What to do when you lost your will to live

[testimo]

I admit this question sounds like it's coming from someone who is depressed, but I will explain it deeper.

I was always interested in psychology and understanding people around me, mainly because of a bad family situation (not too bad, but bad enough to make me an introvert geek). I was reading Freud in secondary school and I was introduced to the work of Eric Berne and Games People Play at around 18 and I continued to read all kinds of psychology and self-help books.

Now I'm 31, I more or less achieved everything I wanted in life. I have a husband, we live in a beautiful country in a tiny apartment.

The next step we're "supposed to" have is buying a home and have children. And this is where my problems come in.

I had terrible job experiences in the past and I don't want to spend the rest of my life working like a little slave of these soulless corporations and business men yachting around and doing nothing.

The only reason I want to own a home is because it would give me a little peace of mind from this crazy world if I wouldn't have to work just to pay the rent.

But it was never my dream or passion to have children.

I just feel like I want to hide somewhere away from people and don't deal with other people's behavior. Like that monk in the movie Spring, Summer, Fall, Winter... and Spring.

I don't want a career, I don't want to be famous or powerful, I don't even want to be rich anymore.

I feel like material things just add weight on my shoulders. And there's never an end wanting new, better, more expensive things.

And I also don't feel like becoming an inspirational person, like Leo. He's doing a great job, but it's just not for me.

I used to be very passionate and achieved things that might seem very inspirational to some (where I came from), but now I lost all my passion to do anything.

It's not that I couldn't find things to do or be passionate about, I'm just not feeling that passion.

I've been searching for the answer for months now and I feel stuck.

Maybe someone has some good advices for me?

Should I just keep doing those things and stop thinking/overthinking?

 

 

[PeterRck]

@testimo I hate to say this but all i can here from your story is ME ME ME . You said you are married and, saying that you have no will to live is a little selfish, you have someone that made a lifelong commitment to you . Have you talked to him about it ? Are you happy with this marriage ? I was in a dead relationship once and, could not find the courage to end it because i cared and didn't want to hurt anyone . But eventually i realized that i am not responsible for anyone's feelings so, I ended and, it hurt at first but it felt so good to be free and gave me time to turn inward and fight my demons. Maybe you are not meant to have a family and be married or maybe not ready yet. My thoughts are with you and i am sure that deep inside you will make the healthy decision because your happiness is more important than anything. 

 

Best of Luck .

[testimo]

@PeterRck Hi PeterRck, Thanks for your reply. Selfish or not, this is how I feel. I would not do anything to harm myself though. He's very supportive of me and he's everything I ever wanted. Our marriage is not perfect, but it wouldn't be with anyone else. I don't think my marriage have an impact on these feelings.

[Shin]

I think you should keep digging, everyone has a passion of some kind hidden somewhere.

If you didn't took it,I would suggest the life purpose course from Leo.

If you already done it and still don't know, stop everything and just sit and be/meditate in a forest/mountain or a plain.

You'll know what you have to do at some point, your intuition will tell you what to do.

It may not be clear at first exactly why you have to those things, but one day it will be crystal clear ?

Edited March 6, 2018 by Shin

[WildeChilde]

@testimo If you haven't already, be very clear with your husband that you are interested in neither working nor having kids.  If he already knows this, what are his feelings about it?

[Star Net]

Hi@testimo

How are You ?

this is not overthinking, not at all,

and You are not a depressed person,

You are in the middle of thinking process, this is excellent, You should be more proud of Yourself, do not make a decision now.

When was the last time You traveled alone to a place that You know no one, and for how long, and what did You do in that place?(important question)

 

Edited March 6, 2018 by Star Net

[testimo]

Thank you everyone for taking the time to answer.

@WildeChilde My husband knows about my inner struggles but he cannot really help and I don't expect him to know how to help. This is why I came here for advice, because Leo's videos helped me a lot and I thought I can find other people here who are on the same journey. I told my husband I'm having an existential crisis and questioning what is the ultimate purpose of doing anything. But I do realise that I cannot just sit around and meditate like a buddhist monk (first world problems ) 

@Shin @Star Net I traveled alone to Portugal 3 years ago. It was just a regular 1 week beach holiday. Do you think a retreat with meditation would help me, something like Leo did?

Traveling is actually another problem for me. I used to love it and I traveled to 22 countries, but now I feel that everywhere is almost the same and everything is mass consumerized and traveling lost its real meaning of exploring and experiencing new cultures when you can find all the information on the internet. And also these romanticised dream holiday destinations are not that desirable for the locals who were born there as a lot of them want to leave, and while tourism help their economy it's also destroying them. When I was traveling I did not feel a huge difference in the cultures or people's mindset so I got bored of it. It was not adding much to my way of thinking, it was just a pastime. I can read about their history and culture from books in the peace of my home.

[WildeChilde]

@testimo I’ve been in your situation before too; you realize how contrived the whole exotic foreign country experience is especially when you see how the locals live.

First world problems are still problems. The developing countries will eventually encounter the same issues at some point in the future.

I got out of my existential crisis when I started shadow work. If you haven’t already, read into this.  When you learn how to incorporate your shadow, life becomes exciting again.  You get in touch your wild side.

[Shin]

@testimo Yes do a retreat

[testimo]

@WildeChilde Thank you WildeChilde. I'm reading about shadow work now.

[testimo]

@Shin Will do that too. Thanks

[Moreira]

You haven' lost your will to live, you are tired of livingthey way this society dictates. Think that another lifestyle is possible and fully acceptable, remove all social conditioning inside your head. Get surrounded with people like you and start a no-slave life.

[Star Net]

@testimo

do not force Yourself into meditation, shadow works, retreat or other practices,

When I mentioned traveling alone, I ment being alone for real, in another country in another city Where You know no one and You speak a little of the language of that country, not a touristic city, or it can be in a touristic city but not during the touristic season so that it will be uncrowded and quiet, and stay for at least 21 days, do not be in contact with anyone that You know through phone computer internet, do not force Yourself to do anything,

all You will do is listening to Yourself, and write What You are thinking about, in the beginning during the first 3 to 5 days You will feel that You want to go back to Your old life and leave that country, but that feeling will disappear after like 6 days, You can talk about with strangers in that country but do not make it long conversations, You are not there to make friends, You are there to listen to Yourself and discover new things about You, so most of the time during this 21 days be alone in uncrowded and quiet places, during the 21 days You will find Yourself observing and discovering new things about You and what You want to do in Your life and You will start to make plans for the next years of Your life, be in nature most of the time during the 21 days or at least in parks, do not stay in buildings most of the time, do not eat too much or drink alcohol.

 

Summary : be alone in uncorwded and quiet places in another city of another country, do not contact Your old life, Listen to Yourself and write what You think and You plan, Do not force Yourself ......

You listened to people alot during Your life and maybe You are so tired of some of them, These days You need to listen to Yourself, do not spend all the time on listening or watching episodes or videos about self actualization, You can do it if it is very necessary but not for so much time during that travel, You can do it just for a little time if it is very necessary, Be sure that You will be safe in these places specially during the night,

 

Discuss this travel with Your husband first before travelling

 

I am telling You from experience, but the only difference is that I am a guy ...

 

 

Edited March 7, 2018 by Star Net

[LRyan]

This sounds like good advice to me.  I'm feeling much the same as testimo but I am a lot older..

@Star Net Do you have any location in mind from your experience that would meet all the suggestions you had?  Also bear in mind that a woman traveling alone is far different from a male.  There are safety concerns we need to think about...

[testimo]

I'm kinda in this situation already. We live in a foreign country where we barely speak the local language, without friends or family. Actually maybe this isolation caused my problems in the first place. I feel it would be dangerous for me to isolate myself even more at this time, but I'm sure this would help someone else to clear they thoughts away from people. I feel I need a workplace that gives meaning to my days, but I'm kinda traumatised from my previous jobs and subconsciously ruin all my opportunities to have one, because I feel I would be put under too much stress again and would have to deal with unreasonable people who just want to use me for their own benefits. I subconsciously refuse to be anybody's slave again, but I don't feel I'm there yet to start my own business, but probably that is the answer, even if it seems too difficult at the moment. I saw Leo's introduction video in the Life purpose course where he's talking about starting your own business. I will subscribe to that course when I can. 

[Star Net]

Hi @LRyan

2 hours ago, LRyan said:

Also bear in mind that a woman traveling alone is far different from a male.  There are safety concerns we need to think about...

You are Right ...

I do not know a lot of locations,

But the last time I went to Turkey to Ankara, it was during the December of 2017, It is not a touristic city, and the weather was cold, some times the temerature went below 0 degree, and because of that there was not a lot of people in parks and streets, specially after 21:00 because even the markets start to close after 21:00,

I drank tea many times after 22:00 and stayed until 00:00 or 01:00 in some cafes on the streets, there was very few people or even no one in the cafe and the streets, Just very few cars moving in the streets, I was sitting in the streets beside the small cafe buildings thinking observing listening to Myself and writing  alone, one time a strange old guy came and sat with Me on the same table, and We had a small conversation, He was completely strange to Me, I did not see Him before, He did not know anything about Me, but the conversation He had with Me was about the same thoughts which was in My head and He gave Some advices, I was shocked about that and I asked Myself how did He know ???...

I also went to parks, there was very few people in the parks too even during the day, like 20 person or Less in a big park, parks has quiet places with nice nature with a fresh air, I could focus on Myself and thinking observing planning and writing,

I also found a several of places in Ankara that has the same properties uncrowded quiet and nice nature with a fresh air,

My hotel room was high with a good view so I could open all the windows and sit alone, and think observe and plan at night,

The travel was even cheap not expensive, A very good hotel room high with a nice view with breakfast for like 23$ for a night, the food was cheap in the markets too, No one bothered Me in Ankara, Most of Turkish people are friendly, most of the time I was alone but I interacted with some people, I speak Turkish too ...

I learned a lot of important things about Myself and what do I want to do for the next several years of My life and I wrote that, writing what You think is very important so that You can keep reminding Yourself after that, I used My phone to document some of My own ideas,

and I wrote a topic recommending the travel experience in this forum before

@Shiva adviced Me to go to Myanmar next time in this topic ...

The main Idea is to about leaving everything about Your old life behind You not contacting any of the people that You know and be alone in uncrowded quiet new place with a nice nature for at least 21 days, listening to Yourself thinking observing then You will make plans automatically,

The main idea is not to be hard on Yourself, Be easy with Yourself,

2 - another thing I found it useful is walking alone in the streets for like an hour at 04:00 or 4:30 before the Dawn, no one in the streets no noise, a few soft lights no bright lights in the streets, fresh air, Walking and listening to Myself thinking observing and planning ... I am doing this in Baghdad now, because Baghdad differs from Ankara, But the travel experience was a way more useful and with a huge benefits.

You can do that too ...

[frnsh]

Hello

Thank you for this topic, I have also had this problem before and now it came back to me again lately. 

Even though I have gone through depression before, I know the problem came from somewhere else. And you saying you feel like not wanting to live in the norms of societies and being used by it etc sounds just too familiar to me. Feeling like you see how much it goes wrong all the time and how much you don't want to be a part of it. I had this strongly when I was living in my home country where I believed totally different from the people and most of my family members. It becomes like hell quiet fast. Before I left at the age of 21, all I thought was either I leave or.. I was really angry. 

After I came to the new country, it was really hard the first few years, being student and not knowing the native language, but I promised myself I will do it again as it made me grow so much that I can't even start explaining how much! 

Now after I have achieved most of the things I have always wanted, I am in this stage again where I feel I have to really change something. It feels like there is different parts of this world I could join, learn, live and work in but seems they won't satisfy me as I have lived in them many times through my day dreaming. Thought maybe I am a traveler and this is how I can live but I am not sure about it anymore. I know that small vacations for short time don't really help as just seeing pictures of those special locations seem to do the same trick; in this I totally agree with going somewhere and staying at least for 6 months. Living, observing yourself and other people. I'm so gonna do that some time soon and at the moment am just looking for clues. 

I wish you luck in finding your way to trigger this phase to pass.  I guess I wish the same for myself

 

[Star Net]

@testimo

Use the word challenge instead of problem,

2 hours ago, testimo said:

We live in a foreign country where we barely speak the local language, without friends or family. Actually maybe this isolation caused my problems in the first place. I feel it would be dangerous for me to isolate myself even more at this time

and thats why You need to find Yourself and understand Yourself, after that You will be strong even when You are alone with no one, You need no one to be strong, You will not be afraid of isolation anymore

2 hours ago, testimo said:

I feel I need a workplace that gives meaning to my days,

The workplace does not give a meaning to Your life, You give meaning to Your life by moving everyday towards the goals You choose.

2 hours ago, testimo said:

but I'm kinda traumatised from my previous jobs and subconsciously ruin all my opportunities to have one, because I feel I would be put under too much stress again and would have to deal with unreasonable people who just want to use me for their own benefits. I subconsciously refuse to be anybody's slave again, but I don't feel I'm there yet to start my own business, but probably that is the answer, even if it seems too difficult at the moment. I saw Leo's introduction video in the Life purpose course where he's talking about starting your own business. I will subscribe to that course when I can. 

You are not a slave,

You will find these kind of people when You work in another person business and When You have Your own business in one way or another, You will find them even out of Your job, I mean in other parts of Your life, unfortunately They are everywhere, and thats why You have to learn how to deal with them, They only use those who are weak or those who has a hard time, so the first step in learning to deal with them is understanding Yourself and understanding them,

 

if You failed in dealing with Them in the past, it is ok, learn from it and move on, Successful people fail thousands of times. failures are steps to be successful, You have to take these steps to be successful,

 

in the same time remember that these are some people not all of the business owners,

think about it " What is the benefit of ruining Your opportunities ? ", is that mean You will never find some of " These idiots " ?, will that fix anyhting ?

Do They deserve that You ruining Your own opportunities because You dealed with their stupidity one day ? of course not,

So do not ruin Your opportunity, do the opposite take all the opportunities infront of You and be successful and Your success will be the best revenge.

[Star Net]

@frnsh

43 minutes ago, frnsh said:

in this I totally agree with going somewhere and staying at least for 6 months

I did not try that for 6 months before, but I think 6 months is too much in a way that ruin the benefits.

 

[frnsh]

3 hours ago, Star Net said:

@frnsh

I did not try that for 6 months before, but I think 6 months is too much in a way that ruin the benefits.

 

Depends on the benefits you are trying to get. They can vary from "just some time off" to "have a different experience in life that may change some parts of one's perspective to life."