Young (22y), Bald(ing), Girls and the Ego

[Baldmunt]

Hello Everyone,

I'm new to this forum although i'm already on the self-actualized.org-train for 3 months. It's really refreshing to see things on another perspective. The many times your mind is tricking you really shifted my view of the world and how things 'really' work. Leo, thanks for that! I would really like to appreciate it 'eye-to-eye' but it's a long flight from Europe.  (I'm sorry for my poor vocabulary/grammar)

I'm still a 'newby' to the stuff that leo discribes in his video's but i'm willing to self-develop and self-actualise my mind.  I'm constantly (for 3 months now) reading/listening/viewing new stuff of the psychology and spiritual stuff there is to improve yourself/find your purpose etcetera. I know reading is not enough so i'm applying these situations also in real life. 

The fact that i'm getting into this stuff is the fact that i'm severely bald at a really young age (22). It figuratively hits you like a truck when you are at such young age. There are some options to treat or hide it but these have very small effects and propecia/rogaine have frightening side-effects. A hair transplant isn't recommended at a young age and in my opinion all these treatments won't help. My confidence problem is not related to the amount of hair i have on my head. I think the real problem is IN my head. So i decided to shave it very short and challenge the obstacle's i had to face to improve myself. 

At first i received a lot of (mostly negative but also positive) reactions from other people when i shaved it off last year.  I didn't expect this to happen, my confidence and happiness were (and might still be) really related to external circumstances. So i went through a hard time, blaming myself, seeing girls rejecting me/not looking at me as they did before and in some points they looked disgusted at me. I got really depressed because i thought "no girl will ever like me bald (at this age)". Now, months later,  i'm rejecting/fighting all the things where my mind is tricking myself. I'm 'fighting' my Ego. At some point being Bald gave me the purpose to improve myself and (i'm trying to) truly look into my deep inner self. This situation is stopping me from my lazyness and procrastination and taking action now (and forever!). 

There are still some thoughts that mess up my thoughts. For example,  at one day when i see a picture / video of myself  i really like what i see. While the other day i'm criticizing myself and beating myself up (same picture/angle) for some parts that are 'ugly'. I also struggle with 'my identity/ego'. Sometimes i think "well if i'm bald, let it be" while the following day i'm thinking of having hair again (and doing a hairtransplant). I'm clinging to the past. 

So i ask myself a few questions:
- What's the reason why i have these mood swings about my looks and 'identity'?
- How do i stop this habit of being so conscious about my looks and let people fall in love with "me"?
- What do girls at my age "really" think of bald men while most of them prefer young dudes with great hair (for example). And what can i do to take more action instead of just 'thinking' that they don't like me because of my bald head.

Edited March 14, 2018 by Baldmunt

[frnsh]

It's hard going through wondering how much of you, is you and how much of you, is wrong. But you are you, no matter what, and there is nothing wrong as long as you accept yourself through your own eyes, not others. Check out Leo's videos on "judgments", "shoulding" and "how to stop caring what people think of you". 

I think the mood swings about your look may come from your transforming into something else. Like if you are generally changing from caring to not caring, you may be on the way there and sometimes the ego and the part you don't logically agree with, hits you. Though in my experience as a gender fluid/gender queer it is different as the actual mindset of my identity of gender changes. I've had problems with it a lot and since I figured it out, it has been helping me a lot to work on accepting myself no matter what I wear or how my hair is. 

Being liked by people first comes from if you like yourself first. If you love yourself the way you are and you make a great life that you are enjoying your company, then wanting to have someone in your life becomes your choice first.  

[aurum]

5 hours ago, Baldmunt said:

- What's the reason why i have these mood swings about my looks and 'identity'?
- How do i stop this habit of being so conscious about my looks and let people fall in love with "me"?

Do you meditate?

5 hours ago, Baldmunt said:

- What do girls at my age "really" think of bald men while most of them prefer young dudes with great hair (for example). And what can i do to take more action instead of just 'thinking' that they don't like me because of my bald head.

You can have whatever level of success you want with women if you put the work in. Baldness is not going to be the thing that ultimately makes a difference.

[Spiral]

I’m best friend(22) is dating a bald guy and she found him on tinder. She is quite shallow as well. I think it’s mostly a problem if you let it effect you.