Weird mini-Enlightment Experience

[Girzo]

I was eating and thinking about a friend. I was thinking about her perspective and then literally saw that there is no her, there are only facets of this infinite grey-mass blob. Which quickly transfered into my own experience - "there is no me". I was sitting there, eyes wide open, nothing has changed, but everything has changed. You get it? I was sitting with my mouth open and looking around, it was it. I wasn't very impressed, it was a very subtle thing, yet not missable.

Then mom told me to park my car into driveway. It was like a good joke. There is no me, there is no car, there's just Reality. 

Duration of the experience - 3 seconds deep, 10-15 seconds somewhat deep, 2-3 minutes good meditative state. According to ten Oxes story I don't think it was even a tail of the Ox, but still something. Let's continue.

For few days I had been lacking sleep a little bit, like a 1-1.5 hours lacking every day, so it finally got me and I fell asleep as soon as I sat on the couch. When I was waking up it was like a psychedelic trip. Everything around me was dense, it felt like I had to swim through the ocean of thoughts. For 15 minutes every relationship between any object was understood.

Sadly, the memory of this experience fades with every hour. I suspect it's because of the same mechanism that erases dreams. This is sad, because it was one of the most profound experiences in my life and I would like to remember it. It felt like being at the core of knowledge.

Why did I call Infinity a grey-mass blob? Because that's how it feel to me. Imagine someone you care about in some kind of scenery. Now this picture is loosing it's color and contrast, while simultaneously the objects in the scene get ripped layer after layer, you start to see person's skull, etc. until finally there's just One. I won't call it a thing, it's just One. It's not how it literally looks like, because perceptions don't change at all, but if it had to be translated into visual language that's how I would describe it.

Additional insight: I think that psychedelics like AL-LAD or 5-MeO-DMT take those subtle Enlightment experiences and make them gross and that's what so sweet about them.

Having written it down for my personal journal I thought I might as well share it with you. 

[DocHoliday]

Good thing you’ve decided to share it.

Even though these experiences aren’t phenomenally grand and exuberant experiences, that’s what further little enlightenments look and feel like.

People always assume that enlightenment has to be like a freaking firework or something where a bomb explodes in your head or whatever.... it really isn’t like that at all because that’s a projection of yours, an egoic wish and an expectation that just won’t come true in most cases.

True enlightenment experiences just feel like.... nothing. If you’ve watched Leo‘s interview with Ralston this is exactly what he says and confirms. 

True enlightenment experiences wouldn’t even normally be recognized as enlightenment experiences BECAUSE THERE IS NO ONE TO CALL IT THAT ANYMORE WHEN IT HAPPENS, that’s exactly what it is and what the beauty behind it is. Everything else that your egoic wishful thinking would like enlightenment to be , is not it.

Edited March 14, 2018 by DocHoliday
Reason for Edit: Grammar