Tell me your biggest struggle right now and I will help.

[kieranperez]

Link to your channel?

[Dan Arnautu]

@kieranperez Yeah, I answered your question there. You have the time stamps in the description.

Edited March 25, 2018 by Dan Arnautu

[7thLetter]

@Dan Arnautu Hey thanks for the reply in your video. I was thinking maybe read the person’s entire situation first before answering. But maybe I could have been a bit more specific on my part. 

I definitely don’t have a misunderstanding of what an introvert is, but it can be a bit limiting with the fact that I get my energy so drained that I can’t even say a word. I’ve worked in the hospitality industry for over 5 years now, working with customer service to improve my confidence and how I carry myself. I have a lot of social days, and a lot of anti-social days depending on my mood. So yes I do understand introverts can be social in several cases. I did mention that I got into pickup later on in the paragraph and I did it for a year. I did take a lot of action. Went out to clubs, bars, malls, schools, streets, you name it. I’d say I’ve done over 400 cold approaches in that entire year. Have over 60 numbers in the notes in my phone. Wrote my reference experiences for almost each girl. I guess I’d say I took the wrong approach to it a lot of the time. I looked into too much theory, I also took an ‘asshole’ approach to game. But overall your advice was not bad, it has definitely got me thinking about getting into pickup again. Just not going to do daygame anymore but just going out to clubs on the weekends for now probably. I quit because I felt that it was destroying who I am in a way. With all the manipulation and the other PUAs you surround yourself with. I was also getting heavily invested into self-actualization so that got in the way. Still am though, so I would change my approach if I got back into pickup.

Anyways, thanks again

[saish]

10 hours ago, Dan Arnautu said:

Thanks a lot! I too appreciate yours and others' attention. I do not take it for granted.

When it comes to neediness it's a really big frame issue. Most guys come across in their interactions with girls something like: "What can I do so she will let me fuck her?". The problem here is the frame itself. That means you are trying to take something away from her. You are trying to fulfill a need. Not only IS IT NOT MUTUAL, as in, at least you should both have fun, but you are trying to pump away at her and if she feel good, that's great, and if not, whatever.

Imagine a girl trying to do that to you (i.e. fucking you and not letting you cum because shed doesn't care about that).

This doesn't apply only to sex, but to love too. 

Into any interaction, not just with women, you have to go into it with a giving mentality. "I am here to give my gift." In a conversation with a friend that may look like giving advice or listening very deeply to him and with a woman it may look something like trying to GIVE her the best orgasm ever or preparing an awesome date. Not because you want something out of it, but because that's what you do. That's what you were put here to do. To penetrate the world with masculine energy. And masculine energy is all about purpose, drive, mission leading, creating and sharing your deepest essence through that.

If you want to get rid of neediness in a fundamental way, you have to change from the inside out. You have to become complete within yourself as in not NEEDING a woman in your life to be happy. You have to start to see your ideal woman as just an accessory to an already great life. You could have a life just as awesome without her, but still, having her around is nice. That's the mindset you should be coming from.

One pillar to solving this is creating a great life for yourself. Create an awesome career, cultivate awesome skills, travel etc. Whatever rocks your boat.

The second pillar is massive self-education. I could write for hours here and I still couldn't cover even the fundamentals of male/female polarity.

Read the following books 10 to 15 times, until you have all the concepts internalized and you don't have to think about them anymore.

• How to Be a 3% Man by Corey Wayne
  • this one especially teaches you the fundamentals
• The Way of The Superior Man by David Deida
• The Sex God Method by Daniel Rose
  • This one is optional, but is still important because a woman WILL leave you if the sex isn't good enough. Screwing up one of the intimate acts of the relationship will harbor resentment in her and make her want to leave you even though you may be a great guy.

Also, watch this video:

The third pillar is meeting and hooking up with so many hot women that your need dissolves into thin air. You burn layers of karma. You don't even think about gettin sex or love as being a problem, because you are now in an abundance mindset. You know that you can get both if you wanted to, without much effort.

That's where you probably aim to be and where you CAN be if you read the books above and you start taking massive action.

The most important things are so overlooked because they are so obvious. You just need to take action. 

You may say: Yeah,yeah. I know. That's true. I knew it even before you told me.

And I say: Yeah, but are you doing it?

That's about it for now. Start taking action on those 3 pillars and you're gonna start to see results. That's all there is. Sitting and thinking about your ex all day won't change anything, as you probably already figured out.

Good luck! I wish you the best!

Thanx man great answer I will take massive action from now on.

[Dan Arnautu]

10 hours ago, 7thLetter said:

@Dan Arnautu Hey thanks for the reply in your video. I was thinking maybe read the person’s entire situation first before answering. But maybe I could have been a bit more specific on my part. 

I definitely don’t have a misunderstanding of what an introvert is, but it can be a bit limiting with the fact that I get my energy so drained that I can’t even say a word. I’ve worked in the hospitality industry for over 5 years now, working with customer service to improve my confidence and how I carry myself. I have a lot of social days, and a lot of anti-social days depending on my mood. So yes I do understand introverts can be social in several cases. I did mention that I got into pickup later on in the paragraph and I did it for a year. I did take a lot of action. Went out to clubs, bars, malls, schools, streets, you name it. I’d say I’ve done over 400 cold approaches in that entire year. Have over 60 numbers in the notes in my phone. Wrote my reference experiences for almost each girl. I guess I’d say I took the wrong approach to it a lot of the time. I looked into too much theory, I also took an ‘asshole’ approach to game. But overall your advice was not bad, it has definitely got me thinking about getting into pickup again. Just not going to do daygame anymore but just going out to clubs on the weekends for now probably. I quit because I felt that it was destroying who I am in a way. With all the manipulation and the other PUAs you surround yourself with. I was also getting heavily invested into self-actualization so that got in the way. Still am though, so I would change my approach if I got back into pickup.

Anyways, thanks again

Ok. I see. Well, it's great that you are willing to change your approach. I don't know which PUA's you follow, but I can recommend you "The Natural by RSD Max", if you have the money. A little bit on the expensive side, but it's totally worth it in my opinion. You will learn how to have "natural game", not needing to put up a face when you go out trying to do pickup. It will just flow.

Also, if you said you are looking for the ideal girlfriend, just like I said, making a list with the ideal qualities in a woman is key. I suggest you do the exercise at page 84 from the "How to be a 3% Man" book.

You can actually find it for free here (https://www.scribd.com/doc/33421576/How-To-Be-A-3-Man) or on his website. It will take you just a few minutes and it's pretty fun to do actually. And it's funny because you will start to see those types of girls instantly and they will be more attracted to you because women are attracted to men that know exactly what they want. And as you will have the list in your mind, you will know exactly what you want.

Good luck, man!

[Raphael]

Hey @Dan Arnautu,

I have a question about The Six Pillars Of Self-Esteem's sentence completions exercises. Would you recommend finishing reading the book first, then doing Nathaniel Branden's program at the end  of the book? Doing it while I am still reading the book? Or doing sentence completion exercises given for each pillars while reading the book or after finishing it?

[Dan Arnautu]

@Raphael Whichever you prefer.

But keep in mind that if you do them only after reading the book, there is a high chance that you will procrastinate. So making yourself do the exercises before going further with the book is a good way to not procrastinate.

Alternatively, you can do them in the order of importance to you. Like, temporarily skipping the ones from the pillars that you handle well and doing the ones you are the weakest at first.

[Torkys]

I have 3 things to do to move along the path:

1. Remove the distractions from my life
2. Get more practice in
3. Find my life purpose / passion.

1. Distractions are killing my ability to do deep personal development work, namely social media (which I ironically need for school), video games and entertaining videos. I struggle to find other "filler activities" and ways to relax without being connected to the internet (which is a serious subtle addiction of mine). Video games give me challenges to accomplish which without a purposeful life is close to impossible to get in my life.

2. Even though I realized my whole life should be a spiritual practice and meditation / conscious life is the lifestyle, it is still challenging to sit down to meditate or to contemplate. I always did meditation for the pleasant feelings that come from being conscious, not for consciousness itself which frustrates me. Contemplation is hard because of the crap I consume and I don't have the motivation to do my spiritually beneficial hatha yoga practice.

3. I think this will be my saving grace. I am doing life purpose work which got catalyzed by the fact I have been channeling Infinite Intellgence. I am getting really, really close to finding my life purpose but I think I might not be ready for the emotional release Steve Pavlina's exercise may bring.

Even though I am sorting these out, I want to read your advice and see what angle do you come at this from. 

And thanks for being awesome!

Edited March 31, 2018 by Torkys

[Dinesh Karki]

Which Courses or Product is best for personal Development?

[Dan Arnautu]

@Dinesh Karki It depends on what problem you have or what you want to work on. There is no one size fits all solution.

If you just want a very general starting point that is gonna point you in the right direction, start with these three books:

• Think and Grow Rich by Napolean Hill
• How to Win Friends and Influence People by Dale Carnegie
• The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People by Stephen Covey

Let me know if you have any other question.

Good luck!

[Dan Arnautu]

On 3/31/2018 at 6:05 PM, Torkys said:

I have 3 things to do to move along the path:

1. Remove the distractions from my life
2. Get more practice in
3. Find my life purpose / passion.

1. Distractions are killing my ability to do deep personal development work, namely social media (which I ironically need for school), video games and entertaining videos. I struggle to find other "filler activities" and ways to relax without being connected to the internet (which is a serious subtle addiction of mine). Video games give me challenges to accomplish which without a purposeful life is close to impossible to get in my life.

2. Even though I realized my whole life should be a spiritual practice and meditation / conscious life is the lifestyle, it is still challenging to sit down to meditate or to contemplate. I always did meditation for the pleasant feelings that come from being conscious, not for consciousness itself which frustrates me. Contemplation is hard because of the crap I consume and I don't have the motivation to do my spiritually beneficial hatha yoga practice.

3. I think this will be my saving grace. I am doing life purpose work which got catalyzed by the fact I have been channeling Infinite Intellgence. I am getting really, really close to finding my life purpose but I think I might not be ready for the emotional release Steve Pavlina's exercise may bring.

Even though I am sorting these out, I want to read your advice and see what angle do you come at this from. 

And thanks for being awesome!

1. I suggest you plan a gradual detachment from those. You can't tackle all of them at once effectively.

• Start with social media. Restrict usage for one hour a day (which should be plenty for school). There are great apps for that, including ColdTurkey for desktop. 
  • Turn off all notifications from apps, except SMS. If there is an emergency, people will have access to you through SMS, but there is no reason to check instagram and facebook chat 10 times a day. Check you social media notifications and chat messages once in the morning and once at night by opening the apps (as you won't receive notifications)

 

• I was able to quit video games entirely by making a hard/cold switch to a Macbook. I used to play even 10-12 hours a day on some days and I figured this isn't worth it in the long run. So I assessed my priorities and pulled the trigger. No need to quit if you don't have anything to play the games on, hehe.
  • For you, such a radical decision may not be ideal. But only you know. I don't know you, so I can only tell you what worked for me. If this works for you also, great.
  • Alternatively, you can start to substitute video games with something else that gives you the same reward.

 

• Filler activities can include, but are not limited to:
  • Meditation
  • Journaling
  • Reading nonfiction books
  • Doing courses
  • Researching
  • Picking up a skill/hobby to work on
  • Self-Hypnosis
  • Having deep conversations with people
  • Contemplating
  • Exercising
  • Signing up for different classes etc.
    • Just see what floats your boat

 

2. Start small. You don't need to do 1h-2h spiritual practices if you are not ready. Consistency wins every single time. Start with 10 minutes, and once that's comfortable, bump up the assigned time again and again. This is not a sprint.

 

• I remember when I first forced myself to meditate for 30 minutes everyday, when my addicted mind's sweet spot was about 10 minutes at the time. It was grueling. I dialed the time back to 10 minutes, and once that amount assigned time became comfortable, I bumped it up to 15 min and then to 20, and so on.

 

3. I don't know who Steve Pavlina is.

 

Hope I've been of help. Let me know if you have any other questions. 

Good luck, Torkys!

 

Edited April 4, 2018 by Dan Arnautu

[Raphael]

@Dan Arnautu

I recently got a new job, I'm in a testing phase. Another employer told me that I have to bring chocolate before being confirmed in the company and that all others have done that.

How should I react to this? For the moment, I think I will bring the chocolate. Is this going to make me a victim? Or should I say an assertive "No"?

[Ether]

@Raphael You are not a victim, unless you believe you are one.

You are not assertive, unless you believe you are.

[John Iverson]

1. I want to bang hot girls

2. I don't wanna relapse anymore.. i just finish 40 days and after that i relapse.. so far i reached 40 days  

3. My social anxiety,  i want to look in the eye the person i want to look on the street i dont want to see other side of the street just to now see their eyes.. or i want to smile at them or i want to be approachable on the street

4. I don't want to be scared in the conversation that i'm scared of having a conversation that i'm gonna say something over and over again that the one who is speaking to become bored and think that there is nothing new

[Ether]

@John Iverson Heal yourself then you are free to do everything (you can even do it now).

[TheDarkSorcerer]

Existential Loneliness, there was one day where I truly fell in the void, where time ceased, and there was only pain. Ever since then, I have this understanding how alone we truly are, maybe I am missing the truth, I hope I am. Is love real? is it just an illusion? what's the point of all our suffering?

[pluto]

Life is a beautiful struggle

[Epiphany_Inspired]

@Dan Arnautu Seriously? You would really help me? Even with all of your music, and personal tasks? Wow, I guess your backsliding is over and you are back to being a super hero... OK, I'd be foolish not to accept this offer, it is truly rare and precious! Sending gratitude in advance! So, your wild ride awaits:

My biggest struggle is myself. I can't seem to navigate my priorities; I feel so very lost, confused, and overwhelmed. My energy goes so deeply into things that may be meaningless, while my fears keep me from exploring the potentially genuinely meaningful. Awareness of this imbalance hides from me most of the time...and my discernment is vastly flawed...my self-efficacy never seems to recover...I jump desperately from one bad unrealized idea to the next, like a game.....but...I love life and it's beauty ....only....it's while I slowly dig my grave awaiting a very boring funeral where all that could be said is "how bold and magic she once was, then she lived a boring life in paralyzing fear from x-year on"...."letting her dreams rot like compost in a wasteland of thistles and thorns"....damn, I'm emo today...lol...sorry 

I'm perpetually lost in a nowhere land that exists between what I "should" be doing, what I "could" be doing, what I often falsely perceive I "need" to be doing to move forward/ or even survive, my bad choices, my procrastination...if it were a painting, you would see me grasping at nothing through the thickest fog, while real life lies just beyond it...

[janie]

I was the chain smoker before. I have tried many things out to get rid of this habit. But i couldn't get away from that anxiety. One day my friend suggested me about SOS method (https://sosmethod.co/) a meditation tool. By using that app i have managed to have control over my anxiety. One of the best meditation app which I have experienced using is the SOS Method app. It's unique in that it doesn't require you to quiet your mind, it only takes minutes, and it's been endorsed by doctors, scientists, and regular people all over the world.

[Rigel]

I have trouble with my high achiever mindset. I feel like no matter what I do it's never enough. 

I'm practicing music for 4 to 8 hours every day. I enjoy it a lot but I always feel like I could do so much better. I have trouble being content with my current skills.

Put simply I feel like I suck sometimes...