Compulsive Need To Comply To Friends

[Sangoku]

Hello there, love to tell that your videos helped me really much in my live. So much more Joy in my Life now.

As i am a Developer my self i can really relate to your way of point of life Leo. 

As same i have a big problem with staying my ground with friends, i am now on the level where i can notice i am suppressing my own wishes to compulsively please my friends. But the problem I get aware first after a talk. Not while i talk to them....

 

Any suggestions how I can be more aware while ppl make requests of me. Later i am able to correct those mistakes with talking but i would love to lessen the strain on me and my friends so i can stand my ground while talking....

 

Any ideas are welcome. I am trying to be more aware but it is like my consciousness is laging behind my ego....

 

With eternal gratitude  Sangoku

[Anna]

Maybe this will help:

 

So you basically should stop to please other people. Be aware of what YOU really want.

On 3.3.2016 at 2:31 PM, Sangoku said:

i can notice i am suppressing my own wishes to compulsively please my friends

Do you deeply know what you wish for? Do you have problems with expressing it to your friends? Are you afraid of rejection?

[Guest]

The first step always is to get aware of the problem, which you did.

The second step is to be mindful of it when it happens in the moment, and I think you are this far too. Edit: Okay, I get you are not this far and you need help here. Prime your mind, before you engage with people. Think about this more often, stay vigilant. You know about this issue, so it won't be hard to remember in the moment. Always stay cool and don't let them persuade you. It takes practice like anything else but when you try to stay aware it will work eventually.

The third step is to man up, step up for yourself and simply suggest what you wanna do in a kind way. If they shit on you then you say you are not in the mood of doing their things and walk away. You must do something about it, and it takes courage. If you don't say anything nothing will change. You must learn to say NO more often. You have two weapons, YES and NO. With YES you make sure you always get your way, with NO you make sure that you never do what you don't wanna do. Use those two weapons! They are your sword and your shield forever in life and they are your golden ticket to a happy, fulfilled life full of amazing.

Edited March 10, 2016 by The Son

[Guest]

@Sangoku Hi Sangoku

"I'm sorry, that doesn't work for me right now"

Or whatever your own personal style is!

The key here is to condition yourself to respond in some constructive ways while being pressured. 

It appears you have a high degree of self respect and respect for your friends, so I feel this will be easy for you.

Approach a friend you trust and ask if he/she would be prepared to help you develop this skill.

If they agree, just spend time alone in a role play, let them play the role of pressuring you into doing something while you learn to deal with the feelings and respond in a way that's in agreement with both of your values.

You can experiment with what feels right and get a good grip on this skill without feeling pressure from your peers in real time.

Try it every day for 1 month.

Edited March 10, 2016 by Nomad

[Sangoku]

Sorry for the late response. 

I was really busy in getting to know my self. @Anna Thank you for the good advice, the result of my question is that i watched this video. And at that time i was not still ready to let go of my pleasing ego. Now i am more down the road and the friends i tooth i wanted to keep safe at all costs started to show different colors when confronted with my NO. 
Also i noticed i had a pretty strong filter about what a definition of a friend is. that was on other topic a reason for my inner anger when i had confrontations with them because the reality was not the one i wanted. Thank you

Edited May 8, 2016 by Sangoku

[kibrekidusan]

Hi 

I have the same problem.  Key things

1. A man should be living for purpose. ( DAVID DEIDA).  Don't value your friendship.  Paradigm shift. 

2. Leave your friends so that you can develop a new habit. It is going to be hard with them

3. Use saving phrases when you feel more pressured like let me think about it , why do u say that , I have something to do, I have somewhere to be, if you could Say no but I know it is tough. 

4. Develop your new habit and set a ground rule for your new relationships from the first time.

Peace

[Consept]

Your friends in this situation are really only the catalyst for how you feel inside already. So the fact that you can't stand your ground woukd suggest that your ego is scared of being rejected for maybe saying the wrong thing or that it wants to be liked. 

So really it comes down to you improving your self - esteem and having trust in yourself so that you can express yourself as you want and need to. At the moment it sounds like, even on a sub - conscious level, that your stuck trying to improve your self esteem by acceptance from external factors, in this case your friends. It's good that you have then there so you can practice and improve staying true to you in their company. 

 

[Sangoku]

@Consept Wow really deep and true toth! Thank you this helps me much

[Man in the Mirror]

i would also suggest learning about "codependency". Among the core characteristics of codependency, the most common theme is an excessive reliance on other people for approval and identity.

Edited May 18, 2016 by Man in the Mirror