because I accepted it as "Oh, I guess it was God and angels and yadda yadda." Very stunting for my spirit, ironic since religions are supposedly to show the way.

Anyways, I also got entrenched deeper in my neuroses, into distractions, society, education, and so forth. I lost touch with the soul I had when I was a child. When I meditate, I strive for the feeling of awe and wonder I had as a child. Being alive isn't as mundane as society wants you to think. Curiosity gets stripped from us from a young age. We get confined into a box, and that natural sense of awe gets diminished as we become adults.

Anywho. I rambled enough. Yes, I did question who or what I really am as a kid. Although that feeling got suppressed, I'm re-embracing the questiond again decades later.

[moon777light]

thanks guys for all your answers  

i guess this just shows us how caught up we are in this self-imposed game of "being adult/society" we really forgot who we were/how to just be. I remember as a child i was perfectly ok with just hanging around doing absolutely nothing. Now when i am doing nothing, i go crazy and start either mindlessly scrolling on my phone or on my laptop or i pick at my lips from anxiety. Anxiety from the constant thought that i need to be doing something. 

Maybe my inability (for now hehe) to contemplate on existence/self-inquiry has something to do with calcification of the pineal gland.  

[Joseph Maynor]

I don’t think I paid much attention to the question “what am I?”.  When I was a teenager I was obsessed with the question “Who am I?”  The significant issue seemed to be identification.  It was a very Egoic time for me.  It was me fashioning me to the exclusion of things.  I was very judgmental at this time.  I wanted to be somebody.  But I wanted to be me in doing so.  I’ve always valued authenticity. 

Edited March 31, 2018 by Joseph Maynor