Conflicts with girlfriend, does she care about me??

[Santiago]

Hey, something happened last night and it made me have mixed feelings about my girl.
 

There was a rave, me and my girlfriend had bought tickets and our idea was to MAYBE go and do MDMA together, otherwise just drink alcohol.

Plot twist: A future trip to brazil came up and so I had to take a vaccine the same day, this changed the scenario because I didn't want to do MDMA just to be cautious. Told her that I probably was going to roll with just alcohol.

At the party one of her friends bought MDMA and so she wanted rly bad to take it and she wanted me to do as well, but I refused since I was afraid it could interact with some chemicals in the vaccine and harm me, she told me it was ridiculous since I just took a 5th of the normal dose of the vaccine (because of shortage of vaccines available in the country) but I stood firm, then she mentioned something along the lines of "if you weren't going to use MDMA then why are you here? you shouldn't have come" and so I turned away and started walking but she didn't let me leave, she said  she didn't want me to leave... and so the drama begins.
Basically she wanted me to do MDMA even without being sure that it wouldn't harm me, allegating that "it was a small dose so it probably wouldn't matter", we even googled it and there wasn't much info, but I still found that MDMA weakens the immune system(one good reason not to mix MDMA and vaccines) but she still insisted I should do it because "there are no incidents documented for this particular scenario so it's obviously not bad to mix the vaccine and MDMA" which is a very stupid way of thinking.

That is it, now I am left feeling like my girlfriend gives a shit about my health, my life, me. I told her this by the way, and she responded that she would totally do it if she were in my shoes, that it was obviously harmless.

 

Another conflict: later that night she was on MDMA and I was on alcohol, and at one point she tells me that she can't control herself and that if somebody approached her she probably wouldn't be able to do anything because she was out of her mind...
So again, now I am left with less confidence on her, becuase if she ever goes to a rave without me the doubt will be in the back of my mind... (did she take mdma? did she kiss/sex other people?)

Edited March 10, 2018 by Santiago

[Shin]

Hard to tell with just these infos.

But it seems she doesn't really care, she just wanted to get high no matter what happens (as in cheating on you).

If I were you I would already dumped her, I don't think you can trust people who absolutely wants to get high, regardless of the circumstances.

[Spiral]

MDMA is not harmless, it’s has multiple effects some short term some not so short term. It’s also dangerous because you can over heat, it causes fever like symptoms. 

So I would skip it, on the other hand in a small dose isn’t the end of the world. Although it’s a serious drug and not some LSD strips. 

If your girl is into drugs she’ll probably want you to get into them as well and it’s not like crack that you can see the results of MDMA on someone’s face.

Edited March 10, 2018 by Spiral

[Santiago]

Thanks but she isn't into drugs rly, it's her first MDMA trip and she never does any other drugs. Well, maybe weed once a year...

Actually I suggested her we could do MDMA together and that's where she got the idea from(I did it once 2 years ago and am very careful with drugs, never did any other drug besides weed once a year), I just couldn't join her this time..

 

Edited March 10, 2018 by Santiago

[Shin]

32 minutes ago, Santiago said:

Thanks but she isn't into drugs rly, it's her first MDMA trip and she never does any other drugs. Well, maybe weed once a year...

Actually I suggested her we could do MDMA together and that's where she got the idea from(I did it once 2 years ago and am very careful with drugs, never did any other drug besides weed once a year), I just couldn't join her this time..

 

 

How was she after that ?
Did she reflect on what she has done ?
Is she sorry because she could have cheated on you ?

Edited March 10, 2018 by Shin

[Santiago]

2 hours ago, Shin said:

 

How was she after that ?
Did she reflect on what she has done ?
Is she sorry because she could have cheated on you ?

Didn't talk to her sober yet, we just came from the rave 7 hours ago. She is probably sleeping.

I just feel so terrible, so sad, this is my 1st time in love btw...


I was thinking that it may not make any difference if she is sorry or not, after all she told me what she felt at that time, which is the truth, she felt like she could "not control" herself if a guy came to her and touched her, maybe she would have let him do it... if she is sorry or not isn't that relevant, the thing is that now that I know this how can I trust her to go out alone? Is it possible to have a healthy relationship without trust?

The thing that bugs me even more is that she is SUPER JEALOUS, like in a sick way, she made up a scene and cried because I saw a short in which an actress appeared naked on a scene. She has serious emotional wounds. But yeah even tho she is super jealous she said that to me, and she said it in a moment in which we were telling beautiful things to each other like how much we loved each other.

Hurts

Edited March 10, 2018 by Santiago

[Shin]

Talk to her deeply about this and come back here.

[billiesimon]

This girl is insane.

Non-psychedelic drugs, raves, sick jealousy, manipulation.

What the fuck dude?!?

The problem is YOU.

You have ZERO self respect. What the heck do you expect from a degenerate junkie with narcissism?

She's going to destroy your life and then find another guy to abuse.

Block her now. Now. And run.

I'm serious.

[aurum]

@Santiago

You gotta get out of there man. Lots and lots of red flags in this one.

[Santiago]

Reminder: it was her first time trying drugs and partly I convinced her to try one time so we could share that moment of connection that MDMA gives (I used MDMA once two years ago), and she was pretty excited for that moment. She only had tried weed before, a few times and long ago. I wouldn't catalog as junkie or drug addict.


Update: I talked with her. There was a lot of stuff going on and it was hard to keep focus, a lot of things came up in this conversation and we talked about lots of stuff. At the moment I thought I was ok with her responses, but now I am still feeling bad about what happened, so it's not solved, my trust in her has been hurted.. I will talk to her today or tomorrow again and see if I can resolve this..

Summary: the first conflict is somewhat "solved", but the second conflict is killing me right now.

 

And I will rephrase it because I phrased it quite badly, here is a more accurate description of what she actually said to me, all this happened at the rave:

She told me that she was in a state where she was super sensitive of sensations, and that if somebody approached her for example to massage her(which happens in raves) she probably would roll with it and just follow the sensations, she was sensitive and MAYBE if she liked the feelings she would let go. After that I was shocked and I asked her "how so?", and then she told me that it wouldn't mean anything just sensations, but she would still love me.
Then I told her that I would do the same too, that if a girl came to me I'd probably just roll with it and it would just be pleasure, no feelings involved. And then she backed up, and told me that she actually didn't know if what she said was true, it was just a supposition but it didn't actually happen to her and so she couldn't know for sure, and that she was drugged so it wasn't that important (like she tried to somewhat justify it saying that she was under the effect of drugs). I insisted asking her about this and she insisted that she didn't really know what would happen and that the only way to know for sure would be to come to raves and do MDMA 5 times or so and see what happens. But she didn't necessarily think that it WOULD happen, it was just an idea she had...

 

This leaves me with a very bad taste in the mouth.

 

What bugs me is that we have a commited relationship and I know that If I did MDMA(did it once in my life) I wouldn't think of being with other girls because I want to be loyal to her and be with her. Also she is very very jealous, so she knows that what she said could hurt me, because she would be hurting if I told her the same.

On the other hand now I lost trust in her, because I think 100% that when you are on MDMA you don't say random stuff, you say things that you are feeling in that moment, and not random things.. for example she coulkd have said "I would like to have a purple cow as a pet" but she didn't say that, she said she was susceptible to contact with other people and that she would probably let go.
If I think in all the other things she said during that night it's very clear that she said things she was feeling at the time, she was very descriptive of the experience during the night, and it all made sense, it wasn't random stuff, it was real stuff, so why this has to be something to be ignored just because she was drugged and she doesn't know why she said that?

I am very sad.. We have a trip to Brazil programmed in 2 weeks, we were ok, it makes me so sad... I don't know how to continue after this, I really want to be ok with her because she means a lot to me but I am hurt.

[Lucas Lousada]

When a person is that jealous in a relationship is because the person usually do / did something 

You will never change how someone want to live its life, you can take the persons path or you can find someone who have somehow the same path as you want.

love is aways superficial, you did not loved her 5 years ago. if you stop everything now you will not love her 5 years from now.

If its harming you you have the choice to quit, always have this choice.

Love is building, 

and there is nothing to do with "sensations" itself, She looks like she is into sensations, not into you.

She is not wrong, though, its just you that is building a life in her, and not in sensations, and you are not wrong too.

 

I just dont see you together living a happy life, you can always find someone who is into you, or you can change yourself to be more into sensations than HER, you are not a stone in a jar.