Tell me your biggest struggle right now and I will help.

[Ether]

@Dan Arnautu Yeah, i expect quick fixes, i did see progress over the last 1 year and half.

[Shin]

6 minutes ago, Preety_India said:

Only the worst person in the world can do that. Gosh so abusive. 

5 minutes ago, Preety_India said:

Only the worst person in the world can do that. 

Thank you.

I guess ...

[Dan Arnautu]

20 hours ago, sarapr said:

@Dan Arnautu i have another struggle : how do I correct my sleep cycle ? Here's what I can do , I can wake up whenever I want but can't go to sleep when I want and then if I don't get proper sleep at night I keep having naps during the day and I can't control the napping and that reinforces me not being able to go to sleep at night when I want . give me a pill for this one too . the previous one worked awesome thank you for that.

I had that very same problem. You need a night routine that you repeat every single night, one which will tell your mind that you are ready to sleep.

The routine can be something simple like:

• Dim all the lights 1 hour before sleep
• Make a cup of tea and drink it while reading a book or watching something funny
• Brush your teeth
• Go to sleep

The key is to do the same routine every night without exception.

Also, by any means, have a cut-off point for all work. This is a tip I learned from Cal Newport. Have at least half an hour before sleep where you can detach from all work, all external stressors etc. Don't go to the bed immediately after studying or reading a complicated book. Your mind won't let you sleep from all the running thoughts and ideas.

Other things that will make your more sleepy and get your body ready to sleep are:

• Installing the Twilight app on your phone / Flux for desktop and laptop.
  • These apps will get rid of all the blue light that the screens project. The blue light prevents your body from secreting melatonin, which is the hormone that regulates sleep and wakefulness. If you get rid of the blue light, you will become sleepy much faster.
    • That's also why I suggest that you turn off or at least dim all the lights in the house one hour before sleep.
• Put some music or nature sounds in the background (any kind of constant sound will work). 
  • Contrary to popular belief, humans have not evolved yet to sleep comfortably in complete silence. Our body is used to sleep around camp fires, in forests, in nature in general, where you hear many sounds constantly.
• Cut off all social media for at least one hour before sleep.

 

[Dan Arnautu]

11 minutes ago, Preety_India said:

Only the worst person in the world can do that. Gosh so abusive. 

Judgments don't help the situation in any way. Remember:

"When you point one finger, there are three fingers pointing back to you."

Let's keep the atmosphere supportive here. If you have something negative to say to the guy, send him a personal message. This thread is about building people up. Let's keep it like that.

Thanks.

Edited March 14, 2018 by Dan Arnautu

[tsuki]

On 13.03.2018 at 2:38 PM, Shin said:

How to forgive yourself after having destroyed the psychological and physical health of the person you love the most ?

Please tell me ...

@Shin Responsibility is a double-edged sword. When you take responsibility for your actions you belittle involvement of other people and claim that you run things. You don't. Any suffering can be traced back to Ego that tried to fix things by responsibly managing the world.

As for my own struggle - I will think about the wording and post it soon.

[Dan Arnautu]

18 hours ago, SOUL said:

A struggle I have is ignoring people who have self important perceptions of themselves in thinking they can solve other people's issues using their own subjective experience perspective.

I eventually pay them some attention and I may even interact with them in some way but they almost always assume their observations and insights are a universally recognized truth, right or good.

Yet, my intention of interacting with them is in possibly bringing some awareness to humble agnosticism in perception because the value they assume they are imparting to others is the very value they fail to acknowledge in their own perspective by the process of dispensing 'wisdom' to others.

If you are focused on your purpose/mission in life, you won't have any time to look at or think about those kinds of people. Unless your purpose is to make those people more aware of their closed mindedness, I suggest you focus on you.

Also, the endeavor of changing their mind will usually end in failure because they have to be ready to change. 

"Don't try to teach a pig to fly. You will end up dirty, and it bothers the pig."

Good luck!

Edited March 14, 2018 by Dan Arnautu

[Dan Arnautu]

@Ether There are no quick fixes. Either your are committed to the path of mastery, or you aren't. Just looking for the quick fix is taking valuable time away from doing the actual work. And I know it can be frustrating, but that's just the way that it has to be sometimes.

[Ether]

Just now, Dan Arnautu said:

@Ether There are no quick fixes. Either your are committed to the path of mastery, or you aren't. Just looking for the quick fix is taking valuable time away from doing the actual work. And I know it can be frustrating, but that's just the way that it has to be sometimes.

Yes, I understand

[Dan Arnautu]

4 minutes ago, Ether said:

Yes, I understand

I had a four year plateau with my guitar skills and only when I found a mentor one year ago had I started to make progress again. So imagine my frustration with that. That's why I can relate to your situation.

[Ether]

@Dan Arnautu Yes, I used to feel very frustrated but i went on anti depressants and it numb my depression. But just got to keep looking foward.

[Dan Arnautu]

15 minutes ago, Ether said:

@Dan Arnautu Yes, I used to feel very frustrated but i went on anti depressants and it numb my depression. But just got to keep looking foward.

You can try the Depression Meditation Pack from Headspace.

I did the anxiety pack and it helped me a bunch. It actually made me understand anxiety better and change my relationship to it. A few years ago, I experienced panic attacks on a daily basis. Now I experience those only in very special circumstances, which I think is and outstanding progress. A psychologist or psychiatrist would have not been able to do that.

Good luck! 

Edited March 14, 2018 by Dan Arnautu

[Psyche_92]

My biggest struggle is not hearing back from recruiters after having good interviews .

[Dan Arnautu]

15 minutes ago, Psyche_92 said:

My biggest struggle is not hearing back from recruiters after having good interviews .

Watch the following videos. They represent less than an hour of invested time in exchange for maybe hundreds of thousands of dollars in your bank account or finding your ideal job. They will tell you all that you need imo:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6zCK3mQuvfw

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OkMZoTe7JXs

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9tdyZWbGWO0

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KukmClH1KoA&t=575s

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=g0-I-HYPeHo

Fact is, most people looking for a job do the bare minimum to get in. If you apply just a little more effort than that, you have no competition. Almost all applications are thrown into the thrash because people don't know basic grammar these days. Maybe 30% pass the grammar and eloquency and 5-10% are chosen for the jobs.

So if you are applying for a job with massive competition, remember that 70-80% of them will be rejected from the start and you don't have to worry that much.

Also, read the book: ”How to Win Friends and Influence People” by Dale Carnegie. It goes into great detail on the issue too.

Good luck!

Edited March 14, 2018 by Dan Arnautu

[blacksapp]

Hey Dan! First of all, thanks for the iniciative...I think it helped a lot of us for understanding a little bit better ourselves.

Well, I don't want to be too long so I'll try to resume it.

In my 15's I lost a lot of friends (new people around kinda stole them), got depressed and had no one to care about...parents too busy.

Since then, I'm not able to make friends, hate socializing and got stuck in porn and video-games to satisfy that sadness within.

Everybody make laugh at me because the way I walk, the way I talk...l've been trying to get better but is so frustrating to be in a place the you are "a clown". The biggest problem is that I couldnt see the problema 'till now. 

Today, I'm actually single, have basically no friends, I have a job but wish to have a better one but no able to find. I'm christian and it does not allow me to go even to pickups to get better with girls...I feel like I'm in a cave and I'm trapped.

Really don't know what to do.

Thanks

 

[alyra]

@Dan Arnautu you are so generous! 

 

 

Didn't read the whole thread yet sorry if you answered this already. 

 

My biggest struggle is that I have too many issues in life that I am behind in, some of which endanger my health, most of which sum up to render me unemployable altogether. I need to balance multiple growth and habit-changing at the same time, and scheduling is a weakness of mine. I feel overwhelmed by how much I need to keep track of, and often have inconsistencies in important things that make things worse for me. 

 

It isn't an issue that is fixed by focusing on one thing.. because then everything else goes to hell and I go backwards overall. It isn't an issue that is resolved be removing myself from the needs I believe in, I do that already, but it won't change the fact that my body is weak and fragile, that I spend 1k of my parents money a month and barely afford to get the help I want to get with that money, and often lose hope random days of the week from too much stress. 

 

What I want assistance in - advice - is, how to balance over 50 needs where I can only seriously work on about five at a time?

 

(I am able to balance the rest well enough that they only slowly deteriorate, but for the past two years I've just been cycling through different groups of goals I need to work towards, which means I make growth and then lose it over and over - overall I improve over time, but I want a more effective strategy) 

(some of these things are probably many of the things already mentioned here - focus, motivation, money, relationships, I will go and read them when I have time to dedicate to such research later... but my main priority is balancing it all)

Edited March 14, 2018 by alyra

[Ether]

@Dan Arnautu I think I just meditated for 40 minutes

[sarapr]

@Dan Arnautu you're so awesome . I don't think this thread will ever come to an end . people have so many struggles that you'll regret having ever started this topic if you haven't already 

[SOUL]

1 hour ago, Dan Arnautu said:

If you are focused on your purpose/mission in life, you won't have any time to look at or think about those kinds of people. Unless your purpose is to make those people more aware of their closed mindedness, I suggest you focus on you.

Also, the endeavor of changing their mind will usually end in failure because they have to be ready to change. 

"Don't try to teach a pig to fly. You will end up dirty, and it bothers the pig."

Good luck!

The irony is so thick... haha.

[Dan Arnautu]

1 minute ago, SOUL said:

The irony is so thick... haha.

I never said that what I'm advising here should be treated like the gospel of god. I never even said that I can solve people's problems. I just try to support people into making a change for the better in their lives with whatever tools and knowledge I have on my hands.

You can see it whichever way you want though.

[Dan Arnautu]

2 hours ago, blacksapp said:

Hey Dan! First of all, thanks for the iniciative...I think it helped a lot of us for understanding a little bit better ourselves.

Well, I don't want to be too long so I'll try to resume it.

In my 15's I lost a lot of friends (new people around kinda stole them), got depressed and had no one to care about...parents too busy.

Since then, I'm not able to make friends, hate socializing and got stuck in porn and video-games to satisfy that sadness within.

Everybody make laugh at me because the way I walk, the way I talk...l've been trying to get better but is so frustrating to be in a place the you are "a clown". The biggest problem is that I couldnt see the problema 'till now. 

Today, I'm actually single, have basically no friends, I have a job but wish to have a better one but no able to find. I'm christian and it does not allow me to go even to pickups to get better with girls...I feel like I'm in a cave and I'm trapped.

Really don't know what to do.

Thanks

It's great that you decided to take ownership of the situation. 

Well, there is a lot of work to do in your case. I think you gotta start with small things that can make a big impact. That will keep you motivated.

Thing is, it's very hard to make and keep friends if you are depressed. We, as humans, usually want to hang around happy, outgoing people. If you can just put yourself into a decent state of mind, that will do wonders for you and progress will start to show.

Seeing progress in what you are doing is key, so that's why I say that starting small is very important. If you will see yourself as successful only after you get rid of all the problems, you will have robbed yourself of the whole joy within the journey of becoming the best version of yourself.

I say we tackle this one by one, otherwise you will get overwhelmed. If you are willing, I say we should start with the walking and talking, because we as humans are doing that all day, and that might provide the greatest return on investment.

Watch these videos and start to apply what they say:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oWirfhjfeVo&t=3754s

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Hg8bNsybfNw

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AB1Rv9bW9hQ

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jbXhofIJSQU

Also, I suggest you read The Way of The Superior Man by David Deida. He has a part into the book dedicated to body language, but the whole book can offer more insights on how to adress your particular situation.

Here is a quick excerpt that might stir your interest:

"The superior man practices opening during these times of automatic closure. Open the front of your body so your chest and solar plexus are not tense. Sit or stand up straight and full, opening the front of your body, softening your chest and belly, wide and free. Breathe down through your chest and solar plexus, deep into your belly. Look directly into the eyes of whoever you are with, feeling your own pain as well as feeling the other person. Only when the front of your body is relaxed and opened, your breath full and deep, and your gaze unguarded and directly connected with another person's eyes, can your fullest intelligence manifest spontaneously in the situation. To act as a superior man, a samurai of relationship, you must feel the entire situation with your whole body. A closed body is unable to sense subtle cues and signals, and therefore unable to act with mastery in the situation." - David Deida

If you are willing, send me some pictures with your sitting, standing and walking postures the way they are right now (in a private message) and then, after practicing the things said in the videos for about 10-15 days (especially the ones in the second video linked above about body language), send me another set of pictures to update me on your progress. 

Remember that poor body language is not only harmful in social situations, but it also affects your physical health directly. Hunched shoulders can cause shoulder impingement and mobility issues, sitting for long periods of time everyday can cause anterior pelvic tilt (which causes back pain) along with tight hips and hamstrings and so on. I could ramble about this for days.

I will try and help you adress the other problems too after we see some improvement on these ones. Hit me up with a DM.

That's about it for now though.

Good luck, @blacksapp!