Becoming a healer

[Diane]

Amazing things that happened today:

• I dined out with some colleagues tonight. So for the second week in a row I fulfilled the goal of going out at least once a week!! 
• I managed to meditate right after coming home from a night shift this morning, somehow I didn't fall asleep!!
• I was gentle with myself. Even if I didn't do almost anything productive today I allowed myself to enjoy the night out without feeling guilty about it.

How could I have made today even better?

• Running.
• Studying.

Quote of the day / what I learned:

• When you work, work hard; when you play, play hard. --> To fully enjoy and savor the present moment, the only real thing there is.

[Diane]

Amazing things that happened today:

• The book Life's Too Short to Go So F*cking Slow !! I found it while aimlessly scrolling on Scribd, it's simply A M A Z I N G !!!! Really, this man when asked "have you any allergies?" before chemotherapy answered "yes, I'm allergic to Kriptonite!". Wow!!
• I ran this evening and finally made peace with running in the dark also in winter.So (hopefully) starting tomorrow I'll be running first thing in the morning every day!!
• I'm slowly but steadily growing from the "without anxiety and without crying" mantra to the more empowering "with courage and determination". I'm becoming. A healer? Who knows.. Btw I've also learned to give advice only when explicitly asked. I think it can be a step into my "making people healthier through consciousness" goal. Until you ask me for help/advice I'll just limit myself to showing you the way by being it (or at least making the best I can to be it).

How could I have made today even better?

• Doing chores faster this morning.
• Waking up earlier.

Quote of the day / what I learned:

• The pain is the best part, it lets you know you're alive!! Carlos Nunez

Weekly goals review:

1. Moving to Switzerland. I found a good online radio that only broadcasts talk shows!! I'm still waiting for an email on the details for the documents.. I decided to wait until Wednesday, then I'll write to ask..  #fingercrossed!!!
2. Meditate every day. I made it!! I was thinking how to celebrate such an achievement, the first thing that came to my mind was skipping a day!! 
3. Studying. I didn't study very much this week but I restarted the speed reading course. Can you believe I've had it for almost two years already!??!
4. Earn at least 500€ per month translating; stick to the budget. Mmmh.. My translation test on Gengo was rejected.. But I'll get better. For what concerns he budget I'm very happy of having one.
5. Going out at least once a week; meeting new people → conferences, lectures and seminars. Writing to a different person once a week. I kinda achieved it, I went put yesterday and met a friend's friend. 
6. Being lean →  vegan, running every day. I ran only today, apart from CrossFit, but it was a good and revealing one.

So far so good. It's good to have "smarter" goals!! 

Edited January 13, 2019 by Diane

[Diane]

Amazing things that happened today:

• Becoming (the book), again!! He did an epic marriage proposal!! 
• Everything went well at work!! I even have a new uniform that speaks about me as a doctor of the Emergency Ward.. I always think that "if I was more intelligent" I would have chosen emergency medicine, or at least considered it.. I'm always fascinated by the rapidity in decision-making I see in the senior doctors there..
• I ran this morning at 5.45 am!!! I felt so fulfilled by this accomplishment that I kind of let myself go for the rest of the day.. This evening the shoes I use for CrossFit still a little damp were a good enough excuse to stay at home.. But I cooked a delicious dinner!! I'm finally learning to cook more elaborate things also for myself!! I love cooking but I've always enjoyed doing it only for others as I saw no gratification in spending time cooking for myself only.. Now I am worthy too of that time and care.. 

How could I have made today even better?

• Giving 100% every moment.

Quote of the day / what I learned:

• To be tenacious. To become the person I want to be I need to do different things than what I usually do. It's ok if by now it "doesn't feel like me".

[Diane]

Amazing things that happened today:

• I ran also today!! Only not at 5am but after work, at 3pm, under the warmest sunshine ever!! I even walked a little more than necessary just to enjoy it fully!! 
• I went to a seminar that was supposed to be on hypertension but turned out to be on what it means to be a doctor and how it is important not to take what is popular as the absolute truth (e.g. the metabolic sindrome, I already knew it wasn't considered "a thing" anymore but had never wondered why and how the whole thing had happened..)
• Pilates!! 

How could I have made today even better?

• Not wasting time

Quote of the day / what I learned:

• You can always run a little bit harder. Eddie Pinero It's empowering and at the same time a bit annoying but it's true for everything.

 

[Diane]

Amazing things that happened today:

• Crossfit pain. I was about not to go to CrossFit this morning with the excuse that I was still aching from Wednesday's workout. But I knew the soreness wasn't because I had done the exercices improperly. So in the end I went, maybe also pushed by what one of my fellow Crossfitters once said: "the cure to workout soreness is exercising  again". And it did indeed pass. 
• The 4 agreements. Especially the "don't gossip" part, a mixture of the first tree agreements (be impeccable with your word, don't take anything personally and don't make any assumptions). I still gossip but I'm becoming more conscious about it. I organized an evening out with some colleagues this evening, one of them hadn't answered in the whatsapp group chat.. At first I had thought about asking the others about her during the dinner but then I wrote her directly and she actually came!! 
• Feelings. Oh, so many!!! Sometimes I stop doing something because I feel so much.. Like pausing the book "Becoming" because it's too beautiful or while reading the book about living and working in Switzerland after I realized that it's really the perfect place for me.. I wondered what would happen if I actually let those feelings sink in and fill me.. Maybe I can't let it happen because a part of me believes that it's not possible to be so happy.. The old story of not being enough/worthy?? Maybe.. But life "is not just something you take, it's given". So I might as well enjoy it and do the best I can with it.
• Verba manent. An horoscope I heard for 2019 or maybe something I read suggested to be more proactive in my love life, also because women who make the first move have 2.5 more success rate that men in general.. BUT I was intelligent enough not to start flirting by text with a colleague I was semi sure was already in a relationship, waiting to find out this evening in person.. I didn't even had to ask directly but I found out he's in a 6 years long relationship.. Phew!! 
• Talking about manifesting things: I'm still on the path of going out at least once a week!! My budget is starting to leak but in one of the personal finance books I'm reading the author says that relationships are more important than money so I'll keep going!! 

How could I have made today even better?

• Being more focused.

Quote of the day / what I learned:

 

• How you do anything is how you do everything. Start with excellence. - Jim Kwik - He was referring to making your bed in the morning. Very true.
• Having a clean environment is important for you. - Jim Kwik - The tidiness freak in me was so happy to hear this!! 

Edited January 19, 2019 by Diane

[Diane]

Amazing things that happened today:

• This actually happened yesterday but I was told I have a beautiful voice at work!!  Maybe it's just a prejudice but I think these are the things I'm going to miss moving to Switzerland, the genuine warmth of people here!! Fortunately I've had good experiences in Switzerland too, like the man I stayed to when I went there for the job interview: we're still in touch and when I wrote him I was a bit worried for not having been contacted yet by the Clinic I'll be working to he reassured me saying that he was sure everything would go for the best in the end. And it did!! The secretary I wrote to on Wednesday told me she'll contact me at the end of this month to start all the procedures needed!!  So maybe it's true that humanity is always the same, anywhere you go. It's a quote usually used referring to the worst of humanity but guess what, it's true for the best in humanity too!! Who knew!? 
• I started a social media fast. The funny thing is that I did it with the aim of being more productive but I actually ended up sleeping for most of the day!! 
• I stayed on the "no gossiping" path!! Good me!!!  

How could I have made today even better?

• Not sleeping so much, I wasn't even that tired..
• Going outside... At a certain point of my life I had set the "rule" of striving to go outside every day.. I'm still not sure if staying home the whole day is really such a bad thing.. I remember that one day, when I was still living in the "convent", one of the nuns noticed a bit worried that I hadn't gone out at all that day.. I was too busy binge watching House of Cards!!  All good things require an effort or, as Eddie Pinero would say it: "All things of value come with a cost, and this cost is essential because without it there's no triumph, there's no victory."

Quote of the day / what I learned:

• You do what you have to do, you have to move on as long as God gives you life and strength. - Dr Melissa Freeman - Watching her I was like: "this is me when I'll be old!"  Who knows, we already have the moving-only-with-public-transportation policy in common!! 

Weekly goals review:

1. Moving to Switzerland!!! It's confirmed!!! 
2. Meditate every day. I did it!!
3. Studying. A very strange thing happened this week: I attained a study goal I had set (for the second time actually, I made it also with the previous book). I was really surprised, I've set study goals so many times only to reschedule them thereafter... Amazing!!!
4. Earning at least 500€ per month translating; stick to the budget. Uhm.. Double nope!! The good thing for the budget is that I spent less than planned on groceries so the extra expenses on "fun" will be covered by this saving.
5. Going out at least once a week; meeting new people → conferences, lectures and seminars. Writing to a different person once a week. I went out for dinner with some colleagues on Friday. I also went to a seminar on Tuesday, not the best seminar ever but still.. Furthermore, I met a new colleague and I wrote to a family's friend (she didn't answer to my message but the goal was to write to someone, actually having a conversation is just a bonus, right?! )
6. Being lean →  vegan, running every day. I ran three times this week and my body is responding very well to all this "TLC"!! 

[Diane]

Amazing things that happened today:

•  I SURVIVED THE BLUE MONDAY!! #firstworldproblems but still.. I didn't run in the morning with the idea of studying instead of running to then run after work.. Up there nothing out of the ordinary, I was just allowing myself to be a little flexible with my schedule. Then I went to work and everything went pretty right.. Once at home I had only one thought: "I don't want to do anything!!!". I womaned up and started preparing for my run but in the end I din't find the windbreaker so the run was definitively cancelled.. The most productive thing I did during the afternoon was to go buy a new windbreaker (no more excuses like "I'll run afte work wit the sun", it'll be raining all week..) and making a copy of a key the head nurse asked me for. Once back home at first I had decided to study but in the end I finished the book on personal finance I was reading. Then I turned on te radio and finally found out the only true reason of today's strangeness: it was blue Monday!!! It's good to have something to blame for my laziness!!  In the end I managed to study something though, I was about to go to CrossFit but I finally remembered plan A!!
• A lot of patients have a good memory of me as their doctor!! 
• French!! I'm so in love with this language!!!

How could I have made today even better?

• Womaning up a little bit more.
• Winning the morning.

Quote of the day / what I learned:

• High income skills: Add value. Hustle while you wait. Put your goals ahead of your convenience. - Michael Carmichael -
• Ordinary things done consistently create extraordinary results. - Keith Cunningham -

[Diane]

PMS, paradoxes and life

It wasn't blue Monday, I was PMSing like hell!! Yet another #firstworldproblem but I'm finally learning something from it.. I can now better understand what it means to battle with depression, I already knew that it doesn't just mean that you feel sad most of the time, you also lose interest for everything, nothing brings you pleasure anymore.. Anhedonia is the word.. At a certain point I was like : "why hustle so much? I could easily have a good life staying where I am.. Why change country with all the stress that it'll bring about??" I'm definitely very comfortable where I am, I have a beautiful apartment, nice colleagues that could become great friends, I LIVE IN F*ING SARDINIA!!!

Then as the good millennial that I am I looked for answers on Youtube.. I also checked on uptodate though, just to confirm what I already knew about medical treatment for PMS.. I'm (90%) vegan and I exercise regularly. The "problem" may be caffeine.. Most of the "authors" suggest to stop drinking coffee, but many runners consider it the real drink of the Gods.. Not only that, I'm reluctant to consider trying oral contraceptives or antidepressants because I don't want "to be taking medicines every day" but this morning (or maybe yesterday) I really felt like an addict taking my inevitable morning caffeine pill (because drinking coffee would stain my teeth more than they already are.. I think I definitely scared my mum with my need for coffee when I went home for Christmas, I hadn't brought the pills with me and apparently they only drink decaffeinated coffee now.. She ended up buying me some, so sweet!!)

My research ended up in a solid nap from which I woke up with an illumination: I want to be spent, that's why the hustle!!  The next question could be "why do I want to be spent?" Because there is no greater feeling than that!! Giving my all to everything that I do. Going through life as if it was my last run.

So I'm happy now. Is it another PMS symptom?? What I know is that I'm grateful. And also on my way to becoming a more empathetic person.. Who knows, maybe one day I'll be able to help psychiatric patients too.. For the moment I'll just focus on the book on living and working in Switzerland..

[Diane]

Amazing things that happened in the last three days:

• After the running high, here comes the Crossfitter high!! I added some weighs during the wod because I "wasn't having any fun" and at the end of the workout I was almost ecstatic!! 
• "I am loved, I just need to learn to love and appreciate myself more". I wrote this note on Wednesday. I may have evolved a lot in some areas of my life but I still sometimes have this feeling of not being enough, adequate or even deserving for the best that life has to offer. Still, I am surrounded by love, the Universe is so kind with me!!
• "Just do it". I think I wrote it yesterday, referring to not changing my plans every time. Being flexible is not being free to not execute plan A. The idea is to have faith in th me who created that plan, even if one million reasons to do other things come up.

How could I have made the last three days even better?

• Persisting and resisting a little bit more.

Quote of the day / what I learned:

• The resistance is proportionate to the size and speed of the change, not to whether the change is a favorable or unfavorable one. - George Leonard - Be it PMS, blue Monday, the lunar eclipse or whatever, this week was definitely weighed down by a lot of resistance. Thankfully I managed to do something productive anyway. Yes, George, you were totally right!!

[Diane]

Amazing things that happened today:

• I watched the movie "Focus". I think I had already seen it but I didn't quite remember it.. It was a good visual reminder of what I want for my life (beautiful clothes and a loving and good looking husband.. Pretty shallow desires, AKA negative or "toxic" values but the zen devil in me would argue that actually beauty is one of my top 10 values so... )
• I persist in some not so healthy behaviors but at least now I'm conscious about them.. When there is something I want to revise I have the tendency to go all in and study everything about it.. Not a bad thing per se but it can turn out a little time-wasting.. This time from a specific curiosity on atrial flutter I'm now in an almost two days long marathon on everything about arrhythmias!!
• I had a very beautiful illumination while meditating this morning: I was thinking (yep, I still meditate in beginner mode even if I try "not to think" or to focus on something else..) about the fact that I often find it uncomfortable to be the best at something at Crossfit and then I was like "you are the best, get used to it!!". Isn't it what excellence means in the end? Nobody will get hurt if I do more reps or in general do everything exceptionally, far from it!

How could I have made today even better?

• Running.

Quote of the day / what I learned:

• If it doesn't challenge you, it doesn't change you.

Weekly goals review:

1. Moving to Switzerland!!! I went on with the book about living and working in Switzerland. There are so many taxes to pay guys!! Fortunately I learned it now!!
2. Meditate every day. I did it!!
3. Studying. It was a bit of a flop from that point of view this week. he part of me that couldn't believe about me respecting a studying goal did almost everything to prove its point but this week was just one battle, the war is far from being won my dear!! I'll see you next week!! 
4. Earning at least 500€ per month translating; stick to the budget. I still haven't done it..
5. Going out at least once a week; meeting new people → conferences, lectures and seminars. Writing to a different person once a week. Yet another thing I didn't do this week... 
6. Being lean →  vegan, running every day. I ran just once.. And ate a delicious shawarma!!! 

[Tistepiste]

On 3/3/2018 at 0:23 AM, Diane said:

Amazing things that happened today:

• I watched the movie Groundhog Day. I had a night shift last night and it was a tough one. This evening then, one of my roommates asked me to watch something together, I googled "uplifting movies" and chose this one. The quote that hit me the most was this one: "I don't deserve someone like you. But if I ever could, I swear I would love you for the rest of my life". I'm still crying. I don't know, becoming self actualized or dare I say enlightened should mean you reach a state of equanimity yet my personal journey until now seems to be filled with all kind of emotions.. I can't even express it clearly. I am very emotional about the purpose of becoming a "healer" and even more about finding "the one". It's so much. Guess I'll just keep living one day at a time, always trying to do my best.
• I had the chance to rest after this difficult night shift.
• I read a summary of the book Relentless by Tim Grover (thanks to the always wonderful Mimi Ikonn). The biggest lesson I got there was about going on after a  bad game, having had a bad experience is not a valuable excuse to stop working.

“After every game, I used to ask Michael one question: Five, six, or seven? 
As in, what time are we hitting the gym tomorrow morning? 
And he’d snap back a time, and that was it. Especially after a loss, when there wasn’t a whole lot else to say. No discussion, no debate, no lame attempt to convince me he needed the morning off. You good? I’m good. See you in the morning. 
And the next morning at whatever time he’d decided, he’d awaken to find me standing outside his door. No matter what had happened the night before – good game, bad game, soreness, fatigue – he was up working out every morning while most of the other guys slept.”

Ways I could have made today even better:

• Meditating.
• Finally putting on paper a new plan of action, I didn't do most of the things I had scheduled for January and February and now I find it difficult to reschedule everything, as I am conscious of the possibility of failure. But as they say not trying is worse than trying and failing so I'll try.

Deep work time:

• I dedicated 8 hours and a half to the research about how to become a healer.

What I learned:

• To keep going.

Beautiful.

I was wondering. The quote in pink. 
Why does it hit you so deeply? What emotions are behind your crying? Is it relieve? pain? suffering? 
Or just because it's such a beautiful quote?
 

[Diane]

@Tistepiste 

Thank you for reminding me of that beautiful quote!! I think the emotions it generated in me ultimately stemmed from a sense of "not being enough". As evolved and somehow "accomplished" as I can be I still feel as if I don't deserve beautiful things. Yet they happen anyway. Just as an example today I was reflecting about how much of what I am and have today is just a result of my good luck. I was raised in a family with strong values and who valued education and now I am a doctor. I did have my own struggles along the way but what if I was the orphan guy who grew up in a bad environment and is now at the hospital battling for his life after an aggression only to then be back to the same old life? Why is it that I "am me" and "not him"? What could I do for him and all the billions of people out there less fortunate that me? Certainly more but sometimes I get so caught up in the little minutia that I forget about the great scheme of things.. Then I remember and feel guilty about all the wasted time (and maybe cry about it... ) Yet it's also true that "If you take care of the small things, the big things take care of themselves" so now I'll go do some chores and then contact a voluntary association.. #failrecommit 

I don't know if I have answered your question but thank you for making me reflect about all this stuff!! In a nutshell I'd say that what made me cry was the perfectionist in me not understanding that the point is progress, not perfection...

Edited January 28, 2019 by Diane

[Diane]

Lucky

I'm simply overwhelmed with joy, so much that I don't know what to do!! I received an email from a secretary of the Clinic I'll be working at from May: she has already sent by mail the papers I have to fill in and she's waiting for my address in Switzerland!!!  On top of that I'm organizing a happy hour chez moi for Friday night, totally unrelated to the whole Switzerland thing, I'm just finally realizing the one and only purpose for which I chose an apartment a little too big for one person: PARTY!!!  Really guys, I'm paralyzed by happiness!!! Fortunately it's Crossfit time now, I can move!! 

[Diane]

Amazing things that happened this week:

• The happy hour I had planned ended up being a Cameroon-Burundian lab kitchen!! There were four colleagues of mine and a Cameroonian friend. They helped me with cooking and we enjoyed an amazing dinner!! 
• I received the documents from Switzerland!! It gets realer every day!!! 
• I'm sick and I know why. I caught a cold, I started feeling it the day of the dinner chez moi.. Then I realized it couldn't be otherwise with all the big changes happening in my life right now.. I see you Mr Resistance!!  At the same time though maybe it would be wise to wear something more than a tank top and a capri-length leggins at the gym... 

How could I have made this week even better?

• Being more mindful. AKA doing all of my routines, having a plan and following it.
• Not considering being sick as a valid reason to be lazy. "I'm sick" meant "I can't do anything, I have to relax, I can eat whatever I feel like eating because if I desire it, it means that my  body needs it".. My body definitely needed those chocolate cookies tough, it was the most satisfying breakfast from the beginning of 2019!!  Nevertheless today I decided to stop this trend, being sick only means that I allow myself to do less and a bit slower.

Quote of the week / what I learned:

• When we lead an extraordinary life, finding someone great is a byproduct.  - Matthew Hussey - An oldie but a goldie. I'm about to finish listening to his book "Get the Guy". The incredible thing is that the more I go on the less I am concerned about finding him (not Matthew Hussey, the "One".. Even if it would be fun if they ended up being the same person...) I'm genuinely just focused on creating an extraordinary life for myself, maybe I'll stumble on him along the way, maybe not.. What is certain is that I'll have an amazing experience on this planet anyway and if/when he'll show up I'll be ready!! 

Weekly goals review:

1. Moving to Switzerland!!! It's time!!
2. Meditate every day. I meditated every day in the month of January, 31 days straight without missing a day but then the dinner chez moi and the cold came.. As always it's all about prioritizing..
3. Studying. Uhm.. I read something about hypokalemia during a night shift...
4. Earning at least 500€ per month translating; stick to the budget. Was this goal a bit too ambitious?!
5. Going out at least once a week; meeting new people → conferences, lectures and seminars. Writing to a different person once a week. I didn't formally go out but I had a amazing night with some friends, which is a huge success for me!!
6. Being lean →  vegan, running every day. I ran just once this week and put away the scale so I won't be weighing myself every day. And veganism was more a far ideal than a reality.. 

In summary: It was a great week, even a memorable one I'd say!!  I relaxed a bit too much on some things but I'm really happy with how this week went!!

Intentions for the upcoming week:

• HUSTLING!!! There's so much work to do: planning the relocation, working on my finances (I'm in such an adult mode that on Tuesday I have an appointment with my banking advisor to talk about how I can change things so that I pay less - if not zero - fees and things like that... Thank you Ramit Sethi!!!), studying...

Edited February 3, 2019 by Diane

[Diane]

  Amazing things that happened so far this week:

• A few days ago I was late for work but on my way there I bumped into a physiatrist (a very good looking one too!!). Maybe I'm a bit romanticizing the whole thing but I really like the idea of being able to help people this way!! 
• Brendon Buchard and Elliott Hulse. I don't know if it was the continuum of the cold I catched last week or else but it was a strange week.. I can't literally say that I was lazy but I accomplished almost anything. The only step I made towards moving to Switzerland was talking to people about it, a good thing but maybe not enough.. Finally today I "woke up" and remembered that it's not supposed to be easy nor comfortable so it's okay to stay up late and do the emotionally difficult things. To confirm all that, I serendipitously stumbled upon Brendon and Elliott's videos..
• I believed before I watched. It's not something that happened this week but this morning I realized that at the end of 2018, even if I wasn't 100% certain that I was actually going to move to Switzerland, I believed in this dream enough to put it on my year's goals list!!

How could I have made these days even better?

• Being more focused on Switzerland.

Quote of the day / what I learned:

• The universe has my back. Always. Like the time that I wanted to do yet another dance session (I'm so eager to hone my dancing skills!!) but the internet wasn't working so I had to do something more productive.. Or the pseudo-date I haven't been able to schedule from the beginning of he year.. And all the amazing things that keep happening!! Like the wonderful kid I had as a patient today, she was so bright, energetic and positive!! And I actually was able to interact with her in a more or less adequate way!! I've always been a little awkward while interacting with kids, especially at work.. #becoming!! 

[Diane]

Amazing things that happened today:

• I rested well after a night shift at work. I don't suffer from insomnia but it was a good and worthwhile remembering event!! #beautysleep 
• I danced!!  
• I went on with project Switzerland!!

How could I have made today even better?

• Studying.

Quote of the day / what I learned:

• Your level of happiness depends on your capacity to love. - Leo Gura -

[Diane]

I had some technical problems yesterday..

 

February 12

Amazing things that happened today:

• I found an amazing blue pen to write on the documents for Switzerland!!
• I have almost mastered this choreography!!
• I have an appointment to visit an apartment in Switzerland!!!

How could I have made today even better?

• Waking up earlier.

Quote/thought of the day:

• "Nature does not hurry, yet everything is accomplished.” - Lao Tzu - It's al about eliminating distractions, sometimes I forget it and believe there is not enough time..

 

February 13

Amazing things that happened today:

• The Director of the Clinic I'll go work to in Switzerland wrote me to welcome me there and ask me about my preferences for leaves!! 
• Everything went well at work.
• I opened Instagram as sort of an escape from all the work I have to do and the first thing  that popped out was a post from Marie Forleo saying "start now"!!  I sometimes have the feeling that this whole moving to Switzerland thing is a never ending job, there's always something else to do/look for.. Yet it's such a great thing that even only trying to think about complaining about it is blasphemy!!!
• I have the opportunity to do a course on personal finance the first weekend of April.. I really hope I'll manage to participate!!

How could I have made today even better?

• Waking up earlier. Fortunately I'm reading David Goggins' book "Can't hurt me", a great reminder of what is really possible!!

Quote/thought of the day:

• I hope you’re ready. It’s time to go to war with yourself. - David Goggins - *and it will be the sweetest war ever, I'll love every moment!!

Edited February 13, 2019 by Diane

[Diane]

FEBRUARY 21

I thought it was longer that I hadn't written.. At the moment I'm at the airport ready to go look for an apartment in Switzerland.. Right after a night shift I actually chose to do.. So I'm pretty tired, even exhausted but there's so much to write and ponder on!! And, in any case, there's no rest for the wicked so let's go!! (or "ajò!", as they say in Sardinian...)

Amazing things that happened in the last week (I made a list!!) :

• One hour meditation. I'm way behind with Leo's videos.. The other day I found out that he actually recommends one hour of meditation daily... Last time I checked it was 20 minutes and I also went as far as considering just 10 as okay because "Oprah only meditates for 10 minutes"... (I don't even know how I learned about it, nor if it's true...). So, yeah... The good thing is that I plan to do a 10 days Vipassana meditation retreat this summer. As for my albeit short daily meditation session, I'm falling behind with that too.. But consciousness itself is curative so no worries!!
• Moms. I have more and more moms!!! So, there is my "real" mum, the sweetest ever but I didn't expect she could be so anxious for me. She asks me everything about my little steps towards moving to Switzerland. She's very helpful too but I really wasn't used to so much attention.. In Switzerland I have another "mom" who is doing everything to help me and keep me safe (I almost fell into a scam with a guy who was renting a maybe too beautiful of an apartment for that price but wanted to have the caution the day of the visit, in cash...). Then there are the nuns of the dorm where I used to live, one of my friends says they are my moms as they always greet me so warmly. They actually did help me a lot too. Then, as always, I am continuously blessed by the infinite love that is the Universe. A few days ago I had a rush of anxiety and decided to soothe it repeating for two minutes this phrase from Matt Khan: "I call on the light of the universe to work through me to bring my most fulfilling reality to life, for the well being of all, that I am now". It was soo liberating!!! Then I found this quote from Coco Chanel: "If you were born without wing do nothing to prevent them from growing". It's not so easy as my default response to any kind of trigger tends to be going full anxiety mode but at least now I also do something to try to change the situation (and my feelings...).
• Couchsurfing. I'll be doing my first couchsurfing experience this weekend!! The guy who will be hosting me tonight was so kind!! He accepted to host me even if he's leaving tomorrow and he said he's going to ask some friends to find me somewhere to stay for the next days!!
• Crossfit. THANK GOD THERE IS CROSSFIT!!! As I don't have much time left to stay in Sardinia (and in Italy in general) I decided to stop doing pilates and go full Crossfit mode. It's become my safety net from craziness this week!! As I had many many things to do running was the first thing to go and then I also stopped my funny wild dancing sessions. So Crossfit was the only form of exercise I did, fortunately I also had a friend who held me accountable for that: I no longer go there running last minute, she picks me up and we always arrive early. I'll totally be missing her!! And the Crossfit Box I go to in general, sometimes when I arrive there I take a deep breath in to take it all in so that I won't forget any detail..
• Raise your standards. I had to raise a little bit the rent I was willing to pay in Switzerland. Oddly enough, lots of great opportunities came up...
• New everything. R E A L L L Y!!! Hello impostor sindrome!! Nice to see you again...

How could I have made this week even better?

• Being more organized.

Quote/thought of the week:

• It's never too early to get ready. It's a quote I came up with a few days ago, it just gets truer and truer with the passing of time...

P. S. Am I in "no weeds no weeds" mode? The guy who hosted me commented on me saying that I'm as pessimistic as his friend.. Go figure that I was beginning to think about stopping to do the gratitude journal... Fail recommit baby!!

 

During the following days I wrote by hand as it was easier to manage at the moment..

[Diane]

a.pdf 

b.pdf

c.pdf

Edited February 26, 2019 by Diane

[Diane]

FEBRUARY 25

Amazing things that happened in the last two days:

• Coffee!!! The guy who hosted me made me coffee after lunch on Saturday, he had it at home just for guests as he normally doesn't drink any.. So on Saturday he asked me if I wanted some then yesterday morning he just did it, without asking!! Sooo sweet!!  It's very true that it pays off showing gratitude to a man, that first time I must have told him at least five time (apart from one another) how happy I was for that coffee!!! And yes, I do have a problem... 
• This song:

Before going out to dance the other night we trained a bit at home, mosty on this song. Now I can't get it out out of my head!!  Also, yesterday morning while in the car, the guy who hosted me purposefully put on this song to "motivate us"!!

• Lausanne. Yesterday I had plans to go visit a family but they cancelled at the last minute.. As I had already bought the tickets I went there anyway. I took the opportunity to go to church. In that church the Priest greeted people outside the church before mass, I had never seen something like that! After the mass I went for a walk on the shores of the lake and it ended up being a mini workout, I was curious to see where the paved way ended but it didn't and I found myself in another city at a certain point...
• Yesterday night I stayed in a room I had booked on Booking.. It was amazing!!! From the shower I took after having walked so much to the bedding and also the fact that I wasn't able to switch on the TV!! #omens
• This morning I had a medical visit for a certification needed in order to start working. Even if I actually understood half of what she was saying, the doctor who visited me was very helpful, she gave me some advice about my work and told me something more about how it is to work as a doctor in Switzerland.
• I found home!! I guess.. I actually sent a request for two of the apartments I visited, one is rent already furnished and I should only find a bed, the other one is not furnished but it's newer and nearer to the Clinic.. We'll see tomorrow how it goes..
• I meditated at the airport!!! 

How I could have made the las two days even better:

• Doing the morning routine in the morning..

Quote/tought of the day:

• Everywhere means nowhere. When a person spends all his time in foreign travel, he ends by having many acquaintances, but no friends. - Seneca -
• Contented poverty is an honorable estate. - Epicurus - Life won't be so glamorous as it could have been in a town different from where I'm going but I feel I will like it anyway. Plus, I will always have the possibility to take a train (or my car/airplane...) and go wherever the party is for the weekend!!