Becoming a healer

[Diane]

Paradoxes

I went on a second incredibly Covid-friendly date with the guy I dated last Sunday and one of the things he said is that it's ok if some questions stay unanswered.

It still bothers me though.

I've just discovered I am God through Leo's latest video. 

I didn't experience it, I just came out with the question: if reality is a dream, why do what I do?

I've gotten the answer while writing the question, incredible: I've decided to experience this dream I call life to explore myself in a different way.

It's as if God (me) in its perfection was a bit bored so it decided to have fun and invented my life as I'm experiencing it right now.

And it goes full circle with my passion for personal growth that is nothing more than learning more and more about myself. 

Fascinating!!

 

All this came from the work I'm doing on (re)defining my life purpose.

In the Mentorship program I'm following they call it "mission".

When I did the life purpose course I came up with the purpose of becoming a worldclass cardiologist but then it came out it was not exactly that or at least I then chose not to follow that path.

It's only now (after an entire weekend working on it) that I've realized I could just take the course again...

 

I still came to something though:

I am infinite possibilities and I am a catalyst of healing

My core intention in this life is validation, internal and external

About my mission:

I explain to sick people (mostly with chronic diseases) their medical conditions and the possible solutions.

They come to me looking for clarity and understanding. They want to feel listened, seen and cared for.

As a result of my work they take ownership of their diseases and actively participate at their healing process.

 

Talking about it with my mother she told me it sounds like the description of a general practitioner.

She's 100% right but I have some resistance towards being a general practitioner and thinking about it I realized it's because of the lack of external validation given to general practitioners.

Maybe it's my duty to give GP a new recognition...

We'll see.. Stay tuned!!  

 

__ . __ . __ . __ . __ . __ . __ . __ . __ . __

 

What bad habit did I curb today?

Not prioritizing what really matters, I resisted the temptation to go online-shopping mode.

 

How am I better?

I know more about myself. I know I'm here to learn to trust myself and that external validation is important too and it's ok.

 

Were my actions just?

Not all of them. I let my poor date suffer a bit..

 

How can I improve?

Planning in detail: doing result lists and scheduling the exact timing for my activities.

 

What is my next step?

Going to sleep.

[Diane]

A day to remember

I got my first car today!!! Her name is Sweetie and she's amazing!!

I'm so happy and grateful!!

It was a community affair, my mum pushed me to ask my "uncle" (he's not really an uncle, just a Burundian man living in the same town I'm in right now and he happens to be the husband of the woman I call my mum of Switzerland but since we're not so close I don't feel like calling him "father"..) to help me and he helped me every step of the way, I almost just brought the money!! 

Then there were friends and colleagues who helped me and gave me tons advice!!

And now she's here!!

Welcome Sweetie!!

And thank you Universe!!! 

[Diane]

Eureka!!

 

Today I finally was able to (re)define my life purpose: "Using integrative medicine to help people own their healing".

 

I reviewed the process on the Life Purpose Course and updated some things:

 

My top 10 values

Wisdom

Personal growth

Purpose

Leadership

Justice

Gratitude

Passion

Deep connection and intimacy

Compassion

Joy

 

My signature strengths

[People who embody their signature strengths tend to have the most fulfilling lives.]

1. Justice

2. Curiosity

3. Love of learning

4. Gratitude

5. Self-control and self-regulation.

 

Zone of genius

[Top unique ability, my greatest talent]

Explaining things to people, empathy

 

Impact

Make people healthier through consciousness

 

Ideal medium

Consulting in a medical practice.

 

 

During the process I also made a bucket list 

• Be on the same stage with Beyonce and Deepak Chopra
• Find the love of my life
• Do a 10 days Vipassana retreat
• Doing a marathon
• Living in a big apartment with all the place to live with my partner, host friends and relatives, dance and study
• Working as a doctor for passion and not for money.

 

Clarity brings so much peace!!

I don't know how it will happen, I just know it will.

And even if it doesn't happen I'll be glad of the amazing journey!!

 

[Diane]

Lesson learned during these holiday

 

I've been on holidays for two weeks.

I don't think I've ever stayed at home for so long during a vacation since I've started working.

It was very beneficial.

 

I was able to cement my morning routine: I was so proud when I finally was able to do the 45'' of high-low plank on Chris Heria's morning workout!!

 

Then yesterday I had a moment of guilt thinking about the fact that I didn't study as would have liked to do during these two weeks.

And a Maria Popova's quote appeared on the Five Minute Journal: "If we are so busy being successful that we don't have time to be happy, then we need to seriously reconsider our definition of success"

Looking through my self-growth notes from the past I found a very poignant few:

• Healthy fit and powerful;
• Having the courage to move in the direction of my dreams (vs doing the right thing or doing it right the first time).

I'll go for Mahima Klinge's one: SUCCESS IS HAPPY AND CLEAR.

 

Talking about her: she suggested I change the last point on my bucket list to "I am abundant and happy".

The idea being that I can make money, and lots of it, doing what I love.

For some reason I've never thought of my work as a source of financial abundance: financial security yes but not abundance. Yet why not?? I totally can have multiple sources of income but that doesn't mean I should work for pennies!!

 

Last week we had the last webinar of the year on the mentorship program I am following.

The topic was Ego vs Soul.

I took a lot of notes but the thing I'll always remember is an exercise where she made us repeat "I love myself. I honor myself. I respect myself. I trust myself". I literally wasn't able to say the phrase "I respect myself". It was a very eye-opening experience. Fortunately consciousness is the key. Now I'm getting better and better at it. I can see the ways I still tend to put other people before myself and how damaging it is in the end. #fillyourcupfirst!!

 

On the same note I'm learning the importance of having boundaries and honoring myself.

Even if the only "Christian" thing I do is going to Church once in a while, I started following a Christian couple who talks a lot about this subject. I love their idea of not doing certain things (even if they may be very desirable and appear without major consequences) in order to "protect your heart, and the other person's heart too".

 

Another thing I learnt during these two weeks is that it's not easy to walk the talk. I struggled after having the opportunity to join a group of people who uses a specific brand of meal replacements and supplements as this meant going against the idea of eating real food and letting food be medicine. Also, needing healthy meal replacements speaks a lot about my lifesytle: I know I don't always have the time or the energy to cook and this would be a good solution BUT why don't I have the time to cook??? I finally decided to embark on this journey, we'll see if it works. At worse I will be able to give my patients informed advices around this specific brand.

 

This event also brought back to light my difficulty in taking decisions and how I can be easily influenced. Thanks to my therapist and a friend of mine I learnt that I need to wait before taking decisions. For the most part of the decisions I have to take it's totally fine delaying them, even if it is just for an hour. I have all the time that I need.

 

Talking about decision-making, a few days ago I had a moment of overwhelm thinking about all the things I have to do in general. Fortunately Mel Robbins and Brendon Buchard came to my rescue.

Here is how I will to deal with overwhelm from now on:

• Do a brain dump: list all of the things I have to do. Do immediately the ones that take one minute then choose the 3 most relevant for my purpose and just do them. When they're done do the same until the list is completed (AND the list is not supposed tobe done in one day!!)
• Disrupt the stress: go in Nature, stimulate the 5 senses and getting grounded in my body
• Blissipline!! Going back to basics, firstly on the morning routine*.
• Transitioning well between activity (with a happy dance or a meditation).
• Learning to die each day and be born anew each morning: finishing strong my days with a review of the day and a vision for the next day.
• Meeting the demands of the moment with the attitude of "we can handle this"

 

*here is a wonderful scheme I had done a while ago:

 

Finally I found this quote from my notes: "The panic zone is the zone of magic". It's so true, I've experienced it many many times this year, I've made so many incredible things while in panic!! I shall embrace you dear panic, thank you for showing me how amazing I can be!!

[Diane]

2020 in Review

 

CELEBRATE: I'm alive, I made it trough this year!!! Yes!! Making it through 2020 deserves he biggest happy dance ever!!!

 

Wins I need to celebrate of this year:

• Understanding and accepting more my emotions. I’m so grateful for the existence of Betterhelp and the amazing therapist who has been supporting for almost a year now!!
• Starting a Mindset Mentorship. It happened towards the end of the year, but it was simply life-changing!!
• Deepening my relationships with friends and family.
• I now embody self-respect more and more.
• I found the answers to the questions “who am I?” and “what do I want”.
• I have a very clear vision for my future.
• I got a lot better with my morning and evening routines.
• I learnt to be vulnerable and to share my problems with other people

 

What I was doing when I achieved my best results from last year:

• I accepted myself as I was
• I felt fear but did anyway what needed to be done
• I followed my intuition
• I was consistent

 

One life lesson I learned from last year:

Emotions are a message from the Universe, we just need to relax, have faith and listen closely.

 

About last year's goals:

• Being fluent in physical rehabilitation = studying every day. I did study a bit but there is plenty room for improvement in this area. --> Grade: 6/10
• Self care = doing my morning and evening routines and exercising daily. I achieved it more and more during the year. Particularly in the last two months. I’m very proud of this!! --> Grade: 8/10
• Finding someone to love 3000 = nurturing my relationships. I didn’t find the One but I definitely did nurture and deepen my relationships by learning to be vulnerable. --> Grade: 8/10.
• Being financially free = acting on the book I will teach you to get rich. I didn’t re-read the book but the Universe helped me see how misguided my money mindset was. --> Grade: 5/10 (I’m not saving right now and I have a little debt to pay)

 

-> Other lessons I can bring with me in 2021:

• The power of vulnerability. Allowing myself to be vulnerable helps others feel comfortable with being vulnerable and sharing themselves.
• I have the right to benefit from the money I earn and I don’t owe money to my family just because they raised me and helped me with my studies.
• It is imperative to give from the overflow and ALWAYS fill my cup first, otherwise I’m not helping, I’m contributing to the problem!!
• I deserve to earn a lot of money doing what I love.
• The panic zone is the zone of magic.

 

I don’t know if I did it also last year but today I did Michael Hyatt’s LifeScore assestment.

The email with the results said this:

From the answers you gave, I can tell that . . . 

1.       You're winning in most of your life domains.

2.       You're a person who knows the value of clearly defined goals, and you work diligently to achieve them.

3.       You spend much of your time in your success zone, although you'd like to be more consistent.

So so true!! 

Here are the official results, dear future me:

Your LifeScore - Michael Hyatt Assessments.pdf

 

 

About 2021

 

I decided it will be the year of abundance and happiness!!

 

My goals for 2021:

-          Continuing and clarifying the path towards practicing integrative medicine.

-          Having plenty of fun.

-          Going back to Crossfit.

-          Living in a big apartment with all the place to live with my (potential or real) partner, host friends and relatives, dance and study.

 

Actions in the next 3 months for achieving my goal:

-          Find a new apartment

-          Planning my career; sending plenty of CVs and preparing for the interviews for the next internships.

-          Manage and optimize my finances.

 

I also updated my bucket list:

• Be on the same stage with Beyonce and Deepak Chopra
• Find the love of my life
• Do a 10 days Vipassana retreat
• Doing a marathon
• Living in a big apartment with all the place to live with my partner, host friends and relatives, dance and study
• Earning lots of money doing what I love
• Giving from the overflow

 

Edited December 28, 2020 by Diane

[Diane]

On 27/12/2020 at 5:15 PM, Diane said:

I'll go for Mahima Klinge's one: SUCCESS IS HAPPY AND CLEAR.

I actually found a better definition: happy, healthy, wealthy and wise. 

 

[Natasha]

@Diane Wishing you a happy, healthy, wealthy, and wise New 2021! 

[Diane]

On 31/12/2020 at 0:42 AM, Natasha said:

@Diane Wishing you a happy, healthy, wealthy, and wise New 2021! 

Thank you @Natasha!! Lots and lots of abundance and happiness to you too!! 

[Diane]

I found two mottos for 2021:

1. I live in a friendly Universe that wants nothing more than to support me.
2. Those who are certain of the result can afford to wait and wait without anxiety.

None of them is mine, the first is from Mahima Klinge and the second is from Gabrielle Bernstein.

Anyway, I've been writing the first quote every day for two weeks now and I keep seeing how true it is. It also took the form of me buying products designed mainly for weight loss even if consciously I know that I don't really need to loose weight. YET I expressed the desire to loose wheight somewhere at the beginning of December as I saw I weighed 54kg as my ideal weight (in the sense of the number I like most for me, not necessarily the really right one) is 50kg. So I manifested a weight loss program, as I live in a friendly Universe taht wants nothing more that to support me!! I've just found out that the real ideal weight for me is between 42.7kg and 57.8kg and the mean between the two is exactly 50,25kg!! I'm reeeally supported there, even my desires are for my best!! 

For the second one I saw it in the life of a brother of one of my friends: he never had a "true" job until the age of 40 and now he will be starting his dream job!!  I chose to use this mantra for my love life, I'll let the Universe do its magic.

 

_ . _ . _ . _ . _ . _ . _ . _ . _ . _ . _ . _ . _

 

About this week:

 

What bad habit did I curb this week?

Undervaluing my sleep. There is still a lot of work to do on this side but I'm learning more and more the importance of switchng off at a certain moment without waiting to be exhausted to go to bed.

How am I better?

I accept reality as it is, including the fact that I have a limited amount of time and energies.

Were my actions just?

Most of the time yes. I am finally starting to put myself first and recognizing I also deserve to be treated with the utmost honors.

How can I improve?

Going to bed at 10:30pm and waking up at 5pm 80% of my days.

What is my next step?

Right now it is doing the 5minutes journal and preparing for bed.

The next big thing to so is finishing up my career plan.

 

Edited January 3, 2021 by Diane

[Diane]

Balance

Here is a word my therapist uses A LOT.

I was reflecting on the fact that it was a very cozy week, not too much things to do at work so I was able to relax a vit and concentrate on my own things.

At the same time I “discovered” I can keep the heat on all day in my apartment and I also stopped keeping a window half-open during the day when I’m not there and during the night.

I “discovered” I have the right to live a cozy life whereas I used to limit myself regarding the comfort I allowed myself to have in my life.

Now the problem is: how do I balance this new consciousness with being out there doing and achieving?

From now on my days will be structured like this: work and productivity during the day; fun and relax during the evening!!

It’s almost banal as an epiphany but still.

At least I won’t continue shaming myself for not being productive 24/7.

 

This week was also marked by two youtube videos:

 

With Kyle Cease it was one golden nugget after another.

Here are some:

·         That's a belief that they need the skills. The factor of value is: do you understand how valuable you are?. You understand how valuable you are by creating evidence of this.

• The question is: does it expands me or contract me? If I go through a pros and cons list I'm already in contracting.
• Triggers are there to show us where we don't love ourselves. 
• Hold space for the emotion of not being good enough.
• Fear is only death to your story. 
• When you see trauma showing up, it's only because it's leaving. 
• Fear is resistance to yourself. 
• The feeling is always right.
• You are enough right now, no question.
• When you let go of something you're only stressed because your mind can only see what you're loosing, not what you'll gain.

 

And I got to Teal Swan’s video because of the fear I felt regarding contacting a professor I found on LinkedIn who practices Integrative Medicine ere in Switzerland. I now know gain that I am enough as I am that worth is intrinsic. Also, I have nothing to lose by asking, the worse that can happen is that he doesn’t’ answer!!

Here are some golden nuggets from this video, dear future me:

• Whenever you think you’re not good enough ask: How am I enough ?
• Search for what you can appreciate in others and in yourself.
• Self worth resides in self love à taking care of yourself
• Worth is inherent
• I don’t need to justify myself to myself nor to others.
• I am enough exactly as I am in this very moment

_  . _  . _  . _  . _  . _  . _  . _  . _  . _  . _  . _  . _

 

What bad habit did I curb this week?

Not exercising and not prioritizing sleep.

 

How am I better?

I’m back to Crossfit!! At home but still!!

I’m more and more loving and caring towards myself.

  

How can I improve?

Being more action-oriented and focused on what is really important.

 

What is my next step?

Doing the 5’ journal, continuing a tiny little bit with the Money Makeover workbook and going to sleep!!

[Diane]

Expansion

 

That was the theme of the week.

I did a movement therapy session where the teacher asked us what was our word for 2021 and the word that came to me was expansion.

During the session we were asked to dance this word and also to connect with our teenage self.

I was able to do it and at the end I did fell expansion but also a kind of lump in my throat and she said it was something I was not expressing.

Indeed, I saw how I spent most of my life with the handbrake on, always trying to be the perfect little girl and holding my thoughts and my feelings inside.

At first, I wanted to write a letter to that little girl, then I decided to try Teal Swan’s completion process. It was very eye-opening and pacifying.

I discovered the first time I felt this fear of negative judgement was in primary school, when I was still in Burundi. I don’t remember the details but I know that a classmate of mine had a better note than me and I ended up stealing all of her notebooks. I didn’t even look inside, I brought them home and just hid them..

So changing the situation I went back to that little girl, told her it was ok to want to be first and at the same time not to be it as she will be loved anyway. And we went out to celebrate second place!! ?

 

I really hadn’t seen it coming, I thought I would have dealt with my child abuse or with some situation with my father as working on my issue with perfectionism but no..

 

On the other hand this week I learnt I don’t even need to be perfect to get to first place: I did a French exam and obtained a C2 (native proficiency)!! The lady who examined me was just marveled, she told me no one had ever done the exam so well and so fast!! And I made 3 mistakes!!

 

Diane 2 – Perfectionism 0 !! 

 

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What bad habit did I curb this week?

Procrastinating due to perfectionism. I finally sent the email to the Professor practicing Integrative Medicine here in Switzerland AND he answered me!!! He proposed we talk on the phone.. I am excited and terrified at the idea, but I know it’s a good sign. I haven’t answered him yet though. I’ll do it this afternoon.

 

How am I better?

I love myself unconditionally. 

 

How can I improve?

Studying!!! 

 

What is my next step?

Writing on the forum of the mindset training I’m doing and planning the next week.

[Diane]

Change

Change is supposed to be hard, at least at the beginning, that's just the nature of reality.

This week I had a one on one session with one of the coaches of the Mindset training I'm in and what came out was my tendency to always prioritize other people's agendas. She gave me the homework of doing an act of self love per day for two months.

I started on Thursday and it's going well but I noted it was pretty difficult for me to go and do something for myself while if it was for work I would have found the way to wake up earlier and get the thing done almost without a second thought. 

Thankfully this week I also was listening to some interviews of Dr Andrew Huberman and that's exactly what he keeps saying.

So dear frustrated beginner me, stay reassured: that's just the way things are. It'll become second nature one day but the start is inevitably uncomfortable!!

 

_ . _ . _ . _ . _ . _ . _ . _ . _ . _ . _ . _ . _ . _ . _ . _

 

What bad habit did I curb this week?

Not loving myself.

 

How am I better?

I accept myself more as I am and I know that I have all the time that I need, I can do one thing at a time and deserve to fid time for myself.

 

How can I improve?

Embodying self-love more and more.

 

What is my next step?

Completing my to-do list with a "why" column. Thank you Matthew Hussey!! 

[Diane]

New beginnings 

 

What time is it? It’s my time!!!

It’s been a very interesting month, plenty of new experiences and knowledge.

I am finally ready to be where I am (and who I am).

I’ve been living in Switzerland since almost two years now and I spent most of the time fantasizing about how better I was when I was in Sardinia.

This week I spent a week in Sardinia and finally was able to say goodbye to the experience there, knowing that I now belong in Switzerland and it’s perfect as it is, as I have a lot of possibilities I wouldn’t otherwise have (like manifesting my upcoming and amazing relationship from a place of unconditional self-love).

Yes, I’m ready.

I’ve even found a response to when I start feeling overwhelmed: there are many things to do and it’s amazing!!   It really is: doing all those things will enable me to create a wonderful life while enjoying it too!! What about the grueling administrative work you say? It’s nothing at all compared to the beauty that awaits me, just do it D!! 

 

So, dear future (or past) me, whenever you need inspiration here it is:

 

Ask: Am I willing to feel good and have my life go well all the time? (hint: the only possible answer is yes!!)

This question comes from the book “The big leap” by Guy Hendricks, an amazing book btw!!

Here’s what he taught me too:

• There is only one way to transcend fear: to transform it into the clarity of exhilaration.
• USM (Ultimate success Mantra): I expand in abundance, success and love every day as I inspire those around me to do the same.

In the book there was this poem by Hafiz too, liberally translated by the author:

Your divine invitation

You're invited to meet the Divine.

No one can resist a divine invitation.

Now your choices narrow to two:

You can come to the Divine ready to dance,

Or be carried on a stretcher to the Divine emergency room.

 

I’m totally ready to dance!! 

Thank you thank you thank you to the Universe for giving me all this energy and the knowledge I’m now ready to start to embody.

 

Talking about knowledge and embodiment, recently I learnt that one of the most important tools to live a happy and fulfilled life is to express myself: to ask if I don’t know and say a comment if it arises in my head.

I’m letting go of the old habit of censoring myself and very beautiful things come from it.

It’s all about the never old five agreements:

Be impeccable with your word

Don’t take anything personally

Don’t make assumptions

Always do your best

Be skeptical but learn to listen

 

Here is what I want to create, it’s my vision board for 2021:

 

Fortunately, it’s still February so I have plenty of time to actualize it.

Another interesting concept I got from “The Big Leap” is Einstein’s time : the idea that I am the creator of time, there is no such thing as an external time, I create it as I see fit, consciously or unconsciously.

I definitely want to apply it, especially to find a new workplace for the first of November.

As in my current contract I need to resign six months in advance.

So, I need to find the new job before the end of May.

 

This means that I’ll have three main focuses for the next three months:

• Moving (I found the apartment and now I need to do the papers, the physical move and buy some furniture)
• Finding the new job for November
• Enjoying life

Ah, there is also a fourth one: studying for the exam I have in June.

I’m actually thrilled at the idea of having an exam!!

 

Love it love it love it!!! 

 

In my notes for this post I also wrote: “It's all about habits”. It’s something I really need to remember.

With the excuse of being on vacation, during the last two weeks I haven’t been very regular with my routines, but I definitely know that is the answer to all of my problems!!

Thank you Universe for this knowledge too, I can’t wait to embody it.

 

_ . _ . _ . _ . _ . _ . _ . _ . _ . _ . _ . _ . _ . _

 

What bad habit did I curb recently?

Unchecked negative thinking. Most of the time now, when I notice a negative thought I am able to respond to it with something more loving!!

 

How am I better?

I have more clarity and I trust myself.

 

How can I improve?

Doing the effort of not criticizing and finding something positive to say instead.

 

What is the next loving step?

Writing on the Forum of the mindset tribe I’m in and planning for this new beginning!! 

[Diane]

March 2021 Review

 

During the last few days I had the idea of having entered this month without any preparation as it was a pretty chaotic one and I almost never had a written schedule for my days.

Then looking back I found my last post, how amazing was my past self!! 
The only problem was in the planning I had made for March finally, I found out it was just unrealistic. I don’t know if it was the wave of optimism I was on at the time but I had scheduled to do everything in all areas of my life in just one month. No wonder that I felt anxious and overwhelmed the last two weeks.

Fortunately I found a “new” hack for this: GOING BACK TO BASICS AND STICKING TO WHAT IS ESSENTIAL. It is soooo liberating!!! Since I started focusing on just doing the essential, I have never missed a train or been late for something but even been in advance for things.

And the Universe is sooo sweet and loving with me: everything goes well in the end and I get over difficulties easier and faster the more I trust in the Universe.

Here are two wonderful quotes from Esther Hicks to live by, dear future (or past) me:

 

Another powerful thing I learned this month was that “There is no difference between life and work”. There is NO difference!!

This insight came from the forum on mindset I’m in when I asked about how to achieve work-life balance.

It came out that there in no balance and now I can see how I am always me and my life is always my life going on, whether I’m at work or at home.

The paradox in all this is that acknowledging that there is no balance is actually helping me have more of it, as I finally give priority to myself and my projects even when I am at work.

 

Finally yesterday I found the real purpose of life: enjoying it!!

I had to give a negative prognosis to a patient for the first time and it really hit me, to the point of asking myself if I wouldn’t have given him my time as I didn’t see any meaning in mine.

It’s funny how the first image that came to me when I asked myself “what makes it worth living?” was winning a Crossfit competition!!

I am now much more motivated to do my morning workouts!! Also, I plan to go back to Crossfit trainings in May.

Then yeah, of course, there is also the reason of making the world a better place one patient at a time!! 

 

_ . _ . _ . _ . _ . _ . _ . _ . _ . _ . _ . _ . _ . _ . _ . _ . _ . 

 

What bad habit did I curb this month?

Focusing on the unessential. I was 100% in it in the overwhelmed phase when I went shopping to de-stress and ended up buying shoes I don’t like and that do not even fit me.. Then fortunately the Universe helped me get back on track.

How am I better?

I no longer sweat the small stuff. ?  

How can I improve?

Making time for studying and doing it.

Doing my morning and evening routines well and at least 80% of the time.

What is the next loving step?

 Planning a minimalist April.

Edited March 31, 2021 by Diane

[Diane]

New week new me

I had planned to do this check-up yesterday but hey, better late than never!!

Last week was a very good one; I’m growing more and more in clarity and also learning to prioritize myself and my own goals.

I’m not there yet but I’m pretty proud of myself.

What a change, in the past I would have just focused on how I wasn’t meeting my self-imposed deadlines and how I wasn't the person I wish I was yet now I can clearly recognize that progress remains progress no matter how little.

Good job D!! ?

 

Going more in details…

 

What bad habit did I curb this week?

Wallowing in negative thinking and worrying. My amazing therapist made me realize how foolish it is to worry about the future as it means worrying about something that has not happened yet and that we’re not even sure is going to happen. Now I am able to stop and remind myself of that when I start to worry about the future. My main worry right now is finding a new workplace for November 2021. And I can see how the only sane thing to do is to fall in love with the process of sending applications and preparing at best for the interviews. The rest will unfold as it has to and it will be perfect, as reality always is.

How am I better?

I take better care of myself. As embarrassing as it is I’m proud of myself for finally having succeeded in almost always brushing my teeth at night. Also, I’m doing the evening routine more and more often and I’ve been doing 20 burpees every morning!!

How can I improve?

Being more radical with myself. Last week I came up with this beautiful insight: “Going out of my comfort zone is self-loving as it means I love myself so much that I am willing to stretch myself in order to become even better that I already am”. I guess it’s time to embody this newly found wisdom!!

What is the next loving step?

Doing the evening routine, studying 30 minutes and sending one application for November 2021!!

[Diane]

Distractions

 

This is one of those moments I wish I was a poet or a painter to express everything in a direct and concise way.

I can dance though and that’s pretty powerful too as I’m learning that movement is literally medicine thanks to Gisela Rocha’s Movement For Life!!

All this started as I became aware that I wasn’t doing the things I had decided to do today in my off work.

Truth be told, this morning I didn’t really got ready to be ready nor segment intended (two concepts I got from Esther Hicks) as I didn’t even take a look to my agenda before starting the day, I just went on with what I felt doing in the moment.

It was a nice day per se, I took the time to clean my apartment, I cooked and I flirted online..

I think I manifested so many distractions as I was not clear in the beginning about what the day had to look like specifically.

I know it to be true as yesterday it was the exact contrary, I literally made happen all that I had wanted to happen that day!!

Another thought I had is that I manifested today’s distractions because I had some resistance to doing what I had settled to do (I’m becoming pretty good with organizing myself, I planned every day of this week more or less in details in advance).

Then, while doing a movement therapy session I downloaded the answer that “It was not resistance, I just needed some space for even more awareness.” Which is true as I am now digging deeper into the matter.

During the session my body also told me this:

Everything is fine.

It will all work out.

The Universe has your back.

Everything is perfect as it is.

At the same time Teal Swan told me that “If we haven't created the life that we want to create, there must be an aspect of ourselves that is actually in opposition to it. See it as valid and important as it contains a greater truth about you.” And Esther Hicks added “When your belief is so strong, you can’t believe your inner being that is guiding you.”

So what is the benefit in not creating the life I want? What is the benefit of not going full out for what I want?

I am afraid of the unknown.

Yet as a friend kindly reminded me “I live in a friendly Universe that was designed to support me”. Nothing can go wrong. Everything is laid out for me.

Thank you Universe!!!

Another great insight I got from the Movement Therapy session is that I can dance the masculine and the feminine at the same time. So there is no opposition between what I need (joy in the now) and what I want (to help people own their healing), I can have both AND at the same time??

Coming back to distractions, during the Movement therapy session she made us dance the Ego. It was so funny what came out form me, I was mindlessly running everywhere, and I felt like not having a spine. Then she made us dance the Spirit and I felt so beautiful, flowing and at the same time grounded.

Last but not least: What makes you authentic? Connection.

 

In short: I live in a friendly Universe that was designed to support me. All I need to do is focus on the next loving step.

 

I made it, I’m a poet!!

 

The next loving step is to do my evening routine and get ready to be ready for tomorrow (AKA going to bed…).

Edited April 17, 2021 by Diane

[Diane]

Week 15

I'm happy this is only week 15 of the year, depending on the moment time feels different so it's refreshing to know that it is only week 15 and that there are plenty of other weeks before the end of the year. At the same time I know it could be all over in the next minute so I'm happy to be more and more able of living in the present moment right now (--> running free of the baggage of the past and the future). 

 

What bad habit did I curb this week?

Passivity. I learned the magic of segment intending and applied it to get the results I wanted at work and it worked at perfection.

How am I better?

I recognize how the time spent digging deeper in my soul is  NEVER wasted time, it makes me a better person and also make the doing in the external world easier and smoother.

How can I improve?

Trusting myself more and sticking to my own plans.

What is the  next loving step?

Planning the next week and going to bed.

Edited April 17, 2021 by Diane

[Diane]

April in review

From the month of March I took the habit of noting the percentage of time I followed up with the habits I want to have so now I can track my monthly progress.

I have 6 habits on: studying, doing the morning&evening routines, sending at least 2 applications per day (absent in March, when the morning and evening routines were separated), running at least once a week, going out or having someone over once a week and dancing.

The one I made the most progress on was “going out or having someone over once a week” where I went from 6% to 100% (and even more as in the first week I went out two times). The more I grow in authenticity and the more my extroverted nature comes out. When I first took the MBTI I was surprised finding out that I am extroverted by nature (ESFJ specifically, the caregiver). But now I see how my first reflex when I have a problem is to talk it out, either with myself in a journal or even better with someone else. This month I deepened the relationship with one friend in particular, she’s a French colleague that I esteem from the bottom of my heart, both professionally and as a person. I even asked her why she was so friendly to me as I kinda felt like not deserving to have someone like her in my life. Now I see how I attracted her friendship: it was in my vision board for this year and every time I wrote what I wanted in friendships I wrote something in the lines of “deep and intimate relationships with people that inspire me and that I inspire too”. It was with her that I went out the most, and we bumped into each other even when we hadn’t planned to meet. She’s having a health challenge right now. Fortunately, I’ve already learnt that if there is one thing no one needs in this world it is unsolicited advice so I’ll support here as best as I can and give her advice only if she asks for it.

The second area I grew in the most was studying: I went from 0 to 30%. I’m happy for the growth but also see how much I need to focus on making this a priority as my exam in June approaches.

I also grew in the habit of doing my morning and evening routines (from 25% to 50%). Bravo D!! ?

I was stationary on the “habit” of running once per week as I stayed on 0%.. I did went for a sort of run with a colleague last Tuesday but the runner in me doesn’t want to count it as a run as we mostly walked.. Thankfully, I’ll have a lot of days off this month so there is hope!!

Finally, I completed the habit of sending two applications per day 10% of the time. I also have two interviews in the upcoming future, one on May 10th ant the other on June 11th. I still need to organize for the one of next Monday as it is planned at 5pm (on Zoom fortunately) and I have another appointment at 4pm. I’ll do plenty of segment intending.

While writing all this I wondered if other people too get so methodical about their lives. Maybe, maybe not. Anyway, looking back to the ESFJ characteristics it is one of my personality traits, that’s just how I am. Knowledge is power.

Talking about power, I want to acknowledge my first production doing art therapy: as an assignment from one of my mindset coaches I did a collage on the theme “my space, my voice, my opinion”. Here it is:

 

 

I love the possibility of being quiet and powerful at the same time.

 

Another thing I learned this month is that anxiety means that I'm growing, always!!

It remains an uneasy feeling the fear of change, but I like the fact of being more conscious that it is for the best.

 

_ . _ . _ . _ . _ . _ . _ . _ . _ . _ . _ . _ . _ . _ . _ . _

 

What bad habit did I curb this month?

Not studying even if I know it is important for me and an activity I enjoy doing.

How am I better?

I am more accepting of myself as a limited human being. I accept the fact that all I can do is my best, any attempt to do more is counterproductive.

How can I improve?

Always focusing on myself first. Doing religiously my morning and evening routines as self-love is a lifelong journey expressed by action.

What is the next loving step?

Doing the most urgent things at work and planning the month of May.

Edited May 5, 2021 by Diane

[Diane]

Why bother?

 

I’ve had a little existential crisis in the last few days, wondering why bother doing things and what is the point in the end.

The answer I have now is that I can choose to be a creator and the point is the creation I choose to give birth.

So I made a Mandala on what I want to create.

 

I had the luck of stumbling on The Minimalists’ podcast with James Wheal where I was introduced to his ten suggestions on ethics, an amazing guideline for life.

 

1. Do the obvious.
2. Don’t do stupid shit.
3. Let the mystery stay the mystery. It is ultimately unfathomable. There is no bottom, top r middle. Just bow down.
4. 80/20 woke to broke. There’s a crack in everything and that’s where the light gets in. Stop chasing the long tail of your perfectibility. Go work on your mission.
5. Fuck your journey. We fetishize our path to becoming. We are all equally fucked up and suffering and somehow, we are all still standing. The only adequate answer is kneeling in gratitude for everything that happened. It’s a joyful embrace of the full catastrophe.
6. Do the hard thing. The grit brings you to grace.
7. Never lose the one. Stay centered.
8. And it’s not that. Either! Anchor your beliefs in reality. Enlightenment is the ability to match your state to the task. Balancing is the thing, not bypassing.
9. Practice resurrection. Be joyful though you have considered all the facts. Practice dying to your stories, to your pains, pleasures, rightness, wrongness and living to love. There is power in knowing that I am a dead woman walking: I have nothing to lose!
10. Above all, be kind.

 

Then, after watching the movie “Promising young woman” and also because of the knowledge I have now of all of the suffering my mother has endured and how the stakes are a lot against her in many ways, I was paralyzed by the question: “Change your mindset and change your world but what about the systemic problems of our society?”. I can create a wonderful life for myself but what about all the things I cannot solve about society? Then I realized society and culture are made by people, and I am one of those people. The never old “become the change you want to see”.

 

So, dear little and feeling list me, here is all you need to know on how to live a meaningful life: live in a state of no mind, just do the right thing as you must.

 

This is my stand, I take it joyfully, as I know how this all ends.

I accept that my life always was worth it and the only thing left to do is to offer myself fully, joyfully, creatively, on behalf of us all.

James Wheal

 

While researching on James Wheal I found out my flow type is “Flow goer”.

Here’s the description:

“Your attitude, your activities, hell, even your clothing all reinforce to yourself and others that being in Flow is a central part of who you are. You've done some soul-searching to get here too—either taking the road less traveled from the get go, or burning out in the Rat Race and bravely rebuilding a second act that's more aligned for you. Where the other profiles tend to find flow at special times under specific conditions, you seek a life that is in flow all the time. You may believe in serendipity, synchronicity and that everything happens for a reason.”

Just for confirmation, here’s the Mandala on “what I want” I had done just a few minutes before:

Their suggestions for me are very on point too:

Special Caution: In your admirable effort to minimize struggle, conflict and stress in your life, you can overshoot and lose the grit that makes the pearl. Beware the Bliss Junkie!!! The paradox of flow is that all of that "effortless effort" takes A LOT of work! And it's an incredibly fine line between "going with the flow”—only doing things when it's effortless and easy—and just being plain old flakey. And be vigilant of any of your behaviors that keep life in fuzzy soft focus—especially self-medicating.

Pro-Tip: Train your off-side. Be impeccable with your commitments. Be on time. Create a catchment system for all of your meetings, ToDos, and finances (Getting Things Done is a great place to start, and the iTunes/Android app stores). You've already worked so hard to create a lifestyle around flow, and paradoxically, you will find even more flow in your life by tackling head-on the least flow-y parts of your life (and everyone else’s). Practice having crucial conversations and getting comfortable resolving conflict cleanly. Nail your finances. As hard and counterintuitive as this sounds, you've already done the even harder part—building your life around flow in the first place. All you've got to do now is close the open loops and surrender fully into your bliss! (namaste!)

 

So I watched some summaries of the book “getting things done”.

Nothing new under the sun but it’s a good method.

 

Here’s what I learned:

 

The mind is made for creating ideas, not for storage.

Mind like water: be appropriately engaged for the task

Curve out mind space: create an environment focus-friendly

 

GTD system:

1.       Collect: externalize your ideas

2.       Process: for every item ask: “is it actionable?” à can I do it in less then 2 minutes? -> if yes do it, if not schedule it. If not actionable: discard or keep for reference / future review

3.       Organise: divide the items by criteria: project, time (deadline), context (phone call, groceries). à ask : what is the next action?

4.       Review: once a week

5.       Engage: just do it.

 

Good HaveTos: actions related to what matters to me.

 

In short:

Life can be meaningful if I find out what matters for me and act on it.

 

Obviously I did a Mandala on that too!! 

 

There you go D, have fun!! 

Edited May 7, 2021 by Diane

[Diane]

Week 19

 

This week I discovered the power of faith, which I would define also as desire without attachment.

Last weekend I started listening to the book “The Universe has your back” by Gabrielle Bernstein.

I can’t even begin to the describe the miracles that happened on the same day, just because I decided to trust the Universe in what I was doing instead of just listening to the voices in my head.

Then on Monday I had the most incredible of job interviews, I hadn’t even finished presenting myself that they had already told me yes!!

Then on Wednesday I went to an informative interview with the coordinator of the training for future general practitioners and it was just A M A Z I N G !!! He explained me in detail about the training, he told me exactly where to send my next applications and even wrote some reference letters for me (after knowing me for like, half an hour!!).

*btw I decided to pursue a double specialization as a physiatrist and as a general practitioner in order to practice integrative medicine in the long term.

The Universe literally wants me to do what I want to do, all the difficulties and resistance I’ve had until now were there just to put me in the right direction and now that I finally opened my eyes, m heart and my actions towards what I really want the Universe can finally stop putting obstacles on my way!!

I’m just speechless to the grandiosity and the wonder of all of it!!

In the book she proposed to write a “faith statement” and commit to living in faith.

Mine will be very simple: “I trust that the Universe has my back. All I have to do is the next loving step.”

Here are some other quotes I took from the book:

I focus my attention on what is good in the moment and expect miracles to happen.

And a simple shift in your perception is a miracle.

 When you pray, you get out of the way.

 What you judge in others is what you judge in yourself and what you love in others is your light.

 Choose love, spread light and live in the certainty that the Universe has your back.

 

Another thing I keep realizing as I go on with life is how little are my problems.

The other day I found myself thinking that getting my credit card denied while paying for a meal at the end of a night out with friends is one of the worst things that could happen to me. I really believed it and was already ashamed in anticipation of this situation that of course did not even occur. How lucky I am if this is my worst nightmare!! Thank you Universe for the raising the level of awareness that I have. And also thank you to myself for prioritizing the inner work.

 

Today I finished reading the book “The Illusion of Money” from Kyle Cease. A great great read, very foundational for me as one could have all the financial know-how of the world but with the wrong mindset it won’t really work even if he/she finds the way to make plenty of money.

What I integrated thanks to Kyle is that I already have all the love, peace and abundance I am looking for and looking for those things externally will never be the answer because if I do not feel them inside of me I’ll tend to get attached to the perceived external sources of them and that will always be a source of pain as I’ll always be worried of loosing the love, peace and abundance if I lose the external thing I attach them to.

 

Now I can read books like “I will teach you to get rich” or “Total money makeover” with a whole new perspective.

 

_ . _ . _ . _ . _ . _ . _ . _ . _ . _ . _ . _

 

 

What bad habit did I curb this week?

Spending mindlessly. 

How am I better?

I am a lot more grateful for the little things.

How can I improve?

Stopping the habit of watching Netflix instead of facing my emotions.

What is the next loving step?

Going to sleep!!