When Does Beauty Really Matter?

[Guest]

When you are in a relationship with someone and you love her but she isn't what many people (inculding myself) would call a pretty woman, I guess it is no deal, as long as you love her. But when the love fades away because of such reasons like her low sex drive and her bossy behaviour (things I've been talking about with her but probably will never change), then I see it more clearly that she isn't that pretty girl that I would really like to have. So, back to my question: When does beauty matter? Is it at that point where I start to doubt the relationship? For me it feels like I create a list with pros and cons for the relationship and I really think about writing the beauty aspect on the cons side. What do you think about my mindset?

[Cabot]

Regarding her behavior, she will never change, just accept that. If you are ok with how she is, great, but if you constantly feel the need to change her, it will inevitably lead to resentment.

Beauty is a relative thing. I feel the most important thing here is not genetics or natural beauty, but effort. Looks always fade in time, but if a person cares, he/she will make an effort to look as good as possible. I've met a lot of women, young and old that don't have a pretty face, but have charisma off the charts due to always smelling good, dressing well, having a nice figure, manners. Especially important if she's someone you consider spending your life with. 

You are obviously having doubts. Ask yourself: Does this person make me happy, exactly the way she is? This is what it comes down to, always.

[clytaemnestra]

I would say, beauty no, but attractiveness yes. Because I know many people that are beautiful, but they're not attractive to me because they're not my type and so on. I think every woman should be aware that men are visual and sexual beings and take care about her looks and health, like men should be more emotional and supportive because it is what women want. It's a consensus, maybe you don't want to spend a night listening to her crying over some stupid thing, but it is what you're supposed to do. I'm not now stereotyping women, but I want to say that all of us have sometimes some emotional moments we can't explain. In my opinion, beauty isn't so much important how much it is caring about your appearance, if a woman comes to you in a sexy, black laundry with heels and stockings and make-up and nice hair, I think you wouldn't notice that she has ugly teeth, nose or small eyes and so on. Especially if she is good in a bed, and open to new sexual experiences.

Whatever you decide to do further, just be aware how many women at this world exist. Sometimes we stuck in a long relationships not being aware how many possibilities to be happy we have actually, only if we break a circle. It is easier to convince ourselves that the person standing next to us is perfect (The Halo Effect) or that she/he will change how we want it, but we all know that's not the case. I mean, you can change some little things, but in general, I would say, you or accept or find the person you're more compatible with. Of course, you can work on your relationship, but if she is not caring about her looks the way you want it (including seduction) and you told her so and she didn't do anything about it, you have two options, I already mentioned. The Grey Phase is the hardest, because it is the phase when you get to know essence of the person, not the way how you present her/him to yourself or how she/he presents herself/himself to you and the world. But at the same time, it is the most useful phase, because it is a real matching, in that phase you get to know if it is the right person for you or not. Now, I'm a bit off the topic, because it wasn't the initial question, but I really felt a need to write this. 

We can't help you what to do next, you have to decide, but I would advice on you to ask yourself: Is this the person I am ready to spend my life with? Answer yourself  honestly and you have the answer what to do next. 

[Dhana Choko]

I think about your mindset that you are confused. You do not know how to be in this situation and you have actually lost a part of yourself. Do you think YOU are attractive? Do you find yourself sexy and hot? Do you find yourself energetic and excited about life? It is not about her - it is about you. 

[Zephyr]

I'm not a relationship person. But I think that even if she might have problem, I think you also have your own internal problem to fix as well. I can almost guarantee you though that when you make improvement with yourself, your women will also start to change and become more radiant. 
 

[Guest]

I understand. It is as if the ego tries to hold on to every little bullshit just to prove that it is still there. I came to this website to self-improve and now I see that this only works when I put my ego aside. I was talking about possession and appreciation for such a long time and still I don't really apply it to my own life. I already destroyed like 2-3 aspects that hover around the ego, but still there are so many more. I have to define the rest of my problems and deal with them one by one.

[FindingPeace]

Interestingly physical beauty is proportional to the person's inner beauty too. Like the personality and behaviour. So you may find them less attractive because you are finding other aspects of her less attractive.

 

[Niki]

When does beauty really matter? Always of course.

[Will]

On 03/03/2016 at 3:55 PM, wasabelll said:

but she isn't what many people (inculding myself) would call a pretty woman, I guess it is no deal, as long as you love her

This is crap.. you need to desire her if you dont she is a friend and thats it.. dont confuse things.. 

 

If your honest with yourself and beauty matters, then you need to be congruent with that..

Problem is many people dont actually know what they really truly want..

They are a function of social expectations..

Your desire evolve too BTW you may go throyugh a phase of wanting hot  pretty chicks and then that may become less important but you have to be really honest in yourself...

Most people hide behind excuses.. i.e. I dont need a hot girlfriend, when what they really mean is that .. "I cant get hot girls"

Its bullshit.. you can have and create whatever you want.. That does not mean it will ever actually happen but you most certainly can try..

Decide what you really want and then do what you need to get it.. be very very cautious of excuses!! 

 

[Pav]

One thing you should realise is that beauty is completely subjective. Surely you've noticed your taste in men/women has changed over time? Perhaps you've got an ex who you found deeply attractive at the time but no longer hold that attraction for? Or have you ever seen a persons attractiveness melt away before your eyes once they opened their mouth and revealed their personality?

Something interesting that I've noticed on LSD is how profoundly it can alter your perceptions of faces, it can sometimes be a little disturbing. My own hand will start to resemble a monkey's paw. Everybody will look so ape-like. I think normally your brain is always processing the way you perceive human characteristics, particularly faces, to make them seem more human. I believe a substance like LSD can alter this processing, or maybe even cease it altogether to reveal their unaltered appearance. Nobody looks beautiful when you're in such a state, they all just look weird.

I guess my point is to be more concerned with inner beauty, with inner beauty outer beauty will likely follow. Of cause sexual attraction is important in sexual relationships, I believe the attraction will be far greater and far more satisfying when coming from a genuine emotional connection with your partner. 

[Niki]

There is nothing profound about LSD. It's an autodestructive drug that effects your perception for a limited amount of time and causes addiction.