Zendigger

[Preety_India]

There's nothing like good out of bad. Or good out of evil. It's just a misconception. But it's more like power of good. When "good" happens, it triumphs over the bad and compensates for the damage the bad did, it surpasses or transcends or outweighs the bad which gives an erroneous perception that somehow good comes out of bad and so its okay for bad to happen because something good can come out of it. Well there is always a possibility of that happening which means there's hope in despair but that does not mean that bad is ok because the odds are less. It's too controversial or complicated. Just very paradoxical or something that depends more on the case and therefore cannot be a general axiom. It could be accidental. One of the things that has no straight answers or is very hypothetical and so many scenarios can exist but the most likely scenario or consequence is what usually happens. But one thing is certain. And that is that infinite permutations and combinations are possible in any given situation and there can be many possibilities and so there is hope and it would be foolish to be narrow minded to believe that things always have to be a certain way for everything to fall in place. Although it does show how so many possibilities can exist it does not mean that good can just be born out of bad, it's only how good has happened to surpass the bad or compensate for it. So it's just the power of good even when hope is slim and the situation is bad or undesirable. 

It again proves that nothing really happens as we wish but that it's all a part of Game called fate and we can just let it be played to see how things turn out. But this is the magic of it all.. This is the only way by which fantasy can turn into reality and the whole thing can come together to make it beautiful and romantic and adventurous in a dysfunctional way. It takes out the pain and replaces pain with pleasure. It removes the need for everything to be fair and perfect. In that way it couldn't have been more perfect because it accommodates all the bad and destructive and ugly and turns it into a piece of art and leaves no room for regret or sadness. 

[Preety_India]

Systematic psychological degradation 

Systematic psychological diminishment

Systematic psychological confusion and destabilization

Systematic psychological dehumanization. 

[Preety_India]

Nothing achieved today. Just lazy that's all. 

But it's ok. There were bigger things to deal with. Now that's is over I can finally focus on myself. 

Chaos..... End! 

[Preety_India]

I deserve much better than what I have and what I get. 

[Preety_India]

 

A 49

Marriage is a sign of manhood. 

Edited March 18, 2018 by Preety_India

[Preety_India]

Embrace yourself the way you are. 

[Preety_India]

I want to sever all ties with my family. It has been too much to deal with and I never felt loved anyways. Just greed, ambition, selfishness and callousness. Nobody even bothered to ask. I will focus on living alone and try not to be attached. Anyway family is a joke. It has to be. It's just an illusion like all other illusions. I am fed up and tired and one of the reasons that confirms to me the fact that I should not have kids because I don't trust family bonds any more. They are all selfish. Nobody wants to help. I am fed up with all the family drama and all the hate. If two people can't stay together they are better apart. There is no love. 

I just want to be myself. I slowly began to lose trust humanity and in everything else. Humanity is a lost cause. There is no point in being positive about it. Also the hope is slim. There is no party or celebration. Women being bitches as usual. Lost trust in them. 

[Preety_India]

Thee is no party or celebration. All is dead. My emotions are heavy. I have lost hope. 

[Preety_India]

I have lost interest in life. It is only good as long as it is good like show business. I just want to be cold dead somewhere.... under some snow.... 

There is just no meaning to existence... Fed up trying to find a meaning. 

It's a shit show.... I just want to be cold and strong and never look back and never allow anyone to pry into me. My thoughts are mine. My life is mine. My problems and happy moments are mine. I don't want them to know if I am dead or alive. Doesn't matter. It anyways won't matter to them it seems. 

This whole experience has pushed me  further into my shell and made me more of an introvert. It's like I don't care anymore. Let them go to hell. They don't care what happens to me. Who gives a shit what happens to them. 

I will just be myself and try to protect myself because they are predators and vultures everywhere. I always had a strong survival instinct. But I don't have a strong fighting instinct because I had never  felt that people are bad in this world and I always depended on people for love because my own family couldn't give it. So I always assumed people are nice. But that's not true. There is a lot of greed and evil in this world. And I'm tired of that. I just don't want to share my pain with my family anymore. My dependency caused me to believe all the superficiality. But that's not how the world is. I never developed a defensive mechanism because of very low self esteem and self destructive behavior. But other people are very different than me. I observed that they fight back. They consider themselves important and they want to have their own life and they don't allow other to dominate and attack them. 

 

Maybe I need to Learn how to plan my life to make it constructive  for myself and live on my own and not allow others to take advantage of me. Develop the fighter within me and not just be a survivor. Be a fighter along with being a survivor. 

To have love in life is to have everything. Because only when you have  everything you can truly have and protect love. That's when everything suddenly has  a purpose in life. You need everything to create  a home and run it. To have love and cherish it. 

 

[Preety_India]

Wish life was simple but it isn't. It's strange everything has to be so tough yet we have find happiness in the simplest things

[Preety_India]

I have health problems so it won't be easy to deal with all this. I have to try hard not to mess up. I have finally decided to cut ties with my family but this is will take time. I will feel alone obviously so this is not an easy decision to make. But it had to happen someday. It will take a few months from now to completely cut of all relationships but I'm glad it will happen soon. I hope. I'm happy with my decision and I feel like I am liberated from the bullshit called family. 

 Am unsupportive family is not a family anymore. If they don't care  about me I'm better off without them. 

[Preety_India]

I actually feel better with my decision because I will have a sense of peace. And also that sadness and self pity doesn't bother me anymore. I no longer  feel sorry for myself. Fuck this life. If it's not working then it's not working, like who cares. So what if it didn't work out proper. It was never meant to be. Why should I feel sorry. I hadn't had it easy either. So what was my fault? I always did my best. And I did better but I got the worst. Maybe looking at happier people makes me jealous. But the healthier way to deal with it is to just block those emotions that cause self pity. It's completely fine if things aren't working out. Life has never promised it would be easy. 

Just Play the Cards That You’ve Been Dealt.... Everyone has to do the same.

Today I had to fight for my dignity and that with my family. I'm tired. I want freedom so desperately. 

I am not unhappy or wrong or miserable and I don't need to be. Just let it go. Find my own place of peace and power and say fuck you to those who bring me down around me. I don't want to care about how shit goes. I am not keeping a scorecard. This is life, not a race. No winners or losers. I will live how it comes and do my best. Hinduism helps a lot with this, with the whole karma principle. 

My focus now is purely myself. 

It's so bizarre that you begin to realize the real truth of life only when you are either too much of an extrovert or too much of an introvert  

[Preety_India]

Tonight I will pray to God and ask for freedom. I'm tired of dealing with greedy people who don't want to help me. I will be homeless even when I don't deserve it. But I hope I will have my own home before something bad happens. I am not a bad person just  a pawn of bad circumstances. But I will be fine I hope. But I'm tired of trusting and dealing with human nature. No more is no more. I want to be alone and on my own finally. I want to be forgotten. I don't want this mental pain anymore. I dont deserve it. 

God please help me

 

[Preety_India]

I just want to be left alone and live alone. I'm tired of family drama. This is my prayer. 

[Preety_India]

So today was just another shitty day and I slept all day long. This is not good for me.. I need space. I need to focus on my health and do something about it. It's all getting too stressful.  

[Preety_India]

  A 60

I wish so desperately to have some time off from all of the stress. 

Edited March 18, 2018 by Preety_India

[Preety_India]

You are not responsible for your own circumstances. 

[Preety_India]

 

[Preety_India]

  Life is for the brave and the strong. 

    The body dies the spirit lives

Keep strong, remember your dreams. 

 

  

[Preety_India]

  Life is an adventure. Do not question it.