unwillingness to accept

[Blackjohn]

This is me, who needs help.So the previous year i have been studying a lot getting good grades and all this stuff,but it was a result of my perfectionism and bad motives.So my work was not fulfilling me. Buuuuuuuut i kept pressing myself a lot two years now in every aspect of my life and i was improving myself.But the pressure was so intense.So anxiety hit me and i started having ocd symptoms(rituals,repetitive behaviors).Since then i started having a behavior that i would name it as self sabotaging i see myself not improving but going down all the time.

Everything for me just kept getting worse.Now i am in a circumstance that i am not me.

For some unreasonable reason i have an unwillingness to ACCEPT reality as it  is.I dont know but i deny it and i constantly try to verify that what i live is what there is.A reason for that might be my thoughts.I feel confused i make many thoguhts and its just so intense.

So heres more of  what i encounter and i need your help.I am in a circumstance where i think all the time, question EVERYTHING and feel confused all the time.I make scenarios, thoughts that i can not control and this ruins me because me defense in all that is MORE thoughts.To be exact now for some reason i question my vision,thinking it  too much and feel confused.I find myself many times stuck,where i obsess my thoughts to verify that what i see is what there is.All in all , the things i question i can not disprove and these thoughts effect me.(For instance i think what if i am crazy,what if the reality that is live is different than othes live)

 

[dorg]

@Blackjohn You appear to be getting overly involved in thought. Suggest a meditation practice where you just watch thoughts pass rather than get involved with them.

[Nahm]

@Blackjohn I feel for you. This seems to be a very common dilemma - thinking that thinking is the path. Awareness is the path.  Practices are the path.