Depression - How To Deal With "what's the point" Thoughts That Arise?

[Shir]

Hello Everyone ! 

I've posted a few topics regarding my personal Depression Journey, and I apologize in advance if it's too boring to post another one right now, but I feel the need to ask this question. I've been suffering with MDD (Major Depression Disorder) for a good while now, and have recently found out via Therapy that I've had depression for YEARS before even realizing the fact (for example, I thought it started right before Uni, but apparently it's been there for years beforehand). And for reference sake, not medicated.

My suicidal feelings and thoughts come and go, and I've had a period of recently feeling them literally every single day for the span of 3 weeks straight, take out a day or two. Then it stopped as I was approaching a new semester in University right now, and instead I just feel...numb. Emotionally. I've been trying to get better, somehow...at least by trying to be a better student but, I've realized the past day or so how I've been having these "What's the point?" thoughts that arise.

The thing is, it's more so about school and a love life. I feel like I have found a future niche in regards to my career path (Trying to become a Clinical Social Worker) however, given my situation and the University I am in, it looks like I'll ONLY get to finish my B.A in another 4 years or so (only if things work out - been studying already for 2 years, so basically 6 years in total). And, a Masters is another 3 years, so I feel like I'll be "wasting" all of my 20's and early 30's literally just...studying. It bothers me deeply because school is hard as it is already, and the thought of literally doing this another 4 years just...brings within me feelings of dread and deep despair.

I feel like, apart from school I'm missing a love life that I've never really had. 25, virgin, never had a bf. I've actually come to terms with this and feel alright being single, but when I think of marriage I get thoughts and feelings of "what's the point even?"...it really makes me sad as I was always such a hopeless romantic and now feel like I lack this emotional connection with the whole aspect of falling in love again, being in a relationship and eventually getting married. It's like I really do GET IT. I get the whole social-technical aspect of being in love, being in a relationship and getting married (I REALLY wanted that myself! all my life!) but now? I'm just...I feel like what's the point really, you know? And, I'm a very deeply spiritual person, so this heartbreak of not feeling this emotional connection with the thought of being in a relationship (in general), really brings me down. Because, when I think about it - it's like what DO I have to look forward to? studies and a career...and that's it? I hope, somehow that my pain is managing to reflect in between my words because I swear I have always felt like I'd literally be the last person on Earth to feel like "What's the point even" about love/relationships/marriage. And, to make matters "worse", I feel deep down that school is really difficult as it is, that I don't think I'd EVER manage to have or at least keep a relationship during school...so it's like, wow I cannot even have a bf even if I wanted to, for literally another 7 years. 

To be honest? I have no idea how to overcome this, or what to make of this...

I would appreciate and love to hear your thoughts ! Thank you kindly. <3

Edited March 17, 2018 by Shir
Missing information.

[Jamie Universe]

4 hours ago, Shir said:

been studying already for 2 years, so basically 6 years in total). And, a Masters is another 3 years, so I feel like I'll be "wasting" all of my 20's and early 30's literally just...studying. It bothers me deeply because school is hard as it is already

 

4 hours ago, Shir said:

I'm a very deeply spiritual person, so this heartbreak of not feeling this emotional connection with the thought of being in a relationship (in general), really brings me down

 

4 hours ago, Shir said:

it's like what DO I have to look forward to? studies and a career...and that's it?

First I would like to say that I've literally had those exact same thoughts before, and now their gone.

And this state of depression your in is the cause of these thoughts, and don't worry about this being your future, because these thoughts are like if you didn't eat for a 2 days and started to starve, that feeling of starving is utter shit, but its simply because you lack food, not because 'this is the only state of my being' 

If your looking to get rid of depression that's a whole other thing. But if I'm answering your question, these thoughts will pretty much be with you while you have depression, at least from my experience.

 

And my theory (note that I said theory so its nothing for sure) is that these thoughts might cause your depression. I mean I definitely can't evaluate your situation and give good feedback, but when these thoughts arise, if they feel 'real' or truthful, know that there not.

All that I know is that I used to think like that, and then I challenged my beliefs on this issue of 'what's the point' and realized philosophically speaking, that the 'point' is what I wanted it to be.

If you believe that 'there's no point' then naturally you will start to view everything that way, and your emotions will reflect that belief. Because realize there is a cause and affect relationship between beliefs and emotions, if a bear starts running at you, you will feel strong fear, but for all you know, there's a person in a bear suit. <--- you believed it was a real bear.

 

 

Don't take this advice to seriously, but if you want to apply this, just go into your head and argue with yourself. If you understand the subjectivity of value and that Nialism is so right its wrong, you will realize the deeper philosophy behind it. (and argument for "everything is pointless" is unsustainable.)

 

(Also I do realize I said "depression causes these thoughts" and also "thoughts causes this depression"

what I meant to say is "beliefs cause these thoughts" and also "thoughts/beliefs cause these bad feelings")

- Also note that other things can cause your depression, not just beliefs, experiences or possibly just medical reasons, though I don't suggest taking medication unless you have to, I've heard bad things about it.

 

 

[Colin]

@Shir Hey try listening to this. 
 

If you give it a fair enough shake, say 20 minutes every single day for a few weeks, while avoiding excessive amounts of negative song lyrics and news/drama. These ideas start to become the way you see the world. Then you realize just as these ideas were arbitrary yet shaped your perception , a lot of the negative ideas are completely arbitrary and were just absorbed from media/family/etc. 

[jjer94]

@Shir Thank you for your vulnerability.

Here are a few things to consider:

• Ignore the diagnosis altogether. Oftentimes, when we are diagnosed with something, we feel defective, and due to the placebo effect the symptoms are exacerbated. This video may be useful for you.
• Avoid all grains (especially gluten) from your diet for a week. See how you feel. Add more fermented foods to the diet. If you're not vegetarian, add more red meat into the diet as well. Lots of tryptophan in red meat, which is the precursor to serotonin (the feel-good neurotransmitter). 
• Walk barefoot outside, get some sun, and try some of this.
• Have some avenue for inner exploration, whether it be contemplation, journaling, The Work - whatever suits your personality. Keep going to therapy.
• For us sensitive ones, our feelings in the moment can blow things out of proportion. For instance, with you, it's school. Because you currently feel overwhelmed by the schoolwork, you project your current sense of dread onto the rest of the school year, as though you will be feeling that 24/7. But you won't - feelings come and go. Whenever this happens for me, I typically sit with it - there's no point in trying to do anything when I feel this way. I stop resisting and let it have its word. I let it tear me to shreds. Seems counter-intuitive, but as long as you hold in your mind that "this too shall pass," eventually it does. 
• "What's the point" is often a mask for low self-esteem. Being self-honest and bringing the shadow to light helps alleviate a lot of the resistance. It also reframes the resistance into an issue that can be worked with. For instance:
  • "What's the point of marriage and getting a bf?" --> "I'm afraid of marriage and getting a bf. I don't feel capable of doing it."
  • "What's the point of slaving through school?" --> "I'm afraid that I will fail in school because it is too difficult."
• Daily physical exercise. Doesn't matter how intense. A simple 30-minute walk can do wonders for your mood. I've found yoga to be useful for depression, as it also releases the bodily tensions that hold negative emotions.

I wish you all the best! <3