The big problem of trust in the modern age

[billiesimon]

Being in a couple today is very different from just 20 years ago.

Is it safe to have a relationship nowadays with this trend for tinder?

Almost ALL girls have tinder these days, and how are you supposed to trust a girlfriend if she can use the app at ANY time?
She can get pumped every week from a different football muscleman without leaving any suspect for you.
What's motivating her to be loyal? She gains nothing from being respectful with all this technology.

What do you think?

[YaNanNallari]

I don't think the quality girl you're looking for is found from tinder. I also don't think I need someone to be "loyal" to me. That sounds like restricting them. I rather have people follow their passions, not that getting around is their actual passion.

[frnsh]

It is safe if you both know what you are doing, have boundaries, enough attraction and similarities, and most of all, are able to communicate about what you really want and are willing to fight for your relationship! I see most people probably have the rest of the good stuff but when it comes to actually working for the relationship, read some books and face the problems, they give up. In my opinion that's on of the main reasons (if not the biggest one) how relationships fail so much these days.    

[Ether]

@frnsh Yes, they find a bit of resistance in their way and they quit.

[billiesimon]

5 hours ago, YaNanNallari said:

I don't think the quality girl you're looking for is found from tinder. I also don't think I need someone to be "loyal" to me. That sounds like restricting them. I rather have people follow their passions, not that getting around is their actual passion.

So you're basically saying that having standards is "oppressive" to women.

If she wants to fuck random dudes she should NOT get into a relationship. Duh.

In your terms a "nice" relationship is when she fucks everybody and you jerk off to porn, as a couple.

[billiesimon]

27 minutes ago, frnsh said:

It is safe if you both know what you are doing, have boundaries, enough attraction and similarities, and most of all, are able to communicate about what you really want and are willing to fight for your relationship! I see most people probably have the rest of the good stuff but when it comes to actually working for the relationship, read some books and face the problems, they give up. In my opinion that's on of the main reasons (if not the biggest one) how relationships fail so much these days.    

Yeah, one of the biggest problems is that people today don't have standards and don't want to grow and learn how to have healthy communication with the next person.

But how can a man solve the problem of tinder? basically every single woman could download it and fuck you over.

[Ether]

@billiesimon You might be depending your happiness or suffering in the other person's actions. Its up to you if you want to continue to do this!

[YaNanNallari]

@billiesimon It's more like I wish that the person I'm with wants to be just with me because they want to. Not so that I need to tell them to not go around in a negative tone. Then we can still be just the two of us.

[ADD]

The problem isn't tinder, it's your need to own some person as your property.

If you want to control some person as your puppet and keep her in a leash then yes it's more difficult than before.

I think it's good that we have more freedom, if you truly love someone you don't spend your time trying to control them or be suspicious of them cheating on you.

[billiesimon]

29 minutes ago, ADD said:

The problem isn't tinder, it's your need to own some person as your property.

If you want to control some person as your puppet and keep her in a leash then yes it's more difficult than before.

I think it's good that we have more freedom, if you truly love someone you don't spend your time trying to control them or be suspicious of them cheating on you.

Why do you guys all assume that I want some kind of authoritarian couple?!

In fact I want the opposite. I hate restrictions. And I hate negative control and negative boundaries.
I'm saying a completely different thing. Maybe it's my fault for explaining badly. I'll try again.

 

Let's follow this scenario.
You meet a girl, and she likes you, and you like her. You have sex, without a relationship (which is OK) and after a few weeks of dating, SHE asks you to start a monogamous relationship (I always wait for them to ask, because game taught me that, and it works).

After this, you have a monogamous relationship that SHE asked for. I'm not a controlling guy, AT ALL, and i always let them go out with female and male friednds, I even encourage that.
Now, in this PEACEFUL and LOVING scenario, where you love eachother, there's still the problem of tinder and dating sites, lurking there in the dark for her. I NEVER, NEVER suggested to control her and to stalk her to keep her down. Never. I'm just ASKING.

Is it safe to have a couple nowadays with all this tinder culture? Will she stay loyal?

Or are you all suggesting that she should fuck everybody behind your back WHILE wanting a stable monogamous couple with you? And while you actually remain loyal like a fucking beaten dog? Is this fair for you guys? To be a cuckold while you act like an actual respectful man?

I'm just asking, because the double standard is real.
Also I don't understand why women empowerment is fucking you over, while if you fuck her over you're a sexist pig. Consistency anyone?

Edited March 13, 2018 by billiesimon

[billiesimon]

By the way, she's NOT my property, she can cancel the relationship AT ANY TIME. 

She can see whoever the fuck she wants and even not seeing me for months.

But if a girls asks for a monogamous couple... shouldn't she at the very fucking least respect her word? 
Is this sexism too?!?

[WildeChilde]

@billiesimon Tinder does seem to complicate things doesn't it?  I usually don't talk about these things on this forum because it's more spiritually-based, but you sound like you need different perspective.  

My advice to you is stay single, stack up the money, have some fun (use protection every time), get your mental and physical health in shape, and wait.  Men are in a strange situation right now in Western society.   Just be patient man; 8 years from now you're going to see a big change.  If you haven't already, do some research.  I promise you won't regret it .

[billiesimon]

6 minutes ago, WildeChilde said:

@billiesimon Tinder does seem to complicate things doesn't it?  I usually don't talk about these things on this forum because it's more spiritually-based, but you sound like you need different perspective.  

My advice to you is stay single, stack up the money, have some fun (use protection every time), get your mental and physical health in shape, and wait.  Men are in a strange situation right now in Western society.   Just be patient man; 8 years from now you're going to see a big change.  If you haven't already, do some research.  I promise you won't regret it .

8 years from now we're going to pay welfare to every single woman as wage slaves lol. Can't see a bright future. Equality is so fake right now, and just a buzzword. The irony is that I actually like REAL equality, but not this authoritarian pc culture.

What do you mean with big change? what research? Can you give me some info? 

[WildeChilde]

@billiesimon Sure man.  I'll pm you some stuff.  

[frnsh]

@billiesimon The problem with what you are saying is not exactly about if you want to control the woman, but it is in your frustration over the half truth you feel as the whole truth. Don't you think women also feel the same when their guy goes on tinder and cheats? These things go both ways and people really should understand it. 

In most societies women are still counted as sluts if they would want the same amount of sex as men, and here we are listening to overly feminism movements saying if a man wants sex, he is a pig! Just if we could just open our eyes on how unfair all of it is..  

In any case, if you see yourself as a person who could have tinder and still be loyal to your partner (if that's what agreed), then for sure you can find someone like you. It's not the end of the world yet. 

[billiesimon]

49 minutes ago, frnsh said:

@billiesimon The problem with what you are saying is not exactly about if you want to control the woman, but it is in your frustration over the half truth you feel as the whole truth. Don't you think women also feel the same when their guy goes on tinder and cheats? These things go both ways and people really should understand it. 

In most societies women are still counted as sluts if they would want the same amount of sex as men, and here we are listening to overly feminism movements saying if a man wants sex, he is a pig! Just if we could just open our eyes on how unfair all of it is..  

In any case, if you see yourself as a person who could have tinder and still be loyal to your partner (if that's what agreed), then for sure you can find someone like you. It's not the end of the world yet. 

I don't use tinder, never used it.

Look at the statistics and all the scientific data about dating and mating in human societies.

Women mate with the top men, which is why in all human history a lot of men died without children.
A woman who goes on tinder finds IMMEDIATELY someone to fuck. Men don't.
I know some women fear that their men could go to tinder and have sex, but the reality is that it's unlikely to succeed. Women on the other hand succeed because of the mating strategy of finding the best "players". 

I don't like slut shaming, I NEVER said I was pro shaming. In fact I hate every form of shaming.

You're justifying male shaming only because some societies still have slut shaming? It doesn't make sense! Shaming is always wrong.

I don't understand this white knight mentality. Why is equality always about the woman?
Why is it ok for her to fuck me over and not for me to do the same?

[Key Elements]

If you truly want to meet someone special, just start working on yourself, have a life purpose, and know your values. I know a couple who is married well over 20 yrs., 2 kids. They met at work. Got to know each other before the dating and romance started. So they knew each other well before they got together as a couple. Imho, these dating sites don't really tell you about the other person.

[ajasatya]

learn to trust yourself first. don't demand loyalty.

be loyal to your partner, but be loyal to yourself first.

enjoy the presence of others, but enjoy solitude first.

[billiesimon]

18 minutes ago, ajasatya said:

learn to trust yourself first. don't demand loyalty.

be loyal to your partner, but be loyal to yourself first.

enjoy the presence of others, but enjoy solitude first.

That's great advice, I have to work on my self esteem and self trust.

But why should I be loyal to her if she is not loyal to me?

isn't this an easy way to be walked over? Isn't self respect meant to be respecting your word and purpose and at the same time not being abused by others?

[frnsh]

38 minutes ago, billiesimon said:

A woman who goes on tinder finds IMMEDIATELY someone to fuck. Men don't.

You're justifying male shaming only because some societies still have slut shaming? It doesn't make sense! Shaming is always wrong.

I don't understand this white knight mentality. Why is equality always about the woman?
Why is it ok for her to fuck me over and not for me to do the same?

Women just don't want to fuck the first guy they found! It goes the same for guys more or less. 

I did not justify male shaming at all! Read what I said again. I feel your anger towards some unfairness you've experienced is just making you misread things.

Equality looks like it is about women and the parts that are, were meant as arguments and rebellions against most of the societies that didn't give a shit about what women as individuals thought and wanted. Humans just tend to ruin things by overdoing them and forgetting why they did them in the first place!