Getting Rid Of Abusive Attachment

[Anlib]

Hey, 

Do you guy's have any idea on how to get rid of an abusive atatchment, in this case, it is my sister. I never meet her often but it's like her ideas on how to think about life can't get out of my head. She's a very compitent being, she is very social, studying in the top college in my contry, she looks pretty good, etc. 

When we meet nowadays she is super nice and always try to help me. But ALL the other years in out childhood she has been pretty abusive in subtle ways. 

The last time I met her I told her about much of the actualized.org content, and ofc she disagreed with everything he said, and yes she has her right to her own opinion. 

My problem is: how do I detatch from her ideas and build up a propper self that don't need her validation. It all just becomes a big obsessive loop. I hate her, lol. 

[Ayla]

One way I would do it is by telling myself that these are just stories my ego (mind) created to keep me separated from the Truth! Eliminate the stories one by one. The ones that tend to stick, sit deeply with the feeling they bring you. Just accept that feeling as it comes. 

 

[Anlib]

Do you have any more practical tips? Seem like you have alot of knowledge in this field. 

The thing is when im attatching to her every thought I have I question because when I whas a child she was a neglecting bitch against me and told me everything that was bad about me for years and I was always scared of being myself wich also has to do with my anger filled father that gave me money and things but not love, and then I became "the clown" of the abusive family to give them emotional validation while mine was'nt met. 

No one in my family has narc.personality disorder but every character contributes in the way of the narcisistic abusive elements. 

I feel so inauthentic and angry when I relate to them. It's like I love them but they are the worst people ever to relate to according to my psycological health.

@Ayla

[Ayla]

First things first: If you are in a position to do so, physically detach from them!

As I said before, fully allow yourself to feel this anger but without the labeling, the mental concepts attached to what it is you are feeling. The only things valid are physical sensations (cold, hot, itchiness, cramps, etc). The rest is just... mental stuff. Allow yourself in a safe environment, in a calm setting, to feel it all. Again, no judgement and no naming of what it is you re feeling. 

Might help you to look at Noah Elkrief on youtube. 

[Anlib]

Ok, I allow myself to feel. But do you have any mindset that help? Haha :);)

@Ayla

[Ayla]

Acceptance. Surrender. Forgiveness. Peace. 

[Anlib]

Ok, thanks

[Michele339]

@Anlib