What Can I Do With My Cowardice?

[zasa joey]

So heres the thing no matter how much i think about it and prepare myself, once i face some guys who have names of badasses, tough guys, when i interact with them i always feel like shit compared to them, and im very nervous and i cant control that. i think that they are gonna humiliate me, insult me and then i have to stand up for myself and fight back, and what if i cant do that, or do that but still get humiliated, or beaten because im not a good fighter, im very weak physically and clumsy so. anyways this feeling of weakness, and cowardice is destroying me, i hate myself and my life, if im such a pussy, how can i even live? how can i meet a girl and make her my girlfriend if i cant stand up for myself, how can i do that for her? 

[xXxXx]

Surrender to it, accept your pain and your misery and next time you have to face a so called badass: stand your ground. Because that's what it's all about in my opinion. People sense your anxiety and treat you according to this and this again reinforces your anxiety. Just don't make a worm out of yourself, what do you have to lose? A life on your knees? You don't have to confront someone physically to don't be a coward, be smart and assertive. Work on your self-esteem, i mean you tell yourself you are clumsy and weak? Work on that and try positive affirmations instead of negative ones.

In case you are talking about violent psychopaths known for beating the shit out of others for no reason: avoid them, dealing with psychopaths is hard for everyone.

[zasa joey]

thanks for your advice! thing is ive had this experience with this guy, me and my friends were out on the street and we all know him, he lives in the same hood, but thats it! he is not a friend of us, so he appeared and started to mess around with me, and i told him something to, i was trying to seem tough, and calm and all that shit, and we had a confrontation, and while we where talking and sorting things out, my leg was shaking :D, ye well it didnt lead to fight though, lucky me . so we sorted it out with the help of my friends. but i felt like shit afterwards for being so nervous during the confrontation and for that fucking shaking leg. 

[Dhana Choko]

You just have this "lack of self-esteem" type of pattern in you and you can be aware of that pattern. You have lived through that patter your whole life and you probably have no idea what it would be like to be a character in this lifetime with a good or even great self-esteem - your life would feel completely different and you would feel very different to yourself. However you can just watch this pattern, watch your reactions and just be with it...You don't have to change it - it will change on its own. There is a reason why you are introduced to these very different type of people in your life right now. You can watch them and examine them just like you can examine your own patterns, just like a detached scientist. You will see interesting things!

[zasa joey]

thanks for an interesting reply, yes i am very well aware of my low self-esteem and even the reasons behind them. but i think that because of that reasons, i deserve to have low self-esteem. 

[Dhana Choko]

2 minutes ago, zasa joey said:

thanks for an interesting reply, yes i am very well aware of my low self-esteem and even the reasons behind them. but i think that because of that reasons, i deserve to have low self-esteem. 

Well, that is your current opinion that might not be true  

[zasa joey]

well i can tell you and see it for yourself, here we go: back at school i was being bullied by all of my classmate boys and i was only one, well after a year or two of this i  managed to fight back and i ve had several fights and that settled it with them, never have i been bullied again, and i was in this agressive mode during that time, and all of them were trying to stay away from me. thats why i had no friends, thats the second reason, i was always sitting at my house 24 hours to my computer, when others were living lives. i havent and thats why i hate myself also. i made friends and started going out for 2 years now, but that doesnt compensate my past. also, there was this girl which i really loved and love right now, she was in our class, and when my friends were insulting her in front of me (they didnt know i loved her, no one knows even now, not even her i think) i wasnt doing shit and i was laughing and insulting her too sometimes to not make my classmates suspicious. well as for the reasons for why i didnt tell the girl i loved her and tried to start a relationship with her was my lifestyle. like she would found out that i had no friends and was sitting at home all day everyday, how the fuck could she love that kind of guy? thats why i didnt even bother to try starting something with her. and so i thought that it was okay if my classmates insulted her in front of me, as if i stood up for her, she would find out that i loved her. and that woulds hurt so much now. 

[xXxXx]

Seriously, don't judge your self like this, you're human dude. Also the acceptance of a few guys in your class does shit for you, swimming with the crowd isn't what's going to save you. Who the fuck hinders you to get in touch with other people instead of looking at your computer the whole day - no one - be responsible for your time. You don't have to cling to your classmates, i mean there are a dozen things you can do to get to know people your age outside of school. Try to cultivate a mature view of the world, i mean what are your goals? To be the toughest kid in the street? You have to lift your ass up from the frustration asap and establish a positive view on life. You don't depend on the opinion of anyone, be your own man. Be fucking responsible for your behavior, i mean bullying a girl with a few classmates? Grow a backbone.

 

[zasa joey]

@Locooig well school days are over. and yes things are different now, i spend most of my time on street now, i have become really good friends with some of my former classmates for now, and there are also other people in our neighboorhood and yes basically i have more friends now including my former classmates. and they really are important people for me in spite of their bad qualities and traits for which you can hate them. but they love me very much and will do many things for me so as will i. i cant just abandon them! i think you undestand. they are like brothers to me and we spend every day together.

[Guest]

Work out, build muscles, meditate, do martial arts, watch your health and eat healthy. You will kick anyones ass. You will feel way more comfortable if you have big muscles and also are trained in in fighting. You are a huge pussy now, but you can change that by training your body and your mind. It will take long and be hard work, but you must DO IT!

[Harry]

@zasa joey 

 This is you, take control of your life.

[Natura Sonoris]

My advice : take some boxing or mma classes. Every man should learn some basics of defence. In 1,2 you will ground yourself more and more but not chicken out early.   Buy 6 pillars of self esteem and your insecurity will decay over time. I am gonna write soon a good topic for dealing with lots of bullshit that your mind is bullying you with.

[zasa joey]

@Harry actually im not blaming circumstances or other people for the way i am. i take responsibility and blame no one but my self for my situation.

[zasa joey]

@Natura Sonoris actually im not afraid of physical confrontation and getting my ass handed to me as much as verbal. i would rather stand my ground verbally and if i get beaten like shit for that i would be very proud!

[ite]

You started 2 topics, and I'd say both your topics contain like just negative stuff.

To me it looks like - apart from other things - your self-image is rly f*ucked up... 

I strongly recommend you to take look at the book: "Psycho-cybernetics by Maxwell Maltz" which I will link below - this will be a good start for you.

* There will be an audible version as well a pdf for download *

https://archive.org/details/New_PsychoCybernetics

 

Note: As far as my understanding goes providing the link is within the user guidelines and there are no copyright infringements since its under "CC Attribution-Noncommercial-No Derivative Works 3.0" 

However if I should've made a mistake please let me know - so appropriate actions can be taken.

 

All credit goes to Maxwell Maltz

 

 

[zasa joey]

@ite thanks i ll check it out!

[Phrae]

I don't think this is cowardice. This is merely the existence of fear and you facing it. True cowardice would be not doing anything at all.

It is couraguous to try to hold your ground when you feel like your legs will break.

The issue is not cowardice it is being weak. You think that others can easily overpower you, whether physically or energetically. 

I think you need that hostility you mentioned but in a controlled manner. I bet you're kind of afraid of that. 

[zasa joey]

@Phrae  nicely said, your right!

[Harry]

6 hours ago, zasa joey said:

@Harry actually im not blaming circumstances or other people for the way i am. i take responsibility and blame no one but my self for my situation.

You're right! However, It's more than just taking responsibility for your failures. It's about what you are going to do to not let them happen again! 

Wallowing in a pit of your own self-hate is a cop out. 

Its the easy route. It means you don't have to stand up for yourself. It means you don't have to do the hard work which is nessesary to build a heathy self-esteem. 

1) Are you going to live the rest of your life with the mindset 'I deserve to be unhappy', 'I'm just don't have it in me'? 

Or... 

2) Are you going to step up and do the hard work required to make something of yourself? 

Of course coming on to this forum is your first step towards 2). 

@ite That is some sound advice! 

[Phrae]

@zasa joey I would recommend this attitude towards your situation:

• Accept your weakness (even though you might not like the way you are right now)
• Acknowledge your courage for trying to stand your ground.

What you need to do is work on your strength, that can be working on your mindset (the self image that you have of yourself) and change it. Or do something physical that will inevitably strengthen your view of yourself by providing material evidence (martial arts/strength training, etc).

You might really hate your reaction but don't dwell on it. Try to get in touch of what it would feel like to be a person with imperturbable power. Hold on to that feeling in your mind. You have to do this a lot before noticing some results.