When Will I Stop Being A Thought?

[John]

I spent the last couple of weeks watching my thoughts and feelings arising and falling. For the first time in a long time I genuinely did feel a slight gap between them and my association with them. This was a sweet relief as in the weeks previous I had been getting flooded with negative thoughts and emotions and I was hoping for a way out. So after watching a bit of Eckhart Tolle (I also have been meditating every day for the past year and a bit) I took this distant stance and just watched them (the thoughts etc).

Whenever I got caught up I just came back to the aliveness in my hands and in my feet and felt somewhat grounded again. But here's the thing:

I knew that grounding in my hands and feet was just a thought. I knew that feeling of just being was only another phenomenon arising and falling in consciousness. I had just managed to jump to the next ripple in the lake (I hope that analogy makes sense). I watched all the ripples that used to swallow me up but I could not see the ripples ahead of me.

And now because of personal stuff I notice my thoughts and feelings becoming more agressive and more on the sadder end of the spectrum and I'm like where was that grounding from only a week ago?! Oh yeah.. it was only a fucking thought!

I'm not even fucking sure what the question was here to be honest,I just thought I'd post and see if it resonated with anyone and if anyone who is further along on the path could give me an idea of where I am or any advice it would be greatly appreciated.

Cheers guys.

[Emerald]

16 minutes ago, John said:

I spent the last couple of weeks watching my thoughts and feelings arising and falling. For the first time in a long time I genuinely did feel a slight gap between them and my association with them. This was a sweet relief as in the weeks previous I had been getting flooded with negative thoughts and emotions and I was hoping for a way out. So after watching a bit of Eckhart Tolle (I also have been meditating every day for the past year and a bit) I took this distant stance and just watched them (the thoughts etc).

Whenever I got caught up I just came back to the aliveness in my hands and in my feet and felt somewhat grounded again. But here's the thing:

I knew that grounding in my hands and feet was just a thought. I knew that feeling of just being was only another phenomenon arising and falling in consciousness. I had just managed to jump to the next ripple in the lake (I hope that analogy makes sense). I watched all the ripples that used to swallow me up but I could not see the ripples ahead of me.

And now because of personal stuff I notice my thoughts and feelings becoming more agressive and more on the sadder end of the spectrum and I'm like where was that grounding from only a week ago?! Oh yeah.. it was only a fucking thought!

I'm not even fucking sure what the question was here to be honest,I just thought I'd post and see if it resonated with anyone and if anyone who is further along on the path could give me an idea of where I am or any advice it would be greatly appreciated.

Cheers guys.

Well, get present to the fact that the only sensations that you experience are sight, sound, touch, smell, taste, and thought. So, if you experience a thought, don't get caught up in the content just acknowledge it as a thought and place your attention on the other sensations. If more thoughts arise (and they will) don't get wrapped up in them just acknowledge them and put your awareness back to the other sensations. After a while, you'll get used to noticing how your thoughts aren't you.

[Anicko]

It's one step to become aware of your feelings and thoughts. The next step is to follow them, find out what's causing it and fix your mind.

It's simple, but not easy. You can be aware of your thoughts, but won't see permanent change in your life if you aren't using your feelings properly and letting go of beliefs. Once you learn how to do it, you won't have so many emotional issues. 

One of the biggest traps in the spiritual community is the idea that simply being aware will fix things! People get stuck there, and eventually they may just fall back asleep. 

Keep asking yourself why. Not just when you feel sad. When you feel happy or excited too! You'll find beliefs and expectations in your positive emotions that need to be dropped too! 

[Ayla]

@Anicko

I will have to partly disagree with you here. People seem to get VERY lost in searching for how and why and so on. Mind LOVES to find (invent) problems to solve. 

No attention needs to be given to mind. All thoughts must be discarded as being NOT the truth. If you feel you are not able to let go of one thought, it mush indeed be inquired into, to find the root of the issue. 

@John

Through meditation, mind receives a big jolt and feels frightened as if seeing its own death coming. That is why it is reacting like that. Don't force. Little by little, step by step, see them as thoughts and discard them. By discarding, I mean do not engage with them or take them personally. Slowly slowly, it will become easier.. 

 

[Azrael]

8 hours ago, John said:

I just thought I'd post and see if it resonated with anyone and if anyone who is further along on the path could give me an idea of where I am or any advice it would be greatly appreciated.

I agree to @Ayla on this one. That's why I actually wrote this post - because I had a realization when I thought about my first year doing this journey: We are all fed up in our heads.

It's like every question I answer on this forum is the same. The individual person comes up with with some exception of some situation and wants an answer to that. Because that is what our head does all the time. It does shit and searches for the holes in it. For the troubles. For the exceptions. And then uses it all or nothing technique to doubt itself so much that people start asking questions here.

To everyone who reads this - keep asking your questions. It's just part of the great game. But maybe you can see what I'm saying here and save yourself some time. I needed a solid year to get this down.

So what you need to do is, detach from everything your mind does. Doesn't mean not to think. Does mean to allow everything that arises and just love it because it exists. Because by this - existence - it is and that's the whole argumentation why it is okay. Even if you don't like it. Just let happen. And see why your mind is trying to negate something that does exist and ask yourself: "Why is that?"

Now, the other thing to do is "Do Nothing". You have to literally sit down for the next few years at least and just accept whatever arises. And then the day will come where you start doing this in your day-to-day life as well and then some big shifts happen.

So, don't give up my friend. And get out of your mind. Read my post about the breath, this seems to be a better place to look for goodies then your thoughts.

[Anicko]

8 hours ago, Ayla said:

@Anicko

I will have to partly disagree with you here. People seem to get VERY lost in searching for how and why and so on. Mind LOVES to find (invent) problems to solve. 

No attention needs to be given to mind. All thoughts must be discarded as being NOT the truth. If you feel you are not able to let go of one thought, it mush indeed be inquired into, to find the root of the issue. 

 

That's not exactly what I meant. It's especially hard to explain in writing. I think perhaps even you don't mean "thoughts" the way someone who is newer to this is going to interpret it. But, this is an area where I think new age is wrong most of the time. Those people ignore their own thoughts and feelings, then project it out on others so they don't even have to realize their mistake. 

And I know what you mean about people getting lost in how and why. One should be careful about that. The goal is to find the core belief and be rid of it, not simply try to ignore your thoughts. 

 

[Ayla]

1 minute ago, Anicko said:

That's not exactly what I meant. It's especially hard to explain in writing. I think perhaps even you don't mean "thoughts" the way someone who is newer to this is going to interpret it. But, this is an area where I think new age is wrong most of the time. Those people ignore their own thoughts and feelings, then project it out on others so they don't even have to realize their mistake. 

And I know what you mean about people getting lost in how and why. One should be careful about that. The goal is to find the core belief and be rid of it, not simply try to ignore your thoughts. 

 

Yes, that explains it better  

Thank you for that 

[Anicko]

@Ayla It's just that there is a huge difference between ignoring and getting rid of something, and I think that gets lost in translation! Someone who is new to this work can so easily miss it. 

[Ayla]

1 minute ago, Anicko said:

@Ayla It's just that there is a huge difference between ignoring and getting rid of something, and I think that gets lost in translation! Someone who is new to this work can so easily miss it. 

Yes, I agree. One just needs to be aware of the underlying manifestations and repetitiveness of a "feeling signature", to see if it is was released or blocked 

[John]

Wow, thanks again folks.

@Anicko I fully agree, I will work on exploring these beliefs.

But ultimately I feel like it was hardly even the words you guys wrote (I have learned something from all of them) but it's the fact that you wrote them at all.

None of my friends are into this stuff. They are really trapped in unconsciousness and it's hard to talk to them about anything to do with meditation without coming off sounding like a new age stranger. Also I see a councilor once a week (I have unipolar disorder) and he is clueless about this stuff!

I kind of feel like I just wanted a pat on the back here and for someone further along the path (if only a step or two) to say, "Don't worry man, keep at it, it's OK!"

So cheers guys, I am truly appreciative of this community!

[Bas]

Don't talk about enlightenment (or spirituality in general) to people who aren't familiar with it. It's useless, the only thing you accomplish is that you sound like a mentally retarded hippie to these people. Your inner change will eventually affect your actions... trust me people will start to notice, they'll see how you are becomming more selfless, calm, and loving. After a while people come to you and even ask how you do it, this is still not the right time to talk about enlightenment. You might talk about small techniques or insights you know at this point.

There is really no use in talking about the truth with someone who isn't looking for it, you're helping no one. I know the struggles, no need to alienate from the people close to you. Make them your subjects of excercise: love them more and more and more each day without judgement!