"For crying out loud!"

[Charlotte]

Yep me again, with another question ?

Intrigued to hear people's answers to my question.

We try and decrease our suffering with regards to emotions, we unidentify, become the witness, observer etc.

My question is what about crying? When we feel we want to cry should we? For me personally, crying has always been the go to response when I'm confused, upset, angry, hurt etc. Should we treat the need to cry like any other emotion on this journey? 

Nowadays if I cry (very rare occasions), I tend to beat myself up, I have thoughts such as "I identified with the emotion so I failed".

Any input, as always is greatly appreciated ?

[Clown]

If you feel like crying, go for it. It's a releasing mechanism. You're letting stuff out, not gathering more.

In fact, I wish sometimes I could just cry because that would release some stuff. But I'm not a good crier.. lol. Just doesn't happen to me.

I have to work with stuff differently. But yeah, nothing wrong with crying.

[egoeimai]

To cry is to laugh

To laugh is to cry

Is just the other side of the same coin

Not a big deal 

[Shin]

It's beautiful to cry.

It shows you're in one of your most profound moment of your life.

Definitely don't supress it or feel guilty about it ?

Edited March 9, 2018 by Shin

[Martha77]

In my own experience I am the Biggest Cry Baby I can't watch the news without crying for people that I don't even know especially when something's wrong with our earth and people are affected. I could only guess that is that are very much alive and u have a heart. That is loving caring and you are special because can u imagine how bad this world would be if no one would have this emotional feelings.. OMG. But really it shouldn't matter what people say think negative.. I was told that I had depression and I had to take pills.. And by doing so it gave me other emotions that I know where not me.. But lil that I know it was the bad relationship I am in. Thanks to Leo and meditation... Tears of joy and sadness is can help letting go. And just a reminder that u are very much alive and living.. Make the best of what is.. 

[Monkey-man]

depends what are you crying for, if it is for ego = its a sign that you need to work on yourself

[Charlotte]

@Clown @egoeimai @Shin @Martha77

Wow thanks so much for your responses! ❤️

Genuinely really opened my eyes!

28 minutes ago, Clown said:

You're letting stuff out, not gathering more.

But isn't that the same with fits of anger? (For an aggressive person)

When you become angry it gathers and then a massive release usually takes place (like at the peak of the anger)

Isn't that just letting stuff out?

2 minutes ago, Martha77 said:

In my own experience I am the Biggest Cry Baby I can't watch the news without crying for people that I don't even know especially when something's wrong with our earth and people are affected

I'm exactly the same ❤️

3 minutes ago, Martha77 said:

That is loving caring and you are special because can u imagine how bad this world would be if no one would have this emotional feelings.. OMG.

Very true!! 

Thank you for all you have written @Martha77 beautiful story, so glad you've been able to take back control and change your life around! Leo gave you the tools, you put the work in, don't forget that, thank yourself also ❤️ 

[Michael569]

Crying is the purest emotional reaction there is. Like a pristine lake that has to flow in order to purify itself, crying is sometimes required to "reset" the emotional balance.  Crying is a good way to filter out the onset of severe emotional wave and it helps the mind to calm and get a second perspective on the underlying issue.

Never hold back your crying and never beat yourself over it but do not let it become your chronic distraction and escape from addressing an underlying issue. And never use it for a purpose of manipulation or self-pity. 

[Leo Gura]

Crying is good stuff. That's when you know the work has really begun.

Also, with emotions, make sure you're deeply feeling into them, not just escaping them with a phony air of detachment.

The problem is not that you feel too much emotions, the problem is that you don't actually feel them with full richness and nuance. Pay attention to when you're trying to escape an emotion -- and surrender the desire to escape it (as best you can). It's not easy. You won't always succeed at it.

[Elisabeth]

Crying to release emotion is healing. 

But I've also noticed myself allowing crying as a form of social manipulation, especially when I've done harm, I do feel pain and remorse but it's totally inappropriate to make myself the victim instead so that people don't blame me instead of owning my part. I try to refrain from that. 

[Clown]

1 hour ago, Charlotte said:

@Clown

But isn't that the same with fits of anger? (For an aggressive person)

When you become angry it gathers and then a massive release usually takes place (like at the peak of the anger)

Isn't that just letting stuff out?

 

 

Well, kind of.. I guess.

The source of anger is some sort of fear and that fear is probably unconcious. One might have a fear of being unworthy but it's hidden under layers of unconciousness. So whenever that person gets challenged in a way that might suggest to them they are unworthy, they react with anger. That anger comes from the fear of being unworthy and the fear that the belief "I'm unworthy" might actually be true.

Crying is more of a surrender. You lower your defenses and let whatever it may be just come out. Your not fighting with something or trying to keep something from surfacing. It's a healthy thing, if it's a surrender.

 

 (Of course some people use crying as a way to manipulate other people to pity them etc. but I feel that's not the case here.)

[Leo Gura]

3 hours ago, Charlotte said:

But isn't that the same with fits of anger? (For an aggressive person)

When you become angry it gathers and then a massive release usually takes place (like at the peak of the anger)

Isn't that just letting stuff out?

No, anger is actually different.

Expressions of anger is not "you letting stuff out", it's actually you hiding from the fact that you were hurt.

Anger is a sneaky emotion. It's not really genuine, even when it feels genuine. It's rooted in deep ignorance.

Anger is the smokescreen of the mind. Like a squid squirting a cloud of ink to get away.

Of course if you cry for manipulation, then that wouldn't be a healthy form of crying.

Cry consciously.

[Charlotte]

5 hours ago, Michael569 said:

Crying is the purest emotional reaction there is. Like a pristine lake that has to flow in order to purify itself, crying is sometimes required to "reset" the emotional balance.  Crying is a good way to filter out the onset of severe emotional wave and it helps the mind to calm and get a second perspective on the underlying issue.

Never hold back your crying and never beat yourself over it but do not let it become your chronic distraction and escape from addressing an underlying issue. And never use it for a purpose of manipulation or self-pity. 

Wow, beautiful the way you described crying. 

Agree with the second perspective and calming the mind.

I would never ever use it to gain any advantages, if I cry it's because I deeply feel I need to, I understand your comment though. Thank you for replying ?

4 hours ago, Leo Gura said:

Crying is good stuff. That's when you know the work has really begun.

Also, with emotions, make sure you're deeply feeling into them, not just escaping them with a phony air of detachment.

The problem is not that you feel too much emotions, the problem is that you don't actually feel them with full richness and nuance. Pay attention to when you're trying to escape an emotion -- and surrender the desire to escape it (as best you can). It's not easy. You won't always succeed at it.

Leo can you elaborate more on the "phony air of detachment" comment (for reassurance purposes).

I agree, I've been working very hard on feeling the emotion fully. It isn't easy, your right but if feels more natural to me to surrender (after the practice I've put in). 

Thanks for your reply ❤️

@Elisabeth Maybe this is a form of manipulation? Good for you that your working on it. Good luck sweet ?

3 hours ago, Clown said:

The source of anger is some sort of fear and that fear is probably unconcious. One might have a fear of being unworthy but it's hidden under layers of unconciousness. So whenever that person gets challenged in a way that might suggest to them they are unworthy, they react with anger. That anger comes from the fear of being unworthy and the fear that the belief "I'm unworthy" might actually be true.

Crying is more of a surrender. You lower your defenses and let whatever it may be just come out. Your not fighting with something or trying to keep something from surfacing. It's a healthy thing, if it's a surrender.

 

 (Of course some people use crying as a way to manipulate other people to pity them etc. but I feel that's not the case here.)

Makes sense! I knew anger was hidden fear in some way. 

Yes my crying is definitely a surrender (it genuinely feels that way inside). No, never ever used to manipulate.

Thank you :') ?

2 hours ago, Leo Gura said:

No, anger is actually different.

Expressions of anger is not "you letting stuff out", it's actually you hiding from the fact that you were hurt.

Anger is a sneaky emotion. It's not really genuine, even when it feels genuine. It's rooted in deep ignorance.

Anger is the smokescreen of the mind. Like a squid squirting a cloud of ink to get away.

Of course if you cry for manipulation, then that wouldn't be a healthy form of crying.

Cry consciously.

Leo, if anger isn't genuine and it's a smokescreen, then why as beings do we have the ability to become angry? It must serve some kind of purpose in one way or the another?

Thanks again for your input ♥️

[Ayilton]

"Crying is all right in its way while it lasts. But you have to stop sooner or later, and then you still have to decide what to do."

C.S. Lewis

[Charlotte]

20 minutes ago, Ayilton said:

"Crying is all right in its way while it lasts. But you have to stop sooner or later, and then you still have to decide what to do."

C.S. Lewis

Agreed BUT the decision is more an authentic decision.

[aurum]

@Charlotte

I definitely think crying is fine. What you'll likely find is that you have a different experience of crying.

I've noticed that I can cry and not necessarily feel any resistance to the crying. It moves through me and then it's over.

I actually learned this because of an ex-girlfriend. She told me how one of the mistakes guys make is we don't go fully into the emotion. Unlike girls, who seem more willing on average to feel the full extent of their emotion.

I didn't really think much about it until one time she saw me really upset. I thought I was feeling the emotion, but she stopped me and said "you're holding back". Suddenly I let go and got hit with what seemed like 10x waves of sadness.

I was shocked. Since then I do my best to consciously remember that the solution isn't to resist feelings, but let go and let them pass.

[Samra]

10 hours ago, Leo Gura said:

The problem is not that you feel too much emotions, the problem is that you don't actually feel them with full richness and nuance. Pay attention to when you're trying to escape an emotion -- and surrender the desire to escape it (as best you can). It's not easy. You won't always succeed at it.

Wow. That is so deep man. I hadn't realized this about myself. It just dawned on me, that Im afraid of fully feeling my emotions. Thank you

[Leo Gura]

9 hours ago, Charlotte said:

Leo, if anger isn't genuine and it's a smokescreen, then why as beings do we have the ability to become angry? It must serve some kind of purpose in one way or the another?

All emotions serve a very vitual purpose: they are manipulations of the ego-mind to fulfill its survival agenda.

The only reason you are alive is because emotions have kept you from dying. And so your very life hinges on them. You use them not only to physically survive, but even more importantly, to maintain your self-image.

Which is precisely why Truth and ego-death is the scariest thing you can experience.

Emotions are no joke. Emotions are the equivalent of someone holding a gun to your head and telling you to dance.

[Charlotte]

@Leo Gura thanks for your reply. 

8 hours ago, Leo Gura said:

Emotions are no joke. Emotions are the equivalent of someone holding a gun to your head and telling you to dance.

Yeah I've noticed this.

@aurum Thanks for your input. Lovely story (as your able to fully feel now) ❤️

[MisterMan]

On 3/9/2018 at 8:02 PM, Charlotte said:

Yep me again, with another question ?

Intrigued to hear people's answers to my question.

We try and decrease our suffering with regards to emotions, we unidentify, become the witness, observer etc.

My question is what about crying? When we feel we want to cry should we? For me personally, crying has always been the go to response when I'm confused, upset, angry, hurt etc. Should we treat the need to cry like any other emotion on this journey? 

Nowadays if I cry (very rare occasions), I tend to beat myself up, I have thoughts such as "I identified with the emotion so I failed".

Any input, as always is greatly appreciated ?

Yeah i've had a similar thing, but with joy, when i'm happy i catch myself and think am i really happy? I kind of stop myself. What i am coming to realise is that all your emotions are part of the parcel of the human experience, the trick is to feel them all. Go through the emotion to understand it's nature, not to simply detach yourself, that will come but you don't want to have "the tail wag the dog". Different steps for different people.