Enlightenment Jokes Here

[askdfjnak]

When you start to embrace your functional insanity:
 

 

[Nahm]

[FindingPeace]

Person 1: " I bla bla bla... ME bla bla bla... ME bla.... I bla bla.."

Enlightened guy: "You need to get over yourself"

[Primeval]

[Key Elements]

A man died and arrived at the pearly gates. The Lord himself came out to greet him. The man asked the Lord about the nature of heaven and hell, to which the Lord replied, "Come, I will show you hell."

Together they entered a large room where a group of people sat around a huge pot of stew. Everyone there in hell was starving and desperate. Each person held a spoon that could reach the pot; but each spoon had a handle that was too long, making it impossible to feed themselves. So, the suffering was terrible.

"Come, now I will show you heaven," the Lord said.

They then entered another large room which was identical to the first: the pot of stew, a group of people around it, and the same long-handled spoons. But there everyone was happy and well-feed.

"I don't understand," the man said. "Why are these people happy and well-feed when the people in hell were so miserable?"

The Lord smiled, "Ah, it is simple," he replied. "Here in heaven they have learned to feed each other." 

[Key Elements]

In Computer Heaven:

The management is from Intel,
The design and construction is done by Apple,
The marketing is done by Microsoft,
IBM provides the support,
Gateway determines the pricing.


In Computer Hell:

The management is from Apple,
Microsoft does design and construction,
IBM handles the marketing,
The support is from Gateway,
Intel sets the price.

[PureExp]

On 26/2/2017 at 9:36 AM, Natasha said:

Interesting... I just watched a Buddha at the Gas Pump interview with JP Sears where he said he'd got awakened during an encouner with a cat 

Do you believe him?

Perhaps a satire.

[Natasha]

7 hours ago, PureExp said:

Do you believe him?

Perhaps a satire.

I know, JP bs's a lot, but the interview sounded legit   

[PureExp]

7 hours ago, Natasha said:

I know, JP bs's a lot, but the interview sounded legit   

Haha, yes but very funny BS, and actually I like it, it smashes the "spiritual ego" on floor and flushes it down for the good.

Anyhow, here is a funny thing that happened (partially made up by me )

---

Me trying to enlighten a friend:

Me: You know buddy, you are not the body.

He: Ya I know, I'm not this mess, I wouldn't be that way if I were it.

Me: No no, I mean, body is not your essence, you are more.

He: Ya I know that too.

Me: So tell me who are you?

He: I'm the brain !

Me: No, that's just a part of the body. Tell me who you are.

He: Ok I get it, I'm brain, so brain is not body. Thx.

Me: Nooo...

He: ?

Me (throwing my advaita card): Tell me who knows the brain, who is aware of the brain?

He: Well I know everything via brain, so brain knows everything.

Me: But can it know you?

He: Ya I know me.

Me (getting nervous): Brains are not aware, they dont know.

He: How can brain not know its not aware?

Me: (Slaps forehead)

He: Whats wrong with you? Smoking stuff???

Me: No I just realized I'm not the brain, I'm trying to teach you that.

He: Your brain is telling you you are not the brain? Are you crazy buddy? Its playing a crazy game, stop there now..

Me: Tell me who is aware of the brain, if you are brain?

He: Brain is aware of the brain. Why did you ask?

Me: ??? (walks away)

Lesson: Enlightening yourself is the easiest job in the world

[Loreena]

                                      

                                           

[Natasha]

5 hours ago, PureExp said:

Haha, yes but very funny BS, and actually I like it, it smashes the "spiritual ego" on floor and flushes it down for the good.

Anyhow, here is a funny thing that happened (partially made up by me )

---

Me trying to enlighten a friend:

Me: You know buddy, you are not the body.

He: Ya I know, I'm not this mess, I wouldn't be that way if I were it.

Me: No no, I mean, body is not your essence, you are more.

He: Ya I know that too.

Me: So tell me who are you?

He: I'm the brain !

Me: No, that's just a part of the body. Tell me who you are.

He: Ok I get it, I'm brain, so brain is not body. Thx.

Me: Nooo...

He: ?

Me (throwing my advaita card): Tell me who knows the brain, who is aware of the brain?

He: Well I know everything via brain, so brain knows everything.

Me: But can it know you?

He: Ya I know me.

Me (getting nervous): Brains are not aware, they dont know.

He: How can brain not know its not aware?

Me: (Slaps forehead)

He: Whats wrong with you? Smoking stuff???

Me: No I just realized I'm not the brain, I'm trying to teach you that.

He: Your brain is telling you you are not the brain? Are you crazy buddy? Its playing a crazy game, stop there now..

Me: Tell me who is aware of the brain, if you are brain?

He: Brain is aware of the brain. Why did you ask?

Me: ??? (walks away)

Lesson: Enlightening yourself is the easiest job in the world

Good one! I tried to talk to one friend about it to  ...figured better leave it alone  

Love JP's jokes, btw, he's hilarious  

[Primeval]

[Toby]

After having a first glimpse beyond ego.

 

Edited March 2, 2017 by Toby

[AlexCorw]

On 5.03.2016 at 3:56 AM, Emerald Wilkins said:

A monk walks up to a street-side hot dog cart.

The hot dog cart's vendor asks the monk, "What can I get for you?"

The monk says, "Can you make me one with everything?"

LOL 

[Natasha]

16 hours ago, Toby said:

After having a first glimpse beyond ego.

 

LOL

...or a monkey mind after a long meditation session 

[Hsinav]

Didn´t know were else to post this one, love it!

 

[Shin]

On 02/03/2017 at 10:32 AM, Toby said:

After having a first glimpse beyond ego.

 

[Nahm]

[kyle barnett]

Not a joke but me and my friend used to have this interpretation of how a monk would act.

 

Some guy walks up to an Enlightened monk and punches him in the face. The monk just says "oh it is just sensations in the body'and smiles. The guy starts punching the shit out of him. The monk is just letting him punch him, saying "oh it doesnt matter, it is just feelings inside the body". Then the guy grabs a baseball bat and starts wacking him, Then the monk just sits there smiling and letting him beat the crap out of him.

 

Lol we had very silly assumptions about enlightened people

[Natasha]

@kyle barnett Yes, so silly! There're some enlightened folk who indulge in wordly pleasures , others choose to starve or burn themselves alive . The Absolute doesn't care one way or the other. Enlightened just means disillusioned .

Know the Truth and live in peace