Journal of how I feel

[Robert]

I have often dreamed of a far off place where a hero's welcome will be waiting for me. Where the crowds will cheer, when they see my face, and a voice keeps saying "this is where I'm meant to be." I will find my way. I can go the distance. I'll be there someday, if I can be strong. I know every mile will be worth my while. When I go the distance, I'll be right where I belong.

...

Down an unknown road to embrace my fate. Though that road may wander, it will lead me to you. And a thousand years would be worth the wait. It might take a lifetime but somehow I'll see it through. And I won't look back. I can go the distance. And I'll stay on track. No, I won't accept defeat. It's an uphill slope but I won't loose hope 'till I go the distance and my journey is complete.

But to look beyond the glory is the hardest part.... for a hero's strength is measured by his heart. ?

 

Like a shooting star, I will go the distance. I will search the world. I will face its harms. I don't care how far, I can go the distance 'till I find my hero's welcome waiting in your arms.

I will search the world! I will face its harms!

 

... 'till I find my hero's welcome waiting in your arms. 

[Robert]

Will I fall during training today? I don't know.

I don't like being accountable to others because to me it's a sign of dependancy. However, today I will make an exception.

Training for your life purpose is extremely important. It's crucial, especially for the field you want to master since it will generally take at least 10,000 hours. I want to reach my 10,000 hours of practice in storytelling within the next 7 years. So this will require me to be serious and actually put in long hours of training, consistenly.

So in order to prove my abilities to myself, today I will challenge myself to put in at least 12 hours of work. I have this 200 page book on storytelling, and it has plently of exercises and practical examples in it, so it will provide well over 12 hours of work. I also checked the weather and it will not rain today, so no excuses.

I will not bring any electronics, no phone, not even a watch. No stupid distractions like checking the time. I will only bring my book with some paper, a pen and other necessities. Necessities include 1 peanut butter sandwich and a canteen of water. I will only be allowed to take 1 break to eat the sandwich and that's it. It's 7:12am right now, so I will be at the park reading and practicing the whole day. I'm not allowed to leave until the sun is completely down at around 9pm. I will arrive at the park at around 8am.

So just to specifiy, here the my rules and goals summed up:

• Arrive at park at 8am
• Leave park when sun is at least completely down at 9pm
• Leave all electronics at home
• No leaving park for any reason
• Put in at least 12 hours of work, writing and reading
• Only 1 break allowed to eat and/or stretch, 1 hour at the very most
• No excuses
• Go today's distance

It's 7:18am right now, so I will be leaving soon. Must arrive at park by 8am.

If anyone is reading this, please hold me accountable. Yell at me if I come back before sundown.

Okay, I'm off. Will share results when I come back.

[Robert]

I didn't update this journal last night because I was way too exhausted. I was in one of those conditions where the second you lay down you fall asleep immediately. But here are my results:

• I was supposed to arrive at the park at 8am, but I arrived a little earlier which was great.
• I was supposed to leave the park when the sun was at least completely down at 9pm, but I ended up leaving at around 7:30 pm because it started raining. It said cloudy on the weather report, but I guess that meant rain.
• I left all electronics at home, so they did not distract me.
• I wasn't suppose to leave the park at all, but I left once to buy a bottle of water because my canteen wasn't enough.
• My goal was to put in 12 hours of work, but I ended up putting in about 9. Not bad but I'm dissappointed.
• I was allowed only one break for one hour, but I ended up taking two 45 minute breaks. 

All in all, good day. Not perfect, but good.

The 2 biggest things that got in my way:

1. The beauty around me. The lakes with the ducks splashing around, the gorgeous trees, the beautiful gleam from sunshine on the leaves of trees and shrubs, the sun itself giving me plenty of warmth and light, the contrast of light and shade, the yellow flowers among the picnic tables above the grass, the people having fun sailing in the lakes, the magical waves of the lakes, the beautiful looking restaurant across from me, the birds flying, and so much more. The detail and stunning beauty of what was around me was hard to not focus on. I enjoyed it, but I was not at the park to just observe. I was there to train. But those moments were great icing on the cake.
2. My posture. My posture is so bad I think I need to see a professional. It makes it extremely difficult to do anything for a long period of time. I tried posture exercises I seen on the internet, but none of them seem to make permanent changes. It's like I always have to put in so much effort to maintain good posture. Takes up energy and makes it harder to focus.

So those were the biggest obstacles. Not bad to the point where I couldn't get stuff done, but a bit of a hindrance at times. The posture thing I know will be a much larger problem in the future, so I must solve it soon.

Overall, yesterday was a success for me. I was able to finish several chapters of my book, create many training regimens for writing, practiced almost every regimen, took many notes, learned a lot and had fun. 12 hour training will be a daily habit for me soon. It's worth it.

[Robert]

When I originally took Leo's life purpose course a few years ago, strength ended up being one of my top 10 values. But then I ended up changing it later. However, now I'm changing it back. Strength will now be one of my top values again. Why the fuck did I change it in the first place? I don't even remember.

Strength, both mental and physical strength, is what I need more of. If I think back to any time I achieved something or grew myself, it was because I had enough strength for it. I think I knew this deep down inside of me when I took Leo's course, but then I changed the value later for whatever reason (likely due to confusion or misunderstanding).

I think I neglected physical strength especially because we as people seem to be taught that physical strength is overrated or whatever. I don't know about other people, but I need more physical strength. One of my new goals will be to build a beautiful and strong body - not to look good to other people or to become a useless gym rat, but to be able to STRIVE in the physical world (with awareness).

I think the posture issues I spoke about above are closely related to all of this.

Strength, both mental and physical, is essential. It's one of the most important things. We need strength to work hard, strength to have discipline, strength to take action on ours goals, strength to keep our word and stick to our plans, strength to be good, strength to face the truth, strength to understand others, strength to love in the face of hate, strength to go the distance and complete the hero's journey.

It takes no strength to sit on your ass and be a villain. You want to be a hero.

Right now I feel weak. Must get stronger. Will update this journal another day.

[Robert]

Possible top 10 values updated:

1. Joy
2. Wisdom
3. Training
4. Learning
5. Focus
6. Progress
7. Health
8. Strength
9. Bravery
10. Hope

Going deep into an uncharted path soon, so must know my best values.

Feel excited to go back into the "dark woods" after an existential crisis.

Will update this journal another day.

Edited May 12, 2018 by Robert

[Robert]

Life is such a big adventure. Infinitely big. There's an unlimited amount of things to learn and experience and take in. Also so much to simply examine.

Everyone is able to accept what is known as "the hero's call to adventure." And this means that everyone has the opportunity to get closer to Truth. Even if you believe you already are the Truth, you are wrong because there is always room to grow. There is always a path to take. Always. Everyone can become more of a hero as long as they decide to complete the necessary journey.

If you're not on a journey now, I ask you to look around right now. Do you see it? Look at how many roads you can take. Are you amazed? It's all there for you! For you to become more! Now choose whichever road your heart is telling you to choose, because you will NEED that heart along the way. Believe me!

And if you're someone who is already on a journey, keep pushing forward. You accepted the call for a reason: you knew you could succeed. But you're not guaranteed to succeed because those threshold guardians are tough. Those challenges in the distance are not to be taken lightly, so you must be strong.

Keep going the distance, all. I seriously believe in all of you. ?

[Robert]

I feel so overwhelmed. I don't know how I'm gonna solve this problem. 

I come across so many storytelling books that claim to know how storytelling works, but a lot of them aren't helpful at all. I want to become a master of the craft, but that will never happen if I waste so much time on books that will not help me. I need to find the right sources of information. How long will this take? I don't know.

Even one of my favorite teachers, John Truby, has said in an interview that the craft of storytelling is the most complex craft in the world. And I can't help but say he's right. Every time I face the page, I see this to be true. This craft is that damn difficult, and I take it very seriously.

Using the wrong sources is like using the wrong map to enter the dark woods. It's a deadly mistake that I see a lot of people doing. They're so excited about the treasure, or the holy grail, that they either rush into the dark woods with no map, or they take the wrong map, and then they wonder how they ended up getting eaten by a pack of wolves. I will NOT be one of those people. I know I need to be patient and wait until I get the map.

So my top objective for right now is to find the right sources. Find the map that actually leads to the right place.

Who has it? Who has that map? Did they hide it? Is it locked up in this person's attic?

I don't care, I will find it. I will get my hands on that map.

[Robert]

Edit

Edited May 16, 2018 by Robert

[Robert]

"I will beat the odds. I can go the distance. I will face the world; fearless, proud, and strong. I will please the Gods. I can go the distance 'till I find my hero's welcome right where I belong."

That's what Hercules said when he left the Temple of Zues after finding his life purpose, and it describes exactly how I've been feeling lately.

This will be my last post in this journal. Anyone who has read my earlier posts in this journal knows of the emotional stuff I went through a little bit within the last few months. Of course I have a lot to work on when it comes to emotional mastery, but sometimes I like to cry. Crying a lot of the time isn't a sign of weakness, it could be a sign of strength. It could be a sign that one is truely pushing himself to grow and move further along the path of the hero. So I'm happy with the results of my sorrows, they really did help me in the end.

To get more specific, I basically discovered my purpose at an extremely deep level and also grew myself in a way where no one can perturbe me. I now have faith in myself regardless of what happens to me. Not in the deluded sense where I just believe in myself for no reason (as I mentioned earlier in this journal). I mean faith in the sense that I KNOW I'm on a hero's journey. That's all. I'm so in touch with my heart that I know this to be real and true. I'm on the path and I will continue to push forward.

Part of the problem was that people would call me crazy, unwise, deluded, and even stupid, and this used to get to me a lot. Literally just a few months ago it would get to me. But now I know that these people (as far as this journey is concerned) are just wolves in the dark woods, basically.

Why am I scared of wolves when I have this sword in my hand that I've trained so hard to wield? Makes no sense. I need to be brave.

It doesn't matter who you are or what you do, I don't care what you fucking say, if you're a wolf in the dark woods I will easily defeat you.

I have a long journey ahead of me. A 25-year hero's journey to change the world, make my impact. No matter how hard it gets, no matter how hopeless it seems, I will remember the hero's welcome that I know in my heart is waiting for me. I will do it.

I will beat the odds. I can go the distance. I will face the world; fearless, proud, and strong. I will please the Gods. I can go the distance 'till I find my hero's welcome right where I belong.

"A true hero isn't measured by the size of his strength, but by the strength of his heart." -Zues, Disney's Hercules

THE END / BEGINNING 

Thanks to whoever read any of this. Love you.