Enlightenment Jokes Here

[Primeval]

[WelcometoReality]

A man went to a monastery and knocked on the door. The master of the monastery opened and let the man inside. He could see the monks inside a window. They were all meditating.

-I want to become a monk, said the man

-Thats nice, said the master, but why are you here?

-Because I want to become a monk in THIS monastery! Said the man.

-Sorry. We dont have any monks here.

-But I saw monks in that window over there. 

-Those are not monks.

-But they were all meditating?

-Come I'll show you. The master replied

They went inside, up the stairs and into the big room. There they all sat, eyes closed, in total silence.

-See there they are said the man.

-MOOONKS!!! The master yelled.

All the monks turned there heads and looked at them.

-See! No monks. The master said and started leading the man outside the monastery.

-But... they all turned there heads??? Said the man

-Exactly... the master sighed.

 

[Primeval]

Free Yourself from the Ego's Leash!

[abrakamowse]

On 3/5/2016 at 9:56 PM, Emerald Wilkins said:

A monk walks up to a street-side hot dog cart.

The hot dog cart's vendor asks the monk, "What can I get for you?"

The monk says, "Can you make me one with everything?"

Then the monk pays the hot dog. And it gives the money to the street vendor,
when the monk is leaving the vendor says:

"Hey! You forgot the change!!!"

And the monk responds:

"Change comes from within"

Edited March 9, 2016 by abrakamowse

[abrakamowse]

A Zen student asked his master, "Is it OK to use email?"

"Yes," replied the master, "But no attachments." 

[Toby]

[abrakamowse]

An aspiring monk asked to enter a monastery and attach himself to a guru.

"Very well," said the guru, "but all students here observe the vow of silence. You will be allowed to speak only once in every twelve years.

After the first twelve years, the student said, "The bed is too hard." 

After another twelve years, he said, "The food is not good."  

Twelve more years later, after thirty-six years of hard work and meditation, he said, "I quit."

"Good," snapped his guru, "all you have been doing is complain."

[Electron]

One day while walking through the wilderness a man stumbled upon a vicious tiger. He ran but soon came to the edge of a high cliff. Desperate to save himself, he climbed down a vine and dangled over the fatal precipice.

As he hung there, two mice appeared from a hole in the cliff and began gnawing on the vine.

Suddenly, he noticed on the vine a plump wild strawberry. He plucked it and popped it in his mouth. It was incredibly delicious!

[abrakamowse]

There's tons of jokes on the web, this one is funny.

 

THE TRUTH
Once Satan and his demon sidekick were walking down the street, closely watching a man 20 yards ahead who was on the verge of realizing the Supreme Truth. The demon grew worried, and began to nudge Satan, but Satan looked quite calm. Sure enough, the man did, in fact, soon realize the deepest spiritual Truth. Yet Satan still did nothing about it. With this, the demon nudged Satan harder and, getting no response, finally blurted out, “Satan! Don’t you see? That man has realized the Truth! And yet you are doing nothing to stop him!” With that, Satan cunningly smiled and announced, “Yes, he has realized the Truth. And now I am going to help him organize the Truth!” (--story heard years ago from Indian sage Jiddu Krishnamurti)

[Natasha]

10 minutes ago, Toby said:

I bet everyone can relate to this one 

[Natasha]

@Pinocchio 

 

Dancing his way out of the puppet show matrix  

 

Edited March 9, 2016 by Natasha

[abrakamowse]

HOW ENLIGHTENED ARE YOU?

IF....

If you can live without caffeine,

If you can be cheerful, ignoring aches and pains,

If you can resist complaining,

If you can understand when your loved ones are too busy to give you any time,

If you can take criticism and blame without resentment,

If you can ignore a friend's limited education and never correct him or her,

If you can resist treating a rich friend better than a poor friend,

If you can face the world without lies and deceit,

If you can conquer tension without medical help,

If you can relax without liquor,

If you can sleep without the aid of drugs,

If you can honestly say that deep in your heart you have no prejudice against creed, color, religion, gender preference, or politics,

--Then you have almost reached the same level of spiritual development as your dog!

[Jawor]

Why do enlightened people go to the swimming pool?

 

They want to flow with life.

[abrakamowse]

[cetus]

Why is Mr. Potato Head enlightened? He's the embodiment of emptiness.

[Primeval]

[Thomas]

"You should sit in meditation for 20 minutes a day, unles You're too busy - then You should sit for an hour"

 

If GPS was enlightened:

Quote

-Follow Your bliss.
-The obstacle is the path.
-If You aim for it, You are turniung away from it.
-Happiness is not a direction.

 

[abrakamowse]

Always remember you' re unique. Just like everyone else.

[abrakamowse]

If you lend someone $20 and never see that person again, it was probably worth it.

[cetus]

Peace of mind is yours for the taking.................but piece of ass still cost you 50 bucks