Tell me your biggest struggle right now and I will help.

[Shin]

3 minutes ago, Dan Arnautu said:

@Shin http://gph.is/2fRRyS6

How do you insert gif's properly on the forum? lol

Add a file (click to choose a file), then add one, and click on the + sign.

Or if you didn't download the pic, it's «insert other media».

[Dan Arnautu]

@Shin Edited the comment and now it works. Thanks, bud. 

[Charlotte]

1 hour ago, Dan Arnautu said:

Like @Shin said, if you want to keep reading for the rest of your life and make it effortless, you should make it a habit. It takes discipline only in the beginning. After 10 days of doing this, you will probably start to read automatically.

Print the sheet below, write as a habit ”reading for 5-15 minutes everyday” (66 days is usually how long it takes to instill a habit, scientists had found) and hang the calendar somewhere in your house, where you can easily check a box each day.

Be sure to specify alongside the habit, the time of day when you want to read (morning/afternoon/evening). That way, the time of day will start to be associated with the habit and it will serve as a cue to read.

I'm currently doing this with the habit of "waking up at 8 a.m." everyday. So, we'll be in this TOGETHER.

If you are up for the challenge, write a confirmation reply and send me a personal message at the end of the challenge to update me on your progress.

TheONEThing_66DayChallenge_Calendar2.pdf

Good luck! 

Thanks for your reply and thanks for offering me your advice and help. 

I'm definitely up for the challenge ??

I just bought Leo's book list and purchased a book to give me a head start and some motivation. 

I'll print it off now. 

Will message you at the end of the challenge to see how you got on also. 

Thank you again ♥️

[Dan Arnautu]

@Charlotte I'm the one grateful for your attention!

Your current attitude already sets you up for success. Let's do this! 

[Charlotte]

Just now, Dan Arnautu said:

@Charlotte I'm the one grateful for your attention!

Your current attitude already sets you up for success. Let's do this! 

Well we can just share the gratefulness between the both of us then ?

Thank yooouu, I'm a very determined person. 

*High fives*

[WaterfallMachine]

How do I get over fearing that others would think I'm crazy? I've seen some things first hand and read many of Leo's list of paradigm shattering books. And a year later from starting self inquiry, I still can't bring myself to fully believe what I've experienced. That maybe I'm crazy.

What can I do?

[Shin]

47 minutes ago, Charlotte said:

Thanks for your reply and thanks for offering me your advice and help. 

I'm definitely up for the challenge ??

I just bought Leo's book list and purchased a book to give me a head start and some motivation. 

I'll print it off now. 

Will message you at the end of the challenge to see how you got on also. 

Thank you again ♥️

NO !

YOU FINISH THE POWER OF NOW !

NOOOOOWWWW !!!

[Charlotte]

7 minutes ago, Shin said:

NO !

YOU FINISH THE POWER OF NOW !

NOOOOOWWWW !!!

@Shin  

[Dan Arnautu]

@WaterfallMachine

I don't quite get what the question is. Are you worried that you are going crazy and you don't know how to handle that or are you worried that other people will start to label you as crazy after experiencing awakenings and major shifts in paradigm?

If it's the first one, then you might want to dial back on your practice and integrate the experiences. This is not a sprint. You have to figure out for yourself how to integrate the experience with your day to day life. What's out there doesn't really change. Only how you see it. And if you push too hard, too fast, that will only backfire and actually stall your progress.

If it's the latter, read Law 38 from the book ”The 48 Laws of Power” by Robert Greene. You have to learn to able to think like yourself, but still act like others around you. You have to be flexible and embrace nuance. You can have all the insights that you've had, but still be able to crack a cold one with the boys and maybe watch a show on TV. You should be able to do the activities that you were doing before the paradigm shifts and awakenings while still being able to walk and talk as you did before them. Don't let the work throw you off center.

Search for some grounding exercises on the web. These are also a part of the spiritual path. Inquiry and grounding are not mutually exclusive practices. They are part of the same whole. You don't have to punish yourself unnecessarily. Appreciate your challenges and backslides and learn to love them.

As Leo said, he read a book about an enlightened ER doctor. That guy probably doesn't go around the hospital shouting "You're not this, you're not that. It's all an illusion." No. The guy probably integrated his experiences, and eventually found a way in which it will enhance his job. For example, having more love and empathy for his patients. 

You don't HAVE to become an outcast, unless you want to. Enlightenment work should enhance your experience of life. If it doesn't, you're probably doing something wrong. And you still have to master the mundane world either way if you want to survive and thrive.

Also, remember the following points:

1. Enlightenment work will flip your world on it's head. If you do not prepare and you do not know all the risk and what the path actually entails, you should probably stop. Exercise caution.

2. You should take EXTREME OWNERSHIP of all the aspects of this problem. If you take the attitude that it's happening to you and you can't stop it no matter what, it will take ownership over you, and you don't want that. Even if it's not YOUR fault, you should still take responsibility for it. Because then, change is actually possible. Don't assume that something is wrong outside from the get go. Assume that if you are feeling weird and bad, and that you don't have control, that it means that you are doing something wrong, and that there is something that you are not taking ownership of.

3. Most spiritual masters have not lost the common touch after their enlightenment. You don't see them acting all crazy. They are more peaceful, driven, have a purpose in life and can relate to other people more deeply. They are taking interviews, traveling, educating people, taking charge of issues in their community etc. They are doing what a high quality human being should be doing.

I hope this gave you some insight.

Feel free to tell me if the advice isn't clear enough or to ask me more questions if you need.

 

[Deep]

On 3/7/2018 at 2:59 AM, Dan Arnautu said:

Tell me:

• What your life situation looks like right now.
  • relationships with other people, financially, what job do you currently have - if you have one -, what have you studied until now and why etc.
• What activity sparked the most joy in your life up until now
• Any other type of info that you think would make me understand your situation better

You have to give me a lot of details because that enables me to give you a detailed answer.

I have an idea of what I want but I don't have concrete goals. I'm experiencing renunciation right now so I don't feel like going out and doing a bunch of things. I'll have to wait until this passes. There are so many things to do, we're spoiled for choice. I look at other people and wonder how they've always known what they wanted and they are happy doing it. Maybe I'm looking at the superficial aspect. 

I don't have a job right now. I'm living off savings. I'm looking at various jobs to see what I would enjoy. I have applied to a few jobs and waiting to here back. I want a job that doesn't involve customer service. My plan is to get a job and do something creative on the side. 

I studied biology in college but I dropped out in my senior year because I wanted to start a business and doing research can be boring sometimes. The business was going to be in astrology, but I decided not to do that. I don't want to judge people based on planetary positions and I feel like it involves belief. I can try a different business idea but I would have to work on the side. 

As far as what activity was most enjoyable, I can't specifically remember. I enjoy learning lots of subjects and I work hard at everything. 

I'm not in a relationship right now because I want to figure out what kind of lifestyle I want to live. Once I do that, I can invite a girl into my life. I didn't do a good job of planning my lifestyle when I was younger. 

Here are my options: 

• Finish college, get a job in my field, and do something creative on the side. 
• Get a job, go to college part time, and do something creative on the side. 
• Fuck getting a job/degree and do something creative hoping it will work out. 

[Dan Arnautu]

@Deep I sent you a private message with an audio reply because it would have taken me a lot more to write the answer here.

[Raphael]

@Dan Arnautu

I forget to tell you that I am experiencing an existential crisis for almost two years now.

On 07/03/2018 at 0:20 PM, Dan Arnautu said:

Do you want to make quick money in the short term in order to become independent fast, or do you have the possibility to pursue something you love that will make you money in the long run?

 

Quick money in order to become independent fast. It's not so much about the passion, but it can also be very interesting for me. The concept would be to create a youtube channel and educate me on different subjects. Make videos on what I am learning and after becoming good enough in one domain create a paid online course.

After that, I would like to invest the money into traveling, personal development, discovering myself, and creating more interesting businesses.

On 07/03/2018 at 0:20 PM, Dan Arnautu said:

We're in the same bucket here, and it's very difficult, but you can become a social, assertive alpha male in a matter of months - 1-3 years tops, depending on your level of input and commitment.

Read these:

• The Assertiveness Workbook by Randy J. Paterson (do ALL of the exercises)
• How to Win Friends and Influence People by Dale Carnegie
• The Six Pillars of Self-Esteem by Nathaniel Branden
• The Way of The Superior Man by David Deida
• Thick Face, Black Heart by Chin-Ning Chu

I've listed the books in the order of their importance, but you may resonate with some, more than others. Skim through all of them and intuit which one will help your case the most.

If you give me a really specific problem related to your social anxiety and shyness and give me more details, I will give you advice directly on how to solve it. Right now though, I don't have enough info about you to know what you need to do.

BUT, you should read the books anyway. Even one of those will radically change your life and you will look back a few years from now and see how silly and puny shyness and social anxiety really were. But you can see that only in retrospect. So you need to start to take action. And I'm here to help and even keep you accountable need be.

 

I am already reading The Six Pillars Of Self-Esteem and I downloaded How To Win Friends And Influence People on Audibe. Concerning the issue, I don't have a lot of problems to speak in front of a public. Most of the time when I meet peoples it's ok at the beginning, but then it collapses after days, weeks, in the middle and long-term. I hate small talk, even though I can deal with them if they are quite rare, but it's not the case most of the time. 

I like to speak about interesting and deep things, where it seems to me that people are always complaining about their life and gossiping about irrelevant stuff. I never felt integrated anywhere and have difficulties to understand people, so I'm afraid to say what I'm thinking about because they will judge me and tell me that I am abnormal. 

I'm also afraid to show them what I really know about some subjects because most of them don't like to admit that they're wrong and then attack me for that. I find out that a lot of people like to speak about things where they don't know anything (food is a very good example, they speak a lot about it, but never read professional studies or books). 

That's why I'm very quiet most of the time and listen more in order to analyze better and share less nonsense.

On 07/03/2018 at 0:20 PM, Dan Arnautu said:

Handling coworkers can be a tough thing, especially if they have big egos. But it's more than doable.

In what way are you unable to deal with their behaviors? What behaviors are we talking about?

 

Telling a lot of stupid jokes all the time because I was new and young. Telling me to wash their dishes. Rejecting me because I didn't know about a popular ice cream company, where I told them that I never eat ice creams. Telling me that I am not normal because I don't want to spend time with them, but prefer to stay home alone.

Joking on me because of my eating habits, where I wanted to be healthy and gain weight. Being angry with me because I didn't want to eat their food (they were not thinking that it was because of the food, but that I had something against them).

Not liking me because I sometimes forget about social conventions, and not being very traditional or not having a specific culture or group to belong.

I am a high sensitivity person and have trouble managing strong emotions, so I tend to hide them.

The list is huge, I'm not putting everything here.

BTW thank you for what you are doing, it's awesome  However do you think that you will be able to maintain this thread? If it continues, it's going to be enormous and all of these questions could have more visibility and obtain more answers by being asked in the appropriate forum.

Edited March 9, 2018 by Raphael

[Dan94]

Hi @Dan Arnautu!

Do you have some good advice for accepting flaws, mistakes and detaching from outcome when working out of your comfort zone. A lot of my neurosis/ procrastination over the time has come from the belief that if I don't resolve any uncertainties/ figuring out complex material straight away, I have wasted my time and haven't made any progress. How would you tackle this?

 

Thank you

Daniel

[sarapr]

@Dan Arnautu your awesome. installed it on my laptop and only one day was needed to reground myself .

PS : thank you 

Edited March 9, 2018 by sarapr

[WaterfallMachine]

@Dan Arnautu  Thank you for all that effort into a reply. I was a little too busy with stuff to do yesterday and was too tired coming home to reply then. When I said I was afraid about being crazy, I was more afraid of how others think I might be crazy than believing I was crazy.

I'll check out the 48 Laws of Power. Any similar books you can recommend?

Edited March 10, 2018 by WaterfallMachine

[Dan Arnautu]

On 3/9/2018 at 10:53 AM, Raphael said:

@Dan Arnautu

I forget to tell you that I am experiencing an existential crisis for almost two years now.

In what way is the existential crisis manifesting?

On 3/9/2018 at 10:53 AM, Raphael said:

Quick money in order to become independent fast. It's not so much about the passion, but it can also be very interesting for me. The concept would be to create a youtube channel and educate me on different subjects. Make videos on what I am learning and after becoming good enough in one domain create a paid online course.

After that, I would like to invest the money into traveling, personal development, discovering myself, and creating more interesting businesses.

Don't know about the youtube thing. If you get into youtube for quick money, you are gonna be seriously disappointed. Starting a youtube channel is no different from starting a business. In this case it will take twice the amount of time and effort you think it will take.

As a long term thing, yea, it would work, but if you need money right now, I suggest you look elsewhere. You need to give lots of free value, on a consistent basis, for a long period of time, before you can see even a small income.

On 3/9/2018 at 10:53 AM, Raphael said:

I like to speak about interesting and deep things, where it seems to me that people are always complaining about their life and gossiping about irrelevant stuff. I never felt integrated anywhere and have difficulties to understand people, so I'm afraid to say what I'm thinking about because they will judge me and tell me that I am abnormal. 

Why would you want to be around people like that in the first place? Find new friends and peers. I too never felt fully integrated anywhere, but that should not stop us from continuing to search for like-minded people.

Also, people will respect you more if you are able to stand by a different opinion (in the context in which you calibrate that opinion to the people you are talking to). People are attracted to polarizing figures and people who live on their edge. 

If you want to get into deep conversations with basically ANYONE,  just start to ask them open ended questions about what is most dear to them. Ask them about their biggest struggles, proudest moments, favorite people in their life etc. You can even ask a bum these questions and you would be surprised by the answers. And by the law of reciprocity, they would be more open to listen to your opinion if you genuinely listened to what they have to say for more than 10 minutes. Most people don't do that.

On 3/9/2018 at 10:53 AM, Raphael said:

 

Telling a lot of stupid jokes all the time because I was new and young. Telling me to wash their dishes. Rejecting me because I didn't know about a popular ice cream company, where I told them that I never eat ice creams. Telling me that I am not normal because I don't want to spend time with them, but prefer to stay home alone.

Joking on me because of my eating habits, where I wanted to be healthy and gain weight. Being angry with me because I didn't want to eat their food (they were not thinking that it was because of the food, but that I had something against them).

Not liking me because I sometimes forget about social conventions, and not being very traditional or not having a specific culture or group to belong.

Their jokes are tests to see if you are strong. It's nothing personal. As David Buss says, this is called derogation of competitors. They just want to see if you thrown off-center by those remarks. If you are, you failed their tests and they will perceive you as weak. If you start to defend against what they say by explaining yourself or get serious and use angry comebacks, they win.

If you pass the tests on the other hand, by not taking their remarks seriously and laughing them off, they will stop and start to see you as strong, and they won't test you anymore.

Also, remember that effective communication works regardless of culture, social conventions etc. It comes down to social calibration. You should talk differently to different people. Know what offends some and what doesn't offend others. Our greatest trait as humans is that we are adaptable to almost any environment and situation. So use that trait.

On 3/9/2018 at 10:53 AM, Raphael said:

I am a high sensitivity person and have trouble managing strong emotions, so I tend to hide them.

I understand. Be careful, because that will turn your communication style into a passive-aggressive one. You will accumulate resentment, you will eventually blow up, and then the cycle will start over and over again.

Becoming more assertive will help you with that, because you will start to clearly and firmly establish boundaries, and frustration and other negative emotions won't be able to build up in you. People won't say or do anything to you, that you don't invite them to do. They will push your buttons until they hit the boundary. If you don't consciously set that boundary, they will walk over you like a doormat because you let them.

If they say something about your mother and you laugh it off, they will see it as being ok. To set the boundary, you don't have to give an ugly comeback. You just need to say something like: "I know you meant that in a funny way, but I don't feel right when people talk about my mother like that. I would appreciate if you would stop. (or "please don't do that again. Thanks") ".  

If you say it like that, they won't become defensive or aggressive. You just communicated how you feel when something talks about your mother like that. If they don't want to respect the boundary that you then set, cut those people out of your life or limit your exposure to them. But 99% of the time, the phrase above will work.

On 3/9/2018 at 10:53 AM, Raphael said:

 

BTW thank you for what you are doing, it's awesome  However do you think that you will be able to maintain this thread? If it continues, it's going to be enormous and all of these questions could have more visibility and obtain more answers by being asked in the appropriate forum.

Thank you! I appreciate the compliment.   I actually did not think that this thread would blow up. I thought I would have like two replies maximum. But I love responding, so I'm gonna continue for as long as it naturally goes. 

[Dan Arnautu]

On 3/9/2018 at 6:44 PM, sarapr said:

@Dan Arnautu your awesome. installed it on my laptop and only one day was needed to reground myself .

PS : thank you 

My pleasure, Sara. I'm glad it worked for you. 

[Dan Arnautu]

On 3/9/2018 at 11:09 AM, Dan94 said:

Hi @Dan Arnautu!

Do you have some good advice for accepting flaws, mistakes and detaching from outcome when working out of your comfort zone. A lot of my neurosis/ procrastination over the time has come from the belief that if I don't resolve any uncertainties/ figuring out complex material straight away, I have wasted my time and haven't made any progress. How would you tackle this?

 

Thank you

Daniel

To accept flaws and mistakes, you can use a few things things:

• Visualize accepting them and giving them love.
• Transform them into unique traits.
• Use affirmations.
• Put things into perspective. Your flaws are so insignificant on the grand scale of things, that worrying them for more than 5 seconds is already too much. Actually contemplate how vast this world is and how long people ACTUALLY look at your flaws.
• Take so much action that you start to not even care about them, because you are always living on your edge. Life is too short to give them any attention.
• Own them. Tell people to talk to you after the match, not after the first round.

To detach from outcome, again, just contemplate how all of what you are doing will not matter in the end. That will make you focus on what makes you happy. Also, you need to get out of your head, and just be present with what you are doing. Make a plan for what you want to do long term, break what you need to do down into small steps, and just follow them with presence and trust.

The answers may be simple, but they are not easy to follow through.

Good luck, Daniel! 

[Dan Arnautu]

On 3/10/2018 at 0:01 PM, WaterfallMachine said:

@Dan Arnautu  Thank you for all that effort into a reply. I was a little too busy with stuff to do yesterday and was too tired coming home to reply then. When I said I was afraid about being crazy, I was more afraid of how others think I might be crazy than believing I was crazy.

I'll check out the 48 Laws of Power. Any similar books you can recommend?

The 33 Strategies of War by Robert Greene

The Art of Seduction by Robert Greene

Thick Face, Black Heart by Chin-Ning Chu

The Art of War by Sun Tzu

The Way of The Superior Man by David Deida

Meditations by Marcus Aurelius

[Viking]

im extremely restless. I work out a lot but the energy is still there. i feel a lot of times a need to flex my muscles. I feel a lot of energy in my head and sometimes on the forehead. sometimes that energy becomes pleasant (joy like), but i feel restless and i dont want to do anything and want to do everything at once. i feel the need to eat a lot and it continues after i eat, like im never satisfied. that lack of satisfaction applies to everything.