Are self-help books useful?

[hinawashi]

Lately I've been reading a lot of self-help books, and a lot of them were eye-opening and they really made me think. Not just while I'm reading them, but rather whenever I come across something in life words from those books just jump out in my mind and I can see things from a totally different perspective.

However at the same time I was thinking to myself whether these self-help books are that useful. Because I know a lot of them are best-sellers, however I don't really hear how people talk about how these books made them grow. I don't know what's going on. Do those people just read the books and then forget about them? Or is it because they were unable to make connections with real-life scenarios?

Same with Leo's videos, of course. If they have half a million views then why aren't more people talking about how their lives were transformed?

[Psyche_92]

Sure, they are helpfull. You just have to actually read them and do the exercises and everything. Most people that complain about self-help material being a scam etc is because of not reading the full book, not doing the exercises, .... 

Leo has a video on how to increase your results from self-help products:

There is also a subforum on here that has reviews of self-help programs and books: 

https://www.actualized.org/forum/forum/25-self-help-product-book-reviews/ 

Edited March 24, 2018 by Psyche_92

[Joseph Maynor]

My life has been transformed.  Not in the way I thought it would be when I first started doing personal development though.  

Whether or not a particular book or video is important depends on the person and where they are on the path.

Everything depends on you.  What are you looking for?  Don't worry about anybody else, it's kind of a distraction.  You're in this for you!  You need to figure out what you want from personal development.  And that's hard!  The thing that makes this work hard is you don't even know what you want from personal development.  It's kinda like being thrown into the middle of a lake with a blindfold on, not knowing you're in the middle of a lake -- and then somehow making it to shore and then having someone take the blindfold off.   That's what personal development is like!  You're gonna be swimming around not knowing what you're doing for a good long while.  Expect that -- that's part of the path!  That's not unique to you -- that's something everybody on the path experiences!  That's what makes this work so challenging.  And that's why persistence is so big in this work.  A lot of people just don't pursue things doggedly enough to ever get the meat out of them.   They're half-assers.  What you work on is what you'll improve.

Edited March 24, 2018 by Joseph Maynor

[NoSelfSelf]

If you dont put massive action behinde it its like a wind passing by..

[Soulbass]

33 minutes ago, NoSelfSelf said:

If you dont put massive action behinde it its like a wind passing by..

I agree. I've read too much books and I'm stuck in theory. I have to work now to have that "beginner's mind" again as would say Shunryu Suzuki.

Getting out of my head, feeling more.

[NoSelfSelf]

@Soulbass when mind work ends emotional work begins

[hinawashi]

Yes. This is exactly the kind of video I needed. Many thanks!

The insight I got out of this was that I was able to put a lot of efforts into it, and maybe I'm at the top 5%? Also what's funny is that I'm able to focus on the process rather than wanting the results right away without much expectations right off the bat. I think the whole self-help process is more or less like an experiment and it's up to me to test everything out and don't overwhelm myself with a whole bunch of books at a time.

[thehero]

success is the difference between the action taker and the non action taker 

and the amount of people who take action is so little its crazy. 

[aurum]

@hinawashi

They're incredibly helpful. One good book can change the entire trajectory of your life. Try stacking many of those books and watch what happens.

[mohdanas]

17 hours ago, Joseph Maynor said:

My life has been transformed.  Not in the way I thought it would be when I first started doing personal development though.  

Whether or not a particular book or video is important depends on the person and where they are on the path.

Everything depends on you.  What are you looking for?  Don't worry about anybody else, it's kind of a distraction.  You're in this for you!  You need to figure out what you want from personal development.  And that's hard!  The thing that makes this work hard is you don't even know what you want from personal development.  It's kinda like being thrown into the middle of a lake with a blindfold on, not knowing you're in the middle of a lake -- and then somehow making it to shore and then having someone take the blindfold off.   That's what personal development is like!  You're gonna be swimming around not knowing what you're doing for a good long while.  Expect that -- that's part of the path!  That's not unique to you -- that's something everybody on the path experiences!  That's what makes this work so challenging.  And that's why persistence is so big in this work.  A lot of people just don't pursue things doggedly enough to ever get the meat out of them.   They're half-assers.  What you work on is what you'll improve.

That is such a great analogy brother, 

Self help is like a chemist shop, you come with a problem in your mind, all the self help products are medicine but you dont know excatly what will cure you, you will pick some, and what will you find more usually than solutions in them, the explanation of your problem, why are you wanting or suffering, and they will make you question to find the truth of exactly what is it that you want, and the more product you consume the closer to truth you reach. You will find things beyond your problems  

The reason it doesn't work for most people is because they like to delude themselves that they are working towards solving their problem but in turth they procrastinate by reading books and without following it in terms of action. ( P.S. - I have been there ) 

 

[hinawashi]

@mohdanas I think yours is also a great analogy. It's more of an experimentation, or playing detective. We all want to solve our problems but we don't know where to start. We pick up some clues to begin with, and maybe the first few clues don't lead us anywhere, but as we start to explore more options and hunt down more evidence, we can put all the pieces of puzzle together, then we get to see the big picture.

I think the reason most people don't benefit much from self-help books is because they're too result-oriented. Life isn't only about results. The results are important but the pathfinding is also rewarding in itself. I do care about results, but only in retrospect. When I look back I know how much I have accomplished, and it gives me more inspiration to go out there and get more done.

[mohdanas]

8 hours ago, hinawashi said:

@mohdanas I think yours is also a great analogy. It's more of an experimentation, or playing detective. We all want to solve our problems but we don't know where to start. We pick up some clues to begin with, and maybe the first few clues don't lead us anywhere, but as we start to explore more options and hunt down more evidence, we can put all the pieces of puzzle together, then we get to see the big picture.

I think the reason most people don't benefit much from self-help books is because they're too result-oriented. Life isn't only about results. The results are important but the pathfinding is also rewarding in itself. I do care about results, but only in retrospect. When I look back I know how much I have accomplished, and it gives me more inspiration to go out there and get more done.

Yeah  reading few self help book wont fix your life but it sure gives you a kick start towards it. 

[Forestluv]

@hinawashi what does “useful” mean to you? One never finds what they are seeking. It doesn’t exist.

I spent 25 yrs on self help/personal development/spirituality. I developed a positive self image and a “successful” life by society’s standards. Then came the painful realization it’s all a Game of a made up character within a Story.

[jwkspeck]

@Serotoninluv What stops this from also being the most beautiful realization?

Nothing is out of place.

[Forestluv]

@jwkspeck

It’s a total loss for the ego.