Help Please!!

[Empty]

My social anxiety is getting serious and serious. I don't want to focus just on my studies and leave this big part of my life for I know it would affect me in my near future. 

Do you any POWERFUL books I should read in order to overcome my social anxiety. 
Thanks in advance

[Zenrik]

feeling good - David D. Burns, MD

[Amplituda]

@An actualizer You might be wasting time with books here,,,just practice and take baby steps first, like smile to people...wish them good morning or good day...have some easy chats in Starbucks or whatever you feel more or less comfy...if not, get drunk in the bar and talk to strangers, it's easy when drunk  and next morning realize that it was nothing...it passed as everything else in life..ask your mind why it bothers you with anxiety? ask many times, even get mad at your mind...treat it as a separate object, not you and let me know how it went...it can take you 2-3 days to get rid of it...seriously!!! IT's THAT EASY!!!!

[Anicko]

For me, one of the most helpful ways starting out dealing with social anxiety seriously was to put myself in other's shoes. What would I think of me if I were them? 

Most of the time you realize that you are making a huge deal out of stuff no one even notices. 

You need to stop thinking (worrying) so much and focus on what's actually happening. Just be. 

It's a small step, but it really helps. 

[Empty]

13 hours ago, Amplituda said:

@An actualizer You might be wasting time with books here,,,just practice and take baby steps first, like smile to people...wish them good morning or good day...have some easy chats in Starbucks or whatever you feel more or less comfy...if not, get drunk in the bar and talk to strangers, it's easy when drunk  and next morning realize that it was nothing...it passed as everything else in life..ask your mind why it bothers you with anxiety? ask many times, even get mad at your mind...treat it as a separate object, not you and let me know how it went...it can take you 2-3 days to get rid of it...seriously!!! IT's THAT EASY!!!!

Oh seriously. That's very positive. How am I going to get rid of it in 2 or 3 days?! 

It is really kiiling me. 

[Toby]

What exactly is the situation? Can you be more specific? If you just say "social anxiety", everyone assumes they know what it looks like when in actuality it can mean so many different things to different people. And you might geht answers that doesn't even fit to your situation.

[Draconis Chaser]

@An actualizer

Might I ask you a few questions, it could potentionally help you sort out the root of it all?

If not, could you perhaps rank your anxiety levels on a scale on 0 to 10 (with 0 being absolutely relaxed and 10 being the most horrible of all horrible scenarios) when you are "out there" and dealing with people (I suppose that number would be pretty high) and contrast that to the score when you are in here, on this forum (hopefully not as high)?

I trust nobody here has any ill intentions whatsoever and, since we are all into personal development, many of us struggle with similar things. 
I therefore believe, this should be kind of a "safe zone" where you can say whatever is on your mind and heart.

I asked you to rank yourself because there is a neat insight in your answer.
This is a forum, but, people behind it are - People! Living breathing people! Like the ones you meet on every day basis. Granted, we are on average much more actualized, but are people nonetheless. 

If mingeling with people face to face is really uncomfortable for you, you could start with writing more, get in touch with more people here, make a few friends in the process

As for books, I'm afraid you might be way in over your head, if you are already suffering from intense anxiety. If not, you can check out some of these books:

http://www.amazon.com/s/ref=lp_4682_nr_n_0?fst=as%3Aoff&rh=n%3A283155%2Cn%3A%211000%2Cn%3A10%2Cn%3A4682%2Cn%3A11128&bbn=4682&ie=UTF8&qid=1457017558&rnid=4682

Hopefully, this helps a bit

Take care  

[Guest]

No books help with this devil, only facing him. Go out and socialize, every week. Maybe even every day if you can muster the strength and the courage. Start small by smiling to people and work your way up to chatting with them and ultimately attend social events

[Toby]

36 minutes ago, The Son said:

No book help with this devil, only   faci ng  him. Go out and socialize, every week. Maybe even every day if you can muster the strength and the courage. Start small by smiling to people and work your way up to chatting with them and ultimately attend social events

How does this work for you? Does this strategy work? Do you feel in touch with yourself, the moment and other people when being social? 

[Guest]

9 minutes ago, Toby said:

How does this work for you? Does this strategy work? Do you feel in touch with yourself, the moment and other people when being social? 

I want to be honest with you...it works quite amazing. At first it was very draining and hard, I was very shy and scared and even a little socializing drained all my energy. But now I have no problem with talking to people at all. I am also that weird guy who looks everyone into their eyes until they look away. I am not scared anymore, I feel amazing because I feel my victory every time when I approach someone and when I socialize and walk tall and proud between people staring them right in their eyes and smiling slightly...confident. I feel like everyone else notices my confidence and they respect me and smile at me. But it was hard, painful work to get this far. It took many, many months of social suffering to get this far. I did it, now I am the social master. 

I am very much in touch with myself, the moment and other people now. I feel free. Before this I did not feel in touch with myself or the moment or even other people, I felt weak and not myself and I suffered a lot.

Edited March 3, 2016 by The Son

[Toby]

To me it looks like an overly false bravado. That's why I asked in the first place. And imo in 80% of the cases with social anxiety advise like yours won't help. It may even backfire. It's comparable wanting your cat to become social and outgoing like a dog. Won't happen.

But if it works for you thats beautiful.

Edited March 3, 2016 by Toby

[Empty]

6 hours ago, Toby said:

 

6 hours ago, Toby said:

@Toby   The Situation goes like this. I am on my way to the unverisity feeling so good after one hour of meditation a " small breakfast" ( I don't take care of my body very well due to financial problems) I enter to the university. All of a sudden, I see someone whom I don't feel inferior with. I agreet him or her with a cheerful smile. There is no worries so far. A few mins passed, I see someone who is more cofident than I am, maybe more well-off than I am... and NASTY NOISE starts.BLAAAA BLLAAAA "look how hypocrits they are" what a world"..." I am the most unique person at the university...the most wised studented at the unveristy needs to learn my manners...then, when people approach me, I go blankn red on my face..and can't hold and conversatoin very well. In other words, I spread so much negative energy and I get what I give. Furthermore, I am lacking when it comes to small talk, conversations skills, body language, not lacking to a scary degree though you know? 

[Ayla]

These videos might be of help:

 

 

[Empty]

@Ayla Thanks Alya. I will watch it now. By the way, the nasty voice is always shut down when I am in the forum.

[Amplituda]

On Thursday, March 03, 2016 at 11:32 AM, An actualizer said:

Oh seriously. That's very positive. How am I going to get rid of it in 2 or 3 days?!

It is really kiiling me.

@An actualizer You might be wasting time with books here. Just practice and take baby steps first, like smile to people...wish them good morning or good day...have some easy chats in Starbucks or whatever you feel more or less comfy...if not, get drunk in the bar and talk to strangers, it's easy when drunk  and next morning realize that it was nothing...it passed as everything else in life. Ask your mind why it bothers you with anxiety? ask many times, even get mad at your mind...treat it as a separate object and see what kind of messages you get back

 

[MIARIVEL]

@An actualizer The power of now, Eckhart Tolle.

Maybe try a toastmasters in your area or a meet up. Find some like minded people and get together with them and slowly start pushing yourself out of your comfort zone. With practice this will help build your confidence and self esteem.

Watching videos and reading all these books are great, just don't forget to start putting into practice what you have learnt. 

[Empty]

Just now, MIA.RIVEL said:

@An actualizer The power of now, Eckhart Tolle.

Maybe try a toastmasters in your area or a meet up. Find some like minded people and get together with them and slowly start pushing yourself out of your comfort zone. With practice this will help build your confidence and self esteem.

Watching videos and reading all these books are great, just don't forget to start putting into practice what you have learnt. 

It is just the start is so hard. 

Thanks for your words

[MIARIVEL]

@An actualizer Time is slipping away. Procrastination is a time killer and we are not getting any younger. Fear is an illusion. I understand getting started is the hardest part. But never starting scares me the most. Think about how many opportunities you will miss, how many great people you might have met. Sometimes it just takes us to take the first step to see the possibilities on how our life can change. Once we take the first step, it only just gets easier the more you keep taking the next step. 

Have a warrior mentality and believe in yourself. You have the power and the tools and the resources, now all you need is to get out of your own way and do it, tell yourself you can do it and you will eventually get there. 

[Kelley White]

I love this movie...Its kind of like this....

 

[Kelley White]

6 hours ago, MIA.RIVEL said:

Have a warrior mentality and believe in yourself. You have the power and the tools and the resources, now all you need is to get out of your own way and do it, tell yourself you can do it and you will eventually get there. 

Gold @MIA.RIVEL