Spiritual Crisis Please Help!

[Paulo Barbosa]

Hello everyone,

I have just opened a new topic elsewhere, but this one seems really proper for me to piggy-back.

I recently took 5meo-DMT and was able to go through the gates and experience the state of oneness.

However that came with a price... I had to die first.

I fought the feeling of losing control and took me a while before I finally surrendered.

The thing is, after the experience passed some sort of channel got open as result and now I am able to relax to a point where a similar type of experience kicks in.

But because the experience was not only beautiful but also very traumatising, I usually get afraid and the sequence gets stopped before it truly starts.

However, there were a few times where I am able to ease it up at the beginning.

Then what happens is that I feel again that I am dying (not to be confused with a panic attack, which I sometimes have but on different occasions) and through fear I eventually break the sequence.

I am practicing not to get overly identified with anything in my life so I can surrender when I have such an experience but it's not working out.

I still carry a big fear and anxiety and getting to a place of no preference is still a bit of a pipe dream.

So my question is, how can I let go of fear (gradually or not) so I can start to experience the eternal without the use of any external substance?

I have read the brilliant responses on this topic so far, but maybe you could shed some more light into this issue.

I fell that there is no way back for me. All I want now is to be able to re-connect with that that lies beyond space and time and through it break the chains of suffering.

Thank you all so much for your input!

Paulo

[Leo Gura]

@Paulo Barbosa A) You must contemplate and investigate the precise nature of your fear. What are you fearing and WHY?

B) You must face the fear head-on at some point.

Psychedelics are great because they can gradually expose you to your greatest fears in a way that's very difficult to accomplish otherwise.

You can try small to medium doses of psychedelics for this. One trip is never enough. You must do repeated trips to overcome these deep, existential fears. Taking huge doses of psychedelics is not ideal. You want to gradually work you way through all your emotional baggage using small to medium doses. Then, AFTER you've done that, you can take a large breakthrough dose, and you will be ready to fully surrender.

This is a training process. You cannot bench press 400lbs on your first attempt. And there is no shortcut to benching 400lbs. You must gradually work your way up to it.

[Paulo Barbosa]

@Leo Gura Thank you very much Leo.

The thing is, I have no easy access to psychedelics and in all honesty I am not sure that is the path I want to take going further.

You are probably right that to put your fears on the line through the use of psychedelics is a much easier process but something tells me that my path lies elsewhere. Or maybe that is just the fear talking and I am confusing it with my intuition.

The fact of the matter is that I have taken 12 mg of 5meo (twice in a row) out of despair with my previous life situation.

In that regard I came out of it with a fresh perspective and the depression is now a thing of the past.

However I feel stuck in my "progress" and I feel that fear is the gatekeeper.

If you, or somebody else knows of other methods or techniques to "overcome" fear please let me know.

I have yet to watch your most recent video about yoga and something tells me that I will find some answers there.

 

 

 

[Leo Gura]

@Paulo Barbosa Then contemplate. That is the method.

[Paulo Barbosa]

@Leo Gura Thank you Leo!!!

[Samuel Garcia]

@Vladimir I had an intense spiritual experience when just crying and screaming letting pain out and be heard as I felt into suffering as much as possible. That evening, I made a commitment to feel all my pain fully and didn't need any psychedelic. But the experience passed and my life was the same just like my other mushroom experiences. You could try feeling into you emotions but you may need to do so overtime. Check out Leo's video on Dealing with Negative Emotions.

[Sunchild]

Pain and suffering are not synonymous.