Anger management

[Charlotte]

Ignore that⬆️

@Shin  we had one argument and I totally forgot to use the safe word so not sure yet. I'll keep you update though. 

 

Tell me more about your dream ?

[Shin]

8 minutes ago, Charlotte said:

Ignore that⬆️

@Shin  we had one argument and I totally forgot to use the safe word so not sure yet. I'll keep you update though. 

 

Tell me more about your dream ?

You were a crazy video blogger, you talked so fast lol

Pretty much the only thing I remember

[Charlotte]

Just now, Shin said:

You were a crazy video blogger, you talked so fast lol

Pretty much the only thing I remember

Random!  I was going to ask your advice on something if you have some spare time to share for little old me ??

Would you mind if I PM'd you later on?

 

Cheeeeeeeeeeers

[Shin]

Just now, Charlotte said:

Random!  I was going to ask your advice on something if you have some spare time to share for little old me ??

Would you mind if I PM'd you later on?

 

Cheeeeeeeeeeers

Yeah sure.

[Charlotte]

Just now, Shin said:

Yeah sure.

♥️

[Faceless]

@Charlotte

I have always been into martial arts as well. Started out as a defense psychological/physical, where I created a means of expressing the built up anger and reactions to fear, anxiety, and depression. The feeling of aloneness/seperatness was a prison in which I remained for a lot of my life. I used martial arts a means of escape from fear and the formation of a self image. Martial arts just seemed to temperaly sooth the psyche. I also love martial arts as far as its art factor of course. But it started about with much more sinister motive. This path of escape through martial arts has its very route in the pattern of thought in which I remained. Thought If is not understood will enslave us and when there is no room for freedom from thought comes fear, anxiety, sorrow, desire, pleasure, pain, antagonism, and therefore violence.

 

To understand the structure, nature, and processes of thought/self is to identify certain mechanical or ‘habitual’ thought patterns. In the identification of these habits we can become more aware of there movements and therefore there is a possibility to free oursleves from them. 

I still participate in martial arts more the love  for movement, but i don’t depend of martial arts to maintain an a self image or to express my reaction to the conflicts of the human mind. 

 

When there is freedom from the conditioned mind all that ends instantaneously. 

Here are a few quotes from Bruce Lee. The greatest martial artist perhaps ever and very wise human being on the nature of mind. 

 

Those who are unaware they are walking in darkness will never seek the light.

Bruce Lee

 

The spirit of the individual is determined by his dominating thought habits.

Bruce Lee

 

Bring the mind into sharp focus and make it alert so that it can immediately intuit truth, which is everywhere. The mind must be emancipated from old habits, prejudices, restrictive thought processes and even ordinary thought itself.

Bruce Lee

 

 if I were you and him, which I do feel we are very similar being human beings,

A. Show him his habits and violence in a way that doesn’t invoke reaction and defense to his current condition. 

B. I would somehow or another very carefully communicate the importantance of seeing the fact of ones own thought habits. 

C. See the significance of living free of these thought patterns. How this understanding of thought can free the mind and end conflict. 

This would have to be very subtly convieghed though. Slowly sensitively of course. Communication would have to be by physical communication being how you conduct yourself non verbally around him and also every now and then verbal communication. But nothing to abrupt of confrontational.

Think indirect?

 

hope this somwhat is useful to your situation

?

??

 

[BjarkeT]

if it hasn't been suggested yet this could be an option  

 

[Charlotte]

17 hours ago, Faceless said:

@Charlotte

I have always been into martial arts as well. Started out as a defense psychological/physical, where I created a means of expressing the built up anger and reactions to fear, anxiety, and depression. The feeling of aloneness/seperatness was a prison in which I remained for a lot of my life. I used martial arts a means of escape from fear and the formation of a self image. Martial arts just seemed to temperaly sooth the psyche. I also love martial arts as far as its art factor of course. But it started about with much more sinister motive. This path of escape through martial arts has its very route in the pattern of thought in which I remained. Thought If is not understood will enslave us and when there is no room for freedom from thought comes fear, anxiety, sorrow, desire, pleasure, pain, antagonism, and therefore violence.

 

To understand the structure, nature, and processes of thought/self is to identify certain mechanical or ‘habitual’ thought patterns. In the identification of these habits we can become more aware of there movements and therefore there is a possibility to free oursleves from them. 

I still participate in martial arts more the love  for movement, but i don’t depend of martial arts to maintain an a self image or to express my reaction to the conflicts of the human mind. 

 

When there is freedom from the conditioned mind all that ends instantaneously. 

Here are a few quotes from Bruce Lee. The greatest martial artist perhaps ever and very wise human being on the nature of mind. 

 

Those who are unaware they are walking in darkness will never seek the light.

Bruce Lee

 

The spirit of the individual is determined by his dominating thought habits.

Bruce Lee

 

Bring the mind into sharp focus and make it alert so that it can immediately intuit truth, which is everywhere. The mind must be emancipated from old habits, prejudices, restrictive thought processes and even ordinary thought itself.

Bruce Lee

 

 if I were you and him, which I do feel we are very similar being human beings,

A. Show him his habits and violence in a way that doesn’t invoke reaction and defense to his current condition. 

B. I would somehow or another very carefully communicate the importantance of seeing the fact of ones own thought habits. 

C. See the significance of living free of these thought patterns. How this understanding of thought can free the mind and end conflict. 

This would have to be very subtly convieghed though. Slowly sensitively of course. Communication would have to be by physical communication being how you conduct yourself non verbally around him and also every now and then verbal communication. But nothing to abrupt of confrontational.

Think indirect?

 

hope this somwhat is useful to your situation

?

??

 

Thank you so much for this @Faceless very insightful. Thank you for sharing ♥️

I do have a sense from him, like yourself had, that he lives in this way...

"The feeling of aloneness/seperatness was a prison in which I remained for a lot of my life." I can see this in him, he says comment's (in arguments) such as "I don't need you, I've never needed ANYBODY!" This tells me he lives from a place of loneliness and separation. He's had to though, he had an incredibly rough childhood/teenage years. I feel deeply saddened at how shut off (in him mind) he is from himself and reality.

I love them quotes! 

I'll show them to him, thank you. 

I've tried all that you have mentioned in the a) b) c) list. Unfortunately my efforts to communicate and sympathise with him go unnoticed. I once read a passage in "The power of now" book my Eckhart tolle, I remember it saying something about suffering becomes part of the persons identity so they fear to lose it. This rang true to me. I asked him... "Do you in someway or another enjoy your suffering?" He replied "Yes". The reason I assume he replied yes is because he knows nothing else, he's suffered all his life, this is the identity in which he associates with his 'self'. Hope that makes sense. 

 

"This would have to be very subtly convieghed though. Slowly sensitively of course. Communication would have to be by physical communication being how you conduct yourself non verbally around him and also every now and then verbal communication. But nothing to abrupt of confrontational.

Think indirect?" 

Could you please give me some examples of how I would go about this please? Because clearly my verbal communications aren't having any effect. I wonder sometimes if I come off a little 'preachy' to him and therefore he zones out, so I'm interested in your "indirect" approach. 

Very useful faceless, thank you deeply ♥️♥️

[Shroomdoctor]

@Charlotte I had a similar issue with my exgirlfriend. In the end I had to swallow the bitter pill that even though she repeatedly declared otherwise, she didn't really want to change. I was constantly trying to get her on a better path and it drained the life out of me, but I didnt't want to see it. 

 

Just something to keep an eye on, not definetly applicable to your situation.

[Charlotte]

43 minutes ago, Shroomdoctor said:

@Charlotte I had a similar issue with my exgirlfriend. In the end I had to swallow the bitter pill that even though she repeatedly declared otherwise, she didn't really want to change. I was constantly trying to get her on a better path and it drained the life out of me, but I didnt't want to see it. 

 

Just something to keep an eye on, not definetly applicable to your situation.

This is how I feel. I feel he plays too 'victim mentality' sometimes. I understand he can't change what has happened in the past but he has control in the present and for his future. I've suggested different techniques and ideas and It's usually replied with a "hmm maybe" ?

 

I have issues myself and I want to change, I'm currently working very hard on myself, seeking advice and suggestions from other people, applying them into my life. This is an example (in my opinion) of someone that wants to change, someone who's actively looking for answers themselves. 

If he doesn't change, I'll be leaving. End of, unfortunately. 

 

Thanks for your input @Shroomdoctor ♥️

[Shroomdoctor]

@Charlotte no problem. For me it was a very fortunate decision. 

[Charlotte]

8 minutes ago, Shroomdoctor said:

@Charlotte no problem. For me it was a very fortunate decision. 

Why so? (Out of interest) 

[Shroomdoctor]

@Charlotteas I said it drained me. The amount of happiness I got out of it was not enough to balance the amount of stress and biterness. I feel much better now, even if the first week's weren't easy.

[Shin]

Just now, Shroomdoctor said:

@Charlotteas I said it drained me. The amount of happiness I got out of it was not enough to balance the amount of stress and biterness. I feel much better now, even if the first week's weren't easy.

You go boy

@Charlotte Do it 

[Charlotte]

13 minutes ago, Shroomdoctor said:

@Charlotteas I said it drained me. The amount of happiness I got out of it was not enough to balance the amount of stress and biterness. I feel much better now, even if the first week's weren't easy.

Fair enough, good for you ♥️ glad you made the right decision for you. 

@Shin I'm contemplating the idea, tactfully ?

[Shin]

@Charlotte

[Shroomdoctor]

@Shin dont force it. If it is the right way,the force will tell her in time.

 

Did I mention you both seem like awesome people? @Shin @Charlotte

[Shin]

4 minutes ago, Shroomdoctor said:

@Shin dont force it. If it is the right way,the force will tell her in time.

 

Did I mention you both seem like awesome people? @Shin @Charlotte

Move in to England, that would boost the decision to leave her abusive boyfriend 

 

[Charlotte]

1 hour ago, Shin said:

@Charlotte

Love that quote, Yoda is my buddy ? I have him as a figure on my car keys, he comes everywhere with me ?

1 hour ago, Shroomdoctor said:

@Shin dont force it. If it is the right way,the force will tell her in time.

 

Did I mention you both seem like awesome people? @Shin @Charlotte

Cheers @Shroomdoctor! You too ?

@Shin what makes you think he's abusive? Is that what you've picked up from my posts? (Genuinely interested)