Enlightenment Jokes Here

[abrakamowse]

[Key Elements]

Three men, a philosopher, a mathematician and an idiot, were out riding in the car when it crashed into a tree. Before anyone knows it, the three men found themselves standing before the pearly gates of Heaven, where St. Peter and the Devil were standing nearby. "Gentlemen," the Devil started, "Due to the fact that Heaven is now overcrowded, St. Peter has agreed to limit the number of people entering Heaven. If anyone of you can ask me a question which I don't know or cannot answer, then you're worthy enough to go to Heaven; if not, then you'll come with me to Hell." The philosopher then stepped up, "OK, give me the most comprehensive report on Socrates' Socrates' teachings." With a snap of his finger, a stack of paper appeared next to the Devil. The philosopher read it and concluded it was correct. "Then, go to Hell!" With another snap of his finger, the philsopher disappeared. The mathematician then asked,"Give me the most complicated formula ever theorized!" With a snap of his finger, another stack of paper appeared next to the Devil. The mathematician read it and reluctantly agreed it was correct. "Then, go to Hell!" With another snap of his finger, the mathematician disappeared too. The idiot then stepped forward and said, "Bring me a chair!" The Devil brought forward a chair. "Drill 7 holes on the seat." The Devil did just that. The idiot then sat on the chair and let out a very loud fart. Standing up, he asked, "Which hole did my fart come out from?" The Devil inspected the seat and said,"The third hole from the right." "Wrong," said the idiot, "it's from my asshole." And the idiot went to heaven.

[Natasha]

On 2/6/2017 at 6:34 AM, Key Elements said:

Eve's Online Dating Profile

Age: About 15 minutes since I was invented, but I don’t look a minute over ten minutes old

Location: Over by some ferns

Height: A tall vine

Weight: A bunch of sticks

Body Type: Only female type there is

Favorite music: Birds

Favorite movies: Birds

Favorite food: Birds

Hobbies: Being tempted, birds

Profession: Woman

Personality: VERY easily tempted

Turn-ons: Adam, birds

Income level: A handful of beautiful sticks

Looking for: The only other person in existence

Seems like a match made in heaven 

[Hsinav]

 

[Primeval]

[Primeval]

[WaveInTheOcean]

A group of Zen Buddhist monks are gathered early in the morning to do an early morning group SDS meditation.
Today, it's one of the monks birthday, and before they begin the meditation practice, one other monk stands up and gives him a present: "Happy birthday brother, this is for you." The present appears to be a light-weight box. The birthday monk fiercely opens the box and sees that there is nothing inside it. He appears to be extremely pleased with the gift: "Oh yes! Thank you very much brother! That's exactly what I wished for!"

 

Dno if this joke has been mentioned yet here.

Edited February 13, 2017 by WaveInTheOcean

[Loreena]

                                 

[Natasha]

14 hours ago, WaveInTheOcean said:

A group of Zen Buddhist monks are gathered early in the morning to do an early morning group SDS meditation.
Today, it's one of the monks birthday, and before they begin the meditation practice, one other monk stands up and gives him a present: "Happy birthday brother, this is for you." The present appears to be a light-weight box. The birthday monk fiercely opens the box and sees that there is nothing inside it. He appears to be extremely pleased with the gift: "Oh yes! Thank you very much brother! That's exactly what I wished for!"

 

Dno if this joke has been mentioned yet here.

There is a comic somewhere in the thread about this Zen Budhhist monk birthday story...both are funny  

[abrakamowse]

Zen Wisdom:

"If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of car payments."

[jse]

[SchallUndRauch]

Eckhart Tolle walks into a bar.

[Trond]

Enlightenment 

[Hsinav]

[Nahm]

[Primeval]

[Primeval]

[Natasha]

Sid and Irv are business partners. They make a deal that whichever one dies first will contact the living one from the afterlife. So Irv dies. Sid doesn't hear from him for about a year, figures there is no afterlife. Then one day he gets a call. It's Irv. 'So there is an afterlife! What's it like?' Sid asks. 'Well, I sleep very late. I get up, have a big breakfast. Then I have sex, lots of sex. Then I go back to sleep, but I get up for lunch, have a big lunch. Have some more sex, take a nap. Huge dinner. More sex. Go to sleep and wake up the next day.' 'Oh, my God!' says Sid. 'So that's what heaven is like?' 'Oh no,' says Irv. 'I'm not in heaven. I'm a bear in Yellowstone Park.'

[Nahm]

We're all born into some conjecture but damn!

 

[abrakamowse]

2 hours ago, Nahm said:

We're all born into some conjecture but damn!

 

Lmao!!!!