what is your feeling of love like?

[Charlotte]

26 minutes ago, Hardkill said:

I can't move into my own place. I have no money of my own. Even though, she still would call me about every hour of the day to check up on me. 

Could you go and find a full time job?

Can you not have a sensible mature chat with your mum? Explaining, you know she loves you and what she does is for the best but you feel a little suffocated?

I don't mean to sound mean but I'm going to be a little firm with you (forgive me)...

A lot of what you've mentioned can be done regardless, you don't particularly need "one on one" YOU can be your own coach!

Why are you leaving a lot of things in someone's hand's? 

31 minutes ago, Hardkill said:

expensive 1 one 1 coaching sessions that will help me get a lot better with my social, dating, and sex life

 

34 minutes ago, Hardkill said:

pay someone to personally assist me in my sparring skills.

31 minutes ago, Hardkill said:

I'd pay for special personal training to take my overall fitness to the next level.

Yes they maybe be able to give you some training and some advice on how to get there but YOU can do all this yourself! With sheer determination, will power, perseverance, research and commitment you can do it all! And save yourself a hefty amount of money in the meantime! 

How are you managing your depression?

[sarapr]

23 minutes ago, Charlotte said:

 

A lot of what you've mentioned can be done regardless, you don't particularly need "one on one" YOU can be your own coach!

Why are you leaving a lot of things in someone's hand's? 

 

yeah exactly . each time I ask myself that million dollar question and I get to the ending part of my answer about what I would do when every other money related thing is over and I can do whatever I want without worrying about financial problems I realize that's exactly what I can do now which would also produce the same amount of money if not more in future . That's an ironic question when you go deep into the answer, you realize that money has always been just an excuse for not doing what you want and can do right now .

[Sunchild]

On 3/5/2018 at 8:15 PM, aurum said:

@sarapr'

I'll the explain the full circle I've come to on the topic of love because I think this might clear things up for people.

Most of us have all been taught growing up is that co-dependency and neediness is love. Phrases like "they complete me" or "they're my savior" are usually tell-tale rationalizations for the fact that you and this person are addicted to each other in an unhealthy and destructive way.

Not our fault. That's just default social conditioning.

I was in that paradigm until about age 19. That's when my long term girlfriend, who I thought was the "love of my life", broke up with me.

I was so crushed that it actually shocked me out of that paradigm. I started saying things like "love doesn't exist" and become extremely bitter towards relationships in general.

Fast forward a couple of years. I'm starting to get into this weird thing called "enlightenment" and having profound experiences of what could only be called unconditional love.

These experiences have been so beautiful that they've literally brought me to my knees crying. They will change your life forever if you have one.

The best way I can describe it is that you just have a deep desire for the well-being of everyone. You realize that any small, petty personal concerns like your reputation or how you compare to others is just bullshit.

All that matters is you just want to love everyone. Everything else is a front.

So it's not a personal kind of love. There's no playing favorites.

BUT that doesn't mean I still don't have preferences. This is the part I think people have a hard time grasping because it seems paradoxical from their paradigm.

I can love someone and not want to spend time with them. I can love someone and set boundaries. I can love someone and not like them.

It really just depends.

If I had to translate what this kind of love feels like into a song, it'd be this:

Feel, don't think

So...if you've reached that point, do you no longer find "romantic" love, one person to one person, useful or rewarding?  That's my question.  Completely pointless at that juncture?

The only (person to person) love I ever had (and now, have again) was NOT like you describe in your second paragraph.  We instead simply flowed and tripped (flow and trip) doing whatever, in the present moment, nary a care for the (horrid) past or (unknown) future.  And yet, it also led (the second time) to the kind of broader love you then describe, paradoxically enough...

 

[Nahm]

Unconditional love is as elusive as the I.

[Hardkill]

On 3/7/2018 at 1:35 AM, Charlotte said:

Could you go and find a full time job?

Can you not have a sensible mature chat with your mum? Explaining, you know she loves you and what she does is for the best but you feel a little suffocated?

I don't mean to sound mean but I'm going to be a little firm with you (forgive me)...

A lot of what you've mentioned can be done regardless, you don't particularly need "one on one" YOU can be your own coach!

Why are you leaving a lot of things in someone's hand's? 

 

Yes they maybe be able to give you some training and some advice on how to get there but YOU can do all this yourself! With sheer determination, will power, perseverance, research and commitment you can do it all! And save yourself a hefty amount of money in the meantime! 

How are you managing your depression?

True. A lot of it is in my control. 

I think my depression has gotten better, but I still have ways to go. How do u manage it?

[ajasatya]

On 07/03/2018 at 6:00 AM, Hardkill said:

I would pay for the life purpose course to figure what I want to do that it very feasible for me. I would also pay for expensive 1 one 1 coaching sessions that will help me get a lot better with my social, dating, and sex life. I also would buy some lube, condoms, and fleshlights to practice getting good at sex and experimenting more of my sexuality. I also would buy a lot of good quality food to help me bulk up my bodyweight at a healthy rate. I'd give some of the money to charity. I'd buy very fashionable clothing and pay for a really stylish haircut. Plus, I'd pay for special personal training to take my overall fitness to the next level. Additionally, I would by martial arts posts and equipment that would really help me with my training as a martial artist. I may even pay someone to personally assist me in my sparring skills. I would also by an adorable dog and cat from a shelter.

what a poor lifestyle.

it seems like you haven't understood a single word of what leo's been spreading over the last 3~4 years.

[shamaanitar]

“And still, after all this time,
The sun never says to the earth,
'You owe Me.'

Look what happens with
A love like that,
It lights the Whole Sky.”
- Hafiz

[Hardkill]

On 3/11/2018 at 7:16 AM, ajasatya said:

what a poor lifestyle.

it seems like you haven't understood a single word of what leo's been spreading over the last 3~4 years.

I have to first take care of my basic needs and desires. Then I'll be ready to maximize to self-actualize and beyond. Did you watch Maslow's Hierarchy video?

[Shroomdoctor]

11 minutes ago, Hardkill said:

I have to first take care of my basic needs and desires. Then I'll be ready to maximize to self-actualize and beyond. Did you watch Maslow's Hierarchy video?

On 7.3.2018 at 10:00 AM, Hardkill said:

I also would buy some lube, condoms, and fleshlights to practice getting good at sex and experimenting more of my sexuality.

[Hardkill]

42 minutes ago, Shroomdoctor said:

Yeah that fleshlight is gonna feel really good!

[NoSelfSelf]

Love is when she makes you a sandwich ???

[Ether]

6 minutes ago, NoSelfSelf said:

Love is when she makes you a sandwich ???

hahaha

[Shin]

Refusing to be with the person, because it's in its best interest.

[ajasatya]

6 hours ago, Hardkill said:

I have to first take care of my basic needs and desires.

i bet you're not starving. i also bet you have a place to sleep and a bathroom to go everytime you need.

you don't know what you're talking about when you say "basic needs".

[Hardkill]

22 hours ago, ajasatya said:

i bet you're not starving. i also bet you have a place to sleep and a bathroom to go everytime you need.

you don't know what you're talking about when you say "basic needs".

Actually, I wanted to address issue more closely. According to Maslow's hierarchy and what Leo said in his video pertaining to the practical application of this vital concept of psychology, fulfilling sexual needs, along with establishing familial and platonic bonds, must be accomplished before one works on building their self-esteem and certainly before one undertakes activities and ideas pertaining to self-actualization and self-transcendence. 

Yes, Leo did say that you can short-cut your way to the top or near-top of the Maslow hierarchy, IF YOU YOURSELF CAN tolerate skipping many, if not all of the fundamental human needs for surviving and functional well in this world. However, I REALLY DON'T think, in all honesty, that I can do that. I am very horny and do not have ABNORMALLY high levels of willpower or even an EXTREMELY high desire to FOCUS SOLELY on building my self-esteem, confidence, as well as self-actualizing and self-transcendence. I don't mean to come off as a self-centered coward or weak-minded person. I am just being realistic and practical on how to improve the quality of my whole life, like Leo was suggesting for most people to do before they can truly and wholeheartedly, ultimately commit to working on self-actualization and self-transcendence. 

However, It's quite confusing because many people on this forum, numerous other forums, mental health experts, therapists, life and dating coaches, etc. have mentioned how crucial it is to establish or make sure that you have enough self-love and confidence and esteem, in yourself and work on your passions and self-actualize before you embark upon the world of dating, sex, and romance. Otherwise, you will very unlikely succeed at dating and not being needy by trying to fill some sort of emotional void created from your past.

Please help me clarify on what someone like me is supposed to do according to the hierarchy pyramid. I would really appreciate it.

[ajasatya]

1 hour ago, Hardkill said:

I am very horny and do not have ABNORMALLY high levels of willpower or even an EXTREMELY high desire to FOCUS SOLELY on building my self-esteem, confidence, as well as self-actualizing and self-transcendence.

sounds like self-deception in order to get the ego inflated.

you will suffer immensely as long as you keep up with that struggle to hold that pride in your chest.

believe me. i was just like that. let go already.

[frnsh]

Love is when you enjoy spending time with each other and be close when you both want to. Give him/her space or be there when needed and are able to share your dark times with him/her without being judged. He/she can help you become a better person and possibly the best version of yourself and you do everything in your power to do the same. You love each other for who your are and maintain your love as you both grow by communicating and willing to do anything to make it glow. (rhymed :D)

[Hardkill]

8 hours ago, ajasatya said:

sounds like self-deception in order to get the ego inflated.

you will suffer immensely as long as you keep up with that struggle to hold that pride in your chest.

believe me. i was just like that. let go already.

I don’t know man. I feel like I will suffer immensely the longer I keep up with that struggle to hold my sexual urges deep in me. 

Why did Maslow say that sex had to come before self esteem and self actualization?

Maybe u can show me how you u do it step by step on a Skype session. I suck at meditating and letting go of emotions. I’ve tried it many times and I never could have the strength for it. I feel so powerless and not smart enough.

[Charlotte]

Love (for me), is always about putting there welfare first (animal/human).

Not looking upon the person/animal as something for myself but simply for who & what they are, as they are. 

If they are holding onto you for codependent reasons, you have to let them go because you know in the long term it will do them no good, cruel to be kind. 

You look onto this person/animal and the ego simply dissolves, all that's left is unconditional love. 

 

[egoeimai]

On 3/14/2018 at 11:13 AM, shamaanitar said:

“And still, after all this time,
The sun never says to the earth,
'You owe Me.'

Look what happens with
A love like that,
It lights the Whole Sky.”
- Hafiz

Amazeballs