Advice for a man Dealing with existential crisis after breakup

[toth7]

 

Hello everyone, I'm from Bolivia and my writing in English is not so good, I hope you understand. To make it simple I am 26 years old, my ex-girlfriend who is 6 years younger than me ended up with me an almost 3 year relationship, because she cheated on me with another dud and surely now she is with him. I also cheated on her with impunity with several women, but that she does not know. I know I was wrong and that is something wrong to do but I did it that way. The point is that after my ex-girlfriend told me that she cheated on me with another person, was the strongest blow my ego received, I wanted to die. Realizing that princesses do not exist and that people can also cheat on you was something very hard to assimilate. But at that moment reality began to hit harder when I realized that:

**Do not finish college

**I smoke a lot of marijuana philosophizing about a simple life but yearning for an extroverted life full of people, applause and recognition

**I am a shy and introverted man who has no real hobbies

**My ex is about to finish college at age 22 and I can not stop comparing myself to her and feeling like a loser

**It was my first sexual relationship and serious relationship.

**My schoolmates are with promising jobs and I dont work at all

**I do not have friends 

**I have many issues to fix in my psychology

**Low self-esteem

**My self-image in the sexual field is depressing

Then the relationship kept me happy for some time but it was only a mask to put on a very high pedestal a woman and not to do the work necessary to improve my life. I listened to Leo when I was "happy" with my ex but I did not really understand it since a state of "happiness" seemed only "pretty philosophy", but now I realize that my beloved relationship was a lie to stay stuck in this limbo of failure and painful comfort. And all this I understood when I saw my harsh reality and that's where I really could see the immense and valuable help that LEO provides.

I know that it is already very long, but I would like you to give me advice on how I can change the aspects of my list, because I really feel like a failure and a total loser. Greetings to all, a thousand thanks to Leo for his work and thanks for your time.

 

[egoeimai]

*Giving a virtual hug*

Aaah, life was tough to you lately, but always remember this: it gets better. So many people were in your shoes at some point in their lives and you know it, they survived! For sure. So you will overcome it. That's for sure.

Breathe. ?

**Do not finish college

You can, you will. So what ? At this point maybe you're not feeling it, but I can assure you from my own experience and perspective that we don't feel like doing some things in life. Maybe because of how we are feeling. And that feeling determines our progress in life. The only reason you are not doing it, is in fact, those feelings (disappointed,  discouraged,  sick of it, over it, idgaf) but soon these feelings will go away/vanish and other feelings will come to the surface as always happening. Its not gonna be like that all the time. Save yourself some time. Do the emotionally difficult thing no matter how u feel atm. That's the way, but its the hard way. You won't regret it. Through waves you must stay strong. Otherwise you quit everything and u feel even worse. Its worth it.

**I smoke a lot of marijuana philosophizing about a simple life but yearning for an extroverted life full of people, applause and recognition

Your dream is to become extroverted not giving a f. At this point you are not behaving like so.You can change that. That's only a habit of smoking,  trying to cover up your feelings you are not wanting to confront. You acknowledge the feelings, you quit smoking.

**I am a shy and introverted man who has no real hobbies

it can change.

**My ex is about to finish college at age 22 and I can not stop comparing myself to her and feeling like a loser

These are only thoughts in your mind that r making u feel like shit and unworthy. Your ex is another part of u. We are all one. Send virtual hugs to her and your love and forgiveness like you were that person. You can practice ho'oponopono .

**It was my first sexual relationship and serious relationship.

Thats ok. We all start from somewhere. That doesnt mean sth bad about u.

**My schoolmates are with promising jobs and I dont work at all

because u were busy dealing with hurdles. And they did or will. You can keep going and find yourself a job as well. We all have different paths.

**I do not have friends 

Id say the profound, thats not an excuse, or these in general, for you to be unhappy. These r thinga u can have too. Dont let those things determine your happiness.

**I have many issues to fix in my psychology

You have plenty of time 

**Low self-esteem

You are worthy of love and respect. Listen to positive affirmations about self esteem, twice a day.

self-image in the sexual field is depressing

If ya don't like what u see, its a matter of time to change it. I think that u were busy dealing with shit in life that u didnt have time for practical things. Start now.

 

[Shroomer]

1 Follow actualized.org

2 Get a goal you want to achieve

3 Quit the weed and other drugs!

4 Things will fall to place

(I am/was a weed addict so I know how much it fucks you up)

Edited March 5, 2018 by Shroomer

[Shroomer]

One day you'll be happy for being so fucked right now. You have discovered self-actualization and if you stick to it you will crawl out of this shit to heights "regular" people will never know! 

[toth7]

@egoeimai thanks for your advice men, I really apreciate it! I was overwhelmend the last year, now Im more focused.  BUt what do you think is the best strategy to overcome the thougths on my first ex ever that replaced me for being with a funnier, extroverted, younger and more experienced guy. And the dumb thougths about somebody f.ing her and me sucking at sex

[egoeimai]

@toth7 that you are worthy no matter what other people do.very important to remember

[Nahm]

@toth7 Start over, rebuild from the ground up. 

Everyday, exercise, meditate, journal what pours out. Eat clean. That’s it, for 30 days. 

THEN, if you’re ready, give thought to your life direction

You are attached to thoughts. You’re identifying with them. 

There is no quick fix. Do the practices.

[Ether]

@toth7 go check noah elkrief videos on relatiosnhips. they are life changing fr

[aurum]

@toth7

I'm jealous. Breakups almost always lead lots of growth.

Start with the basics. Exercise, nutrition, meditation and reading books. Once you start getting a handle on that we can talk more.

[Shin]

You really need to focus on you full time.

Take the good habits as Aurum said, and allocate 1 hour everyday to find your life purpose/passion.

The later is so important ...

If you can find it and align yourself to it plus some healthy habits on the side, you'll be just so grounded that your past relationships drama will look like a joke

[Lynnel]

On 06/03/2018 at 1:38 AM, aurum said:

@toth7

I'm jealous. Breakups almost always lead lots of growth.

I used to think that way but I can assure you it can fuck you up long term if you don't heal correctly. It can really fuck you up. It's not as glamorous as you think

[pluto]

Travel! go new places, meet new people, make new friends, find new hobbies. Staying home and overthinking only makes this worse.