Respecting, and being in cooperation with the Painbody.

[Simon Zackrisson]

Here are some unedited, quick notes to self, written yesterday. 

It is about dealing with negative emotions, something I wished I could have internalized as a valuable insight before. 

 

Even if I had been kind of told this before, it didn't really "connect" or hit, you know? People can read out information to you and such, and you can even intellectually agree with it, but it's sometimes (often)  different to truly integrate certain information... to applicable personal genuine knowledge. 

Here are the notes, maybe it could be one more perspective to consider

 

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i’ve never experienced this
i felt so intense sadness and negativity 
i tried to be rational and be in acceptance
trying to move past it
trying to think optimistic and focus on productive things
only to feed the fire of truly dark feelings for destruction

only
when i after a while
let it engulf me
accepted
to feel it

looked at my hand watch
21:23.
needed to fix certain things 
for tomorrow events 

felt like
lol
can i put aside 30 min to let this pain body attack and have some feeding time 
to reconcile all the trauma of the past present and possible future

the most insane thing
when i let go of everything
and fell back
deep inside this feeling
zero resistance 

it subsided .
i don’t know why
maybe it is 
because the subconscious 
realize
that i will listen to it
and in this teamwork and cooperation
there is no longer need to enforce the rules with ruthlessness 

if there is a teamwork with feelings and rationality 
if you allow the feelings to internalise the situation and the world
if you allow and respect the pain body , true acceptance 
true acceptance, to allow and go into it, not actively , just let it “take over” , engulf you .

in 10 seconds
it subsided.

this 
is invaluable 
information
on how to deal with negative currents in oneself’s psychology 

they’re not really negative.
it is
a holistic system
of feedback loops 
emotional and rational 

now protective instincts may run amok 
this is not the wallow in self pity approach
it is the mature
feeling and accepting of negative feeling tides

I leveled up.
This time
i didn’t need to take a walk outside for 4 hours and intentionally feel the blistering cold and suicidal pain ,
i just needed to let it be a part of my system, accept it as a feeling , accept my subconscious, accept this protective agent of one’selfs psychology 

it just amazed me
how fucking fast 
i felt “normal” and rational again.

i closed my eyes
and thought “ok, there is no way to escape this .. lets just have it run its course , “ 

within seconds 
my subconscious realised i respect it , and listen to it, do not treat it as an enemy anymore

this is .. quite amazing realisation
on how to navigate life , emotional holistic system and love

i feel so much better now
like i just cried

except i didn’t have to cry .

if you know how to fight physically,
there is often a phenomena where people sense it , and you don’t have to fight 

if you prove to the subconscious that you respect it , and allow the holistic informational emotional system wiring to categorise itself, and the world
there is no need to cause deep emotional distress , no need to initiate the crushing feelings of darkness, no need to enforce bondage though increasing emotional misery .

again , I’m quite astounded
I’m just astounded
how quickly the feeling subsided
and i felt normal, holsitic , healthy , pretty happy ready to take positive productive action again.

i love you, i love life , and i almost feel like crying when i think of how people don’t realise this,
i didn’t for long time, and i don’t say i am done now 
I’m sure i will feel negative suicidal feelings again
but now i respect it 
and know there can be mutual respect in a holistic system of love, the subconscious and the conscious .

I just wish more people could be exposed to this 
this way of handling your pain body
this understanding

this awareness and acceptance and loving of your emotional pain
sounds weird i know and i won’t prolly agree with it when I’m in a pain body attack again

but my awareness is ever growing
and my love to myself and my subconscious

peace
 

[How to be wise]

@Simon Zackrisson

 

[Talkawuer]

Whenever I have painbody attack, i will try to write next time. thanks for inspiration

[Simon Zackrisson]

@Talkawuer Happy to be able to mold another locational field of consciousness a little.

If you'd like, share whatever notes and whatever gold you managed to hack out, there is never such a thing as a perspective too many .

Love