Love it or let it go? Emotional work

[Miguel Oliveira]

Hy people!!

I´m here to hear your experiences and journey with this kind of work!

I'm Miguel from Portugal!!

I started to follow Marti's emotional healing guide and since them we have chatted.

After 12 I started to get OCD and when I was 16 all my world changed due to a little but so little stress with a girl that hit me in all manners, body, mind, subconscious, hit me without explanation. After that the intelligent, extroverted Miguel turn into a introverted, social anxiety guy that has problems even to talk to a old lady on the grocerie store. Years of pain led me where I AM today, many therapist, hipnoses etc tried to fix me. Then I start to look online for all the questions that I had on my mind. Basicly my mind never stops, never, obsessive.. I started to search about meaning of life and all that things.. Then I really wanted to be the guy that I was with women and started to search about, saw all a comunity of guys that with some "techinques" and mindset have several relationships with girls above our level. I started to research about that and when I start apllying that something in me blocks me.. All that blockages that I have in me pop up and I'm stuck in life.. I can't connect with anyone, all the relationships with my friend are shallow, not like the other people...

I saw Martis guide, I'm also going trought Julien Blanc Transformation Mastery and many teachings come to me..

Don't know if you guys are busy but if you can point me out to best manners to resolve this blockages that I have..

I'm finishing college and a part of me wants so bad to connect with people, to be the extroverted guy that I was, to have stories and almost nothing.. I have nothing to talk about this college years, I really want to connect with people but when I'm at parties or even at college I don't know what to talk, my mind gets full, I started getting like things that block my body, I feel super stiffled and nothing comes out and I'm very awkward.

Even in college before I had the OCD and all that things that changed me I was the guy that had the best grades of the region and now I don't feel that, I have difficulties to resolve college problems (Software Engineering) and I feel dumb, stuck..

I know that this is all the things that I repressed, all the thing that are stuck in my subconcious and I want to change myself to be more natural, not fake..

I started to enter on "pick-up" cause I was always the guy that attracted girls to is life and loved it but a problem with one girl (very small problem but she mentally manipulated me) change the guy that I was, the OCD that I had got so much worse and then I feel like I had to say sorry to everyone, I made vows that I would never made something bad to a girl and years and years, everyday saying that to myself, putting new beliefs on my subconscious and from an extroverted guy I'm now I guy that is shy to talk about with old ladies.

I saw teaching about loving the shadow, not doing the breath work to let go of that emotions, just love them and they will change, other teaching say to let go of that sensations..

If you can share your wisdom with me will be amazing!!

Sorry for the rant!! :-P

[Shin]

Do you meditate ?

How many times do you jerk off per day ?

Have you ever slept with a woman/had a long term girlfriend ?

[Miguel Oliveira]

@Shin sometimes I slack off in meditation.

Weekly maybe 3-5 times.

Yeah. I had just one long term relationship when I was 18 for 9 months with a girl that was always with me since 5 years old. We always had some chemistry and our families had a very good relationship, like they know and wanted for us to get on a relationship

 

 

[ajasatya]

6 hours ago, Miguel Oliveira said:

Love it or let it go?

those two are not mutually exclusive

[Miguel Oliveira]

@ajasatya yeah

[Jamie Universe]

Heres Leo's advice from this video:

Summary: Shyness is not innate. We can experience shyness in various settings, typically more acutely in some than in others. Don't label yourself as a shy person. Your shyness is reversible, not a life sentence you must drag around with you forever.

Shyness tends to emerge when we suffer from self-image issues that make us overly worried about what others think. It can appear as lack of eye contact, stuttering, or inability to approach others. One technique to overcome shyness is to care less about what others think. The best method for addressing shyness is to leave your house more. Become more social. For example, join a group with similar interests.

If you're shy at work, strike up friendships with one or two co-workers whom you invite to coffee or lunch. Gradually expand the circle to more people. Interacting in a casual environment will help you be more comfortable sharing your opinions in meetings and cubicles.

To become less shy with the opposite sex, go out with your friends at night, and imitate them, if you feel uncertain. Go bowling or to a concert if not to a bar or a club. Practice being less shy by chatting up service workers who assist you at the cashier counter or the restaurant. They're paid to be nice to people -- you can start perfecting your conversation skills with them. They'll appreciate being treated like human beings, not robots.

 

 

My personal advice: It sort of sounds like your shy from past experiences + limiting beliefs about yourself. For example

7 hours ago, Miguel Oliveira said:

with one girl (very small problem but she mentally manipulated me) change the guy that I was, the OCD that I had got so much worse and then I feel like I had to say sorry to everyone

Sounds like a bad past experience, which affected you, it was an experience that made your shyness larger. For example If you got attacked by a bear, you would probably be more cautious when your in the forest remembering the pain of that past experience. To deal with this you will need to change your belief system, and start to realize "I do acknowledge that I am shy, but I know that I can change this." Affirmations are also a good idea, here's a video link:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xCoNh78UC4E

 

Another thing is a self-image problem you might have. 

7 hours ago, Miguel Oliveira said:

I'm finishing college and a part of me wants so bad to connect with people, to be the extroverted guy that I was, to have stories and almost nothing.. I have nothing to talk about this college years, I really want to connect with people but when I'm at parties or even at college I don't know what to talk, my mind gets full, I started getting like things that block my body, I feel super stiffled and nothing comes out and I'm very awkward.

What I see here, is since you don't have any stories about your life, this affects the belief that "your not good enough" and makes the shyness worse. But you could change the belief in yourself, that you don't need stories to be a worthy person. I have a lot of relationships and I don't nearly talk about what goes on in my life, or in other words - Stories aren't required. All these past experiences and limiting beliefs you have against yourself seem to only make the self-image problems worse. 

 

You seem to have a self-esteem issue, here's a good quote that Leo said

"The first step is typically to identify what triggered these internalized feelings, then proceed to awareness and understanding. Stomping out the irrational, limiting beliefs makes way for more logical ones. Low self-esteem need not be permanent. Correcting it can be an arduous process, but well worth the effort."

[Miguel Oliveira]

@Jamie Universe yeah, it makes sense.

One thing that I struggle is exactly that, going into groups of people and starting to get new friendships, seems that I can't connect with anyone.

I talk to people and they don't connect, the conversation is shallow and doesn't exist that "spark".

I see others making the same thing and they immediately connect with new people.

I'm part of a group of guys that meet's up to discuss ideas, meeting girls and everyhting is well online, when we meet up I cannot connect, I talked with them but lacks connection, the others talked and created right away a connection..

I even with long time people that I know the relationships are not like the best friends type, they are shallow, conversations don't go deep..

I struggle with this.

[Jamie Universe]

@Miguel Oliveira I still have conversations with people where it will just become kind of awkward, and you don't connect. But on the other hand I do have relationships where conversation is not even something I think about, and it sort of happens automatically. 

I would consider myself partially shy/introverted. But even introverts can have better relationships then extroverts. 

[Miguel Oliveira]

@Jamie Universe yeah, thanks Jamie!

[Jamie Universe]

@Miguel Oliveira No Problem!