8Ball

So this happened yesterday...

3 posts in this topic

Throughout the day I've been contemplating what I experienced last night. I usually tend to fall asleep on the sofa with Youtube videos playing in the background. Last night was no different. I tucked myself under the blanket and chose one of Leo's guided meditation videos. This one I hadn't seen. "Enlightenment - Part 3 - Creating An Experience Of No-Self." One of Leo's earlier videos. In my mind I didn't have a clear intention of following through with the guidance. I just wanted to fall asleep to Leo's eloquent and soothing voice. Still, I decided to listen to the instructions and relaxed my body when told and so on and so forth. My mind kept wandering throughout and I couldn't stay still so I was rolling around on the sofa, frustrated that I have no control of my thoughts. After I while, impatiently, I forgot about the whole ordeal and just wanted to sleep.

I don't know how much time had passed after deciding to fall asleep until I experienced this phenomenon. In my field of vision, in the darkness (eyes closed) I focused my sight and this white light grew bigger and bigger. At the same time I felt my sense of self falling apart. It happened very quickly, in a matter of seconds. It felt like the white light absorbed me and my ego faded away more and more while this was happening. I realized that I might die. I didn't want it to happen. I fought my ego and just like that my eyes opened. I can still remember the panic I felt, the fear of dying, even though it lasted what felt like only a few seconds. As soon as I woke up I immediately recognized what had happened. There was no confusion whatsoever.

I knew at that point that there was nothing to fear, but I wanted to sleep without it happening again. The unknown scares me a tad. A few moments later, not fully conscious, my body started to vibrate just like it had after smoking DMT a few months earlier (no breakthrough). It wasn't overwhelming but powerful enough to wake me up again. At this point I was wondering what is happening to me and rose up from the sofa and went to bed. I had bizarre dreams throughout the night but actually felt quite refreshed in the morning. During the day I kept questioning what had happened. Did I really experience something mystical? Was I about to have egoloss or is it all just a figment of my imagination? It seems impossible at this point to doubt the terror I felt during those brief few seconds and the instant recognition of this terror after waking up.

I'm new at this, mostly studying theory. Don't really know what to make of it all. Thoughts/ideas are very much appreciated.


I paint abstract art. Check out my website and let me know what you think.

https://www.galleriabstrakt.se/collections/all

(I only ship within Sweden so forgive me if you see a painting you'd like but can't order)

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Do you consider it fun, or scary that you can experience this kind of stuff without drugs? And you've only hit the tip of the iceberg, like me. Personally I find it fun, but it can get pretty scary while it's happening- yet always has me coming back for more

Edited by starsofclay

 

 

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