What kind of relationship are you looking for?

[Key Elements]

If you have anything else to add, please feel free to comment below.

[Elton]

Having Boundaries that cannot be broken is being too regid and making such rules causes a lot of suffering.(cause the rules are often broken)

Interdependent relationship with great chemistry, understanding, peace and love is what I'm looking for.

A relationship that magnifies love 

A relationship free of Neediness and possessiveness. 

 

[Key Elements]

4 hours ago, Elton said:

Having Boundaries that cannot be broken is being too regid and making such rules causes a lot of suffering.(cause the rules are often broken)

Does it? Boundaries include things like: no cheating/monogamy/no kids/no abuse/having kids during marriage or not/etc.

Different ppl call these things by different names: boundaries, values, requirements, etc. Ask yourself, are you able to live without any boundaries, esp in an intimate relationship? 

[Elton]

@Key Elements i did not keep the boundry of monogamy (but didn't have intercourse with anyone else)in my relationship but didn't expect it that my girlfriend would break her boundaries. 

I am constantly comparing myself with that guy I haven't even seen with whom she slept.

When she broke the assumed boundaries it broke me completely, I'm still going through the broken phase... 

Now issues like low self esteem,perfectionism, loneliness, depression, impotency, lack of confidence, thoughts of my girlfriend,addictions have all come in full force... Neediness has increased like anything! Heavy chest sensations have become second nature...

Mindfulness about my neurosis and competitor attitude is causing pain.

Scarcity mentality has surfaced up.

First my relationship with myself has to improve drastically to have a good relationship I guess

Edited March 22, 2018 by Elton

[SFRL]

21 minutes ago, Elton said:

@Key Elements i did not keep the boundry of monogamy (but didn't have intercourse with anyone else)in my relationship but didn't expect it that my girlfriend would break her boundaries. 

I am constantly comparing myself with that guy I haven't even seen with whom she slept.

When she broke the assumed boundaries it broke me completely, I'm still going through the broken phase... 

Now issues like low self esteem,perfectionism, loneliness, depression, impotency, lack of confidence, thoughts of my girlfriend,addictions have all come in full force... Neediness has increased like anything! Heavy chest sensations have become second nature...

Mindfulness about my neurosis and competitor attitude is causing pain.

Scarcity mentality has surfaced up.

Go bang some new girls man. 

You are using a victim mentality. 

All those symptoms of yours are the symptoms of a break up like many people experience during a heart break. 

You are not the first or only one to experience that feeling. 

Most relationships are not going to work out statistically. So keep going until you find one that sticks. 

[Key Elements]

43 minutes ago, Elton said:

@Key Elements i did not keep the boundry of monogamy (but didn't have intercourse with anyone else)in my relationship but didn't expect it that my girlfriend would break her boundaries. 

I am constantly comparing myself with that guy I haven't even seen with whom she slept.

When she broke the assumed boundaries it broke me completely, I'm still going through the broken phase... 

Now issues like low self esteem,perfectionism, loneliness, depression, impotency, lack of confidence, thoughts of my girlfriend,addictions have all come in full force... Neediness has increased like anything! Heavy chest sensations have become second nature...

Mindfulness about my neurosis and competitor attitude is causing pain.

Scarcity mentality has surfaced up.

I get what you're saying here, and sorry to hear this.

See, some ppl have, for example, the boundary of monogamy. And, the boundary can't be broken in an intimate relationship. This is not a weak boundary. It's strong. If the other party violates the boundary, then they will just leave the relationship without any problems. Some ppl developed themselves to this level.

So, in other words, before they get into an intimate relationship or marriage, they get to know the other person really well in an attempt to greatly reduce the chance of a breakup when they actually enter into a relationship. And, if a breakup does occur, they say to themselves not to be attached to the outcome -- be detached of the outcome.

Of course, there are more boundaries than the ones I've mentioned. If we don't know the other person well, but we know his/her boundaries, who are we to judge the other person?

[Elton]

24 minutes ago, Key Elements said:

If we don't know the other person well, but we know his/her boundaries, who are we to judge the other person?

@SFRLSFRLiSFRLSF

I don't have options neither have I had sex before this is very shamefull for me 

@Key Elements i didn't understand what you are trying to say with the above mentioned quote. 

[Key Elements]

35 minutes ago, Elton said:

 

@Key Elements i didn't understand what you are trying to say with the above mentioned quote. 

Some ppl don't like certain ppl's boundaries. That's ok. But, why judge these boundaries? Why criticize and debate with the person? It happens. Why not just walk away from the person not suitable to be in a relationship with you?

[Random-Hero95]

"Something more than superficial, that's all I want" - Jonathon Ng

[Hardkill]

On 3/22/2018 at 8:50 AM, SFRL said:

Go bang some new girls man. 

You are using a victim mentality. 

All those symptoms of yours are the symptoms of a break up like many people experience during a heart break. 

You are not the first or only one to experience that feeling. 

Most relationships are not going to work out statistically. So keep going until you find one that sticks. 

and what if there aren't any new girls in your area to bang and whom you are attracted to? What if you can't even move out of your city?

[tomlatham]

Of course for a long time relationship. Actually, I would like to lead my whole family with kids and my wife.  

[khalifa]

Since i come from a muslim cult, it's core values when it comes to relationship still anchors my subconscious mind, the dogma is quite hard to shake off

I still hold a view of true love being special between 2, Like i can't see other people's soulmates that have previously slept with a random stranger instead of saving himself/herself for the one that truly matters, building family growing old together etc

We've been taught that not protecting one's integrity and dignity based on what's important, is not a very optimal core of living a happy clean life, since there is no respect neither to family nor self and kids well being.  (Nothing fun about knowing your mom being used by a random stranger that didn't matter or your dad being a player messing up lots of pure potential relationships)

After all when you say 'i love you and only you' 'your the only one that matters and I'd do anything for you' 'your special to me, you are my whole world' you are supposed to treat them that way, and not half ass it before you meet them, as that is what counts when it comes to being fully true to it.

 

For Muslims to accept a women that doesn't self respect herself or her family, they just don't accept her since only cucks would accept that in their views.

From a women's view:

My response.... Islam celebrates sensuality, sex, intimacy, and love between people however it does so with a sense of deep commitment and responsibility. We are taught from prophetic teaching to eat with mindfulness, sleep with mindfulness, speak with mindfulness, pray with mindfulness and yes.... to have sex with mindfulness. Marriage is meant to be that commitment and responsibility because intimacy is not just about the body it includes the mind and soul. Our prophetic teaching is that even when we say 'I love you' it's with a sense of deep commitment and responsibility. There is actual weight and honor in those words, therefore the act of love then requires even a greater sense of integrity. The prophetic teaching within Islam celebrates sensuality within a marriage because it allows for there to be a deep sense of commitment to each other. It's not simply an act of lust but when enjoined in a marriage it is in fact rewarded by the Divine as an act of worship. As far as the comment about Muslim women who wear hijab or dress modestly not coming across as sensual...I said to her ....there are plenty of hijabis who are ladies in the streets and freaks in bed so calm down.....and she laughed

Sources if you care to check them out

 

 

 

 

A little theory behind the comfort of a higher grade of love that was long term worked on, I had a contemplation over love for hours day by day, I've reached a point where I saw that there would be a point in marriage where i would feel this discomfort, Knowing a partner has been with someone previously copy pasting the same stuff, I felt like i was black pilled into a lie, I felt anger and resentment in that visualization of possibilities of a marriage, being angry at the kids and her, Even her being just as angry and frustrated even the words of 'I love you' or sweet talks wouldn't work anymore because she's already said that so many times in the past and learnt a new pattern of it doesn't work anymore,  Felt like the family was frustrated and sad as it has not spur'd out of being a pure relationship. Had more contemplation moments of what about my daughter or aunt or grand ma had shameful like relationships before their so. People say people grow from previous relationships, I say if it was meant to be as soulmates why not learn everything together in one relationship if both are forgiving and loving there is no bottleneck to the learning curve as long as they care and communicate with each other as they improve together with love to their life and the world.

 

Overtime i noticed that it doesn't matter really, the paradox is we're all one anyway, so even my contemplation and dogma is quite meaningless even though it's just another story to be experienced like the rest. Love an ant, yourself strangers or even a bukkake party. It's the same infinity anyway right? The spiritual psychosis is abit too much to handle for most . I personally think think i can stomach it atm.

 

What would i like to cherry pick for this life time's experience? A soulmate that saves up herself to make me feel that special sounds like a miracle to me, as I'd like to do that to her too. Always was into that Disney 1 girl and 1 boy only love. They find each other and they live happily ever after. Although i've recently experienced betrayal so that's out of the question, I'm still salty about it but it's alright i choose it because something greater is coming.

 

https://www.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/

I've been reading redpillwomen it kinda sounds like some islam version of core values of relationships but without the quranic religious side involved + more self development/knowledge and awareness.

 

I'm aware we're all diverse in the end, so anything goes and we all don't play by the same knowledge graph rules/lens/perspectives, hence the preference difference, yet we're all nonphysical from the same source ironically.

Edited April 6, 2018 by khalifa