Enough is enough. I am leaving everything behind.

[Sirius]

Hello everyone, this is my first time on this community.I'm very glad to be here.

I will be as short as possible.I am sure there are fellow beings here that can help me out.

So the thing is, I am tired of wasting my life here.My suffering seems to have no ending at all, and there is not much i can do about it.I am personally dealing with alot of stuff in my head, for many years and also as a child as far as i can remember.I was always kinda fucked up, just like everybody else.Of course there's alot worse than me ,but that doesnt make me feel quite better.Since i had a few awakening experiences, i discovered my true potential and also came to the conclussion that there is nothing for me here.I live in a dirty city, without clean air and all i can see is sickness.

My highest value is health, in the mind and the body.My vision is ,complete purification.I want to achieve a state of optimal health of my physiology.

I cannot do this here, my enviroment is not favourable.I have many ideas of how to make a living, and i know i am capable of everything but i set highest value my health.So i decided, THATS IT.I am leaving everything behind, for now at least.I want to cleanse myself.I want to escape this dysfunctional society.I wanna be a monk.BUT , i have no idea how to go about it.So i thought about joining this nice community

Your help is highly appreciated.Any information of yours will point me out to my direction.

So how can i go about it?Where should i start my search from?I am positive i will get accepted somewhere in the east.But i have no idea how things work over there.Do i just find a monastery and knock their door?Simple as that?

I love physical exercise, so i aim for something that contains alot of movement rather than just meditation and whatever else.

My personal thanks to Leo, one of the people that changed my understanding about life through his content.I admire your work and your strength for doing all of this.

[MofO]

@Sirius Hi bro.

You are from the Galaxy where all realms meat. 

Don't you see that physical exercise Is simply the movement of awareness rather than your Idea of something straining.

Don't you see that Health is the realization of a Perfect Murmur which all vibrations began.

Don't you see that Your value is truly meaningless?

What matters most is the core of Your Reality. Then You will Forget those Sorrowful Memories from Yonder times.

 

[Sirius]

@MofO Hey there.

I have experienced "the flow state" so i kinda get what you mean.At least i think so.

All my values and everything else are truly meaningless, but that doesnt mean i should stay depressed.I need to make my moves fast.

It's not about forgetting what i've lived in the past.Its about reprogramming my mind to function on a more resourceful manner.I am also dealing with alot of obsessive complulsions for many years.My core of reality is messed up.

[tsuki]

Hi @Sirius!

Here is my advice:
If you want to surround yourself with wise people to follow, then monastery may be a good idea.
If you want to run away from your past - your past will follow you wherever you go. You won't run away from yourself.

If you feel sick, your city will be a diseased one. If you feel fucked up, you will see that people are fucked up.

You want to bury your past. That's radical. I advice you to sit on this idea for a few months and see if it sticks. You may feel like it couldn't possibly get any worse, but trust me - it always can. You know the suffering you're facing now - imagine swapping it for one that you don't know.

39 minutes ago, Sirius said:

All my values and everything else are truly meaningless, but that doesnt mean i should stay depressed.I need to make my moves fast.

When everything is truly meaningless, so is having meaning in life.
 

[Preetom]

@Sirius

Try a 10-30 days long solo meditation retreat near your home(or AT home) to see if you really resonate with an ascetic, yogic life. If so, then all the best in pursuing a monastery and becoming a full time monk. 

Or that retreat could align you with a different purpose even more clearly. Then you might wanna 'return' to a regular life and start things from a clean slate again  

[Ether]

You can do it in any place you want. Used to have intense social anxiety, same circumstances, no anxiety

[Prabhaker]

6 hours ago, Sirius said:

love physical exercise, so i aim for something that contains alot of movement rather than just meditation and whatever else.

Then learn Osho dynamic meditation, osho kundalini meditation. In 90 days you will transform. 

[Sirius]

@tsukiHey bro.

I wish i could surround myself with wise and awakened people.I am alone on my path and very lonely sometimes.

I'm not actually trying to run away from my past, i just need more peace to reprogram my subconscious mind.There's alot of shit inside which I recently started to truly being aware of.And oh man, how the fuck could i live like that?Realizing that i was such i machine for my whole life was very scary in the beggining.Reversing such a thing, the ego practically, will take me many many years.

I also feel sick and fucked up but I'm working on it.I changed all my habits, and I'm working on my addictions as much as i can.huge difference.The people...oh man, i just see nothing but sleepiness and sickness.

The thing with me is, i have multiple personalities since i started working with my ego.Consciousness fluctuating, mood and behaviour changes all the time.Circumstances also are important.Can you believe that right now I am motivated to stay here in this rathole and go along with the illusion and the dreams?Strange things are happening.

22 hours ago, tsuki said:

 

 

[Sirius]

@Preetom A retreat would be great.But my biggest issue is that sometimes I am so fucking tired of suffering.I got my own stuff running 24/7 and i have to go with the system to survive or thrive or whatever the case may be.

My decissions and my behaviour changes all the time.I need time, effort and patience.I am sure i will be okay.

[Sirius]

@Ether I'm sure yeah  I've done it myself.But its alot harder on our society.

[tsuki]

32 minutes ago, Sirius said:

There's alot of shit inside which I recently started to truly being aware of.And oh man, how the fuck could i live like that?Realizing that i was such i machine for my whole life was very scary in the beggining.Reversing such a thing, the ego practically, will take me many many years.

Believe me, or not, but you will feel this each time you awaken. Yes, there will be further awakenings and each one will show you how immensely ignorant you ("I") are. Don't throw away too much, as one day you may see things you threw away as things you could use.

Edited March 6, 2018 by tsuki

[Sirius]

@Prabhaker Oh yeah.I am fully aware Osho.It would definately help.

[Sirius]

@tsuki I threw away too much at first, and of course it came back.But generally, i need alot of work and time to reveal all.

[Ether]

@Sirius nope, its the same ting

[Mrkvn8]

Be careful. Make sure you journal and have read at least 5-10 books on enlightenment. 

[Sirius]

@Mrkvn8 I dont journal, i get distracted if i sit down to write.

Do you think the mind is capable of remembering everything?I'm not the kind of person that is going to journal and return to read.

[Crystalous]

It would be nice leaving the town but don't believe that you will turn enlightened, your mind will always follow you even if you go to a cave.Remember that you can achieve the state you wish within the town.I don't know what type of town it is.Check a place with silence and nature it doesn't have to be a monastery.If you want to go on monastery that's great.Just keep in mind that maybe it's not like you have imagined it and after some years or months you may want to return to the town.The psyche changes.

[NikitaW]

@Sirius Hey I'm currently in Thailand and searching for a monastery to live as a monk or spend some years in soulitude in a jungle. If you are serious they will support you with that. The only problems is that you need to figure out the visa situation. 

Here in Thailand are plenty silent retreats that diverse in difficulty. So their you can get a first taste of how it is to life like a monk. Further more there are hermitage where you can stay for a long time without even ordaining. Living there is for free and you just need to do some choers or help out in retreats. At one you will sleep on a concrete bed with a wooden pillow like the buddha. Physical activities you could do in your kuti, but the monk life doesn't support that.

I would recommend to truly say goodby to the comment world only when you have attain a specific state already and you are ready to dive deep into yourself. That you can tell only by yourself, but like i said there are plenty places for getting a taste of it. Some are more lose, Some are more strict. Finde a good teacher is very hard, but the best teacher is always with you.

[Sirius]

@Crystalous You're right , the mind always follows.And yes, i can achieve this state right here but it's going to be alot harder to keep myself centered while participating on the illusion . Think about the lifestyle on a monastery.Everyone is out of the "matrix" , or trying to be.

Nature is great, I'm running frequently to get some clean air.

Also ,yeah the psyche changes, and mine changes everyday so I'm never sure about anything.Strange times 

 

[Viking]

@Sirius your highest value is health because if you achieve health more because you will be fulfilled, or more because if you dont achieve health it will be shitty? positive or negative motivation? if it's negative motivation it wont hold for long.

I see a lot of negativity in your post, which probably means that you want to escape, rather then advance. motivation to escape (or negative motivation) doesnt last very long and is very weak compared to motivation to advance (or positive motivation).

ask yourself honestly if you're running towards something or running away from something. if it's the latter, it probably wont work.

also monk life is not necessary at all for spiritual purification and enlightenment. you can spend your whole life abstaining and not achieve shit.

read "if truth be told" it's about a guy who was rich and gave up everything and got into monkhood. gives you a little perspective on what it takes to become a monk, it's not such a nice fantasy.