Enlightenment Jokes Here

[Primeval]

[PureExp]

Trying to chat with an enlightened person:

Me: Hi, how are you?

He: I'm nothingness and eternal.

Me: So what are you doing these days?

He: Practicing non-doing. Everything happens...

Me: How do you do it?

He: By not doing.

Me: Easy job for you I guess?

He: I'm not the doer, so can't say.

Me: What's your plan for your coming birthday?

He: I was never born.

Me: Oh, btw I'm sorry to hear about your mother's death.

He: There is no death.

Me: Wtf?

He: Look within for an answer to that.

Me: Well, I'm outta here, see you later.

He: Self cannot be seen, its the seer.

Me: FU !$#^%#$%

[abrakamowse]

[Key Elements]

A middle aged woman had a heart attack and was taken to the hospital. While on the operating table she had a near death experience. Seeing God she asked "Is my time up?" God answered, "No, you have another 40 years, 2 months and 8 days to live."
Upon recovery, the woman decided to stay in the hospital and have a facelift, liposuction, and a tummy tuck. She even had someone come in and change her hair color. Since she had so much more time to live, she thought she might as well make the most of it.
After her last operation, she was released from the hospital. While crossing the street on her way home, she was hit by a car and died immediately.
Arriving in front of God, she demanded, "I thought you said I had another 40 years, why didn't you pull me from out of the path of the car?"
God replied, "I didn't recognise you."

[Primeval]

[PureExp]

[Key Elements]

@PureExp

I truly agree that animals can have enlightenment experiences and work on themselves to become fully enlightened. 

Here's an enlightenment example of enlightenment experience:

Here's where they are enlightened:

[PureExp]

@Key Elements Thanks for agreeing. But I never said that anywhere

[Key Elements]

@PureExp Ok, I was talking about the message on the pic - really liked it! Animals don't start such wars of that magnitude and think they're evolved.

[PureExp]

@Key Elements Ok I see. Yes animals are more "pure"

[Primeval]

[Loreena]

                                                         

Edited February 23, 2017 by Loreena

[Primeval]

[Key Elements]

It got crowded in heaven, so, for one day it was decided only to accept people who had really had a bad day on the day they died. St. Peter was standing at the pearly gates and said to the first man, "Tell me about the day you died."

The man said, "Oh, it was awful. I was sure my wife was having an affair, so I came home early to catch her with him. I searched all over the apartment but couldn't find him anywhere. So I went out onto the balcony, we live on the 25th floor, and found this man hanging over the edge by his fingertips. I went inside, got a hammer, and started hitting his hands. He fell, but landed in some bushes. So, I got the refrigerator and pushed it over the balcony and it crushed him. The strain of the act gave me a heart attack, and I died."

St. Peter couldn't deny that this was a pretty bad day, and since it was a crime of passion, he let the man in.

He then asked the next man in line about the day he died. "Well, sir, it was awful," said the second man. "I was doing aerobics on the balcony of my 26th floor apartment when I twisted my ankle and slipped over the edge. I managed to grab the balcony of the apartment below, but some maniac came out and started pounding on my fingers with a hammer. Luckily I landed in some bushes. But, then the guy dropped a refrigerator on me!"

St. Peter chuckled, let him into heaven and decided he could really start to enjoy this job.

"Tell me about the day you died?", he said to the third man in line.

"OK, picture this, I'm naked, hiding inside a refrigerator ..."

[Shin]

When you realize you don't exist:

Edited February 24, 2017 by Shin

[PureExp]

[Key Elements]

I believe you should live each day as if it is your last, which is why I don't have any clean laundry because, come on, who wants to wash clothes on the last day of their life?

Edited February 25, 2017 by Key Elements

[Primeval]

[Natasha]

6 hours ago, Lha Bho said:

Interesting... I just watched a Buddha at the Gas Pump interview with JP Sears where he said he'd got awakened during an encouner with a cat 

Edited February 26, 2017 by Natasha

[Primeval]

43 minutes ago, Natasha said:

Interesting... I just watched a Buddha at the Gas Pump interview with JP Sears where he said he'd got awakened during an encouner with a cat 

I've experienced something of the sort some years ago.

Edited February 26, 2017 by Lha Bho
Because Dragons